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Hold on to Your Horses

I just realized that while I’ve rambled about my project called Hold on to Your Horses, I have not yet linked to the website from here. It is www.holdontoyourhorses.com. On the site you can download a free pdf of the picture book. That will let you can see the beautiful pictures that Angela Call drew for my story. The hardbound copies of the book will be available in early summer. If you want to be notified when ordering opens for those, you can add your address to the mailing list on the site. I will keep all addresses confidential and only use them to notify you when my books become available.

Go have a look and feel free to email me or post comments here to let me know what you think.

Ad Astra arrival

I have traveled far today and I’ve already learned some new things. One of these things is that I should always bring my laptop with me when I travel. It was so wonderfully reassuring to open it up and have all my familiar bookmarks in place. It is like a little piece of home that I carry with me. I am going to need that as I spend this weekend outside my comfort zone. The plane flight was boring, which is to be preferred to having an interesting flight. What with all the travel, and the not sleeping well last night I am already very tired and the convention hasn’t even started yet.

We went out to dinner with Kevin J. Anderson, Rebecca Moesta, and Chris Golden. They are all firmly established in the publishing industry. At times I felt intimidated. Fortunately they were all very kind and gracious. It was a wonderful dinner and a delightful conversation.

In the category of not-so-good news, my cell phone has moved from “quirky” to “broken.” I can still convince it to work, but it is not reliable. I’ll need to replace it when I get home.

The convention starts in earnest tomorrow.

Noisy brain

My brain is a noisy place today. The organization voice is gibbering about packing. The Mommy voice wants to write even more extensive notes on the proper care and feeding of my kids. The business voice says I should be doing research on convention guests so that I have conversation starters. The business voice is also telling me things I should pack, which makes the organization voice all grouchy and inclined to mumble about boundaries. About this point the Mommy voice remembers that there is cub scout pack meeting tonight and believes that she should get to over ride all other activities in favor of that. All other voices object strenuously. The housekeeping voice keeps whispering about all the cleaning and organization that I intended to do before I left. Then out of the blue an unidentified voice shouts “I’m hungry, you think maybe we should eat sometime today?” Meanwhile the writer voice took advantage of all the confusion to hijack the body and write this entry.

I leave tomorrow and may be internetless for the weekend. Be back Monday.

Self publishing and hubris

Jim Hines of the Jig the Goblin trilogy wrote a post today in which he rants about writing “Experts”. Jim’s major complaint is people who take their small experiences with either writing or publishing and extrapolate it into a supposed expertise about the whole industry. Many of Jim’s points single out self published authors. I found myself both agreeing with him and feeling a little defensive at the same time. Withing the next few months I will be releasing a self published book and therefore I’m at risk of annoying people in the same ways that Jim was annoyed.

I think it takes a special sort of arrogance to become a self published author. I look at the traditional publishing paths and I know that the reason they are traditional is that they work. The publishing “rules” are there because they are truly the best way for people to combine forces and create books. It has to be some sort of hubris for me to see those rules, understand why they exist, and still decide that somehow they don’t apply to me.

The one area where I know I will not annoy Jim and other published authors is that I have no intention of advocating self publishing as the wave of the future. It is a hard, lonely, scary path and I would never recommend it lightly. There are no easy paths to publication, but for most people the best choice is to find a publishing house. There have been many times during the Hold on to Your Horses project when I have curled into a little ball of despair because the project was broken and I did not have the expertise to fix it myself. Then I had to go begging among my contacts for help. The only reason it has a chance of working is because of the amazing people I’ve come to know during the past few years. The only reason I am an exception to the rule is because I can piggy back on all the marketing and friendships from Schlock Mercenary.

One thing that may contribute to the “expert” syndrome that Jim noted, is the reactions of non-publishing people to a self published work. When I talk to neighbors about my forthcoming book and I say “I’m self publishing” I get even more respect and approval than I did for just publishing. This baffles me a little because I know that self published works nearly always suffer from quality issues. But America prizes its innovators and trail blazers. Self publishing seems more accessible. People look at my self published project and think that maybe they could do something towards their own dreams. I’m glad of that and I do feel that there is value in self published works, even the ones with quality issues. Perhaps it is to these other newbies that the “experts” are speaking. I don’t think anyone who wants to be a professional in the publishing industry is going to be led astray by newbie experts.

I guess in the end I believe that the path you take should be the one best suited to your goals. Hubris or not, I do believe that this alternate path is going to work for me. I am going to be able to accomplish what I set out to do: create the book that my daughter needed, reward the artist who helped me, and not lose money while doing it.

Ad Astra this week

The countdown has begun. I have only four days until I leave for Ad Astra. I have pile of things left to do, but I have triaged them so they should all fit into those four days. One of the tasks for me to start thinking about the topics of the panel discussions in which I’ll be participating. The most intimidating panel is the one about “Making ends meet on an artist’s income.” The subject isn’t intimidating, I could talk about that for an hour all by myself. But that is the panel for which I’m a moderator and one of the guests of honor, Rebecca Moesta, is going to be on the panel as well. Moderating a panel is going to be a new experience for me. Fortunately I have an in-house expert who has already talked me through a lot of the necessary etiquette.

The other three panels are: “Running a creative business out of your home”, “The experience of blogging”, and “The educational benefits of video games.” These are all good topics for me. I just need to write down some notes to help trigger my thoughts when I’m in front of a crowd and surrounded by other panelists who will probably be more qualified than me.

So in short, I’ve reached the part where I’m nervous. I’m nervous about flying, about leaving the kids, about presenting. But the next few days are going to fly by and then I’ll be having too much fun to be nervous anymore.

A change in family policy on allowances

We’ve always given our kids allowance money. I feel that teaching my kids to handle money is a crucial part of my responsibility as a parent. They can’t learn to handle money if they never have any. Some families choose to link allowances to chores around the house. I have always resisted doing this. I felt that it was better for the chores to be just a requirement of being in our family and the allowances to be a benefit for being in our family. This seemed right and fair to me. It is possible that this seemed fair because for years I got the benefit of being dependent upon Howard’s comfortable Novell income.

I’ve recently changed my opinion on allowances. In the past two years I’ve had to work hard to help the money come in. The workload has steadily increased for me as I picked up new tasks; accounting, shipping, book layout, etc. It frustrates me to see the house become a disaster while the kids don’t care enough to help. These same kids would rather wait a few extra weeks for money to arrive than do chores to earn the money. I’m doing too much and it would really help if the kids would just pick up their toys once in awhile. Howard has long been of the opinion that kids who don’t work should not get allowance, but since I was the one running the allowance system, he did not argue about the way we’ve been doing it.

So I have now shifted camps. Yesterday I announced to the kids that they’d received their last free allowance. From now on they must work if they want to get paid. They must also mark the chart to keep track of when they worked or else they won’t get paid. The kids took the news with hardly a comment. I expect there will be moaning and groaning some time in the future. Maybe this will get me more help around the house, which I desperately need. If not, then at least I’ll get to keep more of the family’s hard earned money instead of watching it get spent on candy and dollar store toys.

The Lurking Fear

Howard and I are extremely fortunate. We manage to pay all our bills on the income from a creative endeavor. This is joyful for us, and inspiring for others. I can not count the number of times that people have spoken with Howard or I to tell us that our success gives them hope for their own dreams. I’m glad that we are cause for hope. I love feeling like we are adding something good to the world. But each of these conversations has a hidden accompaniment. Inside my head is a voice that whispers “What if you don’t get to keep it? What if your endeavors crash and burn? What will that do to all these people who have looked to your success with hope in their eyes?”

Howard hears this voice too. We talk about it sometimes. These conversations come when the lurking fear has been particularly loud, when money is running low, when visits to the Schlock site are down. Then Howard and I stand in the kitchen, afraid. We are afraid because our success is not completely in our control. No matter how hard we work, all of our income is dependent upon the goodwill and interest of others. Usually Howard and I take turns being afraid. One fears, while the other comforts and reassures. The days when the lurking fear runs rampant in both of us, are very dark days.

I think this is one of the reasons that Howard and I work so hard. We keep trying to build a structure strong enough to banish the lurking fear forever. I don’t know if it can be done. And if it can, I have another voice that wonders if the comfort will cause us to lose the edge. If, in the end, we will discover that the lurking fear is our greatest asset rather than our biggest enemy. If our reactions to the lurking fear are part of what defines who we are. Or perhaps that is just the lurking fear speaking, trying not to be banished forever by making me afraid of succeeding too well. I fully intend to take my chances with succeeding too well if I can get there.

Until then we just have to go on working hard, and hoping, and trying not to listen to lurking fear.

First day of Spring

Spring sunlight streams hope through my kitchen window. I used to love all seasons equally. That is no longer true. I no longer like Winter. I like some winterish things, but the season as a whole weighs me down. The harder the Winter, the more I delight in the coming of Spring. This Spring is still colder than I’d like, we still freeze almost every night, but the sun carries some warmth now. Even better, my Spring bulbs have emerged and some are even starting to bloom. It makes me want to get outside.

Unfortunately while the advent of Spring lifts my spirits, it doesn’t make my schedule any less busy. So I look wistfully out my windows as I pass. I did get outside one day this week, but then I remembered that next week is my trip to Ad Astra in Toronto Canada and there are approximately a million things I want to get done before I go. About half of those things have to do with actually cleaning up my house so that it will be nice to come back to. Fortunately Kiki has panned a sleep over with friends for this evening. The festivities are contingent upon her helping me get everything clean and ready. Kiki is an excellent worker when she is motivated.

More thoughts on intelligence/praise

In response to my last post, some one posted a link to a New York magazine article on the Power and Peril of Praising kids. There is so much good information in that article that it is going to take me awhile to absorb it. It also helps me see why I worry about our local gifted programs with their emphasis on intelligence and results. Two paragraphs in particular rang true to me because I’ve seen Kiki think exactly this way:

Dweck had suspected that praise could backfire, but even she was surprised by the magnitude of the effect. “Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control,” she explains. “They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.”

In follow-up interviews, Dweck discovered that those who think that innate intelligence is the key to success begin to discount the importance of effort. I am smart, the kids’ reasoning goes; I don’t need to put out effort. Expending effort becomes stigmatized—it’s public proof that you can’t cut it on your natural gifts.

Anyway, I recommend that everyone go check out the article. I think I’m going to print the whole thing out and put it in my files just in case the online version eventually disappears

Prodigies and perseverance

The Psychology Today website has an interesting article on why child prodigies tend not to achieve greatness as adults. There are several aspects of the prodigy experience that are examined, but the one that caught my eye is that perseverance is a better indicator for success than natural talent. This is something I have observed time and again among people I know. I’ve seen amazing gifts languish because the person who has them has never learned how to work hard. This is something I fear for my kids. They are so smart, school comes easily to them. They skip along, casually absorbing things that their peers have to struggle for. But when they hit something that they don’t absorb as naturally as breathing, they stop cold. Both German and Clarinet did this to Kiki. Now she is having to learn to work hard with no guarantee of success. It is hard for me to stand by and watch her struggle when I know I could end it, but I must do it. I must do the same for all my kids when they hit their personal roadblocks. The one who has the most advantage here is Link. He is just as smart as the others, but he has some academic weaknesses that he must struggle against. Because he struggles now and learns how to keep going, he is less likely to be stopped cold later.

It makes me think of a scripture found in The Book of Mormon:

Ether 12:27
“I give unto men weaknesses that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humbleth themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”

Sometimes the things we consider our greatest weaknesses become our greatest strengths simply because we have to work so hard at them.