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I did not think I had racked up quite so large a physiological deficit, but the four hour long nap I took from 9am to 1pm tells me differently. Some of that was lack of sleep, but I believe the larger part was the various emotional tolls of the week. This was an emotionally costly week.

The last hour or so I’ve spent carefully watching the tribe of animal warrior children who have created a fort in the corner of my yard. Gleek has somehow become the tribal leader despite the fact that many of the children are several years her senior. Thus she has discovered the joys of trying to negotiate a dozen people into agreeing on a course of action. Mostly I have been watching with joy as time and again Gleek manages her frustration and talks with the various factions instead of screaming, hitting, or storming into the house. It is a situation rife with possibility to be really hard on her. Unfortunately a different child ended up with hurt feelings instead, but I hope that talking has resolved that. So I’m keeping an eye on things and bringing out food to try to mellow the tensions. Mostly everyone is having fun, particularly after a break to let frustrations cool a bit.

I was looking at my archives today and realized exactly how often I’ve missed posting lately. This is not a problem, my blog is to add to my life not to create stress. But the fact that I was not aware of how many days I’ve missed is an indicator of the fullness of my brain. In some ways I still feel like I’m trying to catch up and establish a normal routine. Every time I get close something breaks loose or arrives and I have to spend focused attention to adapt. It means that the back of my brain is occupied with schedule stuff instead of having time to gather pieces for cohesive blog entries. This is the right thing to be doing with my time and energy, but I miss the joy of finding the right words to wrap around my thoughts.

Bit by bit my house is getting cleaner and more organized. Ditto with the daily schedule. I’m starting to build patterns of order. Little things make a real difference. Things like spending five minutes to clean up breakfast thoroughly instead of haphazardly. I have those five minutes now because there are times when the kids are getting ready for school, but I must not let myself be distracted by work or internet. So I spend a few minutes here and there on house tasks, and it all adds up. I also gave my junior high student and my high school student a clearly defined place to store their school stuff. This really helps because they know where they should put it and I know where to shove it if they leave it laying around. It is just storage cubes in the front room, one for A days and another for B days.

Most of the time I feel like I’m thrashing my way through the underbrush of life, just hacking away at whatever is in front of me, trying to clear a path. But every so often I crest the top of a hill and I get a larger view. These hills come at irregular intervals, and not always when I think that I need them most. But today I had a very clear and calm sense that our family is on the right path, that we are doing exactly what we should be doing. This sense incorporated everything from settling the kids in school, to my intention to pick up focused writing again, to Howard creating Schlock Mercenary. For today I can see clearly that these things are good, that they matter, that our efforts make the world a better place. The clarity of vision is nice. I’ll try to hold it tight in my memory because the next step is heading back into the underbrush.

The school year is barely a week and a half old, but it feels much longer than that. It is not that my days are crammed full, I’m quite enjoying the emerging spaces, but there has been so much emotional content in each day that my mind wants to push the first day of school further into the past to make space for it all.

Kiki melted down again. So far we’ve had two Thursdays and two meltdowns. She felt overwhelmed and under pressure. The good news is that despite the way she felt about all of it, she kept working and got 90% of it done. Friday was the aftermath, but fortunately she got to go to RPG night and came home happy again.

Today Kiki and I have spent time focused on her homework. We’re using this three day weekend to work ahead. Hopefully this will prevent next week’s meltdown. Even better, Kiki is able to see how today has been a cheerful mix of both work and things that she enjoys doing. Kiki can totally handle her schoolwork just as soon as she starts believing that she can.

The other kids also seem to be settling in fairly well. The schedule has settled and tasks have fallen into their proper nooks and crannies. The kitchen is cleaner more often because I have a small space in my day when doing kitchen work makes sense. Howard will be home soon and then we will have another period of adjustment while we try to fit Howard’s routine into the other routines. But first he has to recover from jet lag.

It is heavenly to go to the library without kids in tow. It is also fun to take them and let them learn about books, but I feel so free when I can browse and wander without having to keep track of anyone else. Or make sure they are not jumping off of things. Or remind them that while sneaking through the stacks is fun, it is not actually unobtrusive. Also I came home with stacks of books for each of my four kids, tailored to their current reading needs. This was because I had time to quietly contemplate what their needs are while selecting books.

I overheard a librarian telling a patron “Her books only come out every four years, because she is such a good writer.” This statement fascinated me. I don’t that speed of writing is necessarily a solid measure for good writing. However what I think the librarian meant was that the author in question is so good that she does not mind waiting four years for the next book. That is a very encouraging attitude to hear from a reader. This same librarian also expressed hope that J.K. Rowling not be a one trick pony and offer opinions on the Hunger Games trilogy. Perhaps on another trip I’ll go make her acquaintance, (she seemed nice and was very good about guiding patrons to books that she thought they would enjoy), but for today eavesdropping was fun. It also underscored for me how much influence a librarian can have.

The task that drove me to the library today was picking up books for Kiki. She needs to read 500 pages which have to do with US History. Since Kiki’s reading tastes lean to the otherworldly and magical, this will be a departure for her. So now we have a stack of things she can choose from. I must confess the humanities major in me is eyeing those books. Part of my brain wants to launch into reading all of them and thinking new thoughts. Perhaps with the new schedule I’ll have some time for it. I did have time for a leisurely trek through the library today.

I’m glad that our library does not have a limit on the number of books I can bring home. 14 books for Patch, 8 books for Gleek, 6 books for Kiki, 3 books for Link, 2 books for me. It adds up. And yet it is entirely possible that we’ll go through all of those books in the next three weeks. I love that my kids like to read.

It is just possible that I’ve found some normality. The kids all got to school on time. I got my work done. I had a good conversation with a far away friend during my afternoon down time. Then the kids came home and we assessed homework without anyone melting into a puddle of woe. The patterns of the days are beginning to emerge. This is very good because once I can see the patterns I can begin shifting them so that we find a rhythm that works for everyone.

Just now we are having a quiet afternoon space. Gleek has gone to a new friend’s house and for the very first time I sent the Kidphone with her. She’s having a great time calling me to give me updates. “Just letting you know that I’m still playing with A and everything is great!” There is an hour of homework time where I will be on call, but other than that we’ll have quiet afternoon followed by me making dinner and running a family activity in the evening.

I need more days like today. No crises. No urgent tasks. Just things to get done.

It feels like a week has passed since 6:30 am when my alarm went off. Monday feels like several weeks ago. I’ve washed up on the shore of the weekend. But the skies are clearing and hopefully I’ll be able to set sail again on Monday with calmer waters and a good wind.

I’ve been listened to respectfully by school personnel. I’ve been able to express my concerns. The team building has begun and I think I’ll have good teams. Now I just need to put kids to bed and sleep for many hours. Then I have to get up in the morning, wash Howard’s clothes, pack Howard’s clothes, arrange for a church activity, and take him to the airport. Kiki has homework which I need to monitor and I have to track Gleek’s food.

Sunday will be a respite. Monday I will help finalize Kiki’s class change, do my regular business things, and then I need to find my Writer hat. It is buried around here somewhere and I’m going to need it in order to make good use of the editorial notes I have for an essay that will be published next year.

But first, sleep.

The first day of a new schedule is always exhausting. This week I get to have three of them.
Today Link and Kiki both went to school for orientation days.
Tomorrow Kiki, Gleek, and Patch will attend their first day of school, but Link will not because he attended orientation all day today.
Thursday is the day that I will finally get to run through a complete day of what will be my new schedule.
I’m going to be tired this week.

This afternoon Howard discovered that Kiki had never seen The Addams Family. The oversight has now been rectified. Gleek and Patch watched it also.

I have to say that the movie still disturbs me on various levels. I laugh and I am disturbed. This is why my kids had not yet seen the film. It also means that the filmmakers did a brilliant job of hitting their intended mark. Patch and I have already had a discussion about how things in the movie are funny because they are exactly the opposite of what they should be.

I suspect we’ll be showing Addams Family Values later this week. Howard loves both films without reservations. I love them with reservations. And I think on the whole I’m glad to be disturbed by the wrongness.

This afternoon I found myself in The Waiting Place straight out of Dr. Seuss’ book Oh The Places You’ll Go! GenCon is finished and school has not yet begun. The space in between is long enough for me to get bored, but too short for me to begin new projects because I need to keep my brain clear for what is coming next. So I drifted around the house a bit aimlessly for a couple of hours. Then I realized I was not truly in The Waiting Place. I was in The Avoidance Place. I’m not sure how I fooled myself into thinking I haven’t got anything to do. So I kicked myself back into gear and began writing emails to straighten out details for Howard’s trip to Australia. I’ve only got two weeks to assemble a support crew for him. Fortunately there are a half dozen Australian Schlockers who are excited to help. Now I just need to figure out job assignments.

Also on the list of things to do: house organization, laundry folding, gardening, adjusting the kids’ sleep schedules, and business maintenance tasks. Oh, and there might be some school prep shopping to do. I should inventory the kids’ clothes. The happy news is that I can proceed at a nice medium pace instead of a dead run. I just need to keep track of my motivational energy. It keeps going awol.

My front room has suitcases, some of which are newly emptied, some of which are half emptied, and some of which are filled with things belonging to my parents. My desk is covered with receipts, invoices, shipping labels, and post-it notes. Large mounds of color-sorted laundry block the walkway into the family room, waiting for their turn through the washing machine. Mail sits on my kitchen counter to tell me the details of my kids’ school schedules. Then there are the children themselves, who need attention, reassurance, and settling back into a regular routine.

All of that and I am so tired I can hardly see straight. My energy ebbs far more often than it flows today. This is to be expected after the travel and work of last week. But I am working my way through. All of the tasks are closer to complete than they were this morning. This is good because I long for peace and order. I think I will find it soon.