On Absence
Absence goes unnoticed. There are exceptions of course, when the absent thing or person is something we consciously seek, but mostly when things (or people) are absent, they drop from attention and memory. It is when they return that I think “Oh! I’ve been missing that.” This is an observation about this blog you are reading, which I’ve apparently not posted to since February. It as also about Worldcon, which I attended this weekend for the first time since 2011.
On Worldcon:
I’m unsure how it is been more than a decade. I am surprised by how wonderfully connected I felt in returning. My professional friendships have long been in the mode of lightly keeping in touch via social media, interspersed with catching up at events. My friendships are deep in years even when sparse in hours spent together. I was at Worldcon for three and a half days and there was not enough time to visit with all of the people I wanted to see.
My weekend was conversation and community. It was people choosing to come to where we were in order to spare Howard a few blocks of walking. Over and again I was astonished by the gifts of care, time, and attention from other people. I am home again now and I carry memories and photos to assist in remembering. I also have plans to be less absent, to do a better job of noticing when someone goes absent, and ongoing thoughts about the reasons and consequences of absence.
On this blog:
My hiatus was unintentional. The stories I used to tell here got re-purposed for newsletters, Patreon posts, and updates on crowdfunded projects. And I had to throw most of my spare writing energy into crafting my non-fiction book. I can see exactly where my energy went instead and understand why I made those choices. Yet I’m still surprised that I’ve gone half a year between posts. Time slips through my fingers.
Planning less absence:
I am turning over in my mind how I can restructure so that I don’t go absent without noticing. The thoughts are half formed an slippery because I am swimming in fatigue. I was fully present to people and friendships for four days when I hadn’t fully recovered from being present for people and events at Gen Con only a week prior. Of the past fifteen hours I’ve been asleep for 13 of them.
I am looking forward to unpacking my suitcases, and my plans, and my pictures, and my thoughts. Hopefully I can arrange them into something for sharing.