Author name: Sandra Tayler

When I’m chasing a goal or a challenging task I get very focused. I get so focused that it is hard for me to remember to do things like make dinner, pick up kids from school, or change the loads of laundry. Part of the focus is because I want to complete the project before I get distracted. When lose momentum I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get back to work promptly. I’m much better about working steadily than I used to be, but I still have a tendency to marathon work. Part of the reason I’m better is that I’ve trained myself to install triggers in my brain to remind me of the things that I want/need to get done.

A trigger is a sensory reminder of a task that needs done. The classic example of this is the telephone ring. Pavlov must be laughing at all of us every time we drop what we’re doing to answer the phone. The telephone ring is auditory, but triggers can be visual, nasal, or touch based as well. I suppose you could have taste based triggers, but I’m trying to teach myself to eat less, not more, so I don’t use those. I use a timer beeping at 7:15 every night to remind me that I need to start bedtime for the kids. Every quarter the IRS sends me a report to fill out. When that report arrives, I know it is also time for me to fill out state reports and to send royalty checks. The pile of laundry I see at the bottom of the stairs reminds me to change loads in the machines.

Over the years I have accumulated a vast array of triggers. It has taken a lot of time and patience to set them up and teach my brain what they are for. It also takes time to disconnect a trigger once it is no longer needed, but that is easier because the process is aided by the natural tendency to do nothing unless I have to. The key is to connect a specific task with a specific trigger. The bedtime beeper works really well because it is the only beeping trigger I have. It would work less well if I used the beeper for a dozen different reminders all day. I would quickly become confused exactly what the beep was supposed to remind me of and I likely would slowly teach myself to ignore extraneous beeps. This is why I try to closely link to trigger to the task so that one leads naturally to the other. Time of day (as indicated by amount of daylight and general feel in the air) serve as triggers to get me cooking dinner. This trigger gets seriously thrown off twice per year at the daylight savings time switches, then I have to relearn for a couple of weeks. An alarm gets me out of bed. The note in my planner triggers me to prepare for an appointment. The homework paper laying on the counter triggers me to call that teacher. Sometimes I even turn my wedding ring around on my hand so the stone bothers my palm as a short term trigger; to remind me to make a phone call as soon as I’m done switching laundry for example. All of these triggers and many more help me keep track of tasks.

Triggers do not always work perfectly. If multiple triggers go off simultaneously I feel harried and stressed. Ever had the phone ring at the exact moment that someone knocks at both front and back doors while a child is shouting “mom”? I have. My brain froze for a moment while I sorted what to manage first. The more triggers I set in my brain, the more likely I am to have moments like that. Triggers can also create clutter. If I look at a planner page full of reminders, I can feel overwhelmed and not sure where to start. If I leave out a paper to remind me of tasks and then leave out three more papers to remind me of three other tasks, pretty soon my desk is covered in paper and I can’t find anything that I need to do. Also if my day is completely full of triggers, I can spend all day running around like a trained poodle, trying to respond to these commands I’ve set for myself.

Another problem is when a higher priority trigger interrupts a previously triggered task. Then I switch to the new task, but often forget to reset the trigger for the lower priority task. Then the task falls out of my brain completely and is forgotten, usually until it becomes urgent. Of late this has been the fate of laundry. Never done until someone runs out of underwear. This is also how my keys sometimes get lost. Usually walking in the front door triggers me to put my purse and keys in their assigned place (A basket near the front door.) But if something distracts me as I walk in, then the keys end up in one of two or three alternate locations (coat pocket, kitchen counter, telephone counter.) If the distraction is sufficiently unusual or urgent then the keys sometimes end up in very odd places (linen closet, bathroom counter) and it takes me considerable searching to find them.

I’m certain that I haven’t covered all the aspects of setting triggers in my brain. But writing this out has helped me to see where they are, how they work, and why they sometimes fail. Many of the triggers in my head are things to remind me to remind the kids to do stuff. Hopefully I can now apply this greater understanding toward setting some triggers in my kids’ brains so that they can remember to bathe, brush teeth, and pick up toys without me always having to require it. I need to shift some of these triggers from my head to theirs.

Yesterday I kept oscillating between believing it was a really good day and feeling like it was awful.

Good: We’ve had between 10-20 store orders per day over the last four days. This is very happy because it helps fund Christmas.

Bad: Discovering I made a couple of accounting errors which may affect some business partners. I’ve already fessed up and no one seems mad at me, but I don’t like letting other people down.

Good: Getting all of the shipping and accounting done in one day. Bills all paid with change left for the next round of bills.

Bad: Receiving a call from Link’s teacher because he can’t wrap his head around writing a paragraph about Thanksgiving break. The work gets sent home.

Good: Remembering to take Gleek to gymnastics on schedule. We forgot last week and it was a tragedy.

Sad: Hearing bad news about a neighbor’s relative.

Good: Having a pile of neighbor’s kids all over at the house at once. There was joyous chaos. It makes me happy to have neighbors who know they can send their kids to me and to whom I know I can send my kids.

Bad: Forcing Link through his mental block about the Thanksgiving paragraph. Also realizing that we aren’t doing enough to help him grow in the ways that he needs to.

Good: Once the block was breached, Link finished the assignment on his own very quickly.

Bad: My lower back started hurting mid afternoon and did not stop. I’ve no idea what triggered it.

Good: All the kids ate dinner without complaining even though the meal was based in cheese macaroni and tuna fish.

Bad: It was one of those evenings where some one gets hurt every two minutes or so. No sooner do we calm one set of tears when another wail emerges. The only solution was to get them all into bed.

Good: The advent candle that Howard’s sister brought to us. We burned through Dec 1st while reading bedtime stories.

Good: The kids have been much better about helping clean lately. This is largely due to Howard. The house is cleaner and the kids are happier/more confident because they can see how they are contributing to the household.

Good: Rearranging some of the chore/education patterns in our household so that they are more functional, and more evenly spread across both parents. This process is ongoing. Our task assignments are always shifting around as the patterns of our lives shift. Usually the life patterns shift first and it takes us awhile to figure out that task assignments need to be adjusted to match. Last night we identified a couple of small shifts that will make a big difference.

So the day had more good in it than bad, but I’m hoping today contains more steady-state good rather than swinging back and forth.

Howard and I trade off teaching a primary class at church. We have four 10 year old boys in our class. They are frequently less than excited about being in class, which always provides a challenge for us as we try to keep the lesson on topic and relevant to them. Today the lesson began by talking about choices and consequences. I suppose I should have expected the lesson just post Thanksgiving to turn to the topic of gratitude, also Christmas presents, because talking about Christmas gifts is a sure way to have their full attention. I was trying to think how to make clear to the boys why we should be thankful even when we are not happy about what we receive, when I spotted Howard’s tie. It features a full length picture of Dr. Suess’ Grinch.

I then reminded the boys of the story of The Grinch Who Stole Christmas. I asked the boys what the Whos did when they woke up Christmas morning and found that their presents, tree, food, and decorations had all been stolen. It took the boys a minute because the focus of the story is really on the Grinch, but then they remembered that the Whos simply gathered around an empty space and started singing joyful/thankful songs. The song of the Whos was what triggered the change and growth in the Grinch. I then asked the boys what they thought would have happened if the Whos had instead cried and lamented. I could see the light of realization in the boys’ eyes as they pictured the Grinch rejoicing over the sadness of the Whos and dumping Christmas over the cliff. The Whos had nothing, but they chose to be grateful. The result of that gratitude was the return of all their Christmas things and a new friend in the Grinch.

The choice to be grateful always brings a reward. The reward may not be as huge and flashy as the one that came to the Whos, but the reward will always be there. True gratitude does not seek the reward, but always receives it.

I keep skipping breakfast. This is not intentional. I just get moving on the day and then realize I’m really hungry at around 10:45 when Patch arrives home from Kindergarten. I know I shouldn’t skip breakfast. I’d have more energy all day if I didn’t. And yet the pattern persists. I think it is because eating represents a break. It is a time for me to slow down and relax a little. Slowing down is the last thing I want to be doing first thing in the morning. Mornings are when I dig in and get piles of work done. I’m more likely to eat if there is something I can grab and eat quickly. On the mornings that Howard cooks for me, I’m happy to eat. So perhaps eating is not the problem so much as preparing food. I don’t want to get creative preparing food. I want to use that energy and creativity on the other tasks of the day. The answer probably involves me planning ahead and having quick-to-grab foods available. Unfortunately this requires me to think about breakfast ahead of time and I’m not likely to want to focus on food then either. I wish food were optional. Eat it when it is fun, skip it when it is not. But if food were optional, I’d probably never take breaks until I was brain fried and exhausted. Breaks are good for me. So is food. I need to make sure I get both regularly.

It is hard for Howard or I to take a vacation. In part this is because we know that there is no one else to do the work if we don’t get it done. This is coupled with the fact that doing the work is very important so that we don’t let fans down and so that we can continue to pay our bills. Another large part of the difficulty with vacations is that we love the work itself. I enjoy the challenges of book layout, shipping organization, and writing. Howard loves creating the Schlock comics. We love the sense of accomplishment that comes from doing our work well. But we need vacations and breaks because burnout happens even when you love the work.

Yesterday we spent half the day at Howard’s sister’s house. During that time, neither Howard nor I could check our email. We didn’t stress about things to be done or schedules to be met. We just ate good food, played some games, and visited with good people. It was delightful. Today we were both back at work. Howard coloring comics, me packing and shipping books. But by about noon I fizzled out. I’ve spent large portions of the afternoon staring at nothing in particular while my mind wanders. It comes back eventually, but has no memory of where it has been. This, along with the fact that I’ve fallen asleep twice, leads me to believe that I’m still fending off the bug that knocked me out on Wednesday.

At least the kids had motivation today. They did a pile of cleaning up so that they could set up the Christmas tree. It is up, with lights on, and a section of the middle is decorated in clumps. By the time we got out the decorations, only the shortest people still had any energy to spend on decorating. Perhaps later today I’ll get out the ladder and spread out the decorations more evenly. Or maybe it’ll wait until tomorrow. We’ve still got two more days until our regular schedule resumes.

Thank you to each and every one of you who reads this blog. Your friendship, morale support, suggestions, and kindness help keep me going.

I am thankful for all of you today.

Sometimes my back brain knows more about what is going on than my front brain.

Clue #1 This morning when I got dressed, I dug through the laundry to find the warmest, most comfortable clothes available.

Clue #2 I accomplished a few things. There were many more that I wanted to do (Not just wanted to “have done” but I was actually interested in doing) but instead I sat down to read a book.

Clue #3 I was completely wrapped up in the story of the book, but I was having difficulty tracking it.

At that point I remembered that sometimes I sit down to read when what I really need is sleep. It is a habit I picked up when the kids were little and I could not sleep unless they were also sleeping. So I curled up in bed wearing sweats, under two blankets, and began shivering. My front brain finally caught on and I thought “Hmm. I might be sick.”

The next 3 hours proved it to be true. I fell into a quicksand of sleep. I woke frequently, with thoughts such as “I should check on Gleek and Patch” or “The kids have been playing video games all day, I should make them do something else,” but I was always sucked back into unconsciousness before acting on any of the thoughts. Similarly I realized that a pair of socks might help me stop shivering and Tylenol would be a good idea, but the plans were also slurped into the morass of sleep. A couple of times Gleek or Patch came and bounced on the bed with requests. I hope I gave good answers because I don’t remember what they asked for.

Howard came home and rescued me from the pit of sleep. He tended to the kids, provided dinner, and made sure I got some Tylenol. I feel better now. In fact the front of my brain keeps thinking that we’re all better and so we should do something productive. The back of my brain keeps us sitting firmly in a chair and taking it easy. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be all better.

I love watching Mythbusters with my kids because it is so educational. Frequently we have to pause the show to have long conversations about electricity or weather or firearms or water currents. The show exposes gaps in the kids’ knowledge of basic physics and culture. I have to think fast and search my brain to help fill those gaps. It is not relaxing, but it is fun.

Watching Mythbusters is also concerning because it is educational. I sometimes listen with alarm after the show is over, when my kids start imagining how they would perform tests on various myths around the house. They long for a giant whirlpool of their very own so that they float boats in it and watch the boats sink. Then the light of inspiration hits as they realize that we possess three ready-made whirlpools in our toilets. Then we have an extensive discussion about why flushing boats down the toilet is a Very Bad Idea. This leads to a discussion of how plumbing works and why toilets clog. Which then leads to the story of when toddler Link managed to wedge a chunk of concrete into the ubend of a toilet so securely that the only way to remove it was to smash the toilet open and buy a new toilet. I think I’ve got them convinced not to experiment with the toilets, but I’ll be watching for the next few weeks just in case.