Faith is needed, not will power

I believe in healing by faith, the power of the mind to heal the body. I also believe that prayers make a difference and miracles can happen. During my medical adventures in heart monitoring I tried to exercise faith toward making myself better. But there is a difference between true faith and trying to make myself well by sheer force of will. Faith says “What should I do? and thy will be done.” Will says “I’m better now, really I am. That tremor there is just an after effect, but I’m all better.” Faith is patient. Will is petulant and insistent. Will is my good friend. Together we have set many goals and achieved them. Will is a familiar tool. So, familiar that I didn’t notice it masquerading as faith. But faith to be healed is more than willing it to be so. Having the faith to be healed is listening when you’re told to go to the doctor. It means taking the medicines to restore health. It means accepting that taking a medication daily does not make you an unwell person; often the reverse.

I thought I was exercising my faith to be healed. I was instead exercising will power. Two weeks ago I was told as part of a blessing prayer that I need to get more sleep. I’ve also known for weeks that my diet had turned into a mess of skipped meals and sugary snacks. In the past two days I’ve slept until my body was done sleeping and I made sure that I ate nutritious food at regular intervals. The heart palpitations and mental fogginess are gone today. I feel normal, healthy.

I ought to feel stupid for over looking such an obvious solution. Curiously I don’t feel stupid. I just feel relieved to find a solution that does not involve further medical intervention. I feel glad to have the validation of the message I was given weeks ago. I feel grateful to have this lesson in the difference between faith and will power.

I will continue to eat and sleep well. Hopefully that will be the end of my adventures in heart monitoring.