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This week I’ve spoken to several people about the fact that I’m “running hot”, or maybe I just spoke to myself about it several times. Sometimes I get confused about that. But anyway, what I’m trying to communicate is that I’ve been running on high energy, accomplishing lots, and then fizzling out. The metaphor only sort of works. It doesn’t express the wideness of the experience. Perhaps it is more like the huge sails on the rigged ships of yore. In this state I have unfurled my sales in order to catch all of the available wind. It lets me travel very quickly, but the heavy wind also strains the mast and the rigging. If I keep my sails too wide, I risk doing damage to the ship itself. This one doesn’t quite work either. It does properly convey the images of failure, because when I stop working efficiently, it usually is not catastrophic. Perhaps instead it is like casting my nets wide to catch lots of fish. For awhile I can do it, but then the nets wear out and fishes start escaping through the holes. If I don’t take time to mend the nets, then I’ll end up with more holes than net. Only that is not quite it either.

When my focus is wide, I move fast. I process multiple streams of information. I track many trains of thought and manage them all. As an example, this morning I answered email, wrote a blog entry, put a new item into the store, arranged for printing of the email, and did the last touch of contact on a contract. I required two computers and 30 minutes to accomplish all of that. The tasks were all interlinked. The item in the store was part of the blog entry and required an email to a supplier. The contract contacting was also reflected in the blog post. It was very much like fast paced juggling. It is a high energy, adrenaline charged state, but I can not stay there for long because I become fatigued. Then instead of catching all those balls I keep turning around to discover that one bounced off the floor while I wasn’t looking and others are just gone. Did I throw them too hard? Did they roll off into the corner? I have no idea. Also with my brain opened wide for multi-track processing, I pick up a lot of noise. I accumulate piles of information, but am not able to process it. Quickly it all turns into a meaningless wash. This is when I have to deliberately step back, limit my inputs, and reconfigure my brain to be able to focus on a single thing instead of many things at once. Transitioning from one to the other is not easy. Particularly when being hyped on adrenaline leaves me cold and shaky. I managed it with a hot bath and a nap. Unfortunately I was awakened before I had completed the decompression process. Kids need stuff. Often.

But now I am ready to settle down and focus on one or two big tasks rather than a dozen small ones. The only problem being that I’ve run out of work hours. Now I’m into mommy hours. Hopefully I’ll be able to keep the focus until tomorrow morning so I can get the copy edits and footnote boxes put into Scrapyard.

This meme has been running around facebook and because of it I’ve learned some cool new things about people.  So I’ve decided to give it a try.

25 Random Things About Me

1.  I never wanted to live in Utah or raise my kids here, but after 15 years I’m so firmly rooted that I’m not sure we’ll ever leave.

2.  Remember that one Calvin and Hobbes comic that was done in a Picasso-esque style where multiple perspectives of the same objects were shown?  The inside of my head is like that constantly.  I sometimes have trouble shutting out alternate perspectives so that I can make decisions.

3.  When I was a child, I frequently worried about the feelings of inanimate objects.  I made sure that none of my toys felt neglected.  I had trouble getting rid of things because I didn’t want them to feel unloved. I still sometimes think about the feelings of inanimate objects.  When I restock books, I add to the bottom of the stack so all the books get a turn to be sent out.  I know that this is silly, and sometimes I don’t think about it at all, but other times I do.

4. I am the middlemost child of seven siblings.
5.  I was an assistant in the Junior High library when they were switching from pocket card tracking to barcode tracking for checked out books.  I got to put barcodes on many books and help with all the cataloging.  This was the same library where I misused my assistant powers to sneak books out of the library without checking them out so that I could keep the books.  I later repented of my book stealing ways, returned as many of the books as I could find, and made a cash donation to cover the cost of those that I couldn’t.

6.  Last year I wrote over 80,000 words in my blog.  That is more words than some novels.  Apparently I am wordy.

7.  I know first-hand that skin really does peel off as a result of radiation burns.  (I had six weeks of radiation therapy in 1999 to kill a tumor.)

8.  I love birds, flowers, and books.

9.  I turned 36 this year and will argue with anyone who tries to make jokes about anniversaries of my 29th birthday or who deliberately guesses me young.  I earned those years, don’t try to steal them from me.

10.  I love looking at clothing, mostly on people.  I’m constantly analyzing what I think looks good and what does not.  This is not about thinking less of people for what they are wearing, it is about analyzing combinations of lines and fabrics and patterns and shapes. I want to be one of those people who always looks good, and yet I almost never wear make-up or jewelry and I’m extremely prone to forgetting to brush my hair before going in public.  Also, I like being comfortable, so I’m pretty sure that I’m not doing so well on the “always look good” thing.  I think I do all right for events such as church, it’s the daily stuff where I get distracted and forget to do it.

11.  In my 5th grade yearbook I declared my intention to be a lion tamer when I grew up.  Now I’m the mother of four kids which is almost the same thing.

12.  I am most comfortable in friendships that build gradually from lots of friendly interactions over an extended period of time.  Proximity makes a big difference, fortunately for me the internet has provided proximity between me and people all over the world.  My circle of friends is now much larger that I would have imagined possible a decade ago.

13.  It still feels weird to be able to say “a decade ago” and be talking about something that happened to me as an adult.

14.  I am fully capable of drawing other people out to help maintain a conversation.  This is a carefully learned skill, not something that comes naturally to me.  I am far more comfortable sitting on the edge of a lively conversation and just listening until I have something useful to add.  Conversations are fascinating to watch.  All sorts of social power plays and nuances are there to be seen.

15.  I like small children and babies, but I’m really glad not to be taking care of one 24/7 anymore.

16.  Most of the flowers I love best remind me of someone or some place in particular.  Marigolds, roses, and sweet peas are my mother.  Petunias and lilacs are my grandmother.  Tulips a college roommate and my cousin.  Bougainvilla is Africa.  Poppies are California.  Day Lilies are a neighbor who moved away years ago.  Hyacinths and Lilies are springtime, particularly if I can get them to bloom indoors mid-winter.  The list goes on, but I’ll stop now.  My gardens are full of memories.

17.  I still have my baby blanket from when I was a child.  I occasionally loan it to one of my kids when they’re in need of extra comfort.

18.  I never had a favorite color growing up and was always frustrated that people kept making me pick one.  I didn’t want just one color.  I wanted them all.  I still like all of the colors, but I have preference for green.  Not sure when that changed.

19.  I never used to have a favorite season.  I liked them all.  I know exactly when this changed.  Now I don’t like Winter at all and I love Spring.  I need to practice liking Winter again because I’m going to have to deal with it periodically for a long time to come.

20.  I grew up hating math, now I do all the accounting and book keeping for our family and two (tiny) corporations.  And I find joy and satisfaction when all the numbers line up.  I get stressed when I’m having to juggle depletion of reserves rather than accumulation, but that is just the financial squirrel in me.  I find great joy in stashing money into savings accounts or in paying off big bills.

21.  I love sourdough bread, but my efforts to make it have had very mixed results. 

22.  I rarely express my opinions about politics or social issues on the internet.  The lack of body language and voice tone cues make me very leery about offending people or starting an argument.  I’m much more comfortable discussing these things in person.  But someday there will be a time or an issue when I feel I must make a stand.  I don’t look forward to it.

23.  I am terrified of riding ferris wheels.  The last time I went on one, my oldest child was four.  She had a great time.  I spent the whole ride in white knuckled prayer that I would survive.  Roller coasters are fine, but ferris wheels are scary.  Not rational, but true.

24.  If you name a Disney movie made prior to the year 2000 I can probably sing you a song from it.  I actually played this game once with co-workers at my college job.  I challenged them to think of a Disney movie that I didn’t know a song for.  I won. I’m not sure I could still win that competition. During my childhood years I learned songs without even thinking about it and I saw lots of Disney movies.

25.  It took me two weeks to create this list.  I had to weigh each item to find the perfect balance of things that might be interesting to others but which will not be embarrassing or too revealing.

This morning was great. I was focused and got piles of stuff done. I assembled the final cover layout for Scrapyard. I also did a tweaking pass through the innards. I even filled up some more white spaces with art that I’d scrounged from Howard’s office. I also handled email and contacts for several ongoing communications. Howard and I were handing each other tasks constantly all morning long. I love how we’ve learned to work smoothly on collaboration. I never would have believed it in high school, but group work is fun when I have the right team. It is all coming together and so are three or for other behind the scenes business things.

For all the good work I got done this morning, I still have hundreds of things left to do. Unfortunately I can’t run hot like that indefinitely. Around 2:30 PM I fizzled out. The rest of the day has been spent drifting with the exception of some critical mommying tasks. Fortunately my parents provided Chinese food for dinner. Yummy food that I did not have to cook first is always a good thing.

January was devoid of happy news. There wasn’t any bad news either, but with it being mid-winter I really felt the lack of good news. Apparently all the good news was lurking and waiting for January to be over. Paperwork that I’ve been waiting for since last September finally arrived. Scrapyard is nearing completion. Howard had an interview with a newspaper reporter for an article which should appear in a local paper in the next couple of weeks. Sales in the store are back up. So I’m feeling pretty good about business stuff.

Add to that the fact that my parents are staying with us. This makes the kids very happy. As far as they are concerned, having grandma here is like having a live-in Mrs. Piggle Wiggle. What child wouldn’t love an adult who gets down onto the floor with them, plays whatever they wish, and has an endless supply of stories for their entertainment. Grandpa is a dispenser of electronic delights. He has cool gadgets in his pockets and he will sit and read the word bubbles in Animal Crossing for Patch who can’t read them himself. The kids are going to miss Grandma and Grandpa when they have to leave on Wednesday.

Sometime in the past two days Howard and I bowed to the inevitable and we gave a name to the cat I rescued from under our deck. She has taken up residence in a nook out in back of our house where we provide her with food, a cozy box for sleeping, and Gleek and Kiki both spend extended periods of time out there supplying her with the attention she craves. The girls are delighted to have a lap kitty. The cat is delighted to have warm laps with petting. It works out really well. So far the kids have all been very good about washing their hands as soon as they come in and changing their clothes if necessary. I’ve only had minimal reactions. This makes me glad. I’ve felt for a long time that Gleek and Kiki would really benefit from having a pet. The boys think the cat is nice, but they don’t spend much time with her. Buying cat food felt odd though. That is not something I ever expected to do.

This next week is book crunch week. Howard and I have decided that what we’d like to give each other for Valentines Day is a completed book. This means Howard needs to color the bonus story, finish the cover elements, approve the layout, write some extra notes, write acknowledgments, and perhaps draw a couple of margin art pictures. I need to double check the layout to make sure everything is working, shift around the sections which are not working, find margin art for all the remaining white spaces, assemble all those fiddly footnote boxes, make all the recommended copy edit changes, send a down payment to the printer, create a color print out of the final version, then ship it all off. Oh, and then there are the tasks to finish up the slipcase layouts for the boxed sets. We’re going to be busy this week, but it is the happy busy of “almost done.” By March 1st we should be ready to dive into working on book 6.

I have a houseful of people. This happens fairly frequently as various family events occur locally and my family needs a place to stay. I love that being in a central location means that I get to see most of my family frequently. The down side is that, being an introvert, I start feeling overwhelmed by the sheer quantities of people and noise. Then I go hide in my room for awhile. Fortunately most of my family are also introverts, so no one gets offended when I hide, they all understand. In fact, they do some hiding themselves on occasion. I just find it hard to feel like a good hostess when I am hiding from my guests.

In the chaos of today, I forgot to monitor Patch. Of all my kids, he is the one with the strongest need for silence and the lowest tolerance for chaos. He loves to have friends or cousins over. When they come, he will play very happily right up until he melts into a puddle of abject sadness over some small incident. This happens when his tolerance for noise and crowds are passed. Sometimes he can sense the need in himself and he will seek out a quiet place to play. Other times he’s having too much fun to stop himself before the tantrum arrives. This evening I recognized that he was in need of quiet. I took him to my room and the two of us had a quiet time together. We talked about needing to be away from people, about needing calm. I think Patch was relieved to know that both Mom and Dad have the same need. Even better, he was glad to know that if he ever needs an empty space, he can come to us and we’ll make one for him. He sighed with contentment and lay his head on my arm, hugging it tight. I hugged him tight too and we lay in the quiet for awhile.