The Problem: We have one computer that the kids share. Every time one kid is on the machine and another asks for a turn, there is an argument. Usually this requires parental intervention. All of them are nit-picking over a limited resource and none of them are extending each other the benefit of the doubt.
Previous solutions which have not worked: Mediating individual arguments. Scolding kids and telling them to be nicer. Threatening to not let anyone use the computer if there is an argument about it changing hands.
New Plan and reasoning behind it:
1. I need to be better about limiting individual computer time. Kids tend to stay on the machine until someone tells them to get off, which leads to significant territorial behavior. No one wants to give up their turn because they know that getting back on will almost certainly require negotiation or argument. Limiting turns will make the computer seem more available. It will also force them to find other things to do, which will remind them that the world is full of fun things and not having the computer is not the end of the world.
2. On Sunday afternoons every person in the house is required to play a game with someone else who lives in our house. It can all be one big game, it can be a video game. The point is that we often disappear into our various electronic worlds and we need more times when we have fun together.
3. When we have family prayer the person who is doing the praying should take time to pray for something specific for each individual in our family. This means we’ll each have a turn being conscious of what the other people in our family need and what they are struggling with.
The best part is that these are only minor shifts. Granted, they will require an exertion of will, primarily from me, but they are small exertions. Even better, the only part of this plan likely to meet with resistance is the computer turn limiting. That one is going to be hard. I’m not good at remembering. Hopefully I’ll find a good software solution.
The experiment begins.
I’m from a family of four boys. We had one computer between us and our parents gave us each a set limit per week – afaik we had 7 hours of PC time each week (=PC gaming time). When starting to use the computer, we would write down the time on a piece of paper used for that purpose. When finishing we wrote down the end time and counted how much we had used – added to the week’s total. We learned to economise with this special resource. We could also earn extra PC time with some special activities (e.g. practising on our musical instrument, 1:1). Watching someone else play did not count into the time, though our parents were not too chuffed when it meant we spent a lot more time. I feel it worked well. I know that as a child I did try to fib a bit and would often write down 5-10 minutes less than I had actually used, but overall we all accepted the system and it did limit us considerably, functioning as designed. I don¨t if it will work for your children, but just some feedback so you know it has been tried before and worked. Nowadays I guess there will be some software able to count it for you, which would remove the possible cheating.
P. S. I guess multiplayer could be counted of only one of the participant’s time – which would promote multiplayer PC playing. But I don’t know if there are still so many games that you can play multiplayer on one PC.
Oh, man! You sing it! Screen time is THE WORST. Sometimes it makes things easier, but most of the time it’s, “Netflix isn’t working! Where’s the power cord? But Iiiiii wanted the Ipad this time!” I’ve tried all sorts of things, from tickets to turns to whatever. But I’m lazy, so I finally settled on no screen time ’til after five. Then they can have half an hour. Then they are DONE. That way I only have to deal with the glitches/missing cords/I want to play this game but I have no idea how to so I’m going to nag at mom to help mes for 30 minutes. (Exceptions are ABCMouse for my two youngest and Scratch programming practice for the two oldest, but even then, if people start getting whiney, it all gets shut down.)
Love your idea about praying for each member! I’m totally going to do that!
Our solution thus far has been a simple kitchen timer. When the kids all want the computer, or when we want to limit computer time for whatever reason, we just set the timer for x number of minutes and tell them that’s one kid’s turn.
I’m not sure how well that will work as they get older, though. (Our oldest is somewhere in between your younger two.) At some point, we may also need to go to a software solution. The main reason we haven’t yet is because, for now, all three kids share a single user account. Once we hit a point where they need separate accounts, then software based controls will work better — we can probably do pretty well just using what’s built into their Mac. But while they remain on a single account, there’s no way for the software to tell which kid is which 🙂