Author name: Sandra Tayler

The funny thin about avoidance is that you don’t realize you’re doing it until the fact is brought to your attention. At 5 pm when Howard looked around and said “Oh, we’re doing a shipping here tomorrow.” I realized that he was looking at the kitchen mess and wondering why I was sitting down playing a video game rather than frantically prepping for the shipping. This was when I realized that I had spent most of the day doing activities that let me ignore the fact that we’re going to be shipping books tomorrow. I think I somehow sensed that launching into high gear would have me stressfully spinning my wheels to no good effect. I will hit the ground running tomorrow. I will be high energy and social. Today I have been extremely low energy and introverted.

The book shipping is tomorrow. The shipment of books for GenCon goes out on Monday. After that I am free of major events. True I’ll go to Worldcon, but with no children to tend, no panels to prepare and no table to run, that feels more like a vacation than anything else. Howard will be working, but I will not. Howard will also be working GenCon while I will not. I will be at home re-establishing routine so that the kids can settle back into school. I am so close to being able to slow down I can taste it.

I wore my brain out today, so I’ll have to save the thinky blogging for a different day. However I was pleased to receive news of a review which mentions my story in Ages of Wonder. It is only mentioned in passing as “engaging” but I am pleased to be mentioned at all.

Full review is here.

Tonight we asked the kids what they would like in a family vacation. These are the responses:

Disneyland (2 votes)
visiting friends in Seattle (3 votes)
The Dinosaur Museum (3 votes, This is local, we’ll hit it before the end of summer)
Flying in a plane (1 vote)
Going to a beach (2 votes)
a road trip with several stops (3 votes)
Staying at a hotel with waffles for breakfast (4 votes)
Washington DC (1 vote)
Grandma’s house (2 votes)

The results were far from unanimous except on the subject of hotels with waffle breakfasts, but this gives Howard and I a place to start. Next year the family vacation gets scheduled first and everything else has to bend around it. We’re thinking it will be a road trip loop that encompasses a week or two, possibly connected to an event like a convention. My personal vote would be to head eastward since I’ve been many of the places west of here.

Of late Patch has been climbing into bed with me almost nightly. I’ve been too busy to pay it much mind other than to sometimes move him to the padded mat on the floor. Today I thought about it and remembered that this behavior is a sign of unease in him. It means he has an emotional need that is not being met. Patch is also seeking out extra hugs and snuggles. So is Gleek. Gleek is also running faster and more emotionally volatile lately. Link is more able to verbalize his needs. He has been outright wishing for more attention. Kiki seems to be doing okay, but she is far more included in the adult stuff than the other kids are. I have not had time to focus much on the kids and they can tell. They haven’t noticed the lack of outings or special trips, but they are definitely noticing that I spend large portions of each day down in my office and that I say “please wait” far more often than “sure I can help you.”

Tonight I had what amounted to an interview with both Link and Gleek. I asked them about the things that worried them or made them sad. It was like I’d pulled out the cork plugging the hole in the dam. Sadness poured out. In both cases the sadness is magnified by this being late in the day when they are tired, but there is definitely real sadness there. I listened carefully to what they would like to be different, trying to distill the true causes so I can solve them. There were lots of words and requests, but the essence of them is that the kids need more of my focused attention. They need me to be more present on a daily basis. They need me to provide more order in the house and in their schedules. They need me to spend more time as an active listener.

Today is not a good day for this particular leaf to turn over. Tomorrow is not a day that I can actively demonstrate a change to the kids. Tomorrow has to be a business day because I have Tracy and Curtis Hickman coming to sign 1000 books. During the signing I can not be focused on kids. At the end of the day I am going to be tired, but I am going to have to find the energy to give to my kids. There has to be a family home evening and there has to be a stable bedtime routine. Both of those things have been much absent lately. The rest of the week is not ideal for focusing on the kids either. Shipping weeks are always business heavy. This is exactly the problem. Almost all of my weeks have been business heavy since sometime in March. After all the shipping, I will have exactly one week to try to stabilize the kids before handing them off to my brother while I fly to Worldcon.

Once I am back, I am done with major business for awhile. Once I am back, the kids will go back to school and I can better segregate the business and parenting parts of my life. I can see that things are on the edge of being better. I tried to tell this to the kids, but I am afraid they did not believe me. Why should they? Busy Mommy is so normal now that they hardly know how to believe in anything else. Besides, they don’t want things to be better in a few weeks. They want it better now. I have to make it better for them. I have to.

I’ve spent some time thinking about opportunity in the past few months. The thing about opportunities is that they require action. Chancing upon an open door does not benefit you unless you muster up the energy to walk through the doorway and act upon what you find on the other side. The other thing about opportunities is that sometimes failure to step through the doorway means that the door will close again. Occasionally what seems like a good opportunity is not as useful as it first seemed. A free couch does not benefit you if you already have a better couch.

Our problem is that we ended up with a series of amazing opportunities all within a short span of time. We have been running ourselves ragged trying to use them all. We reached the point where we realized that we simply have to pass some of them by. It is like passing by the free couch, not because we couldn’t use it, but because we simply don’t have the means to bring it home. And yet we walk away from the opportunity full of thoughts of how wonderful that couch would be if only we could carry it. We have been sorely tempted by some of these opportunities we had to turn down because we’re already overloaded. And I regret the missed chances. Regret can be very heavy indeed.

Opportunity only knocks once, or so goes the old adage. But I’ve realized that is a misleading statement. It is true that if I don’t take this free couch someone else will take it and my chance is gone. But this is not the only free couch in the world. Free couches are listed regularly on craigslist or freecycle. This missed couch does not mean that I will never have a couch. In fact I can be doing things that make acquiring a free couch highly likely and in ways that provide for the couch to be carried to my home. We can make opportunities. Howard and I have the opportunities we have now because of all the work that went before. This is part of the regret for missed chances because in my imagination I also miss all the other chances that might have resulted from this missed chance. And so I become the girl counting chickens before they hatch. The truth is that missing one opportunity is not the end of anything. I can reach out for a similar opportunity again on a different schedule. This chance is not my only chance. I have to believe that.

I’ve been looking forward to the next Writer’s Night Out ever since we had the last one a month ago. But somehow I got to this afternoon and either my social energy was used up or I was tired. I went anyway and I am glad I did. I enjoy my online communities, but there is no substitute for the ramble of an in-person conversation. I want to wax more eloquent, but I am very tired now.

Okay, Howard says it better than I did, so I’m cutting and pasting his call to action here:

You there, Schlock reader! Odds are good that if you want an autographed copy of XDM: X-Treme Dungeon Mastery you’ve already ordered it, or plan to get yours at GenCon. Thank you!

I know that for many of the rest of you a role-play supplement just isn’t “your thing.” That’s fine. I don’t want to sell you stuff you don’t want, don’t need, or won’t like. But you can still help us…

Between now and Saturday we need you to identify friends who role-play (easy indicators: do they have dice in their cubicle? Do they make jokes about gaining levels at work?) and send them this link. That’s not the store link. That’s a link to a glowing review from one of the writers at Role Playing Pro. But it’s not the only one! There’s another one here!

Tracy, Curtis, and I have been trying to tell people how fantastic this book is, but I don’t expect anybody to take our word for it. Today, though, we have some solid feedback from the target market, and it would appear that this book is every bit the “must-have” supplement we’ve been saying it is.

Pre-orders close on Saturday. Monday I’m sitting down with Tracy and Curtis and we’re signing all the pre-ordered books. The next time the three of us will be together will be at GenCon, and then who knows?

So, the call to action. Find friends who role-play, and send them those book-review links. They don’t have to be Schlock readers. They can be players of any table-top RPG — D&D, Shadowrun, GURPS, World of Darkness, Paranoia , Final Redoubt — anything. This book will help them. Samuel and John said so.

The first reviews for XDM X-Treme Dungeon Mastery went live this morning over at Roleplayingpro.com. The guys over there decided to do a double review, one from the GMs perspective and one from a player’s perspective. Both reviews make me want to dance for happiness because they tell me that the book is right on target for what we hoped to accomplish. It made the reviewers both laugh and think.

The timing on this could not be more perfect. We have three more days of the special pre-order period. This means that all of the books ordered before Saturday night will be autographed by Tracy Hickman, Curtis Hickman, and Howard Tayler. So far the trio are going to have to sign about 500 books, but we’d love to make them do more. After the pre-order, books will still be available in our store, but they won’t be signed. Books will also be available at GenCon and we hope to have them in gaming stores this Fall. So if you know a Roleplaying Gamer, please point them at the reviews linked below. Thanks!

The GM Review

The Player Review

This morning began with a list of things to do. There were business things, and house things, and family things, and Sandra things. Many of the things on the list were important, but none of them were particularly urgent. This resulted in a sort of paralysis because choosing one thing to do delayed the other things which were of equal urgency. There was potential for this to be an extremely unproductive day. That would be bad news because delaying important things transforms them into urgent important things and then life is all stressy. I’m ready for a break from stressy. So I grabbed my timer clock and set it for one hour. For one hour I did only house things. I did not let business things distract me and I was excused from worrying about them. In that one hour I cooked breakfast, cleaned up the kitchen, and started the laundry. Then I re-set the timer and spent an hour on business things. Sometimes finishing up a task took a little more than an hour, but the key is that I had a solid break point. At each break, I stopped to reconsider what should come next to make today properly balanced. A well balanced day is like a well balanced diet, it has all the major food groups including a little bit of treat. The timer reminded me to switch off. The result has been a very good day where I finished up lots of odds and ends that have been left dangling for a long time. I need to remember that timers are my friends.

Today I was overcome by the urge to abandon my responsibilities and do something fun. So I shanghaied my friend Janci and we took off for Salt Lake City to find Decades Vintage Clothing. I’d been told that vintage clothing stores are the best places to get truly amazing evening wear, and Decades is the only one in my vicinity. I opened the door and the soft rush of air carried with the smell of my grandmother’s closet. It is a warm and comfortable smell part cedar chest, part moth ball, part organic fabrics, and part aged leather. I love that smell. I stepped inside the store and fell in love further. I had come to a place where I could browse through history, buy a piece, and take it home with me.

We browsed the racks, amusing ourselves by pulling out clothes and wondering aloud who ever thought putting gold rope and purple rhinestones on a mustard colored dress was a good idea. Right next to the atrocious things that were always atrocious, were some items that I would consider atrocious except for the fact that I could tell they were genuine. The dress with the zigzag sequins is not something people would wear now, but if I look at it in the light of the 70’s I can see how it was beautiful. And then there were the dresses that are still beautiful, and unfortunately not my size. I am not generally a fan of lots of bead work on a dress, but some of those dresses were amazing. Bead work done right is stunningly beautiful.

As I continued looking, it occurred to me that all of these dresses have stories. Someone bought it and wore it (or didn’t) for a reason. Was the dress worn often? Was it handed off to a friend? Was it shoved into the back of a closet? By what winding path did this dress survive decades and end up in the store for me to admire? Some of those dresses had the aura of the 20’s and 30’s. It was fun to look at the design choices and guess to which era the dress belonged. Janci and I started made up stories for some of the dresses. “This was a bridesmaid’s dress, and she hated it, but she couldn’t give it away for fear of making her friend mad.”

Dresses were not the only things in the store. There were almost any imaginable type of clothing. We saw a white coat made out of and iridescent plastic fuzz with giant pom poms on the ties. It reminded me of a poodle. There were some awesome hats and some amazing shoes. If my feet were smaller, I would have bought several pairs. The jewelry cabinet was the very definition of shiny. Necklaces, ear rings, bracelets, and cuff links were lined up as close to each other as possible. Some were boggling. Did people really wear earrings the size of a mason jar lid that dangled six inches down? Many were beautiful and would be incredibly stunning with the right clothing to match.

In the end I didn’t even try anything on. Just looking at all the history was so amazing it wore me out, in the same way that visiting a museum wears me out and leaves me with piles of new thoughts to sort through. I will be going back and I will buy something there. I love old clothes and the prices were very reasonable. Most of the jewelry was less than $10. Most of the dresses were about $30. Perhaps next time I go, I will take Kiki. She would love the rack of oriental themed clothing.