I’m going to try this again. Last time my train of thought went some interesting places, but it wasn’t the track I intended to take. So once again here is the quote from Middlemarch by George Elliot:
“now more than ever she was active in sketching her landscapes and market-cares
and portraits of friends, in practising her music, and in being from morning
till night her own standard of a perfect lady, having always an audience in her
own consciousness, with sometimes the not unwelcome addition of a more variable
external audience in the numerous visitors of the house.”
So what does it mean to be a lady? During my high school and college years I spent a lot of thought on this subject. Part of the reason for my focus was because the last thing my grandpa told me before he died was “always be a lady.” So as I read and lived I tried to gather a list of accomplishments and qualties that I wanted to have in order to “be a lady”. For a while I was reading Gone With The Wind at least once a year because I loved the way the novel approached the question of what it means to be a lady. Over the years my focus has changed some. Now I’m less concerned with the concept of being a lady and more focused on being a very good person. I want to be someone who:
isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty, particularly in the service of others.
is kind and gracious both as a guest and as a hostess.
disciplines her children by raising her eyebrow instead of raising the roof.
keeps a clean house.
grows flowers.
creates beautiful things.
makes the world better by being here.
There are many more things I want to be. But kids need breakfast and my contemplative time has run out. Maybe I’ll add to the list later.
It sounds like you’re very much a “lady” right now. I mean, we have to think about what the word is supposed to mean, because the idea of a “lady” who is docile, respects and accepts the utter authority of her husband, doesn’t cause a commotion, etc doesn’t really strike me as the sort of ideals you’re looking for. But always being generous, polite, and kind, and enriching the world along with being capable and creative… those seem to be the sorts of things that we’d call a “lady” today. And I think you’ve achieved that.
Yeah. I’m definitely thinking more of a Southern Lady with a spine of steel rather than a mideaval lady who defers and is beaten for it. But even “Southern Lady” doesn’t quite cover it because they had to wear corsets and appear brainless to their men. “Stepford Wife” isn’t right either because again it caters to men rather than independence. Mostly I guess I’m co-opting the term “lady” and redefining it to mean what I want. Mostly it is an exercise in “Who do I want to be?”
Yeah. Perhaps the question isn’t so much “what do we want ‘lady’ to mean?” as “what do you want ‘Sandra Tayler’ to mean?”
I think you’ve got a good handle on it, though.
What an excellent way of putting it! Thanks.
Mmm. I think “lady” is more commonly used as an ideal, rather than a ‘this is what it meant to be ‘a lady’ at X point in history.’
As an ideal, it’s appropriate to redefine it for different time periods. Even our own. I like Ms. Tayler’s list for it. 🙂
Please tell me how you can raise your eyebrow and get results! That sounds perfect but I can’t get it to work.
It doesn’t work for me either, but I keep holding it up as an ideal.
raising eyebrow
I think that at least some of the people who can raise one eyebrow and get results are the ones who are so strict and firm that others hasten to appease their every whim out of fear and to avoid the possible wrath that might follow. If this truly is the only way to raise an eyebrow and get results, you had better save that little bit of energy for when Gleek has exhausted all your emotional resources because you will always need that “little bit more” for her.
But I also think that when children are raised with love and kindness and concern for their feelings and sad times, that eventually–not immediately–but eventually the time may come that a raised eyebrow gets results. Your grandfather told you to be a lady and tha admonition has stayed with you, hasn’t it?