When slowing down is a mirage
On Monday I wrote about how my life was slowing down just when most people are speeding up for the holidays. I was mistaken. I worked calmly and steadily through Monday and Tuesday. They were good days and I was able to feel happy about my life and the things that are in it. By Wednesday it became apparent that while “calm and steady” is a good emotional state, it was not keeping up with the deluge of tasks.
I gave last week to the Church Christmas party. This week was supposed to be about finding my balance and setting the house back in order. Instead the week was about hundreds of small things that had become urgent when I wasn’t looking. It was also about tripping over stuff and shoving it into odd corners so that I could pay attention to the task at hand. The result is all jumbled up. My office and work room are in such a state that I’m constantly having to move boxes (or papers, or packaging) in order to get to the books (or papers, or packaging) that I need. I need to do a thorough reorganization, but I’ve been too busy chasing urgent tasks.
Adding to the mix, my two daughters are each having a rough time this week. They each need my full attention to help them sort through and find solutions. And I have little energy or attention to spare.
We’ll sort it all out. I just wanted it to be sorted this week instead of next. I’m constantly hoping that a big effort today will allow me to relax in the future. I’m chasing a mirage, and I haven’t yet figured out how to stop. At least Howard met his achievement goals for the week. The buffer is healthy again.