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My mother sometimes tells the story of the day that she returned to her car to find a little old lady laying down in the back seat. The lady looked up at my mother and said “Shh! I’m hiding!”

As my mother helped the lady climb out of the car and walk down the block back to the nursing home, the lady explained with a twinkle in her eye. “I know I can’t really leave, but sometimes I like to hide for a little while.” They were met at the nursing home door, by a loving attendant who had just noticed the escape. The old lady hobbled on the arm of her attendant, listening to the mild scolding for running away again, and she sent a cheerful goodbye wave to my mom.

I feel a deep sympathy for that little old lady. Sometimes I too need to hide. It isn’t that my life is bad or that I’m oppressed, quite the contrary. I just need to hide a little bit, give myself some space, be alone for awhile. The hiding place may be a book, or my backyard, or my bedroom, or the bathroom, or the grocery store, or a blog entry, wherever the hiding place may be, when I come back I can be glad for my life again.

We came to the pool because I’d driven my sister to visit a friend for lunch. My sister and her kids were visiting for an hour. Patch, Gleek, and I were waiting. We figured that the combination of flowering trees, rocks, grass, and water made this about the best waiting place available. I was right. Both kids were drawn to the water like little metal filings to a magnet. They only paused momentarily for permission before dipping their fingers in. Then Gleek began to do laps around the stone edge of the pool. I watched her walk. That was when I saw it. The brownish lump that Gleek walked past with only six inches clearance was not a lump of dirt. It was a duck. A female mallard duck to be exact. She was curled up in the shade of the rock, completely unperturbed by the chattering seven-year-old passing her by.

I pointed out the duck to the kids. They were instantly riveted. Gleek inched her way closer until she was a mere foot away from the feathered creature. The duck was so completely unconcerned that she actually tucked her head under a wing and attempted to resume her nap. The nap was short lived though because Gleek was tempted ever closer to this living, breathing example of nature. I lured Gleek away to look at a moth in the grass. She picked up the moth carefully, so as not to hurt it, and gave it a new home on some flowers. Even bugs need beauty. When we turned back to the pond, the duck had taken to the water. The kids both watched her paddle and drink. We wished for some bread to throw, wondering if this duck might be hungry. Gleek decided that we should come back sometime with bread and if the duck was not there, we would just eat the bread.

So we paddled our fingers in the water some more. And the kids took off their shoes because it was a little warm. They ran barefoot across the soft grass, admiring the statues, and jumping off of rocks. In short order they asked the inevitable question. Could they pleas put their feet in the water? I said they could. Instant splashing. Kickety-kick went two pairs of little feet. The whole pool turned bumpy. Bob bob bob went the duck. “The duck is like a boat!” declared Patch. I agreed that the duck was indeed like a boat, and then wondered out loud if maybe the ducks tummy was getting seasick. Instantly two sets of feet stopped kicking as their minds went to work pondering the implications of a seasick duck.

This was when my sister and her two kids arrived. This was just as well because Gleek was in the process of seeing if she could touch the bottom of the pool (almost) and she nearly fell in. It was only a matter of time before, like the camel with his nose in the tent, they’d wiggle their way into swimming in that pond with the duck. So we waved goodbye to the duck and went on our way.

In order to give my sister space to sleep, I’ve put Link and Patch on a big airbed in the girls’ room. Gleek took one look at that cool new bed and demanded to sleep there as well. Getting them to settle down into sleep has been a bit tricky, but there is definite cuteness to offset the additional stress. Last night Gleek and Patch were laying on their pillows and talking to each other. They had this whole involved game in which they were special cloudland people who got to sleep on clouds. There has also been the inevitable tickling and giggling. Usually I have to haul at least one of the kids out of the bed so that the others can fall asleep. Some nights I have to let them go to bed one by one. But eventually they do fall asleep. Then I can go stand in one spot an look at my three airbed sleepers and Kiki sleeping in her own bed. It is a beautiful sight.

Poster

This is the back cover image from my book Hold on to Your Horses.  It is now available through our online store
as a poster if anyone wants to have one.

Having a toddler and a baby in the house have made me realize that none of my kids are little anymore. I knew this already, sort of, but today when I saw that Gleek towered over her cousin it seemed more real. Even Patches is all lanky and tall and sunbrowned. In fact he doesn’t really seem like a “Patches” anymore. Now he’s more of a “Patch.” Since changing his nickname from plural to singular also solves the problem of awkward possessives, I’ve decided to go ahead and do it. From now on Patches is Patch.

The growth of our business has enabled us to pay our bills. This is a good thing. As part of this growth the business takes up more space in our house. We used to have an office and a guest room. Then the guest room started doubling as a second office. Then the office took over and evicted the guest space. This is sad because I love having people come visit, but now I no longer have a space that I can just give to them. I loved being able to say “this space is yours for however long you need it.”

My sister and her two kids arrived today. In order to give them space, I evicted my two boys from their bedroom. The boys were not particularly pleased by this development. Bedtime was far from smooth as I tried to get three kids to all fall asleep in the same room. In the end I let my boys sleep on the couches downstairs rather than on the floor of their sisters’ room. More thought is necessary to make this run smoothly because we have another whole week of bedtimes to go. The good news is that the first night with visitors in the house is almost always chaotic. After that everyone seems to find a new rhythm. I’ve already got plans and getting to have my sister here is totally worth a little bit of disruption.

On the fun side, I got to snuggle a toddler nearly to sleep. My sister’s kids are adorable and very willing to snuggle right up to Aunt Sandra. The hug of a small child is a precious gift.

Last night was the Hope of America program. This is a huge event where 7000 elementary students either sing in a musical chorus or perform on the floor of a basketball stadium. Patriotism is the theme of the evening. It features songs about America, the constitution, the declaration of independence, Martin Luther King, Abe Lincoln, voting, and supporting our military. This program has run for over a decade now and is often broadcast to troops over seas. It is an amazing spectacle. So far all of my kids have had one or two chances to participate. I have mixed feelings about the program. I don’t personally enjoy attending major public spectacles with my children. It makes me anxious to keep track of my kids in huge crowds. Also the program does not vary much from year to year. After attending this event at least five times, I’ve seen the all the variations. Not only that, but I’ve participated in helping my kids learn all of the songs. And so I viewed attending this event with trepidation and an expectation of boredom which would only be tempered by the annoyance of trying to entertain children who were also bored. After which I got to drive home through a major traffic jam.

All the things I expected were there, and yet, somehow the program still touched my heart and I shed tears more than once. This year Gleek was our only performer. The other three all sat with me at the very top of the stadium. I listened to Kiki raving excitedly about every single number, reminiscing on performances that she’d participated for in past years. Link was a joyful audience to Kiki’s expert explanations. Patches was frequently bored, but even he was entralled by some of the numbers. There is something magic about a huge space full of children dancing and singing their hearts out. They were all down there, totally absorbed in messages of hope about the ideals of our country and dreams about what our country could be. When they get older, they’ll learn far more about the complexities of politics and racial tensions, but if they’ve learned the lesson this program intends, then they’ll face those challenges with hope that the world can be made a better place.

None of those children are perfect. Many of them made missteps in their dance numbers. Many of them come from dysfunctional homes. Some of them are serious discipline problems at school. Some of them steal. Some of them lie. And yet from all those imperfect pieces, a marvelous program was forged. As a whole, they radiated hope and joy. It occurs to me that this is very much like the conscious creation of our country. Yes we have our problems. Yes some things need to be fixed. But on the whole America is a glorious creation that has allowed more freedom and well being to more people than has ever existed before in the history of the world. I’m pleased to be a part of that creation, just as I was pleased to be part of the Hope of America show. Both involve some personal inconvenience and irritation, but both are ultimately worth the effort.

I used myself up yesterday and I didn’t even realize it. By bedtime I was very grouchy with the kids. Only when Howard came up and spent 15 minutes talking Patches through an upset did I realize that I was so focused on “these kids need to be asleep now” that I wasn’t seeing that they needed some extra time to talk and feel loved. Part of my drive to get them all into bed was because I hadn’t had a quiet minute all day long. I was focused on business things all day long until I got to the evening schedule. That was where I fizzled out.

I need to remember to stop in the afternoon. It feels wrong to pause for a break when there are so many things left to do, but if I don’t then the evening does not go well.

Today- May 3 Teraport Wars layout, open merchandise pre-orders, attend big concert thing for Gleek, clean house so it is baby safe, pick up my sister and her kids from the airport.

May 4- 10 Monitor merchandise pre-order, Teraport Wars layout, Teraport Wars copy editing, spend time with my sister, attend another evening event for Gleek, Howard packs and leaves for Leprecon, close pre-orders, drive to Idaho to visit more relatives.

May 11- 17 begin sorting and prepping for shipping merchandise, attend evening concert for Kiki, final layouts and edits for Teraport Wars, begin layout for Out From Under (the newly renamed next Schlock book), plan and execute a birthday party for Kiki, attend fundraiser dinner for Kiki’s summer girl’s camp.

May 18 – 24 Ship merchandise, layout for Out From Under, prepare for and attend Conduit in Salt Lake City.

May 25 – 31 lots of little end-of-school special events, Something from the weeks prior to this which didn’t actually happened during the intended week.