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Thank you to each and every one of you who reads this blog. Your friendship, morale support, suggestions, and kindness help keep me going.

I am thankful for all of you today.

Sometimes my back brain knows more about what is going on than my front brain.

Clue #1 This morning when I got dressed, I dug through the laundry to find the warmest, most comfortable clothes available.

Clue #2 I accomplished a few things. There were many more that I wanted to do (Not just wanted to “have done” but I was actually interested in doing) but instead I sat down to read a book.

Clue #3 I was completely wrapped up in the story of the book, but I was having difficulty tracking it.

At that point I remembered that sometimes I sit down to read when what I really need is sleep. It is a habit I picked up when the kids were little and I could not sleep unless they were also sleeping. So I curled up in bed wearing sweats, under two blankets, and began shivering. My front brain finally caught on and I thought “Hmm. I might be sick.”

The next 3 hours proved it to be true. I fell into a quicksand of sleep. I woke frequently, with thoughts such as “I should check on Gleek and Patch” or “The kids have been playing video games all day, I should make them do something else,” but I was always sucked back into unconsciousness before acting on any of the thoughts. Similarly I realized that a pair of socks might help me stop shivering and Tylenol would be a good idea, but the plans were also slurped into the morass of sleep. A couple of times Gleek or Patch came and bounced on the bed with requests. I hope I gave good answers because I don’t remember what they asked for.

Howard came home and rescued me from the pit of sleep. He tended to the kids, provided dinner, and made sure I got some Tylenol. I feel better now. In fact the front of my brain keeps thinking that we’re all better and so we should do something productive. The back of my brain keeps us sitting firmly in a chair and taking it easy. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be all better.

I love watching Mythbusters with my kids because it is so educational. Frequently we have to pause the show to have long conversations about electricity or weather or firearms or water currents. The show exposes gaps in the kids’ knowledge of basic physics and culture. I have to think fast and search my brain to help fill those gaps. It is not relaxing, but it is fun.

Watching Mythbusters is also concerning because it is educational. I sometimes listen with alarm after the show is over, when my kids start imagining how they would perform tests on various myths around the house. They long for a giant whirlpool of their very own so that they float boats in it and watch the boats sink. Then the light of inspiration hits as they realize that we possess three ready-made whirlpools in our toilets. Then we have an extensive discussion about why flushing boats down the toilet is a Very Bad Idea. This leads to a discussion of how plumbing works and why toilets clog. Which then leads to the story of when toddler Link managed to wedge a chunk of concrete into the ubend of a toilet so securely that the only way to remove it was to smash the toilet open and buy a new toilet. I think I’ve got them convinced not to experiment with the toilets, but I’ll be watching for the next few weeks just in case.

I wonder what it would be like to have home be a refuge from work. I spent a decade as a Stay At Home Mom. Home and family was my work. Now I’m a Work From Home Mom. Again my work is all in my house. I use the different types of work to give me breaks. I take a break from business stuff by taking care of Mommy or house stuff. I take a break from Mommy stuff by doing business or house stuff. I don’t often need a break from house stuff because I don’t do it often enough to get really tired of it. (This is a mistake, by the way. having the house a mess is depressing.) In theory this rotation works, but the reality is that sometimes I feel like a cartoon character sitting dizzily on the floor while the different types of work circle my head like tweeting birds.

Yesterday I left my house. This is not unusual. I run all sorts of errands on a daily basis. What was different is that I had no agenda other than “get out of the house.” I went to the library. I wandered the stacks, picked a few books, then sat down and read for two hours. I could feel the tension unwind inside. People wandered by my reading spot, but not one of them needed anything from me. There was no work nearby that I could just do “real quick.” If I wanted to do any work, I had to walk out of the library and drive for 10 minutes. It was a lovely, lovely break. When I got back home, I liked my house again. I was glad to see Howard and the kids. I felt better about everything.

I’ve been thinking that I did not need to schedule breaks into my life the way that I used to, because now the kids are all gone for school on a daily basis. But I need to remember that rotation of work is not the same as a real break.

I am grouchy today. Everywhere I look I see all the small damages that house and furniture acquire after years of use. Each thing is small, but the accumulation makes me feel like my home is shabby. Even worse is knowing that many days I don’t even notice all of this stuff. How many people have I invited to sit on that couch with the stuffing coming out of the split in the cushion? The same split I intended to repair years ago? Sigh. It makes me want to refurbish and paint everything. Except I know that I do not have the time to undertake a series of home improvement projects. And I do not have the money to pay someone else to undertake them for me. At least not right now. Little by little we’re starting to use excess funds to make some of the repairs. We ordered new blinds a couple of weeks ago to replace the stained curtains which are falling off the bent curtain rod in the boys room. I wish they were here already. Maybe then I could believe that I’m actually going to start doing all this stuff instead of getting distracted and forgetting it for another 5-10 years, during which family and friends will politely ignore the stuffing spilling out of the couch cushions.

Gleek talking to her brothers: “I hope that next year Bestfriend and I are in the same class, because we both know how to speak pig latin. Then we could talk to each other and no one would know what we’re saying!”

It continually amazes me to watch the kids discovering as new things that were already old when I discovered them 30 years ago. Folklore is alive and well, transmitted through public schools from generation to generation. Gleek and bestfriend have delighted in speaking lots of pig latin over the last few weeks.

I’ve been dragging all week long. Usually I spend the morning knocking down multiple small items on my To Do list, or knocking down one big item. By afternoon I’m ready to slow down. This week the mornings have been slow and the afternoons have been close to a dead stop. Yesterday morning I admitted defeat and went back to bed as soon as I got the kids off to school. I slept for nearly two hours. Then I got up and ate breakfast. Yesterday was still pretty slow, but this morning I’m feeling closer to normal. I think I may have been fighting an illness. Or maybe I was still recovering from not getting to sleep in over the weekend. Or maybe sleep and food are good for me. Who knew?

The one thing I did get done yesterday was to put most of the labels on the last 800 post cards. Patch and I sat at the table with my little video player. We watched Mythbusters while applying labels and stamps. Patch was very pleased to be able to help. He was even more pleased to be earning a little money for his work. He’s saving up for an Indian Jones lego set like Link has. It was fun to sit at the table with him. We occasionally commented to each other about the show. Other times Patch would tell me about things that happened at school. Patch has a strong need to verbalize his experiences. I need to be making more time to listen to him because it is always interesting to hear the connections he makes.

The only other thing I managed to accomplish yesterday was laundry. Laundry is something of a nemesis lately. It seems like every time I turn around the baskets of clean laundry are empty and the dirty laundry hampers are full. Lately the clothes cycle from clean basket to dirty hamper without ever seeing the inside of a drawer or closet. This has the effect of making us all feel jumbled because we all have to rummage through piles to find clothes to wear. Obviously the system needs an overhaul of some kind, but I can see what to change yet.

Today I am shipping out packages, finishing laundry, mailing post cards, and making sure I eat on schedule. Tomorrow I am sleeping late because it is Saturday and I can.

Yesterday Janci came over and helped me put address labels and stamps on 2300 post cards. Patch helped too and had a great time doing it. Today I have 800 more to do. Those are the holiday thank you cards to all the people who ordered stuff from our online store. After that is done, I need to contemplate sending out an actual holiday letter to friends and family. Every year I think about it, but I rarely get them done. We’ll see if this year is any different.