Uncategorized

I think that Americans are a little nutty about safety. The Consumer Product Safety Commission is constantly issuing recalls, particularly of children’s toys and gear. I do believe that some of these recalls are necessary, but I also believe that many people are unduly stressed by them. Recently thousands of toys were recalled because of “high levels of lead” in the paint. I’ve done some research into lead poisoning. I did it because I acquired an old, painted dresser and I wondered if it was covered in lead based paint. I contacted my county health department. That is where I learned that unless the paint is pealing off and someone is eating it in quantity, there is unlikely to be a problem. However they happily sold me a lead paint test kit for a few dollars. I swabbed the dresser and it was clean.

The children who end up with lead poisoning live in old houses with old paint that is flaking and turning into lead dust. There is a difference between being careful about lead and being paranoid. I have declined to get rid of Gleek’s Polly Pockets. She is not in the habit of scratching the paint off and eating it. Even if she were, the supposedly “high” levels of lead in the paint are actually quite low and probably not dangerous in small quantities.

I feel the same way about magnetic toys. A recent article listed them as one of the biggest hazards of the year. Really? I know that the magnets should never be in the hands of small children who might eat them, but is that really a reason to take them out of the hands of every child everywhere? Somehow I think that far more children are endangered and injured by household chemicals than by magnets or minuscule amounts of lead in paint. It is ironic that parents panic about these toy recalls, but will leave toxic cleaners under the sink in the bathroom.

It all boils down to responsibility. I don’t believe that it is the job of the toy manufacturer or the CPSC to keep my children safe. That is my job. I must look at the toys and items in my house and decide whether I consider them a danger to my children. I do read the recall notices, but only rarely does my judgment determine that the recall was essential for my family. I also do not assume that a product is safe merely because it has not been recalled. Nothing is completely safe. Freak accidents happen. An informed parent who judges based on research rather than paranoia, and who supervises appropriately, is the best way to keep kids safe.

Lately my thinking has been fuzzy. I can’t be at my best every day, but “best” has been much harder to come by lately. Usually I can hold task lists in my head. It is like there is a shelf in the back of my brain where I can put thoughts that I don’t need right now, but that I’ll need soon. I can quickly reference the shelf and grab the things I need. Lately the shelf has been more like a hole. I put thoughts there and the vanish. If I want them back I have to recreate the conditions that made me think them in the first place. I’ve been using lists a lot lately. Lists don’t vanish so long as I keep them all neatly in my planner.

Gleek lost her first tooth on Tuesday. It has been wiggly for weeks. She is very excited at this milestone. She shows her excitement by grinning to show off the hole in her mouth. She has three more teeth that are wiggling as well.

We received a proofing copy of Tub of Happiness from our printer. This is an unbound, low-resolution, cheap paper, copy of the book. It makes me happy to hold it. The book is that much closer to being real.

I had parent teacher conferences for Gleek and Link. It is so nice to talk to teachers who have no particular concerns that they want to discuss. Gleek and Link are both doing well in their classes. The teachers are not worried for them at all. Gleek has no behavioral issues and her teacher is very impressed with her reading and pattern-recognitions skills. Link needs a little more practice reading aloud, and a little help getting started writing. But that is it. No long conferences. No special arrangements necessary. It is all going well.

Next week Howard leaves for the last convention of this year. I’m supposed to be in high gear getting some last minute things done. I wish I could find high gear today.

Link received an award certificate for perfect school attendance during the months of August and September. He is so pleased with the certificate that he wants me to frame it and put it on the wall. He plans to have perfect attendance all year so he can have a collection of these certificates. He deliberately requested that we not go on any trips during the school year that would make him miss school. I’m happy to comply. I hadn’t planned a trip for this year anyway. I did mention that he might have to miss school if he gets sick, but he assured me that he’ll just be careful and stay well.

I was going through old journal entries and realized that most of them were “lessons learned” rather than “what I’m going through.” I’m not sure what it means, but the tendency was interesting to notice.

I walked Patches to and from school today. He rode his bike. It was fun to watch him feeling so grown up as he carefully dismounted and walked his bike across streets and around any sidewalk that looked the slightest bit “slanty” He also practiced wiggling the handle bars so that the bike went zig-zaggy, riding standing up, riding with no hands for brief periods at slow speeds, and holding on to the handle bars at places other than the handgrips. Periodically we had to stop so that he could dismount and sit in the shade for 2-10 seconds.

And now I need to go mow my lawn.

I remember my mom making cookies. A cluster of children would gather around the counter adding ingredients in strict rotation. Mom would help the younger kids measure, but let them do the dumping. There were more kids than beaters, but mom kept a supply of spares in a drawer. She’d keep swapping out beaters until every child who wanted one, had one. I remember trying to get every last bit of dough off of the tongue defying shape of the beater.

I remember it all so clearly. But when I begin to describe it, I realize that it is not a single memory. It is a composite of many times when my mom made cookies. Sometimes I’m the youngest of four kids sitting around the counter. Other times there is a baby sister in the playpen behind me. Sometimes I was only allowed to dump. Others I was able to measure. Sometimes I got to hold the mixer and stir for awhile. Others I just watched. All of these different memories of making cookies with mom over lap like pictures on sheer sheets of paper. The central themes are clear, but the edges get all fuzzy. The core of the memories is the participation in making a treat. It was a time when mom was focused on us rather than the hundreds of other things she had to do daily to keep the house running.

I make cookies with my own kids. I let them help measure and stir and dump even though some days I’d rather not. Stirring neatly is a skill my children have yet to master. Each time I do it I know I’m adding another thin layer to their composite memories of “making cookies with mom.” They love it so much that the sound of the mixer summons my children faster than a can opener summons cats.

There are other things we do as a family which are creating composite memories. I carefully encourage these. Of such commonalities are families made. Some of the memories happen without any aid from me at all. The kids interact with each other and play similar games over and over again. I often ponder, while watching them play, which of these games will be the ones that are remembered with nostalgia when my adult children get together. It doesn’t matter to me that any particular thing be remembered, but it is very important that they have lots of warm and loving themes in their lives. Layer over layer of love in thin sheets so that the message is clear even if the edges are sometimes hazy.

I get blood drawn often. That is one of the side effects of having a thyroid condition. They have to test at least once per year to make sure that dosages are correct. Testing is done more often than that if I experience symptoms. I had my annual test 4 months ago, but lately I’ve had symptoms that suggest that I my dosage may be too high. So today I trotted myself off to get my blood drawn.

Most of the time getting my blood drawn is a non-event. I don’t stress in advance. I feel a moment’s nervousness when the needle is poised, but that is about it. Unfortunately some of my blood draws have been very memorable indeed. Once I got stuck a total of 5 times over a 2 hour period so they could get one little vial of blood. I frequently get stuck twice in the search for a good vein.

Today it was less than 15 minutes from the moment I walked into the door until I walked out with a bandaid on my arm. That time included registering. I think this is the first time that a blood draw didn’t hurt at all. It didn’t bruise either. Would that all phlebotomists were so competent.

I’ve been cold all day. It seeps into my bones and my mood. Right now I should be cooking dinner. Instead I’m sitting here at my computer feeling the weight of the cookies I impulsively made and ate. Yesterday I was full of happy thoughts and admiration for my children. I saw them for the amazing people they are. I was inspired to laugh and play with them, to tell them that they are wonderful. Today I just want to be left alone. I keep trying to wrap a bubble of solitude around myself. But they keep piercing it with their sharp requests. Pop!

The weight of the things that I expect myself to accomplish presses upon me. I could get squashed by that burden. I need to lighten the load. It isn’t that I need fewer things to do. I can do all the necessary things. It is the weight of those expectations that crushes me. It is the weight of the self-disaproval which I heap unpon my own shoulders on the days when I just muddle through rather than exceeding epectations. I’ve set the bar pretty high and I can be very mean to myself when I don’t clear it.

I did pretty well today. I just ran out of steam too soon. I came home from the creative writing class and retreated inward. I’m hoping to find a resurgence of energy and enthusiasm for the rest of the evening. I’d like to enjoy putting my kids to bed rather than shoving them into bed as fast as possible just to get it over with.

Sometimes we have to choose between important things.

This evening was a general women’s broadcast for all the adult female members of my church. It is an annual event which is very spiritually filling. I love going. But today was a day full of events. Howard cooked 5 dutch oven pizzas for a crowd of hungry men on a shooting trip, then came home and scoured out all the ovens. It was an exhausting effort for him even though he enjoyed it. I was gone to a baby shower even before he returned. I loved the baby shower. It was a chance to meet some new people and visit with a few familiar friends. And there weren’t any compulsory baby shower games, just pleasant visiting and yummy food. As I drove home from the shower I found myself saying out loud that I didn’t want to go to the broadcast. This puzzled me because I usually love it.

Then I arrived home. Gleek was bouncing off the walls bored because she’d been trapped inside all day by sleeting rain. She was solving her boredom by irritating Kiki. The kitchen was filled with the shrapnel from three or four semi-supervised craft projects. Link was hungry and needed help cooking. Patches was also hungry. Patches and Gleek also wanted to take a bath. They needed the bath badly. Howard was hiding from the chaos in his office, too limp to move much.

I surveyed all of this and realized that I’d expected to find it all. I knew that I was coming home to chaos and that abandoning it to head back out, would be abandoning my post. I would have loved to go to the women’s broadcast tonight, but my family really needed me here. They needed me to run the bath water. And negotiate the Bead Crisis. And cook food. And wash hair. And clean up the kitchen. They needed me to be cheerful, and competent, and restore a sense of order to a day already slightly askew and poised to go seriously awry. So I stayed home.

Sometimes the pressure of so many needs feels as though it will crush me. Sometimes I feel trapped by it all. But today I did not. Today I was happy to feel so needed and essential. I think some of the difference is that everyone was willing to let me go. They were willing to muddle through so that I wouldn’t have to miss the broadcast. But there have been so many times that Howard has dropped everything to meet my needs, it would be wrong of me not to do the same when presented with the opportunity.

It was definitely the right choice. The moment I announced my intention to stay home, all of my people relaxed a little. Gleek in particular expressed gladness that I would be staying. She needs me more than the others I think. She depends upon me to reign her in when she can’t do it for herself. Thus she misses me more when I leave. The following hour was a chaos filled with request upon request as everyone simultaneously turned to me for things they needed. The hour after that there was calm and clean and peace.

I’ll listen to the broadcast off of the internet some other day. For today my family needed me more. Since my religion is founded upon the family I think this means I have my priorities straight.

Sometimes inspiration coalesces rather than strikes. That was my experience as I contemplated the state of my house and my lack of time and energy to accomplish everything. I realized that I was doing too much picking up after the kids. This sort of maid work is a poor use of my time, and yet it needs done. The obvious answer is to make the kids pick up after themselves. Unfortunately this often takes more effort than just picking up after the kids, which is why I haven’t been making the kids do the work. I pondered this situation over the course of several weeks and a plan slowly came together in my mind.

I realized that I needed to institute a system of rewards and consequences. Not just for the kids, but for me as well. If there is no reward for me in making the kids do the work, then the system will have a very short lifespan. One frequent mistake in trying to institute reform is to take on too much at once. Total reformation can work if you have time and energy to really focus on it. I have too many other things, so I needed to pick a few areas of focus.

I decided to stop the accumulation of clothing on the bathroom floors. Those piles of shed clothing grow until I scrape up the archeological layers and put them in the laundry. I put up a sign in each bathroom that announced “Clothing is not allowed on this floor. If I find your clothing here, I will make you clean it up and assign you an extra chore.” That extra chore is the reward for me. By enforcing the rule I get some small task done by someone else. This makes the effort to make a child work, worth it. The extra chore is also a consequence for the kids. Ideally they’ll just stop leaving clothes on the floor and enforcement will never be necessary.

The front room is also a big clutter accumulator. The kids walk in the door and dump backpacks, coats, books, shoes all over the room. The same rule applies for the front room as for the bathrooms. If I find their stuff there, then they have to pick it up and do an extra chore. I didn’t hang a sign with the full rule on it, but I did hang a reminder sign over the couch. It says “this is not a dumping ground.”

The third area that was causing big problems was the video cabinet where we keep our games and movies. I kept finding discs left laying around with no cases. Controllers were left all over the room where they could get stepped on or broken. Games and movies teetered in great stacks. I cleaned the whole area up then hung a sign that says “put it away or it goes to jail.” In this case “jail” is our jail box. Kids can only get stuff out of the jail box by doing an extra chore. I announced to the kids that I was going to be very strict about movies and video games. I’m no longer warning or giving second chances. If these things are left laying around they’ll go to jail.

I’m almost looking forward to them leaving stuff laying around because the extra chores will make my house cleaner.