One Cobble at a Time

I did some significant self-analysis this weekend. I am an introvert. I enjoy spending time with friends and making new friends, but I like to sneak up on new friendships. This is one reason that my life is made easier by Howard. He is very good at stepping forward and making conversation, this allows me to hang back and listen until I have a comment to contribute to the existing conversation. I’m not shy, but I like to join conversations, not start them. Throwing me into a crowd of strangers solo, while travel-tired, resulted in me fleeing to Howard to beg for help. I like to think of myself as a confident/capable person and yet I fled for security, that was almost more upsetting than not having anyone to talk to. Howard dropped everything to be with me, and an incredibly kind person came to help with the rescue. She treated me with kindness and respect when I felt like a blubbering idiot.

Friday I felt alone, Saturday I spent surrounded by friends. I don’t think Howard went around whispering “Be nice to Sandra please.” But everywhere I went there were fun people to talk to and things to be done. The difference was probably in me somewhere, maybe I adapted overnight, maybe I just started running into the same people more than once, maybe I just wasn’t as tired. The end result of the weekend is that I have this jumble of thoughts and impressions that I’m just not sure how to organize. I don’t want to lose anything though, so I’m going to resort to a list.

Everyone kept asking me if I was enjoying myself. I’m not sure whether they asked that of everybody, or if they knew I was upset on Friday, or if I didn’t look like I was having fun.

Playing Star Munchkin with Darth Paradox, Shelly, Rob Balder, Ian I-never-got-a-last-name, and Evil Mcmullin (That’s what his badge said) was a blast. Webcartoonists are very practiced at making jokes and so there was much laughter.

The Aegis consulting crew was amazing. Their sword work and party hosting skills were unsurpassed. But the thing that truly amazed me was the camaraderie that the crew had for each other. These people had worked and played together and they all respected one another and exuded confidence. Even more amazing was the way they were able to extend that camaraderie to include others. Howard and I and Jay Maynard went out to dinner with them and despite the fact that they all have a copious supply of shared experience which we didn’t share, I still felt like I was part of the group. That’s a skill set I’d like to cultivate in myself, the ability to make a total stranger feel welcome and part of the “family”. Sal & Heather went even beyond the mark in putting up Howard for three days and then making sure I got to take a tour of their amazing house and property.

Having breakfast with Peter Salus and his wife Mary was a delight. Being with a couple who have been married happily for 30+ years is a joy because they coordinated everything so well. I loved the chance to listen and get a glimpse of the perspective of someone who has been around for twice as long as I have. In this case age not only conferred wisdom, it also handed out wit and good humor.

Hanging out with Howard and Rob Balder was a blast. We had a wonderful discussion about publication and self promotion and other webcomicy concerns. The discussion was serious and important, but it was also hilarious because Howard and Rob kept feeding eachother straight lines. Yet another reason I love being in the webcomic business rather than the IT business.

I don’t drink and most of my friends locally don’t either. The same was true in the town I grew up in. So this was the first time I’ve ever been at a party where people were drinking with the intent to get really drunk. I kept watching for the classic comedic “I’m drunk” behaviors, but I never really saw them. To be honest unless I saw someone holding a drink in their hand I couldn’t tell whether they’d been drinking or not. This probably means I’m still pretty clueless about alcohol consumption. The really cool thing was that not once was I ever pressured to take a drink that I didn’t want. In fact most of the friends I made were already aware that I didn’t drink and so I was never even offered one. This was so different from the scare stories about drinking parties that I was fed as a teenager, that I’ve had to readjust my thinking. It doesn’t change my comittment to not drink, but it does add to my store of experiences from which I’ll eventually extract wisdom.

The Chaos Machine was a blast. I didn’t actually do much engineering, but by the end of the Con I felt like I’d made friends with most of the folks who had spent most of the Con tinkering with it. Unfortunately there were so many new names that I’m unable to remember them all. I can call up faces, but names slip away from me.

Getting a call from my brother on Sunday night because Gleek had gone into a non-linear tantrum wasn’t much fun. I spent about 40 minutes on the phone trying to talk her down to a point where she would cooperate with my brother again. It worked, but unfortunately that event is the one that looms largest in her memory of the weekend. Kiki spent the weekend coughing and sick. Link had so much fun he didn’t want to go home. Patches occasionally asked “where’s mom?” but wandered off after being told “She’s on a trip with your dad.” I expected him to cling once we returne home, he hasn’t. Just when I think I know my kids …

There is more stuff I want to say. I know that there is, but I’m drawing blanks right now and I’ve got to get on top of finances and laundry.

Yesterday I managed to find the fun things that I did expect from this weekend. I’d bumped into people often enough that they stopped feeling like total strangers and I had starting points for conversations. Howard was also in a more social mode.

Just a note of caution: Active seven-year-old twin boys should NOT be fed caffinated gum. And definitely not several packs at a time. The should then NOT be turned loose with little to no parental supervision.

I’m tired. I’m glad I came. I have observations and thoughts, but I’m currently too groggy to organize them.

I didn’t expect to have my kids get sick just before I left them for 5 days.

I didn’t expect to get tangentially attacked as a result of Howard’s departure from Keenspot. I was extremely heartwarmed at the number of people who were offended in my behalf. Fortunately have so little respect for the person who did the attacking that I was completely uninjured by the comments. Besides sticks and stones can’t hurt me when they’re so poorly aimed.

I didn’t expect to sit parked in traffic for an hour on the way to the airport.

I didn’t expect to be on the same plane as my backyard fence neighbor.

I somehow failed to realize that for Howard conventions are for working, not playing. Once things got going, he wasn’t in social mode.

I didn’t expect to find myself so socially lost without Howard to guide me. He introduced me to lots of people, but they were all people who are very busy and involved in making this convention run. They don’t have time to be social either. It is dismaying to realized how isolated I am here at a convention where everyone seems to run with groups of friends and have worlds of fun.

I didn’t expect to get so exhausted.

Hopefully I’ve now filled my quota of unexpected events and I can find more of the things that I expected from this weekend.

I had a whole list of things which I needed to accomplish today. Almost none of them got done. Instead I took feverish Patches to the doctor, held him most of the day, picked up feverish Kiki from school early, and finished reading a really good book. (The book was Girl in a Cage by Jane Yolen. Great historical fiction. I highly recommend it.)

I did manage to get enough done so that I can kick into high gear tonight and tomorrow to get all the packing done. On Wednesday morning I leave. Having the kids sick is not going to make it easier to leave them, but I’ve talked it over with my sister-in-law and I know she’ll take good care of them. They aren’t seriously ill, just under the weather. Part of my brain tells me that I’m a bad mom for being willing to leave. Part of my brain says they’ll be just fine. Most of my brain doesn’t really listen anymore because I’ve had this arguement with myself endless times in the last month.

Howard left this morning. Having him gone is part of what threw me so far out of gear. There was no one around to wander into the kitchen and galvanize me into action. I didn’t realize how dependent on that I’ve grown. Right now I need to start doing bedtimes for kids. And maybe I’ll tackle some more of that to-do list before I head off for bed.

Howard is out for the evening, the kids are in bed, and my brain is full of thoughts.

I mowed the lawn today. This is a major accomplishment because I had to coax an unused-for-5-years lawnmower to work before I could do it. The mower works well enough to get the job done, but it definitely has “personality”. I won’t be loaning it out anytime soon because the list of quirks would take too long to explain. (“Okay you can only get the bag off if you hold it right here and give it a kind of sideways jerk…”)

The good news is that having the lawn mowed transformed the yard. Suddenly I really wanted to be outside. Of course 75 degree temperatures might have had something to do with that as well. Since I couldn’t actually spend the whole day outside, I pulled the window screens down from the garage rafters, put them in all the windows, and then left the windows open so that I could let as much outside in as possible. The whole house felt brighter and happier than it has for months despite the fact that I didn’t get some key cleaning done. I did tour the yard a couple of times to enjoy all those blooming flowers that I planted as bulbs last fall. I’m particularly pleased with the daffodils. I purchase a lot of 25 daffodils “for naturalizing”. Essentially it was the odds and ends that didn’t get sold specifically by name. I had no idea what they would look like until they came up this spring. They are beautiful. I ended up with at least half a dozen different varieties. I’m so glad to have them and I’m looking forward to having them multiply over the years to come.

In addition to the daffodils I noticed all kinds of other yardwork that needs doing. Weeds have begun to grow. My garden plot is cleared, but not planted. Unfortunately tomorrow is the last day of beautiful weather before it gets cold and rainy for the rest of the week. Not that it matters really. I’m leaving town on Wednesday.

Urg. I’m leaving town Wednesday. Part of me has been trying to ignore the creeping approach of my trip to Penguicon in Michigan. I didn’t want to focus on it and give my brain time to fret over the whole leaving-the-children issue. The time for denial and repression is gone. Now I need to switch into high gear and get everything organized for the trip. Many of the concerns I had have been alleviated. Patches had gone clingy for awhile, but he demonstrated on a 2 hour shopping trip with Daddy that separation from Mommy was not traumatic. The measures I have taken to improve the Kiki/Gleek relationship seem to be working. At least they work enough that I’m not fearful that I’m leaving an unexploded bomb for my brother and his wife to deal with. Kiki is fairly motherly and I suspect that she’ll be right there to help if either Gleek or Patches gets lonesome for Mom.

A completely different aspect of the Penguicon trip is the anticipation for things that I’m going to get to do. I’ll get to dress nicely for 4 days in a row. With only myself to get ready, I’ll actually have time to fix my hair and match ear rings to clothing. This assumes of course that I don’t get so busy packing kids’ stuff that I forget to pack the ear rings and clothing. To be honest I haven’t even really looked at the Penguicon schedule to see what will be available. Howard is going to be there, so I’m set.

With the nicer weather lately, I’ve started hitting lots of garage sales. I look them up online at my local paper’s website. You never know what you’ll find at a garage sale and so I’ve been visiting lots in search of Christmas gifts. I want to be able to pull off Christmas for less than $200 and I can only do that if I shop now at garage sales. Most of what I see is junk, or at least nothing I’m willing to spend money on, but sometimes there is a gem. I keep hoping to run across a garage sale where someone is unloading old video games or gameboys, but it hasn’t happened yet. Yesterday morning I did manage to score a toddler bed for Patches.(Only $6!) I’d planned to just take his crib mattress and throw it on the floor for a bed when he was ready, but now I can loan the whole crib to my pregnant sister and give Patches this toddler bed. For now the new bed is in the basement because making a big change like that right before my trip wouldn’t be smart. In fact I doubt I’ll be ready to make the crib-to-bed switch until the end of May when the kids are out of school. …but that’s when the family trip to my parent’s house is scheduled…hmm. This will require further thought. No rush really. My sister isn’t due until September and I kind of like having Patches contained at night.

This morning there were a plethora of garage sales. I left the house to buy gas for the mower and ended up being gone for an hour because I kept driving past sales and stopped to see what was there. I didn’t find any big scores, but I’m slowly accumulating information which I’m using to figure out when a garage sale is worth the time and gas to find. I’m going to list them while they’re in my head so that I don’t forget:
Garage sales which advertise in the paper have more stuff than ones which just throw up a few signs on nearby corners.
Garage sales which run for two days have more stuff than sales which only run for one.
Multi-family sales tend to have more stuff.
Multi-family sales are sometimes annoying because you have to pay more than one person for individual items.
If the sale is more than 5 minutes away by car, it isn’t worth the time and gas.
I don’t have to get all the sales today, there will be more next week, and the one after, and the one after…
It never hurts to see if the seller is willing to accept a lower price.
If the price isn’t listed on the item ask “Would you take…” rather than “How much?”
No garage sale item is worth arguing over. If the seller isn’t willing to come down to a price I’m willing to pay, then I need to walk away.
Garage sales are best first thing in the morning before they have been picked over.
I don’t have to hit garage sales every week, I have all summer to slowly collect what I need.
Keep track of the kinds of things I’m looking for so I can make decisions quickly.
Take as few kids with me as I can possibly manage.
Be picky. Just because I have money with me, doesn’t mean I need to buy something.
Any time I’m considering buying something ask myself: “what will I use it for and where will I put it?”

Well lookit that. I seem to have emptied all the loose thoughts out of my head. Time to go to bed now.

Ever since Schlock Mercenary went independent on April 1st Howard has been extremely interested in watching his Google Adsense revenue. Any of you who have read the news tidbit posted about it at Penny Arcade will know that he is very happy with the revenue. Being linked from Penny Arcade gave us a readership spike yesterday with an accompanying Adsense revenue spike. This was happy.

As for me, I’m scared. I look at those wonderful numbers and think how wonderful it would be to have that money in my pocket RIGHT NOW. The more I stare at the numbers, the more they look like chickens; beautiful chickens that haven’t hatched yet out of eggs which are still in someone else’s basket.

I won’t really believe that advertising can produce regular revenue until I have a check in my hand.

I’ve had the last two days rearranged by a Mystery Puddle in my basement. The location and size of the puddle made it unlikely that any of the children was the culprit. It turns out that my water heaters were about 5 years overdue for failure and one of them finally figured it out. The good news is that we have enough cash on hand to have the heaters replaced. The bad news is that it cost us half a month’s worth of living expenses. For some reason the money isn’t stressing me today. Probably because the Mystery Puddle derailed my bookeeping session for two days in a row. Right now I’m too focused on making Kiki get along with Gleek, and preparing for Penguicon next week, to get stressed about a potential lack of money in June.

This past week has trompled me flat. Monday and Tuesday were completely absorbed by business stuff. By Tuesday night I realized that I hadn’t really looked at my kids once in 48 hours. Wednesday was completely scheduled from crawling out of bed earlier than usual to falling into bed at night. There were a few gaps in events, but I used them up by collapsing in a heap. Today I was away from the house all morning, spent one hour at home, then turned around to be gone most of the afternoon. I’ve done exactly zero laundry or housework this week and it really shows. I feel all messy and irritable. Of course not being able to squeeze a shower into the schedule might have something to do with that.

Tomorrow I’ve cleared the decks. I have no out of the house events. I’m going to stay home and catch up. At least in theory, there will probably be a nap involved. Maybe Howard and I will have a chance to do more than cross paths as well. I honestly do not know how people who work away from their houses manage.