June 6, 2005

Patches has developed blisters across his shoulders and some “I’m in pain” crankiness. Poor little guy. Tender 2-year-old skin just isn’t equipped to handle a heavy sunburn. I cringe in sympathetic pain whenever I look at him. I also cringe in guilt. Bad mommy.

I’m going to try this again. Last time my train of thought went some interesting places, but it wasn’t the track I intended to take. So once again here is the quote from Middlemarch by George Elliot:

“now more than ever she was active in sketching her landscapes and market-cares
and portraits of friends, in practising her music, and in being from morning
till night her own standard of a perfect lady, having always an audience in her
own consciousness, with sometimes the not unwelcome addition of a more variable
external audience in the numerous visitors of the house.”

So what does it mean to be a lady? During my high school and college years I spent a lot of thought on this subject. Part of the reason for my focus was because the last thing my grandpa told me before he died was “always be a lady.” So as I read and lived I tried to gather a list of accomplishments and qualties that I wanted to have in order to “be a lady”. For a while I was reading Gone With The Wind at least once a year because I loved the way the novel approached the question of what it means to be a lady. Over the years my focus has changed some. Now I’m less concerned with the concept of being a lady and more focused on being a very good person. I want to be someone who:
isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty, particularly in the service of others.
is kind and gracious both as a guest and as a hostess.
disciplines her children by raising her eyebrow instead of raising the roof.
keeps a clean house.
grows flowers.
creates beautiful things.
makes the world better by being here.

There are many more things I want to be. But kids need breakfast and my contemplative time has run out. Maybe I’ll add to the list later.