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Yesterday I was notified that Hold on to Your Horses was nominated for a Cybil award. The first round of nominations is not too difficult to achieve since nominations are open to anyone. I could have nominated the book myself, but I didn’t because I wasn’t aware of this fairly new award. That is what makes me so pleased. Someone out there knew about this children’s book blogger award and nominated my book. It means someone out there considered Hold Horses the best new picture book of the year.

The next round involves a panel of experts who will select 7 books in each category to be finalists. I don’t know if Hold Horses will make that cut. There is some pretty heavy competition. You can see the full list of nominated picture books here. You have to scroll down to find Hold on to Your Horses with the other books whose titles start with “H”. The finalists will be announced January 1st.

Today I took Link, Kiki, and Kiki’s friend to Anime Banzai in Salt Lake City. I had that “Not in Kansas anymore” feeling as soon as I walked in the door. It had all the vibe that a convention does, but I knew no one and I recognized very few of the costumes in the hallways. I spent all day there and the feeling never left me. I want to say I felt old, but that isn’t exactly right because there were many people my age and older who were fully immersed in the Anime culture. Perhaps I should say “out of step.” The truth is that while I can enjoy anime, I don’t really get it. It does not sing to me the way that LoTR, Buffy, Dr. Horrible, Dr. who, Miles Vorkosigan, or hundreds of other books do. All day long I could tell that marvelously wonderful things were happening because huge crowds of people would cheer or clap, while I was left not really knowing why. Some of that is a lack of exposure to the necessary source material, but even when the referenced Anime was something I’d seen, I still did not have the emotional connection carried by those surrounding me. The experience gave me a new appreciation for what it means to be foreign.

Kiki and her friend had a marvelous time. They were like fish in water. They wished they could clone themselves so that they could do even more things. Link had fun too, but he wore out early. Fortunately I was able to send him home with Howard, who was also worn out. I stayed with the girls so that they could watch the cosplay. They loved every minute of it. I think the part of the convention I enjoyed most was the Anime Music Video competition. Most of them had no meaning for me, but some of them used songs that I recognized and I could tell that the words in the song were being used in conjunction with or in counterpoint to the video clips I was seeing. Because of my emotional connection to the music, I was much more able to connect to the experience. Some of those video edits were amazingly well done. We didn’t get our hands on the DVD, but I’m pretty sure we can find it via the Anime Banzai website.

It was a day well spent, but I’m glad to be back home.

Two years ago this month we put Link on medication for ADD. It was a transformative event for him. Three months ago we stopped giving him the medication. We wanted to see if he really needed it. Short answer, he does. We put him back on last Monday and discovered that he talks to us more, he is happier, he can look at an assignment and just do it instead of being overwhelmed by it. The difference is striking. I’m sure that medication is not always the right answer. I know that it is sometimes prescribed unnecessarily, but then there are kids like Link for whom it is a Godsend.

I’ve had a long standing rule that kids are allowed to pick one activity for their own enjoyment. We’ve had soccer, piano, gymnastics, dance, art, etc. But recently I realized that Gleek needs more than one activity. She is a much happier person when she has things to do and places to go. When she doesn’t she solves her boredom by bouncing off of other people. I had her in Piano, which is a good fit for the musical and creative side of her, but I realized that she needs a physical activity as well. The one she has wanted for months is gymnastics. I worried about putting her in gymnastics because it is a sport that frequently pressures young girls into competitions that they are not ready to handle. But I can’t continue to keep Gleek out of an activity that I know she’ll love and be good at just because I worry about what might happen. I’ve told Gleek that she can have gymnastics, but that I won’t allow her to participate in competitions until she is 12. Odds are good that Gleek’s interests will have moved on to something else by then.

Patch doesn’t have an activity. Yesterday he said that he needs a new swim teacher because he still doesn’t know how to swim. So I’ll be signing up for that.

Kiki doesn’t have an activity either. She seems pretty content not to have one after years of taking art classes. I’m keeping my eyes open for an activity she might enjoy, but I’m also relieved to have fewer things on the schedule.

Now I just need to go fiddle with the budget to make sure I can cover the additional expenses.

The basic pattern of my days used to be:

Get kids off to school
Work on business tasks in basement office
Welcome Patch home
Finish business tasks in basement office
Welcome other kids home
Sit down with laptop in sunny front room to blog, write, surf
Do house chores
Make dinner
Supervise Homework
Bedtime stuff

The problem is that my laptop went from quirky to wonky to non-functional in the past few weeks. This means that any writing or blogging I want to do has to be done from the desktop machine down in the dungeon basement. The problem might be as easy to solve as replacing the battery, but that costs money and we’re trying to scale back. For now I’m just trying to re-work the pattern around the lack of laptop.

I’m not sure if it is related, but I’ve been finding myself listless and depressed in the mid-afternoon. It might be related to the restricted writing time. It might be related to the shortening days. It might be the looming elections and attendant antagonism I see everywhere. It might be that I’m not getting enough sleep. It might be that the school keeps scheduling events during the middle of my work hours and so I arrive at the afternoon with far less accomplished than I intended. (The correct answer is probably “All of the above”) Whatever is causing it, I’m having to make a daily effort to shake it off. Fortunately between music and friendly neighbors I keep muddling through. This morning I decided to be pro-active about it. I went to the gym for the first time in months. I’m hoping the post-workout endorphins will give me extra energy for the entire remainder of the day. Perhaps it will help me (finally) fold that mountain of laundry and get the filthy kitchen floor mopped. Maybe I’ll be able to make a loaf of sourdough bread that doesn’t crack and look like a mushroom during baking. Maybe I’ll be motivated to eat healthy instead of snarfling the cookies I made in an effort to feel better. Maybe I’ll even be healthier with more muscle tone and less fat.

I know it is a lot to ask of one gym trip. I’m going to have to keep going. This leads me back to the broken pattern. The new pattern has to be shaped around me getting to the gym regularly. I think that will be particularly important as the days get shorter and colder. Winter makes me want to hibernate. Perhaps exercise will keep me alert and cheerful.

Today my head was full of politics and religion and finances and repairs and the unsanitary state of my house. That last item was contributed to by all the other stuff because housework tends to be hands-busy-brain-free-to-think. I was so sick of listening to my own thoughts, particularly since they’d begun to go in circles. This was when I remembered that I own an ipod. It is an aging beast of an ipod, but as long as I keep it plugged in to the power supply it works fine. I turned on some music and set to work on the house. The music did a marvelous job of drowning out all the other thoughts. Within an hour the kitchen was clean(er) and I was feeling much happier about everything. Hurray for music.

Today has been a thought filled one. I found myself musing on my trip to South Africa in the fall of 1999. It was only 9 years after the official end of apartheid. Only 5 years after the first election in which all races were allowed to vote for their leadership. Most of the adults I met could clearly remember what it was like to live under the apartheid laws. One man told me having apartheid repealed was like having the lid of the box opened, suddenly so many more things were possible. Unfortunately in 1999 most of those possibilities were as yet unrealized. The poverty and crime rates were both astronomically high. There simply were not enough jobs available for the people who trained for them. I could still see inequities everywhere. White skinned people were by far the minority and yet the professional, high-profile jobs were mostly held by whites.

As part of my trip I visited Gold Reef City, which was essentially a gold mine theme park. On the surface were buildings and shops on the gold mine theme. Dancers performed dances that were often done in gold mining camps. Plaques and information about the history of gold mining abounded. There was even a very unnerving trip down into the mine itself. The part that lingers in my memory today was the gold pouring demonstration, but not for the demonstration itself. What I remember clearly was the man standing by the door of the kiln. His job was to open the door and stand in the blasting heat while using long tongs to pour gold into a brick mold. Later this gold would be taken back to melt again for the next demonstration. I remember the man because he stared at the audience and radiated anger and resentment. It rolled off him hotter than the furnace he stood beside. I realized that the entire audience was white, while the demonstration crew was black. I thought of all the stories of hatred and violence that I’d been told during my stay. He was obviously not going to do anything there in the brightly lit public space, but it was still frightening.

That moment was the first time I realized that there are people in this world who would kill me just for breathing and belonging to a category of people they have decided to hate. This was deeply disturbing to someone like me who doesn’t desire to offend anyone. I am grateful for that experience. It also forced me to confront the fact that I can not please everyone, nor will they always give me the chance to try. My decisions, my very existence, will engender anger in others. This does not give me license to hide at home where I feel safe. Instead I must walk bravely in the world, making the best decisions I can, hoping that others are doing the same, hoping that others are judging me for what I say and do rather than by a category that they have assigned to me.

Elections are coming up. All the politicians are throwing category labels around like confetti. We have liberals, conservatives, fiscal conservatives, social liberals, green parties, constitution parties, republicans, democrats, pro-life, pro-choice, pro gay marriage, anti gay marriage, environmentalists, and on and on. Everyone seeks to stick labels onto themselves and slap different labels on others. Everywhere is the feeling that “If you’re not for me, you’re against me.” Antagonism is rife and I feel sad because of it. There must be a way to make the world a better place without making enemies of each other.

Today included:
A completed jigsaw puzzle
A clean and vacuumed family room
Four children playing politely and quietly
Three meals prepared at regular intervals
Several hours of quiet reading time
No major conflicts requiring intervention

Some days are just quietly pleasant.

My book of the day was To Kill a Mockingbird. This choice was courtesy of the local library’s participation in the National Endowment for the Arts’ Big Read program. They give away free copies of the book in an effort to encourage people to make reading part of their community interactions. The program has been running for several weeks and the free copies are only available while supplies last, so I expected our library to be out of copies. They had plenty. This makes me a little sad. Piles of books gathering dust because no one can be bothered to pick them up and read them even when they’re free. I brought my copy home and read it in two days. I read it when I was in high school, so I already knew the story. I’ve also seen the movie several times. Yet the book still caught my interest and I kept choosing to read it rather than other leisure activities I could have chosen. I’m glad to own a copy. Now I’m considering reading the other books on the Big Read list. I’ll bet they’re interesting too.

This morning I pondered the value of photography. I particularly pondered it in reference to Link. He has been spending hours per day immersed in video games. I believe that video games are an enjoyable and potentially valuable pastime, but anything taken to excess can be bad. I’ve started placing time limits on Link’s video game playing. This has left him at loose ends. I wanted to help him find something else he could enjoy. Then I remembered that he has enjoyed taking pictures and video. I realized that photography has the potential to be a very beneficial to Link. He has a marvelous eye for patterns, but sometimes struggles with fine motor coordination. He likes to participate by watching rather than being in the middle. I realized that if I hand him a camera, he suddenly has a way to participate in social events without feeling conspicuous and without having to do much conversing. No one expects the cameraman to be chatty and yet he’s obviously part of the event. Additionally, I have enough interest in photography myself that it can become an activity that I’ll do with him and we’ll both enjoy.

In Utah there is a yearly contest called Reflections. All the school kids are encouraged to create works of art on a given theme. The art can be drawing, photography, sculpture, dance, film, photography, anything artsy really. This year the theme is “Wow.” Today I spent some time with Link taking pictures of stuff that he thinks is cool. Howard and I bought a new camera a few weeks ago and it has really helped. We were able to capture pictures of individual drops of water as they fell from the faucet. Link got a very close-up shot of a fly that was smashed in the door frame. He also managed to catch the exact moment when Patch fell on his face while climbing the slide. After that Link took a fantastic close-up shot of me holding Patch. Link definitely has an eye for this. All the “wow” shots went into a particular folder on my computer. We’ll take a few more in the next couple of days, then I’ll print them in high resolution and let Link put together a collage.

In an effort to help us figure out how to take more cool pictures, I checked out some kids’ books on photography from the library. Hopefully they’ll give us some fun ideas to try. We’ll probably also spend some time playing with pictures in photoshop. I bet Link will like playing with filters.

The flier arrived at our house a couple of weeks ago. It was a double spread newspaper style advertisement completely covered with photos of kids in costumes. Gleek found the flier and carried it around for days. She and her friend incorporated the flier into some of their games. “Okay and then I transform into this one!” Gleek would declare pointing to the paper. I quickly realized that Gleek wanted to be have one of these costumes for Halloween. I also realized that I did not want to spend hours at a sewing machine trying to replicate a costume that I could go out and buy for $15. So today we made the trek to Halloween USA. Patch went with us.

Patch already knew what he wanted to be. He wanted to be Indiana Jones, just like Link. Link already had all the necessary props (hat, jacket, whip, gun.) Now we just had to find similar props for Patch. We headed to the children’s costumes section. There were no Indiana Jones options in kid sizes. I led Patch to the wall of boy costumes and suggested that perhaps he could pick something else. His eyes lit on a Star Wars Clone Soldier outfit. He decided that maybe being a Stormtrooper would be okay. He then selected a plastic gun to go with it. This was when I made my mistake. I referred to the outfit as “Clone Soldier.” Patch took a close look at the packaging. He realized that he had a Boba Fett gun and Clone Soldier clothing. This obviously would not do. It took much coaxing from me to convince him that it was allowable to mix and match. Fortunately we were saved from this crisis by the discovery of Indiana Jones gear in the adult costumes. Sure the jacket was too big, but Patch didn’t care. We abandoned Star Wars for Indiana Jones and all was well.

Gleek did not arrive at the store knowing what she wanted. She flitted through the entire children’s section pointing out the things she liked, delighted every time she recognized a costume that had been on the flier. “I might want that. I might want that. I want to be spooky. But maybe I want to be pretty.” She hovered with delight like a little butterfly sampling all the available flowers. At last she began to settle. She was drawn to the split angel/devil costumes. One half white angel, other half red devil. But then she thought that she would rather be more devilish. The decision was finally made when we cruised down the aisle full of wings. There was a beautiful pair of big white angel wings. Gleek fell in love. Now she just needed clothing to match her wings. Fortunately that was easily found.

On the way out we trekked through the “haunted house” which was really just a display of animatronic yard decorations. Sufficiently creepy for the 5-7 crowd. Gleek and Patch were fascinated. Then we took our prizes and went home. Hurray! The costumes are done!