My current writing project is a memoir in essay form about my struggles to balance work, family, spirituality, community, and self. Most of the essays that will go into the book were originally blog entries here on One Cobble, but they’ve been revised and I’ve also drafted some completely new material as well. Right now I’m about half way through a revision of the entire book. Last Fall I slapped all the essays into place so that I could view the book as a whole project rather than as scattered pieces. This was the right call, because as I go through I’m adjusting essays and information flow depending upon what came before and what will come next. Sometimes this is simply lightly going over an essay, other times it means drafting connecting material from scratch, and once it meant completely scrapping an essay entirely.
Working on the project is taking up most of my available brain space. Family and business chores are still front and center, but in the remainder of my time I’m either working on this revision, avoiding working on the revision, or deliberately taking a break from the revision. The avoidance is almost always triggered by thoughts of how the writing sucks, I’m not saying what I mean, or that no one will care to read it anyway. The most discouraging thing is that for all the emotional energy I’m pouring into the project (and into avoiding the project) I really thought I would be done with the revision by now. Some of the delay is caused by higher priority tasks needing my full attention, but I’ve also wasted time. I know I have. I often question whether the project itself is a waste of time. It impacts my stress level. It takes up time I could be spending on other things. It uses up creative energy and fills the corners of my mind in which I percolate blog entries. Like any creative project, it is expensive.
I will finish this project. Whether or not the completed work ever sees the light of day in print, whether or not anyone else ever reads it or cares about it, whether or not the work is good, I need to know that I saw it through to the end. This book is important to me. The learning processes associated with writing the book, revising the book, and submitting the book to agents are all important to me. None of it is going to be easy, but it is all something I want to do. So I’ll keep at it until the work is done.