reviews

Beauty in Belief

Kiki needed to visit an art exhibit for a class, so we went down to the BYU Museum of Art and wandered our way through the Beauty in Belief exhibit. The art was all Islamic. We saw illustrated Qur’an pages, book covers, carved prayers as pieces of architecture, prayer rugs, etc. I was fascinated by the items themselves, but even more by the textual explanations which were posted on the wall. Whoever curated that exhibit did an excellent job of pinpointing exactly the aspects of art and culture which would be most interesting to me. I found myself writing down whole sections of text to ponder upon later. I have new thoughts on the ways that words can sanctify things, how to deliberately create a sacred space, how repetition and pattern can represent the infinite, and how the deliberate inscription of thoughts can change both the inscriber and the reader.

As I looked at a prayer rug, the sign next to it helped me to understand that unrolling such a rug creates a sacred and clean place in which a person can pray. This is why so many prayer rug designs are in the shape of an arch or prayer nook. I love the idea of having a transportable sacred space.

I looked at a Qur’an board, which was used as a memorization tool. Words were written onto the board, then once memorized, they were washed off and new words were written. I could see faded layers of script underneath the fresh writing. It was as if the scripture was soaking into the board. The curator’s notes told me that the more often a board was used, the more sacred it was considered.

There were calligraphic art pieces where the arabesques of the script were arranged into large and pleasing shapes. The notes told me that they quotes scripture or blessings upon the house and its inhabitants. I looked at the calligraphy and thought about how in modern Utah it has become very popular to put up vinyl lettering on the walls with “sayings”. I’d always thought dismissively of this particular trend, but now I see how the deliberate inscription of words can be considered a benediction upon the space and the people inside it. In fact another plaque told me that much Islamic architecture has inscriptions where they can’t even be read. I am intrigued by the declaration of purpose written upon walls.

As I moved through the exhibit, I entered the realm of pattern. Infinitely repeating patterns, too detailed for a person to ever comprehend it whole. This is much as life itself and deity are incomprehensible. Suddenly instead of being too busy, these patterns become emblems of life itself. In one room a chant played softly. A curator plaque explained that sound patterns in chants were the heartbeat of Islamic culture. The chant repeated a thousand times permeates both the space in which it occurs and the people who participate.

All of the exhibit were reflections of a deliberate creation of meaning out of mere things. It was also about the power of words. I like this. I would like to take some of these thoughts and incorporate them into my spaces. I’m not sure how I will do this yet. I need to let the ideas mix with the things which are already in my mind and heart. Then I’ll be able to find the expressions which are most beautiful and meaningful to me.

Calvin & Hobbes Continues to Charm

Patch came down for homework time toting his big stuffed dog. I didn’t think much of it. He hasn’t been prone to carrying around big stuffed toys, but it was well within normal parameters. Then he said,
“I wish I had a stuffed tiger this size.”
Then I realized that I’d just called him away from reading our volume of the Complete Calvin & Hobbes Collection. Patch clearly was picturing himself as Calvin. Some things endure from generation to generation.

Thinking About French Parenting and My Parenting

The other day I followed a link to an article entitled “Why French Parents Are Superior.” The article was written by an American who lived in France. I had noticed the same thing that she did, American kids are generally demanding and undisciplined. My own kids are often demanding and undisciplined. On the whole the article was mildly interesting, but one segment gave me words for feelings I had about the structure of parenting. To quote from the article:

When I asked French parents how they disciplined their children, it took them a few beats just to understand what I meant. “Ah, you mean how do we educate them?” they asked.

I love this distinction. In my language talking to and about my kids I try not to use the word “punishment” instead focusing on consequences for decisions. This concept of education takes that idea one step further.

the French ideal of the cadre, or frame, that French parents often talk about. Cadre means that kids have very firm limits about certain things—that’s the frame—and that the parents strictly enforce these. But inside the cadre, French parents entrust their kids with quite a lot of freedom and autonomy.

It is not my job as a parent to make sure my children are always happy. My job is to help them grow. Sometimes this means nurturing and smoothing the way for them. Other times it means that I must make their lives harder. No matter which I am doing, the objective is growth.

The bulk of the article discusses how French parents consciously teach patience and delayed gratification to their children. A young French child is bought a treat at a store, but instead of gobbling it down on the way through the parking lot, the treat is saved until snack time that afternoon. The same is true when French children want to make requests, they are required to wait until their parents have time to attend to them. Thus the French mothers are able to finish sentences, or even entire conversations, uninterrupted.

I was fascinated to see that some of the behaviors I’d been feeling guilty about are actually part of conscious education for a French parent. I tell my kids “Just a minute” all the time, but then later feel bad for neglecting them. Then I am too lenient in another area because I feel guilty for this perceived neglect. Thus my parental frame is crooked and sagging in places instead of being a sturdy structure on which the kids depend.

I’ve long been enamored of having three meals a day plus a snack at regular times. In between the kitchen would be closed (and spotlessly clean, naturally.) In theory this would teach all of us a healthy relationship toward food. Instead of responding to immediate hunger and grabbing what ever is most convenient, our food choices would be carefully planned. I love the idea, yet I doubt this will ever happen in my home. Life is about choices and I choose to be a mother, business manager, writer, and a dozen other things before I choose Cook and Meal Planner. On the other hand, my parenting frame for homework is rock solid this year. I’m also pleased that in the past couple of weeks we’ve been fitting daily chores back into the lives of the kids. It feels like a miracle that chores are fitting with homework. So when I notice that once again they’ve foraged themselves a meal of tortilla chips and cream cheese, perhaps I can be pleased with their self sufficiency and trust that we’ll find time to focus on healthy eating again soon.

Over the next few weeks I’m going to pay attention to how often I teach my kids that waiting a little bit will not kill them. I’m also going to notice the times when my kids wear me down with negotiation. I think the negotiating skills are valuable, but sometimes I need to be better about sticking to my “no.” Most importantly I’ll remember that while American kids are nuisances in restaurants and French kids are not, both French adults and American adults handle restaurants just fine. There may not be a “right” path and a “wrong” path through conscientious parenting. Many paths can lead to well adjusted adulthood.

The Ferris Bueller Super Bowl Commercial Makes Me Both Happy and Sad

Honda shot an ad with Matthew Broderick which is a distillation of the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. If by any chance you haven’t seen it yet, click through and watch. I’ll wait.

Click here to go see the commercial

This ad makes me happy because it perfectly embodies the nostalgia of the film. I loved the film. I recently re-watched it with my kids and they loved it too. As an ad, it doesn’t work so well. I feel inspired to go watch the movie, not to buy a car. On the other hand, perhaps it works really well because here I am blogging about it and lots of people are sharing links to the commercial

However, I also come away from the commercial with a sadness. If the ad makes you happy and you want to stay happy with it, feel free to stop reading.

One of the most wonderful things about Ferris Bueller is that he thought big. Lots of high school seniors sluff school, but Ferris didn’t just go to the mall or stay home playing video games. He did a dozen things that wouldn’t even occur to most teenagers, a fine art museum, a fancy restaurant, dancing in a parade, etc. His horizons were broad, he reached for the sky, and he dragged his friends along with him. I’d expect an adult Ferris to figure out how to get two weeks off of work so that he could travel the world, draw street art in Paris, dance in Portugal, earn a million dollars and give it away to villagers in Africa. That one guy who did his silly little dance all over the world is doing exactly the sort of thing I’d expect Ferris to do. This car commercial shows me Matthew Broderick doing the adult equivalent of hanging out at the mall. Not only that, but Broderick is all alone. Where are his friends? Ferris didn’t just free up himself for a brilliant day, he gave one to others as well. It makes me sad to picture Ferris growing up to be so very ordinary.

I’m off to go see if Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is available for streaming.

How things are going and cool stuff you should look at.

I have a blog post about anxiety that I’ve been trying to write for two days. It is still a multiple-draft mess. The only solution is to put it down and move on. Hopefully I’ll be able to come back to it in a few days and pull the things I want to say into some better shape. This past week I’ve been carrying anxiety levels which I’d hoped not to experience again. The good news is that this is directly linked to me tinkering with my thyroid dosage. I’ve learned my lesson and now merely need to hang in there while the re-lowered dosages take effect again. Should be better by this weekend and normalized by next week. Also good news is that I spent enough time over the past several months in a non-anxious state that I’m able to recognize my anxiety this past week as Not Normal. This is a huge improvement over thinking that a racing heartbeat and shaky hands were just part of my life. Even more good news: exercise makes things better. Exercise is something which is in my control. So expect to find me dancing to exercise videos later this afternoon. BUT first I have to ship a lot of things, go shopping for supplies to make school treats, and shop for a few last Christmas gifts. (Am I ready for Christmas? The answer to that is still complicated and still wants a blog entry of it’s very own. I’ll add that to the bottom of the to-do list.)

In the meantime, here are three cool things which I’ve been meaning to tell you about:

Last February I was out to lunch with my friends Jessica Day George and Julie Wright.
Jessica was really excited because she had just received a cover image for her latest book, Tuesdays at the Castle. She pulled the image up on on her phone and we admired it on the tiny screen. “I just want to hug it!” Jess said. Both Julie and I agreed that the cover was huggable. That book came out last month. My pre-ordered copy arrived and I read the whole thing. My oldest daughter read it too. We both agree that the whole book is just as huggable as the cover. I love Princess Celie and hope that you will all go out and buy copies of this book so that she can have more adventures.

Last summer I got to read this story which my sister Nancy wrote. It moved me to tears and resonated very strongly with lots of emotional themes which have come up in my parenting. I suppose it makes sense that Nancy’s story speaks so strongly to me, we grew up in the same house, our kids face similar challenges, and we have similar approaches to tackling those challenges. But if you enjoy reading this blog, you will almost certainly enjoy reading Nancy’s story. It is fairly short, but well worth $3. Additionally, if you buy Movement in the month of December, Nancy will donate her profit to a charity supporting Autism research. If you happen to be a Hugo or Nebula voter, you may want to nominate this story. I’m certainly going to.
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Most of my blog readers know that my husband Howard is an amazing and funny guy. So is Howard’s brother Randy. Of late I’ve had the opportunity to be in a writer’s group with Randy and so I got to read a draft of this book before it went live. It was already funny before Randy made it better. Mugging Leprechauns is a tweet-book. It contains bite-sized bits of funny which remind me of those Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy books. Even better, Randy’s book is less than $1. It’s almost like getting funny for free. Of course if you want an advance look at the jokes which will feature in Randy’s next book, you could just follow him on Twitter (@randytayler). That’s what I do and it regularly makes my day have laughter in it.

Saw the New Muppet Movie with Howard

There is a moment in the first date after which it is either an only date or the beginning of something more. I sat there in the restaurant, across from this guy I’d first spoken to only 30 minutes before. I’d recognized him as the roommate of a former boyfriend and gone up to introduce myself to him after his performance in a musical play. He’d seen me in the audience and met me in the aisle before I could even make my way to the front of the small auditorium. All I knew was that he seemed attractive and interesting. I was quite glad to join him for dessert. So we went to a place where they served ice cream flambe. We traveled the well worn getting-to-know-you conversational paths until Howard resorted to describing the flaming dessert in order to keep the conversation going. He used large hand gestures and possibly sound effects. The question popped into my head and out of my mouth before I had a chance to filter it:
“Do you like the Muppets?” I asked.
It was the question that changed everything, because it led our conversation firmly away from careful territory and into geekland. We launched from Muppets into Battle Star Galactica (the original), through legos and into theories of creativity. Hours of non-stop conversation later the date finally ended, but the relationship did not.

Nineteen years and one month later Howard and I attended a late showing of the new Muppet Movie. It is a show filled with old corniness, new silliness, beloved songs, charming new songs, deep nostalgia for Muppet shows past, and stirring hope for Muppet shows yet to come. I laughed out loud and I cried, sometimes at the same time. Our kids can not possibly love this film as much as Howard and I do. They will completely miss the threads of nostalgia. They will not recognize the subtle details, like the fact that Miss Piggy’s outfits and hair styles where homages to Miss Piggy appearances past. Characters arrive without introduction because the film assumes the characters are all familiar. I greeted all these characters with delight, as long-absent friends, for my children they’re new. My kids will not instantly tear up by catching a glimpse of the photograph with Kermit and Jim Hensen. They will see this film with modern eyes and they may very well find it lacking. It is a very silly movie which only runs on Muppet logic. This is okay. They will have their own deep wells of nostalgia by the time they reach my age. Those wells will probably be sunk in other places. For tonight I’m just glad there is a new Muppet movie and I’m extra glad that all those years ago I happened to think of Muppets when watching Howard make an imaginary fireball using hand motions.

Dead Men Don’t Cry by Nancy Fulda

I met Nancy Fulda when I was four years old and she was two days. I have a vague memory of thinking she was cute, but our mother assures me that I also exhibited significant signs of resentment at not being the baby of the family any more. These feelings were somewhat appeased by the present–From: Nancy To: Sandra–of a small stuffed rabbit. It was a golden orange color and the perfect size for hiding in a coat pocket and sneaking to school. So upon her entry into my life, Nancy gave me something I treasured. She still does. Often.

For many years Nancy was an ancillary character in my story of childhood, but anytime I looked around to check my progress, she was always closer on my heels than I thought she would be. I had to go faster just to stay ahead, though I never once acknowledged that keeping ahead had any importance to me. Years later, when she was pregnant with her first child and I with my fourth, we dropped our defenses enough to lament to each other how difficult it was to have a sister who seemed better at everything. We laughed together and from that time began to collaborate instead of competing. Nancy is one of my best critiquers for my writing. What a loss it would be if I had stayed too jealous to show it to her.

Nancy has a book for sale called Dead Men Don’t Cry. It is a book made out of the best stories she’s written in the past 10 years. These are all reprint stories which sold to various Science Fiction and Fantasy magazines. She’s collected them for convenience sake so that people like me can find them all in one place. You can buy it on the site she created called Anthology Builder. She writes. She runs a business. She has three kids. She supports her husband in his creative endeavors. She does all of this while also battling various personal challenges. She is amazing and she writes stories I love to read because they are about people with problems who happen to live in fantastical worlds. Can you see why I was intimidated all those years? You should take a look at her book and her website.

Nancy’s Post on Bias and Robots

I have been buried under a deluge of family stuff and Kiki’s bigger-than-we-thought-it-was, due-this-week history project. So I am going to direct you to this amazing post by Nancy Fulda. She talks about bias and robots. Nancy also happens to be my sister, a fact which frequently makes me glad.

Appearances and Interviews

As I’ve mentioned repeatedly in various ways, it is time for me to clear out and catch up on all the things that got neglected in the past two months. Among the neglected things are some announcements which may or may not interest you.

Dungeon Crawlers Radio Interview: At ConDuit in May, Revan and Malak approached me to request an interview. When I regretfully mentioned that Howard was at Balticon, they clarified that it was me they wanted to interview. So I got to spend 17 minutes talking about my own projects as well as the stuff that I do for Howard and our micro publishing company. I really enjoyed the interview. You can listen to it on the internet for free: Dungeon Crawlers Interview Sandra Tayler.

Writing Excuses Podcast: I think I mentioned it before, but there was a special episode of Writing Excuses where Dawn Wells, Kenny Pike, and I talk about what it is like to be married to a successful author/artist. Recording the podcast was great fun, hopefully it is also fun to listen to: Writing Excuses: Living With the Artist

Writing Excuses Signing at Dragons and Fairy Tales: On July 31st from 5-8 pm Brandon Sanderson, Dan Wells, and Howard Tayler will be gathering together to do a group signing. They will also be recording an episode or two in front of a live audience. You know you want to be part of that audience. (3535 E Ranches Parkway Suite A, Eagle Mountain, UT)

GenCon: So by now some of you may have figured out that we’ll be at GenCon. The XDM/Schlock Mercenary booth will be #1921. This puts us on a main aisle right across from the Wizards of the Coast booth. If you’re at the event, please be sure to stop by. Howard will be at the booth unless he is participating in programming. My booth time has yet to be determined since I will also be shepherding two teenage kids through the wonders of a huge gaming convention. If there is any space left in Tracy Hickman’s Killer Breakfast, you should sign up right now. I heard Howard and Tracy plotting over lunch and it is an event not to be missed.

Aussicon 4: I will not be going to Australia in September, but Howard will be. He’ll be running a booth in the dealer’s room and rumor has it that he’ll also be involved in programming. We’ll fill in details as we have them.

And that’s all I’ve got at the moment, which really is quite enough to be going forward with.

Thoughts on Superman

When we were on vacation, we caught part of Superman Returns on television. The kids were intrigued by the Superman mythos and caught by the good-guy heroism. They wanted me to Netflix the movie. Instead of letting them start with the somewhat creepy stalkerish Superman of that film, I decided to start them with the Christopher Reeve Superman. They made it through the long, slow origin story. And once Clark Kent showed up at the Daily Planet, they were hooked. They laughed at the good lines. They cheered for the rescues. It made my heart glad that they so thoroughly enjoyed this movie which I watched on video tape so often that I could recite the lines.

It was also interesting for me personally to re-watch the film. It was bittersweet to see Christopher Reeve so young, fit, and handsome. I can remember him so clearly with gray hair and wrinkles, permanently confined to a wheelchair. Not only does Reeve look young, but his portrayal of Superman feels very young. There is a charming naivety about everything Superman does. His love for Lois Lane has a boy’s-first-crush feel to it. His belief in Truth, Justice, and the American Way is strong and pure, the way that young people can be before they’ve dealt with the complexities of pain. I can understand the draw of that in a Superhero. I was also fascinated to see the “Demi-god falls in love with ordinary girl” motif which is played out in everything from Greek myth to Twilight. At least in Superman the demi-god is actually noble with no dangerous streak.

*Spoiler alert*

It was fascinating to me how the kids reacted to Lois Lane’s death at the end of the film. They saw Superman fly off and expected him to fly straight after Lex Luthor to exact revenge. When I first saw the film, I was aghast and simply wanted it not to have happened that way. I was a product of my era, my kids are a product of theirs. These days we are all more comfortable with heroes who engage in morally ambiguous behavior in defense of those they love.

(Aside: It really would be fascinating to see a Superman story where his naivety was damaged. Not that Superman then exacts revenge, but that he has to find a way to decide to be noble and good despite his pain and grief. That would be a mature Superman. The story has probably been told in comic form. And then it was probably ruined when DC reset the universe again so that Superman could start fresh.)

The movie responded to Lois’ death the way that the childhood me wanted it to. The film is a product of the same era that I was. The kids were completely confused about why Superman was making loops around the earth.
Kiki: “Why is he doing that?”
Me: “Um… well, he’s making the earth spin backward…because then…” I paused, knowing how ridiculous the next bit sounds. “…time goes backward and Lois isn’t dead anymore.”
They all looked at me for a long moment, stunned by the flimsiness of the plot device. But then we all blinked and let it go, so that we could watch the end of the film. The device may be ridiculous, but the desire to change a day or a decision is something they could all sympathize with. And Reeves’ slightly shy relief at seeing Lois alive after he had seen her dead is very believable.

Watching the movie made me realize how morally ambiguous so many of today’s fictional heroes tend to be. Superman shines bright because he is never tempted by a wrong choice. It would be interesting to see more such characters, ones who have been through worlds of pain, but still choose good anyway. Perhaps this is why I’m currently re-reading the Mistborn trilogy. It is full of such characters.

Kiki still wants to see Superman Returns. I am willing to indulge them in the special effects eye-candy now that they’ve had a better introduction to how the character Superman should really be played. Christopher Reeve will always be Superman to me.