Yesterday was long and full of things to think about. Today was long and full of things to think about with the added bonus of a trip to the emergency room to take pictures of the bones in Patch’s arm, which is thankfully not broken. I’m a bit wrung out. Here’s hoping that tomorrow can be less full.
At the beginning of the school year I made some adjustments to our family diet with the primary aim of reducing Gleek’s sugar intake. The core of plan was effective, we all eat less sugar now. The structure of the plan has taken a beating, so we’ve adjusted. Instead of having sugar free days we’ve shifted to limiting sweet treats to afternoon hours. This week I made another adjustment, I’ve started requiring Gleek to eat protein at breakfast and first thing after school. The idea is to help her have a steady supply of energy rather than a spike and crash. A side benefit of the plan is that my attention to food has us all eating healthier.
A huge stumbling block in my sugar-reduction plan looms on the horizon. Halloween is the most massive sugar-fest of the year. My kids love Halloween. I love Halloween. We will not be abstaining, but I believe that there are many things I can do to alleviate the net sugar impact. We’ll be giving out small prizes instead of candy this year. This will prevent us from having a bowl full of temptation in the front room. I’ll also be instituting the candy buy back where I trade money for sugar. Beyond that, we’ll just weather whatever cranky storms come our way. The holiday is worth the ride I think.
Sugar and Halloween Read More »
I knew when I entered the building that kickboxing is probably not the right class for me, but Howard knew the instructor and he used the excuse of introducing us to maneuver me into going. Howard loves the gym. It makes him sad that my membership has been mostly unused for quite a long time.
Introductions were performed and I stood in the class wearing a borrowed set of gloves and feeling sorely out of place. Then the music started and I also got to be confused and out of step. By half way through the class I had figured out some of the movement patterns which made it possible for me to enjoy the sensations of active moment. The physicality of the activity was something my body has been craving for awhile. So Howard’s plot has succeeded in that I’ll probably go to more classes. I’ll pick something dance based though. Punching and kicking hold no joy for me.
As I summed it up for Howard, the things I did not like about today’s class are all easy to adjust. The exercise itself felt really good. I was very pleased that I had the endurance and muscle strength to keep up. I did not like feeling like a newbie even though I was one. This was exacerbated by my awareness of my baggy clothes and ratty old shoes among all the shiny, slim, new gear. I don’t think anyone was judging me, but I had a really hard time pushing down negative thoughts about my own appearance. This was particularly true since I last used my tennis shoes for mowing the lawn so they were stained green and shed dried grass clippings on the hardwood floor. I feel bad about that part.
Exercise is supposed to be one of those things where adding it into your schedule makes things better. I shall try and see.
The last round of IEP (Individual Education Plan) and SEP (Student Education Plan) meetings are now done. I have met with various educators to speak about my children and mostly the educators think my kids are great. This last round of meetings was filled with smiling and nothing at all to be concerned about. This is good news. It means that the set up work for this school year is finally complete. Now we can get on with steady sailing.
And on that thought, I’m taking the rest of the evening off.
Finally settling in Read More »
Tis the season for costumes. My kids persist in being creative. It is a trait I really enjoy. Often they can put together thoroughly entertaining ensembles from the supplies they have on hand. But sometimes they have a very clear picture of what they want and it is highly complicated. Then we have to negotiate. Some years are easy, only requiring me to locate appropriate props. This year is not looking easy.
Kiki wants a Zero Suit Samus costume. This video game character wears a skin-tight body suit, which is not something I am comfortable having my 15 year old wear in public. We have created a compromise which looks less like the character than Kiki would have preferred but which won’t get her harassed unpleasantly at school. To increase the level of difficulty, Kiki needs her costume complete by Friday because she has an event to attend on Saturday. I am sewing like lightning this week.
The presence of the sewing machine in the kitchen has all the other kids hovering and spilling over with ideas about what they want to be. Mostly I am letting them ramble to see if the same idea surfaces more than once. Also I am listening for the cool ideas which are also easy so that I can encourage those. Thus far I have not succeeded in this. Link’s current plan is to be one of the Halo characters in full body armor. He wore something similar a few years back. We cobbled it together out of spray-painted sports equipment. It looked enough like the costume to pass for a young child, but it is not something that would be acceptable for junior high. Also it doesn’t fit anymore. Armor is a costume that my sewing machine can not really help create. There will be negotiation.
Before this week is over I need to make them all choose. I have to have time to figure it all out. Simultaneously I need to be arranging all the details for the church Halloween Carnival. I’m in charge this year. Halloween looks to take over the entire month of October.
October costuming begins Read More »
I stood in the kitchen at 11 pm with tasks churning through my head, each clamoring to sit in the front of my brain and be resolved. I leaned on the counter as though it would help me carry the weight of my thoughts. The day had made clear that we needed to restructure some things for Gleek. The plan floated in my brain waiting for implementation on the morrow. It swirled around with Kiki’s incomplete math assignment and Link’s despised history sentences. Then there was the unending stream of holed socks because Patch persists in going outdoors without shoes. Thoughts of clothes led to the need to go shopping for things outgrown. Which leads to thoughts of funding the shopping and the stack of library books to return. The day was not particularly difficult, it was a pounding of small things. My calmness and confidence fell to the siege. I needed to be in bed, but the morning would bring a new pounding and I did not feel I could weather it.
But I did sleep and the morning brought with it new reserves of energy. The impossibilities of the day before became the new day’s task list. The swirling mess of thoughts jotted down in a neat row ready to be checked off.
A fragment of writing about last night and this morning Read More »
I have spent far too many hours this afternoon being a psychologist. I have diagnosed. I have researched. I have planned a behavioral modification structures. I have listened to many meandering thoughts as my children unloaded their woes, joys, and random thoughts. When I took psychology in high school it was because the class sounded like fun. I use the knowledge I gained in that class almost every day.
It is the fourth Thursday of the school year and it is the first Thursday which has ended without a massive meltdown from some member of our family. I regard this as hopeful progress. It does leave me with the dilemma of figuring out what to write when I have no drama to report. I’ve pretty much covered all the possible landmines I fear for the school year and I’m pretty tired of trying to predict them. Also I wrote that nice post yesterday in which I tried to convince myself not to stress about things so much and it would be good if I could follow through on that.
So I shall make a list of cheerful things:
After spending months dreading the work of fixing the kidputer, Howard had it wiped and Windows 7 installed in a mere 20 minutes. It was shockingly painless. Since then we’ve spent a couple of hours installing other software and doing configuration, but it has all gone very smoothly thus far.
Our wireless router has been quirky. This morning I downloaded new firmware on to the device and it also is working smoothly.
My front room is filled with stacks of books which I checked out from the library for my kids. Each stack is tailored to the needs of a particular child. For some reason the existence of the stacks makes me happy.
I got to sit out front and visit with my neighbor for awhile. As a result of our conversation both of us has new ideas about how to handle our schedules.
The weather has been beautiful.
I had lunch with a friend and she did not mind when I was late. I wish I hadn’t been, there was more talking to do.
It is Grandparents day at the kids’ school next week and for the first time my parents will be in town for it. Gleek and Patch are both quite excited.
A list of cheerful things Read More »
What would I do with the next year if money were not a concern?
There are things I would buy (like new glasses or a replacement for the embarrassing front room couch) that have been waiting for a long time. There are home repairs I would pay someone else to do. But the most important expenditure of money would be to hire some one else to be the business manager/shipping clerk. I would turn over all that product design, email management, convention preparation, and book shipping to someone else. I would keep all the parenting stuff. It is mine no matter how much money I have. Then I would use the free time to garden, read, bird watch, and write.
What would I write?
I would finish that essay book. I would create family photo books. I would still do book lay out for the Schlock books. I would write the short stories which have been kicking around forever. I would write half a dozen picture books and put them into print. Perhaps after all that, I would discover space in my mind for a novel to grow.
So my life would look pretty much exactly as it does now, just in better repair with more discretionary time.
This points out to me that some of my current emotional wrangling is not about whether or not I should be writing. It is about how to spend my limited resources of time and emotional energy. I question the value of my writing only because it does not currently provide any money. The ironic bit is that if I could stop spending emotional energy fretting about money stuff then my life would be all around happier.
I should point out that we don’t actually have money worries, I’m just fretting because I don’t have six months worth of bills sitting in my bank account right this minute. Some parts of my brain argue this is a reasonable goal for a business owner whose primary income stream fluctuates dramatically. Other parts of my brain point out that most people don’t have that much money stashed away and I can see where the money will be coming from in the next six months. Then the first part of my brain starts spouting about counting chickens before they’re hatched. This causes the second part of my brain to express disdain that we’re resorting to folk tales as the basis of arguments. At this point I realize that I’ve spent 30 minutes thinking the same set of thoughts that I’ve spun around before and it didn’t take me anywhere this time either.
So I need to figure out how to silence the voices and use those 30 minutes for writing, or gardening, or anything else instead. It isn’t as easy to do as it is for me to type. I need to perform the same mental trick on all the business management stuff that I do. Because while I would hand it off if we could afford to pay someone, there are parts of the job that are really satisfying. And the truth is that these tasks have a much larger emotional footprint than they need to have. I stress over them too much. If I could get that piece under control, then the actual time to do the job is fairly negligible.
Why do I stress over little things?
because if I get them wrong it might interrupt the flow of income.
Why is the income so important?
Because I love the life we have and I want to keep it.
Strange how money stress can trickle through and change the colors of everything if I don’t pay attention to what is happening. If I am not careful, money stress can destroy the very happiness that I want the money to preserve. Fortunately since this problem is in my head, I can fix it there. Then suddenly my life will be brighter and more hopeful even though my actions and situation have not changed a bit.
Or so the theory goes. I’m working on it.
Without financial considerations Read More »
It seems that picking up my daughter from high school transforms our van into a shuttle service. Thus far we’ve given rides to 6 different teens on at least 8 different occasions. Since there have only been 14 days of school we’re giving rides more often than we aren’t. It impacts my afternoon a little, extending the drive home by as much as 15 minutes, but I figure I’m using fuel to haul my van around anyway it might as well be full. Kiki likes it. Particularly when she gets to do the driving. The other kids are amenable as well, though they do get grouchy if the trip is too extended.
Howard and I had a business meeting in the kitchen after the kids were all at school. It was the first normal-state business meeting we’ve had since before GenCon. We’ve spent so much of the last few months in scramble mode. It was really nice to just stand in the kitchen and talk over calmly the things which need to get done this week and this month.
Gleek is an avid collector of erasers. She has them in the shape of tools, ipods, cell phones, keyboards, and computer mice in addition to more traditional shapes. She buys these exciting erasers from the book machine at school, and it is where most of her money goes. I’m glad that such small things can bring her joy. I love the lively interest I see on her face when she jumps out of the car with a hard-earned dollar in her hand and dashes to buy a new eraser before school starts. These treasures never get used for actual erasing. They are used as parts of myriad pretend games.
Gleek has begun taking a bath every morning before school. I think she does it because she would rather wash her hair than brush it. Since the result is a clean child with smooth hair, I’m happy. It also pleases me to see her developing her own morning routine which does not depend upon me as a motivational force. In fact all the kids have been settling in to the before-school schedule. I have to work hard to get them out of bed, but after that one thing rolls into another until they’re out the door for school. It is nice and I’m hoping it can last, but not betting on it.
Link is discovering the fatigue of daily practice. His homework load is exceedingly light this year and so I declared homework for him. He must practice clarinet, typing, and German. After dinner he has to read. He has discovered that keyboarding makes his back tired and that clarinet takes a lot of lung work. I keep telling him that these troubles will get better with more practice. I think he believes me, but he still complains. I also need to log on to the school grade system and determine if his homework free state is as care free as he is depicting or if some unpleasant assignments are sliding by. Since the school has decreed that homework in seventh grade be easy, I will make sure we use the time to learn study skills, class management, and good practice habits.
Patch loves school. He loves routine. He is happy with his class, wishes he had more homework, and tells me about his recess times. All seems smooth sailing for him, which means that he slides down below crisis-level on the importance scale. Since I’ve been bouncing between crisis and urgent, he has not been getting much focused attention from me. I need to not neglect him just because he is having a good year.
Today was pretty much a wash on getting stuff done. I need to find some high energy tomorrow and crash through a bunch of business tasks. There are still threads to tie off from Howard’s Australia trip. I need to start tasks for Howard’s November trip to New England Webcomics Weekend. Then there are business maintenance tasks which have been laying idle. Also I need to get started on book lay out for EPD and FAM. On my list of personal projects I need to make the family photo books for 2009 and 2010. I also miss gardening, but I doubt I’ll get back to it before the weather freezes. And then there is writing. I need to find enough space so that I’m not afraid to expend emotional energy on it. I need to remember why it matters. Or I need to deliberately set it down and focus on other things. Limbo is not great. So, Many things to do. This is normal. I hope this week is calm and full of settling with no new crises to avert.
My house has a achieved a sort of steady-state cleanliness. This is due to the small empty spaces in the mornings while the kids are preparing for school. The spaces are too short for me to allow myself to get distracted by the internet or business things, but perfect for unloading the dishwasher, or sweeping the front room. The result is more cleanliness and I like it. Another reason to hope that the calm morning schedule continues.
Fragments from today Read More »