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Earlier this evening I was sitting here at my computer writing a bog entry. It was a whiny entry lamenting my inability to fit every single thing I want to do into every single day. Mid-sentence I was stopped abruptly by a strong wash of feeling. I needed to stop blogging and go downstairs to be with my kids. I did. It was not a major event. No disaster was averted, but I spent an hour sharing in an activity that they enjoy. I was there for them, completely present in the moment. Usually my brain is miles or days away thinking about other things.

I need to do more of this. I need to be centering myself here and now. I need to look around me, at the blessings I have, rather than constantly fretting over future possibilities. Happiness does not lie in the future. If I can not find happiness in my current circumstances (whatever they may be) then true happiness may forever elude me.

My life is full of wonderful things. Most of them are the same things that I intended to whine about in the earlier blog post. I need to step away from my computer and really see them rather than trying to see past them to something else.

Gleek was doing her usually ping-pong ball imitation, bouncing randomly around the kitchen, when she stopped and turned to Howard.

Gleek: “What if it was SOCK Mercenary instead of Schlock Mercenary?”

Howard answered without even pausing for thought: “Then it would have to put on its shoes to go outside.”

Gleek, grinning: “What if it was Sock SHOE Mercenary?”

Howard smiling back: “Then it could go outside.”

Gleek, grinning mischievously: “What if it was Sock Shoe COAT Mercenary?”

Howard laughed a little: “Then it could go outside in the winter.”

Gleek, begins laughing as she speaks: “What if it was Sock Shoe Coat PANTS UNDIES Mercenary?”

Howard began laughing so hard he didn’t answer.

I jerked awake to the sound of whispering children. “Let’s go see him!”
I called out “Let your uncle sleep!”
Gleek and Patches paused before continuing down the stairs. “He’s awake. There’s a light under his door.”
“Even if he’s awake, you need to leave him alone until he comes out. He’ll come out when he’s ready to play.”
Gleek sighed. “Okay. We can’t go in anyway. The door is locked. We’ll just watch.” And so the two of them went to set up their vigil on the door, ready to pounce on my brother the moment he emerges.

My brother has definitely earned this Desired Playmate status from my kids. I’ve never seen a man so patient and so willing to crawl around on the floor. Last night Gleek was teaching him how to play Monster in the Dark, which included howling and growling and my brother being used as a beast of burden. He played with a smile. I watched and remembered when this brother stayed with us for a month in 2004 while he was job hunting. Then it was Kiki and Link who set up a nigh daily vigil outside his door. Although their choices of games were probably more to my brother’s innate taste. They kept asking him to play chess.

I keep an eye on the play and sometimes I go rescue my brother. He does wear out, and with no kids of his own he’s not always sure how to make them understand that he is tired. He’ll escape upstairs tired and rumpled, but smiling. If anyone deserves to have kids, it’s this man. Unfortunately he first has to find a wife, which has been tricky for him. He’s a computer guy, very distractable and not very aggressive. And women between 30-45 who are geeky while sharing our religion can be hard to find, particularly in Florida where he lives. I wish he lived closer so I could help him network socially and meet more people.

At least this morning my brother has a door to retreat behind and lock. For most of the weekend he’s been sleeping on the family room floor because my parents had the guest bed in my office. Gleek and Patches assured me that they were not waking up my brother every morning by jumping on him. I knew they weren’t but I also know that a young child sitting nearby and trying to be quiet is one of the noisiest sounds in the world. Especially when “nearby” means “three inches away.”

My brother will be leaving today. He needs to travel to Idaho to visit my other brother before returning to Florida. My kids will be really sad to see him go.

The following is a list is in no way comprehensive. There are piles of family and kid stuff that aren’t on this list because it would take forever if I included all of it. Besides, that’s what blog archives are for.

Jan- found an artist for Hold on to Your Horses Began volunteering in Gleeks Kindergarten class because things were going seriously awry with her school experience and I needed to be able to spy observe.
Feb- got to attend LTUE with my sister. Yay! Was invited to submit to Ages of Wonder anthology.
Mar- Leaned on my brother-in-law to create a website for me. Took family trip to Emerald City Comic Con.
Apr- wrote “immigrant” Had an extremely unpleasant time trying to get Kiki to do school work.
May- Ditto with Kiki and homework until school got out. Attended Conduit in Salt Lake City. “Immigrant” was accepted for publication in Ages of Wonder
Jun- Attended a conference for writers and illustrators of children’s books. Hoped crazily that Hold on to Your Horses would catch the eye of one of the editors. It didn’t.
Jul- realized that the next Schlock book was never going to exist unless I took steps. I began working with the layout guy to organize the book thus freeing Howard to write and draw.
Aug- Started attending my very first writer’s group by jumping into the deep end with accomplished writers. Finished the layout for Tub of Happiness then had a really bad day which contained a major financial reverse and the news that our layout guy was done being a layout guy.
Sept- Shipped files to China for printing, opened pre-orders for Tub of Happiness. Weathered the start of a new school year. Volunteered to teach a creative writing class at the grade school because I had no clue how much time and energy that would absorb.
Oct- Weathered a health crisis. Finished teaching the creative writing class and declined to volunteer for another one. Fretted lots about finances, health, and things that could go wrong with the Tub of Happiness printing or shipping.
Nov- Learned InDesign enough to use an existing template to layout the next Schlock book. Began serious preparations for shipping Schlock books. Fretted a lot about whether the books would arrive in time.
Dec- Shipped books. Had a vacation.

*deep breath*

On to 2008

I like the idea of New Year’s Resolutions, but I think it is a mistake to only set goals once per year. I’m constantly setting new goals, finishing goals, or tweaking ongoing goals. I have goals for days and for weeks and for years. This week I’ll be turning the corner into a new year. I’ve been mulling over what I want to accomplish during it. Mostly I’ve discovered that January is so packed full of goals to meet that I’m having trouble seeing past it to make larger goals to encompass the whole year. Year-sized goals seem too big. I need to focus on month-sized goals.

Plans for January 2008:
Finish the layout for The Teraport Wars. I may not be able to complete this one inside a month because there are pieces outside my control, but I am going to do my very best.

Do the final layout tweaks for Hold on to Your Horses. This is the book that I wrote for Gleek during December of 2006. Then I lined up an artist and got amazing pictures drawn for it. Then we fished around to see if a traditional publisher would be interested. There was no response. I’ve decided that I really want this book in print before Gleek gets too old to need it. So the Tayler Corp is going to be printing it. It is mostly done, I just need to tweak a couple of things to make sure that it is ready for print at the same time as Teraport Wars.

I need to put exercise back into my schedule. Howard and I have a plan for doing this together.

Family prayer and scripture study fell out of our schedule some time in November. I need to put it back. Ditto for personal scripture study.

I need to be scheduling family time on a weekly basis. I’m going to start by making Sunday dinners and by having Family Home Evening on Monday nights. These will be times where we spend an hour free of distractions just being together.

I need to help the kids plan, save for, and make (or purchase) gifts for Gleek’s upcoming birthday. Christmas turned out alright, but I want my kids to have a chance to fully experience the joy of giving a thoughtful gift. I also want to help them learn how to plan and execute thoughtful gift giving.

I need to be more strict about partitioning my days and making sure there are times where the computer and business things are not allowed. Hopefully this will help me do a better job of keeping household maintenance tasks done.

I want to polish up two stories, one to post one to submit.

I want to grow indoor flowers.

I want to spend time individually with each of my kids helping them learn a useful skill that interests them. Sewing for Kiki. Piano and basic music theory for Gleek. Reading aloud with Link. Beginning phonics with Patches. Ideally they’ll each get at least 30 minutes per week.

I need to be more thorough in my accounting and household management. I need to be tracking food inventory, shopping sales, and making sure we don’t over spend in any budget categories. As part of this effort, I need to be cooking meals from food we have here rather than running to the store or to a fast food place.

I think all of that just might be enough for one month. No wonder my brain balks at trying to think past January.

In case anyone was wondering Rattatoie is not recommended as an in-the-car movie. Within 10 minutes I was deafened by a chorus of small people complaining of hunger. We stopped at Wendy’s and switched the movie to Bugs Bunny. This pleased everyone.

The new year doesn’t officially start until Tuesday, but Howard and I have to be back to work Monday morning. We have a lot to get done in January and so stealing one day of December will be necessary. A couple of times in the last two days I’ve tried to wrap my head around the upcoming new year with it’s necessary schedule. But each time I try, my brain turns into a wet noodle and refuses to focus. The business section of my brain has apparently hung a sign stating that it is still on vacation thanks and I should check back Monday morning. All I can say is that the dang thing better be bright eyed and ready to work first thing.

Part of the continuing languor is that my parents and two of my brothers are here for a visit. This makes me want to play games and read books and talk to people rather than getting stuff done.

Also contributing is the fact that I’ve spent most of today running out with Howard to go to wedding events for a pair of our friends. All the events have been spaced with plenty of time for us to run home in between and take naps, which has been nice. Going to the wedding events makes me really happy because I got to watch these two friends get together and get engaged. I’m so happy that they have each other. I would love to wax rhapsodical about the wedding or philosophical about marriage and life. Unfortunately those parts of my brain seem to be on the same vacation as the business brain.

All the kids have been bouncing with delight to have Grandma and Grandpa here. They bounced even higher when they got to open the presents from the Grandparents.

I did have one triumph in the battle of bedtime last night. Both Gleek and Patches have been complaining of nightmares. Patches in particular has been quite distressed. I think the nightmares are mostly a result of the schedule disruption of the holiday and the problem will right itself. Unfortunately this makes them hard to put to bed. Last night I discovered that there is a spot in the hallway where I can sit and they can both see me while lying in their beds. So I promised to sit right were they could see me if they would stay laying down. I sat there with my laptop and wrote yesterday’s entry about bedtimes. By the time I was done, both kids were asleep. I still ended up with Patches crawling into bed with me around 4 am, but it’s a start. At least the mommy brain is still willing to work during the holiday.

Bedtime is one of the hardest parts of my day. I’ve been running all day, I’ve just managed a dinner time, I’m tired and just want to be done. The tempation is strong to let the kids play for extra minutes while I have some down time. But then I glance at the clock and realize that “extra minutes” turned in to “extra hour” and the kids should have been in bed already. So I spring into action, I try to hustle them into bed by skipping steps in the routine. This rarely works. I end up with kids getting out of bed because they are hungry, or thirsty, or they want a story, or they need to use the bathroom, or they need an extra hug. I want to be done and they want more time and attention. My stress levels rise because I know that every minute they aren’t asleep yet buys me a crankier tomorrow. In the end a “shortcut” bedtime usually takes almost twice as long as one where I follow a routine. Oh occasionally the shortcuts work, just often enough to keep me hoping that this will be one of those nights. It almost never is.

In the coming new year I need to refocus on bedtimes. I need to remember that giving my kids full attention at bedtime fills a whole host of needs and makes the next day run smoother. I need to remember that no matter how much they protest the end of the day, they really are much happier if I insist and stick to the bedtime routine.