Author name: Sandra Tayler

Falling behind the curve

This evening was not a smooth one and it is my fault. I gave all of my “A game” time to business tasks this week and none of it to my kids. This afternoon I was pretty burned out. I made dinner, but it was 90 minutes later than it should have been. This is potentially disastrous because my kids really need the friend-free, electronics-free space between dinner and bed. If I’m doing it right, they can get homework done and still have an hour or more to play quietly.

This evening was spent warding off incipient quarrels and tantrums. Unfortunately in the space of time I had, I could only head these things off by yelling louder. I prefer a much gentler touch. But I’ve succeeded in getting 3 out of 4 kids into bed. Link is staying up a little longer to get his play time. Kiki could be up too, but she’s suffering from a head cold and went to bed voluntarily. The fact that Gleek is suffering from the same cold is the source of most of the Kiki/Gleek conflicts. Neither of them has much tolerance for anything that isn’t exactly the way the want it right this second. As a side note I am truly impressed with both of my girls. Kiki had to be yelled into silence when she was continually sniping at the way Gleek was doing things, but then she nodded and understood when I took a moment to explain why I’d yelled rather than trying to handle it a different way. She could see what she was doing wrong, she was just too sick to stop herself in a moment of irritation. Gleek has been running all day despite being sick and she was seriously over stimulated. But when I shepherded her into her bed, she hugged me tight. It was very apparent that she was glad that I had headed off multiple tantrums, she doesn’t want to be out of control and is grateful when I prevent her from flying into a fury.

I also had a good moment with Link. He was in full-on stubborn mode complete with angry scowl over the fact that he had to do homework. This was in part caused because in all the other chaos he managed to leave the table and start a game after dinner. I generally keep him at the table until homework is done precisely because of this reaction. He’ll sit there fuming that I’ve pulled him away from his game for far longer than it would take for him to get his homework done. Once he lets go of his anger it is gone, but he can hang on tight for hours. This kind of a stand off is particularly difficult because Link is very sensitive to negative emotions pointed at him. If some one speaks to him with frustration, he feels yelled at and scolded no matter what the tone of voice is actually like. So in an inspired moment I looked at Link and said “Can I be on your team?” He looked at me confused and interested. I then made clear that I didn’t want to be working against him with me trying to get his homework done and him trying not to have to do it. He agreed that I could be on his team. I then said we needed to pick a goal for our team. I suggested making sure he had play time before bed as a goal. The only obstacle to our goal was one math sheet. It didn’t work completely, he was still mad about the homework, but the stand off was over. He began expressing his anger by writing as hard as he could rather than by refusing to pick up the pencil.

Hmm. Looking back I think my kids got about an hour of A game from me. But it was all “crisis management” rather than “ahead of the curve.” I think I’m going to have to do more of what I did last fall. I’m going to have to block out sections of time where I’m not allowed to do business things. I think I’m getting enough of a feel for the daily schedule that I can do this now. As for tomorrow, the Schlock book needs to take a back seat for a day so that I can get back ahead of the curve on the house and kid stuff.

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Voting Member

From 1994 until 1999 Howard and I ran a small record production business. We spent lots of time and energy helping record 5 or 6 CDs full of truly beautiful music. The business died because we lacked marketing expertise and a good distribution channel. In 1998 or 1999 a group of musicians got together and began the Pearl Awards. This was run similarly to the Academy Awards but the focus was on rewarding people for creating excellent religious music. We qualified to be voting members for the Pearl Awards. This meant that we could nominate things and we could vote for who we thought should win. The first year we were excited to recieve all the demo CD’s and review them and vote. After that when the CDs began to arrive they carried a load of guilt because we didn’t have time to really review them all and make informed decisions. Some years we neglected to vote at all. This meant that people were spending money to send us CDs and were getting no benefit from it. After we’d been out of the record production business for a couple of years we let our membership lapse because it felt dishonest to keep accepting free CDs when we weren’t in the industry anymore.

All of that is back story.

On Tuesday at my writer’s group we had a breif discussion about membership in SFWA (Science Fiction Writer’s Association.) One of the advantages that was brought forward was getting to vote for the Hugo and Nebula awards. Because of my experience with the Pearl Awards, I waved my hands and dismissed this as more of an annoyance than a benefit. I’m still concerned that some of the annoyances of being a voting member are inherent in award systems. So many things are nominated that it is hard to properly review everything. But music was not my field. It has never been my field. I was there because of Howard. On the other hand, writing and reading are what I do. I am constantly looking for things to read. I am much more likely to read 20 novels than I am to listen to 20 CDs. And when I’m done with the novels I’ll have much more to say about them than I would about the music. So being a voting member in SFWA would be much different than being a voting member of the Pearl awards.

It is something to think about. I don’t have to make any decisions until I actually qualify to become a SFWA member.

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Wednesday stuff

When I close my eyes I see pages of the new Schlock mercenary book. It turns out that “having plans for all the white space” is not exactly the same as having no white spaces. Some of my plans entail more work, like locating the picture I want to put in the space, or writing something. Most of the additional writing and drawing will be done by Howard, but in two places I get to write stuff. Then when Howard gets done writing and drawing he hands it to me. I write notes about where it will go and hand the stuff off to the layout guy. This is going to take up a portion of my brain until the project is complete. The end is in sight. Most of it will be done this week.

I got several bits of happy news today, none of them are mine to share, but they make me very glad. Writer’s group went really well last night. I recieved good feedback on my story. I hope they continue to like the next two installments and that they can help me identify where it is still broken. I know that it needs work, I’ve just been unable to put my finger on where it needs work.

So the day has been good. I’m just tired now.

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Schedule filling up

I have begun accumulating things to do and settling them into the new schedule. Today was Patches’ first day of preschool. It went off without a hitch. He was glad to go and glad to come home. Then we did lots of talking about everything that happened. Preschool twice a week breaks up my long schedule free days somewhat, but in a good way I think. I still have long stretches of time on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday that are mine to arrange. It is the afternoons that are beginning to seem a bit crowded. Kiki and Link will be starting art lessons next week. Kiki has taken them before, but this will be a new experience for Link and I’m not sure how he will like it. He really values his play time and often resents anything that interferes. But on the other hand I keep being amazed at his drawing capability and I want to give him the tools to be good at it. Art lessons are on Tuesdays, which is also my writer’s group day. Wednesday is cub scouts and Kiki has youth group activities. Thursday is Howards evening out. Fridays have nothing and I’m going to leave it that way. Monday used to be completely empty, but today I got a call from a PTA person at the school. She runs the Art Club there and was wondering if I’d be willing to do a six week creative writing class. She called because of a conversation I had with my neighbor last year where I described how I would run such a class. I said yes.

Even though it complicates my schedule, I’m looking forward to running the creative writing class. I remember taking a couple when I was in grade school and being frustrated with them because they were essentially assignments. Read a poem, then write a poem. Read a story, then write a story. My approach will be to start by teaching the elements of story, protagonist, villain, setting, etc. I want to work with narrative curves and story structures. I’ll do that for the first three weeks or so, then for the second three weeks we’ll work on creating stories and editing them. The end goal will be a print-on-demand book that contains the stories that the kids wrote. I know this sounds complicated, but the concepts can be taught without all the confusing vocabulary. Particularly if I use picture books to demonstrate the points. This time will be the trial run. I have my eye on taking the same class and doing it at a junior high level. Kiki would like that I think.

Schlock book work continues and occupies most of this morning. For awhile I was worried about all the afternoon craziness and making sure I had time for business work and writing, but I have so much more time in the middle of the day. Having only Patches at home is worlds different than having Patches and Gleek. She was constantly bored and she solved boredom by coming to me for attention. It is all going to fit. I can see how, but I definitely need to find a good stride and stick with it. Not too fast, not too slow.

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At the end of the day

The day began with a broken dryer. It would happily use electricity to tumble clothes for extended periods of time, but they stayed wet because there was no heat to dry them. Today is laundry day, so the lack of a dryer was inconvenient. So I called a repair service. Howard said while the guy was here, he could fix the fridge too.

Then the next iteration of the schlock book showed up. I spent the next 10 hours immersed in making layout decisions and scanning images. The kids had fast food for lunch and pizza for dinner. But the Tayler Corporation will foot the bill because I was completely occupied with business things.

I ended the day with a working dryer, a working fridge, and plans for every single white space that remains in the Schlock book. Now I am tired.

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Sundays

In our house Sundays are special, set apart from the rest of the week. It is a day for our family to be together and for us to take a break from the hectic pace of the rest of the week. Much of the reason for this is religious. We believe in God and that he deserves a day of reverence to him. We believe he blesses us for giving him that day. Indeed a big part of Sunday is attendance at church. But over the years I have found that this weekly break is like the eye of the storm. It is a place of respite. On Sunday I am allowed to sit and contemplate the clutter of my house without feeling like I should get up and fix it right that minute. There are some maintenance chores that I do, like dishes, but for the most part I am excused from work. I find that Monday morning I am much more ready to tackle the chores of the week for having a day of rest.

During my day of rest I have time to contemplate where I am and how I want to steer the rest of the week. It is a time for course corrections. Because it is calm, I am much better able to see where I am in relation to where I want to be. The kids aren’t nearly so contemplative as I am, but they also benefit from the day of rest. They know that Sunday is a family day and so they are content to play with each other rather than running off with friends. Many Sunday afternoons have been spent with all four kids watching a movie or playing a game together. We are all turned inward toward each other rather than setting off on our different paths toward our different goals.

Sundays are not always peace and calm. We have our share of fights and squabbles. People are grumpy just as often on Sundays as on other days. Sometimes the kids complain about the restrictions from friends and from other vigorous activites. But kids frequently complain about things that are good for them and about things that are necessary to running a family. The kids are never happy about housework, but it has to get done. Sometimes the kids are grouchy about our Sunday rules, but our family is better for having them and keeping them.

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At the end of the week

The first week of school is now over. Gleek has had only one time-out and was not sent to the office at all. Kiki feels settled in Junior High and loves everything about it. Link came home early yesterday because he got something in his eye, but went back happily today. Patches is happy to have quiet hours without the other kids around, but is looking forward to preschool starting next week. I’m exhausted, but glad that it all went so well. We’re still not done adjusting, but it’s a good start.

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Gleek’s World

Apparently in Gleek’s world “Come to the flagpole as fast as you can when school gets out” means “Stop every third step and take a minute to use your toe to erase the scuff marks on the tile floor.”

I showed her a shorter route to the flagpole that doesn’t have her crossing acres of scuffed tiles. I called it “the sneaky way” to give it more appeal. We’ll see if that helps her arrive in a more timely manner tomorrow.

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Finding my stride

In high school I spent a year running long races for the Cross Country team and shorter races for the Track team. There is a world of difference between a short race and a long race. Short races are called sprinting. Sprinting is pushing your body as hard and as fast as you possibly can. If you have time to think how much it will hurt later, then you aren’t pushing hard enough. You use up every last ounce of energy as fast as you can until you run out. This is called “hitting the wall.” It is when all the biological consequences of pushing so hard catch up to you. If you train right, you won’t hit the wall until after the race is over, but sometimes it happens before then. When you hit the wall, it is all you can do to keep moving. Long races are all about endurance rather than speed. You try to find a pace that you can maintain througout the run. Endurance racers don’t go fast, but they keep going. As the body learns and adapts the pace can pick up. That’s called hitting your stride.

On Monday morning the starter gun for this school year went off and I began running. I was moving fast, getting things done. Every moment with my kids I was analyzing how they were adapting to the new schedule and making plans for how to further smooth the transition. Oh and I was blogging just about every small incident that occurred. It was all going really well. Then last night I hit the wall. Howard came home grumpy and I was completely unable to do anything to help him work through it. I wanted to, but there was nothing there, nothing left to give. It was only then that I realized I’ve spent these last three days at a sprinter’s pace. Perhaps it was necessary for the beginning of school, but now I need to slow way down. I need to settle in and find a stride that will carry me through until school gets out next spring.

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More Beginning of School snippets

Kiki came home from school bright-eyed and enthusiastic. She’d been worried about navigating through the crowded halls, but found that the experience was actually fun. As she described it like a moving maze and a flowing river I realized that she was viewing the challenge of getting from class to class like a video game where the goal was not to run into other people. She is also full of praises for all her teachers. She thinks that they are all amazingly cool and is glad that the only homework she had tonight was a word search. I’m glad to see the disclosure documents and to realize that these classes are set up exactly to encourage the kind of educational discipline which Kiki needs. I don’t think she is going to be challenged academically this year, but I’d love for her to have the chance to get straight A’s and feel really competant.

I walked Link and Gleek home from school today. I’ve been hoping that I could eventually let them walk home together without me. It is going to be awhile before I’ll let that happen. Gleek needs to learn some good walking home habits before I’ll try to put Link in charge of her otherwise she’ll run him right over with one of her whims and he won’t know what to do about it. Honestly I don’t think they’ll be walking home for awhile either. Gleek is trying so hard to be perfectly behaved during school. First grade is so much longer than Kindergarten, she is worn out by the end of the day. It took her a full 15 minutes to make her way from her classroom to the meeting place. Then I had to threaten Time-Out to get her to climb down from the meeting place tree. Then there were several refuse-to-go-a-step-further moments on the walk home. Only the promise of chocolate chips at the end got her to her feet again. In a few weeks when life is more settled we’ll try walking home again. I’ll happily drive her home from school every day if I get announcements like today’s “I didn’t get sent to time out at all!”

Kiki is going to the doctor on Saturday. She has been sleepy and foggy for weeks. It used to be that she could not fall asleep during the day unless she was sick. Lately she has been sleeping for several hours each day, going to bed early, and getting up late. I know that she’s growing and maturing, but 15 hours of sleep per day seems excessive for that. I hope that she’ll test positive for Mono on Saturday. Having Mono would stink, but I like that diagnosis much more than some of the alternatives I’ve been able to think up.

The new schedule has me blogging a lot more. I’m not sure if that is a result of the large quiet spaces in my days or if it is merely me trying to process how the new schedule affects everything. I think it is a little of both.

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