Sandra Tayler

Unexpected freedom

By / May 10, 2006 / 2 Comments

Just as I was preparing to leave the house with two kids in tow, a friend called to see if Gleek could go with them to the library story time. Once I was done doing the gleeful dance of only taking one child to the store , I politely told them that yes it would be just fine with me. I handed Gleek off and took Patches along for the errands. Much nicer. Patches didn’t fall asleep on the way home, so I had to scratch that idea. Now I’ve just finished picking Link up from school and I’m eating my lunch because, as predicted, I forgot to eat it earlier. So far it has been a better day than I’d anticipated. Still busy though.

Insane scheduling

By / May 10, 2006 / 10 Comments

Today:
Get kids off to school
Get Gleek & Patches dressed and make them do Morning Things this will almost certainly include at least one tantrum.
Load Gleek & Patches into the car to run errands This will probably include chasing kids around the front yard.
Go to Post office I need to check to PO box, ask a question about customs forms placement, pick up a pile of mailing tubs, and something else that I’m currently not remembering. While I do this Gleek and Patches will attempt to play with the automatic sliding doors and I’ll attempt to keep them from annoying other patrons or injuring themselves.
Price catering food at Sam’s Club I have to tour the entire food section of Sam’s Club writing down prices and making mental calculations so that I can feed the volunteers who help us mail out books and so that I can plan food for the Book Release party. While I’m doing all this thinking, writing, and calculating Gleek and Patches will attempt to fall out of the shopping cart or flee through the store requiring me to chase them down.
Go to the Library My original plan for this stop included me going inside and acquiring a selection of books for reading to kids and for kids to read. I wanted lots of Dr. Seuss because his stories are long & rythmic, ideal bedtime reading for Gleek who needs help to wind down. Then I realized that I do not want to go insane today by persuing my children through a third location. I’ll be stuffing books into the drive thru book drop.
Home again Hopefully on the journey home Patches will fall asleep and take a nice long nap. Last night he napped from 6-8pm which meant I was parenting at 10pm when I wanted down time.
Mailing list manipulation I need to do the final mailing list downloads and address changes and sorting. Once the lists are finalized I need to take the scary step of printing the lists through stamps.com. This is scary because I’ll start paying for postage. I’ll be spending over a thousand dollars on postage before I mail anything. I sent a test package and it worked, but my brain still provides nightmares of the postal service returning thousands of packages to my door because I failed to do something correctly.
Pick up kids from school this requires me to coax Gleek & Patches into the car, argue with them about buckling up, argue again about how we’re not going to climb out of the car to play on the school playground, wait and wait and wait for Link to make his way to the car, then argue with all three kids to get them OUT of the car upon returning home. An hour later I get to repeat the process to pick up Kiki.
Realize I forgot lunch Gleek and Patches won’t let me forget to feed them entirely. They’ll probably get sandwiches shoved into their hands. There is a high probability that I’ll forget to feed me though. I mean here it is 9 am and I haven’t had breakfast yet because I’ve been too busy with the first item on this list.
Remember to require chores My incentive plan only works if I keep track of it. Link in particular tends to procrastinate. Supposedly he isn’t allowed to play with friends or video games until his five Morning Things are done. However if he waits until I’m tired, stressed, or distracted he can get to do the fun things without doing the chores first. He’s not being deliberately sneaky, but it undermines the responsiblity I’m attempting to teach. So I need to not get too tired, stressed, or distracted to require the work first.
Dinner this would probably be a good idea.
Homework Hopefully a peaceful homework time, but usually very similar to herding cats.
Bedtime Patches & Gleek are having a hard time settling down to bed lately. Some of this is directly due to a lack of parental attention during the day. I have to carve out some quiet time for each of them when I read stories and help them slow their bodies and brains so that they can fall asleep easily. Link and Kiki are a little less time intensive, but only a little.
Downtime In theory I get some of this today.

Tomorrow has a list similar to today’s. So does Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. On Monday books arrive and the pace will pick up even further. I’m going to be running on adrenaline and too little sleep for the next three weeks. I’d be scared and worried, only I don’t have time for it.

Incentive Plans

By / May 9, 2006 / 20 Comments

Life here has gotten busy. I don’t have much extra brainspace. I knew this was coming and I knew that I was having a really hard time keeping the house livable. Four kids make messes far faster than one mom can clean them up. The obvious solution was to make the kids do more of the housework. Unfortunately making kids do work is ofen 2-3 times harder than doing it myself, so I often fail to push the issue. With all of this in mind, I crafted an incentive plan.

Children are visual and I knew I needed a way for them to track how they were doing. I also needed a great big reminder of what they’re supposed to be doing. So I comandeered a left over display board and created four trails across it. Each child has a character and a path to follow. Each path has about 50 spaces, but the paths for Patches and Gleek are slightly shorter than those for Kiki and Link. When all four children reach the finish line Howard and I have promised to buy them a new video game or maybe take a family trip to Chuck E Cheese. I figure it will take them about a month to work their way to the end of the path. That’s a very long time for kids to work toward a reward, so about every 10 spaces along each path is a star space. When a child lands on a star space they get a treat. Right now they’re mostly focused on the star spaces, but I don’t much care as long as the work gets done.

The way that the kids get to move their characters along their path is by completing required chores. They have 5 Morning Things and 5 Bedtime Things that they have to do each day. Whenever they complete a set of Things, they get to move one space forward. The 5 Morning Things are: Get dressed, Eat Breakfast, Brush teeth & hair, Make your bed, Do one chore from the list next to the chart. The 5 Bedtime things are: Put on Pajamas, Eat snack, Brush teeth, Pick up 30 toys, Say prayers. Sad to say, there are usually plenty of toys for all four kids to pick up 30 toys each, particularly if the duplos have been scattered yet again. In addition to all of that each child has been assigned a day to be the kitchen helper. When they complete kitchen helper duties they get an additional move.

So far this plan has worked exceptionally well. I fill the chore list with things like washing doors and walls. Suddenly those things are actually getting done. The house has been lots more picked up. The kids moan and groan, but they also feel accomplished to know that they’ve actually contributed to the smooth running of the household. Since I printed up lists of the 5 Morning Things, and 5 Bedtime Things, I don’t have to nag about each thing, I just tell the older two to check the list.

There have been a few kinks. Just last night when I required Link to think up a consequence for a misbehavior, he suggested moving back a couple of spaces on the chart. He seemed a little too cheerful about the prospect and on further inquiry I discovered that he wanted to move back two spaces so that he could land on the star space again and get another treat. I informed him that the star spaces only worked the first time they were landed on and all the appeal of that consequence evaporated.

So I’m liking the new system. At some point in the next 4 months it will probably fall apart and I’ll have to create something new. That is to be expected as our family needs shift and our family members grow. It just feels good to have solved the problem for now.

Not how I had it planned

By / May 7, 2006 / 14 Comments

I wandered into Patches room and discovered that he had emptied the contents of his dresser onto the floor. When asked why he did this Patches replied “I was looking for my underpants.” So now he is wearing underpants around the house for the first time in his life. My plan involved keeping him in pull ups until after the end of May when all the book hoop-la was out of the way. I didn’t want to cross this bridge until I had the brainspace to do it calmly. Apparently my schedule does not match Patches schedule. Here we go…

Plans successfully executed

By / May 6, 2006 / 10 Comments

My goal for this week was to get the veggie beds prepped and plants into the ground. I had to get it done because next week (and the week after and the week after that..) I’ll be busy prepping lists and mailing out books. Now I have neat rows of little bitty green things in the ground. They each have their own tomato cage as well. The cages are far too large for these baby plants and the effect is rather like a toddler clomping around in daddy’s shoes. BUT if I don’t put the cages on when the plants are babies, I will intend to do it until they are monsters far too large to be caged.

The other goal for this week was to plan and execute Kiki’s birthday/slumber party. That happened last night and a good time was had by all involved. Kiki invited two friends. Then Link’s friend showed up. I was okay with that since it would keep Link busy during this girly event. Then all four of my neighbor’s kids wandered over from their adjoining back yard. These kids are practically family since our yards are shared. Besides they all wandered downstairs to watch Barbie the Magic Pegasus with Gleek and were as quiet as angels. Link and is friend were playing pokemon on gameboys. Kiki and her two friends were playing The Queen’s Necklace and then doing a craft project on the table. All was peaceful until it came time to dish out ice cream. The words “ice cream” spoken softly have the ability to carry throughout the house and sometimes the entire neighborhood. As soon as I spoke them I had 10 children in my kitchen all clamoring to be served. (The neighbor’s toddler had been claimed and put to bed.) I quickly instituted a serving order. Birthday girl and friends first, then everyone else starting from the youngest. This worked well because it made Kiki and her friends feel special, fed the noisiest as quickly as possible, and even the last child to be served felt cool because she had the distinction of being oldest.

Thank you to everyone who sent gifts, they helped make Kiki’s birthday extra special.

Book preorders closed last night. I haven’t done a final count, but I’m pretty sure we had over 1800 books preordered. This is well into the “we can breathe easy now” range. Only I can’t breathe completely easy until I’ve actually mailed them all and we start getting delighted commentary from people who have recieved their books.

So, life is good today. I’m happy, I’m relaxed, and I’m trying to ignore the clouds of stress that are looming over the next few weeks.

Butter on too much bread

By / May 3, 2006 / 16 Comments

In The Fellowship of the Ring Bilbo Baggins talks about feeling stretched or faded like butter that has been spread across too much bread. I know that feeling. I have four kids. Each of those kids has a whole loaf’s worth of wants and needs. It is the best I can do to cover the critical pieces. No matter how thin I spread myself I cannot butter all that bread. I cannot meet all the needs that my children have. This is why it takes a village to raise a child. I have to rely on friends, parents of friends, teachers, neighbors, and acquaintances to all help meet the needs of these developing people.

But oh how I wish there was more of me to go around. I wish I had more time/energy/desire to read stories to kids. I wish I could always be kind and cheerful while requiring chores. I wish I could spend time playing the piano with Gleek. I wish I could concentrate on helping Patches master potty training. I wish I could sit for 30 minutes each night and listend to Link reading aloud. I wish I could spend more time playing games with the kids. I wish I could always keep the kitchen clean. I wish I could be better at cooking healthy meals. I wish I could be better at controling all our diets. I wish I was smarter, better, faster, stronger.

It hurts to see things that they need which I can’t supply.

Hope of America

By / May 3, 2006

Ushering four children who are over excited and up past their bedtimes through a crowd of 20,000 people is not my idea of a good time. And yet I got to do this last night. I also got to coax Gleek and Patches up and down several sets of bleacher stairs in quest for a place to sit. Then I got to entertain Gleek and Patches during the moments that they got bored. It did not help that Patches has definitely entered a “pushing the limits” phase of development.

Why did I do all of this? Because our school district puts on an annual patriotic program and broadcasts it to troops in Iraq. Kiki and Link have been practicing songs for this program for months. Kiki even brought home a CD of the songs so she could practice at home. Gleek is a sponge for anything musical and so she’s learned the songs too. Even Patches knew that “hope of america” was a big deal and something to be excited about. I believe it is good for kids to learn the ideals our country is founded on. I think it is good for kids to learn to love our country. Then as they get older and learn how our country so often fails to meet it’s ideals, they may feel inspired to make this country into the place we all wish it could be.

I’ve known for months that I’d be attending this program with Gleek and Patches and sans Howard who had a conflicting event. So yesterday I packed appropriately with a backpack full of stuff. We had water bottles and sandwiches and snack food and blankets and a couple of stuffed animals and binoculars and a camera and wallet and keys. It was wise of me to pack as if for a backpack trip because the event started with a hike uphill from our parking place to the event center. Then we dropped Link and Kiki off to their separate rendezvous and went in quest for three seats. Usually the “harried mother with two small kids” persona nets me some help, but not in a crowd this size where everyone else is as harried as me.

Gleek and Patches loved the experience. They loved watching the dances and songs. Gleek loved singing along. True they did get bored at times, but mostly they loved it all. Kiki and Link loved participating. Gleek wished she could have been down there dancing and singing. So I definitely put this in the “Things I wouldn’t choose to do if left to myself, but definitely worth doing for the kids” category.

Spot the Tayler Child

By / May 3, 2006 / 2 Comments

Hope of America Hope of America
Our local school district sponsors a yearly patriotic event at an indoor stadium. 7000 children, 15,000 adults all in the same place. As you can see, our seats were about as far up as it was possible to go. Here is your chance to play “spot the Tayler child.” Link is on the floor in front of the letter ‘Q.’ Kiki is up next to the flag wearing a yellow shirt.

Why you should save

By / May 2, 2006 / 14 Comments

I recently heard a radio program which was lamenting the negative savings rate in America. The guest was an author of a book about saving for retirement and naturally had lots of opinions on the subject. As usual she was touting her book and was giving tips on how listeners could improve their financial situation and save money. Among the tips were: Setting up an automatic debit from paycheck into savings account. Only having one credit card. Using cash to purchase whenever possible. Impose a waiting period on purchases to avoid impulse spending. and doing the math on a purchase to figure out the final price with interest.

All of these tips are good, but I’ve heard them all before in many different iterations. Every book or expose or report I hear, watch, or read, gives tips such as these and emphasizes how important it is for people to save money. What none of these reports, or books, or exposes make clear is why people should save money. Well okay, they say “for retirement,” but what is “retirement” to the average 30 year old? It is forever away. People need to stop saving for “retirement” and instead save for something specific.

So ask yourself, what is your dream? Do you dream of owning a farm in the countryside? Figure out how much it will cost to buy and to run, then save money hand over fist to make it happen. Set a goal that by age 60 you’ll be able to afford that farm and have enough money to keep it running for the rest of your life. Do you dream of taking a trip around the world? Do some research. Figure how much it will cost and set a goal for when you’ll have that money saved. Do you dream of never having to work again? Figure out how much money you need to have saved so that you can live on the interest. Do you dream of making pottery and selling it? Figure out how much money you need to have saved so that you can live on it for two years while your pottery business gets off the ground. Do you dream of owning a fancy car? Figure how much it will cost to buy it and maintain it, then save for that.

The key here is to plan ahead. When Howard and I got married we had several goals. We wanted Howard to be able to earn his living creatively. We wanted to own a house. We wanted to have several children. We structured all of our spending to accomodate those goals. When Howard got a pay raise we wouldn’t raise our standard of living much, mostly we’d save it against a planned goal. Even when we had the house and the kids, we still spent carefully because we had the dream of Howard being able to make a living as a cartoonist. We did spend some money on luxuries like nice furniture and new cars, but each of these purchases was balanced against the larger goal. Each time we carefully considered whether the expense added more value to our lives than having Howard work from home would. Eventually we reached the day when Howard quit Novell. That was scary and I confess I did some second guessing about some of the things we’d chosen to spend money on. But we’ve scraped by and it looks like we’ll get to keep on going.

Don’t just save for “retirement” save for something specific. Know what your dreams are and take steps to make them reality.