The memory of grapes stabbed me with anxiety this morning. Considering the round squishiness of grapes, stabbing isn’t something that comes naturally to them. Unfortunately anxiety is expert at stabbing with adrenaline spikes, which is what happened this morning. Anxiety stabbed before I was even fully awake and all at once I remembered that there are still grapes on my vines, that I’ve been intending to turn them into juice, that I’ve been too busy, that all of my days are tetrised together with tasks, that grapes are not the only tasks I’ve failed to accomplish this week. Then anxiety helpfully supplied a list of all my failures and how those failures will inevitably lead to my doom.
Anxiety is no respecter of sleep, nor of the fact that on Sunday mornings I deliberately delay my alarm to allow the morning to be slower.
I am (Fortunately? Unfortunately?) very familiar with this sort of anxiety stab, and so instead of hopping on board with the anxiety, I counter with grounding in today. None of those terrible outcomes have happened yet. I’m fine today. Thank you for that list, I can use it when I’m prioritizing tasks for the week. (Sometimes things become priorities for anxiety prevention as well as because of deadline urgency.) Remember today’s plan. Stick to the plan, including the scheduled time when I consider tomorrow’s plan. Breathe to try to calm the adrenaline out of my physical form. Then get up and go do something else, because laying in bed is also laying still in the stew of anxiety.
Today’s plan already included grapes. That’s why they were on my mind and why I had already photographed them. I will not allow anxiety’s attempted hijack ruin my day.