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I took a nap this afternoon. It was interrupted twice in quick succession by Link who was asking permission to play a video game and then to play a different video game. I don’t remember the words of my response, but apparently they were sufficiently affirmative that he went away happy. My half-asleep brain pondered the occurrence with a grumpy tone of voice. Does no one respect my need for sleep? The kids will see Dad asleep and tip toe out of the room, but have no compunction at all about waking me from a sound sleep to ask their questions. This is true even when their Dad is around. Our kids have been known to walk out of the room where Howard is in order to wake me up and ask a question.

The simple solution would be for me to lock the door. Faced with a locked door, the kids would go find their Dad to get their problems solved. I don’t lock the door when I lay down for a nap. Half the time I don’t even close the door. To close and lock the door would be a declaration that the next period of time is designated for a nap. Somehow in my mind I’m only sneaking a nap. I still feel on-duty, so I leave the door open so I can still hear and respond to crises. It is silly, because unconscious people are not very watchful. When the kids were little I was clearly on duty and I didn’t sleep unless they were also sleeping or someone else was specifically assigned to watch them. Somewhere the lines got blurred.

After the interruptions I got a solid hour of sleep, so my nap was far from ruined. This is usually the case, which is part of why I’ve never taken steps to train the kids not to wake me. It is important for me to be available to them as much as I can, because sometimes I have to work.

Mondays always feel short, but this one felt even shorter than usual. I think it was the extra trips in the car. Today was one of Kiki’s late days, so that delayed the start of my work day. Then Howard needed a ride to the auto place because the Beetle’s battery died unexpectedly. Then Gleek and Patch needed warmer clothes at school because the weather surprised us. After that there was the retrieving of the car. And the kids get out of school early on Mondays.

In between all of that, I got the accounting and customer support emails done. Things have calmed down considerably on the business front, which means it is about time for us to take stock in advance of holiday promotional efforts. I also put in some writing time, which I feel good about. Hopefully tomorrow can be equally productive and less scattered.

The Halloween carnival went very well, or so I surmise from the kind comments of people who told me “good job.” I don’t feel like I saw very much of it. My focus was on making sure the food table stayed stocked, and then on getting all the decorations, tables, and chairs cleaned away. There were a few minor organizational troubles (Note to self: More ranch dressing, pre-test the microphone, and music for children’s parade) but nothing that impinged on the enjoyment or awareness of those who were in attendance. It was a good event.

And yet, I felt like a failure in the exhausted hours before bedtime. After I slept, I was able to sort out why. I failed to organize a large enough team for the event. I did too many jobs myself and too many gaps were covered by spur-of-the-moment volunteers. I am so grateful to the dozen people who pitched in to help clean up. I am grateful to the people who saw problems and solved them. It is because of them that the event worked. I knew that the event would be full of people willing to volunteer, I depended upon that, but it is better to have a crew of people with assignments to help focus the volunteers. I also depended too much upon my own family. Howard helped me run the event. The kids all helped with the decorations and set up. This meant that when I got home, the house was a wreck, everyone was tired and over stimulated. No one had the time or energy to reassure me that everything went well. All the evidence of success had been cleaned up, what remained was the evidence of all the family tasks I did not do because I was too busy doing carnival.

This morning brought a world of improvement. Howard managed the kids because it was all I could do to drag myself off to church. He even had Link carry all the loose bowls and ladles that I brought home to wash before returning. Howard also rallied the kids and got the house cleaned up. All of this helped me feel immeasurably better. This is important because my brain began to fill with ideas for the Christmas party which is the first Saturday in December just over a month away. Sorting out why I crashed so hard last night means I can plan better for the next party. The first assignment I made was to tell Howard that his only job for the Christmas party is to take care of the house and the kids while I’m busy. That step alone will make a world of difference.

Doing things myself instead of delegating is something I need to work on. It is probably a major reason I run myself ragged more often than I should.

Note to Universe:

I just finished organizing and event managing a Halloween carnival for 200+ people. I am excused from everything else for the rest of the weekend.

Thanks,
me

(I doubt it will work, but I can try.)

Yesterday was long and full of things to think about. Today was long and full of things to think about with the added bonus of a trip to the emergency room to take pictures of the bones in Patch’s arm, which is thankfully not broken. I’m a bit wrung out. Here’s hoping that tomorrow can be less full.

At the beginning of the school year I made some adjustments to our family diet with the primary aim of reducing Gleek’s sugar intake. The core of plan was effective, we all eat less sugar now. The structure of the plan has taken a beating, so we’ve adjusted. Instead of having sugar free days we’ve shifted to limiting sweet treats to afternoon hours. This week I made another adjustment, I’ve started requiring Gleek to eat protein at breakfast and first thing after school. The idea is to help her have a steady supply of energy rather than a spike and crash. A side benefit of the plan is that my attention to food has us all eating healthier.

A huge stumbling block in my sugar-reduction plan looms on the horizon. Halloween is the most massive sugar-fest of the year. My kids love Halloween. I love Halloween. We will not be abstaining, but I believe that there are many things I can do to alleviate the net sugar impact. We’ll be giving out small prizes instead of candy this year. This will prevent us from having a bowl full of temptation in the front room. I’ll also be instituting the candy buy back where I trade money for sugar. Beyond that, we’ll just weather whatever cranky storms come our way. The holiday is worth the ride I think.

I knew when I entered the building that kickboxing is probably not the right class for me, but Howard knew the instructor and he used the excuse of introducing us to maneuver me into going. Howard loves the gym. It makes him sad that my membership has been mostly unused for quite a long time.

Introductions were performed and I stood in the class wearing a borrowed set of gloves and feeling sorely out of place. Then the music started and I also got to be confused and out of step. By half way through the class I had figured out some of the movement patterns which made it possible for me to enjoy the sensations of active moment. The physicality of the activity was something my body has been craving for awhile. So Howard’s plot has succeeded in that I’ll probably go to more classes. I’ll pick something dance based though. Punching and kicking hold no joy for me.

As I summed it up for Howard, the things I did not like about today’s class are all easy to adjust. The exercise itself felt really good. I was very pleased that I had the endurance and muscle strength to keep up. I did not like feeling like a newbie even though I was one. This was exacerbated by my awareness of my baggy clothes and ratty old shoes among all the shiny, slim, new gear. I don’t think anyone was judging me, but I had a really hard time pushing down negative thoughts about my own appearance. This was particularly true since I last used my tennis shoes for mowing the lawn so they were stained green and shed dried grass clippings on the hardwood floor. I feel bad about that part.

Exercise is supposed to be one of those things where adding it into your schedule makes things better. I shall try and see.

The last round of IEP (Individual Education Plan) and SEP (Student Education Plan) meetings are now done. I have met with various educators to speak about my children and mostly the educators think my kids are great. This last round of meetings was filled with smiling and nothing at all to be concerned about. This is good news. It means that the set up work for this school year is finally complete. Now we can get on with steady sailing.

And on that thought, I’m taking the rest of the evening off.

Tis the season for costumes. My kids persist in being creative. It is a trait I really enjoy. Often they can put together thoroughly entertaining ensembles from the supplies they have on hand. But sometimes they have a very clear picture of what they want and it is highly complicated. Then we have to negotiate. Some years are easy, only requiring me to locate appropriate props. This year is not looking easy.

Kiki wants a Zero Suit Samus costume. This video game character wears a skin-tight body suit, which is not something I am comfortable having my 15 year old wear in public. We have created a compromise which looks less like the character than Kiki would have preferred but which won’t get her harassed unpleasantly at school. To increase the level of difficulty, Kiki needs her costume complete by Friday because she has an event to attend on Saturday. I am sewing like lightning this week.

The presence of the sewing machine in the kitchen has all the other kids hovering and spilling over with ideas about what they want to be. Mostly I am letting them ramble to see if the same idea surfaces more than once. Also I am listening for the cool ideas which are also easy so that I can encourage those. Thus far I have not succeeded in this. Link’s current plan is to be one of the Halo characters in full body armor. He wore something similar a few years back. We cobbled it together out of spray-painted sports equipment. It looked enough like the costume to pass for a young child, but it is not something that would be acceptable for junior high. Also it doesn’t fit anymore. Armor is a costume that my sewing machine can not really help create. There will be negotiation.

Before this week is over I need to make them all choose. I have to have time to figure it all out. Simultaneously I need to be arranging all the details for the church Halloween Carnival. I’m in charge this year. Halloween looks to take over the entire month of October.

I stood in the kitchen at 11 pm with tasks churning through my head, each clamoring to sit in the front of my brain and be resolved. I leaned on the counter as though it would help me carry the weight of my thoughts. The day had made clear that we needed to restructure some things for Gleek. The plan floated in my brain waiting for implementation on the morrow. It swirled around with Kiki’s incomplete math assignment and Link’s despised history sentences. Then there was the unending stream of holed socks because Patch persists in going outdoors without shoes. Thoughts of clothes led to the need to go shopping for things outgrown. Which leads to thoughts of funding the shopping and the stack of library books to return. The day was not particularly difficult, it was a pounding of small things. My calmness and confidence fell to the siege. I needed to be in bed, but the morning would bring a new pounding and I did not feel I could weather it.

But I did sleep and the morning brought with it new reserves of energy. The impossibilities of the day before became the new day’s task list. The swirling mess of thoughts jotted down in a neat row ready to be checked off.