Traditions exist for reasons. Sometimes they exist by nothing more than inertia and become burdens for those who must carry them onward. But good traditions help define the community or family which upholds them. My favorite traditions are the ones which spring into existence simply because they bring fulfillment to everyone involved. I remember during the early years of our family, we cast around trying to find Christmas traditions which fit. These days we have a solid set of Christmas traditions which work very well for us. I expect they will evolve as our family continues to shift and change, but for now they are good. I thought it might be interesting to list our Christmas traditions and the purposes that I feel they serve for our family.
Christmas tree: We have an artificial tree. We haul it out of the basement, assemble it, and put ornaments on it.
Why: The assembling of the tree heralds the beginning of the Christmas season. Looking at the ornaments connects us with Christmases past and often sparks the re-telling of family stories.
Pile of Christmas books: Lately I’ve taken to arranging all our Christmas books across the front of the piano so that they’re easy to select from. We don’t have many Santa-themed books. I tend to go for more unusual, less saccharine Christmas stories like A Wish for Wings that Work by Berke Breathed or Miracle by Connie Willis
Why: I like having new/familiar books available at Christmas time.
Countdown Candle: On a candle I paint numbers from 1 to 25. Each evening in December we light the candle at bedtime snack. It burns while the kids eat and I read from one of the Christmas books. The kids take turns blowing out the candle.
Why: This one grew out of my love for some way to count down until Christmas. One year someone gave us a countdown candle and it fit so nicely with our regular pattern of reading aloud at bedtime that we have done it ever since. I expect that this one will fade away when the kids stop wanting me to read aloud at snack time.
Gift Wrapping: The kids select gifts for each other, wrap them and put them under the tree. Lately all our gift paper has been white and drawn on by hand.
Why: Watching the accumulating pile of presents under the tree makes the kids happy. The white paper is a concession to the fact that the kids always liked drawing all over the gift wrap even when it already was covered in pictures. I’m not sure how long hand-drawn gift wrap will last as a tradition, but it works this year.
German “poor man’s christmas tree” on Christmas eve: This carved wooden pyramid features little wooden nativity figures which spin around as the fan blades on top are pushed by the heat of the candles which ring the base. Ours was given to me by my sister who served her mission in Germany. We light the candles, turn out the other lights and have a little Christmas Eve program which involves reading and cookies.
Why: We wanted a way to help the kids focus on the spiritual side of Christmas prior to the excitement of Christmas morning. We found that turning out the lights and lighting candles helped focus the attention of the kids. They quiet and watch the spinning shadows and figures while they listen. It is a little ceremony that creates a space of peace and calm right before bed.
Gifts for Jesus: We have a green velvet box which holds pieces of paper. Each year we write down what we want to give Jesus as a birthday gift. No one else gets to see it. This is done as part of our Christmas eve around the German candle tree. Afterward we have cookies.
Why: This was a deliberate addition to our traditions as a mechanism to help the kids understand why gift giving is so prominent in the holiday. It is also good for each of us to think through how we can be better people and give service to others, which is really the only way we can give gifts to Christ. The cookies were introduced as a reward to help the young ones focus. They aren’t necessary anymore, but we still like cookies.
Christmas Morning Surprises: We have never been proponents of Santa in our house. Instead we have a small array of gifts which are for the whole family to share. The kids know that Mom and Dad buy the gifts even when they are very small. (One child hypothesized that we wait until kids are in bed then run out and buy them that very night.) These gifts are displayed in the family room. When the kids get up on Christmas morning, they line up and enter the room together to see what the surprises are.
Why: The joy of shiny new things on display for Christmas morning is reason enough.
Stockings hung by the fireplace: We have huge stockings because Howard did when he was growing up. Most of the month they hang rather limply, not particularly decorative. But on Christmas eve we stuff them full of treat food such as cereal. The kids can dig into these as soon as they are done admiring the morning surprises.
Why: It is nice for the kids to each have a little stock of Christmas morning goodies that is clearly theirs rather than shared by everyone. Also having some of the morning surprises hidden away extends the new-things joy.
Christmas Breakfast: We require the kids to all have a solid breakfast before we proceed any further into the day. The breakfast must include protein.
Why: The whole rest of the day goes better if the kids are not sugar crashing and cranky.
Present Preparation: The morning surprises are played with and admired on both sides of breakfast. Eventually one of the kids wants to open the presents under the tree. We require all children to get fully dressed and the family room to be cleaned up before we proceed.
Why: This is both a stalling tactic and a chaos reduction tactic. If all the surprises of the morning are expended in one quick burst, the rest of the day feels anticlimactic. So we deliberately try to slow things down so that the kids will savor and appreciate instead of rushing on to the next thing. The fact that they know work lays between them and presents means the kids are a little more content to play with the new things that they already have. The clean up also means that new things do not get lost in the chaos of wrapping paper.
Gift giving: The kids carry all the presents from under the tree into the family room where we all have room to sit down. They then sort the presents according to who is giving the present. So each of us has a pile of the gifts we are giving and those gifts from other people are stacked in a seventh pile. Then we start with the youngest and someone gives a gift to him. He opens it. Then on upward in age.
Why: Again some of this is a stalling tactic. By drawing out the opening, everyone has time to focus on the gift in their hands rather than tossing it aside for the next package. Requiring people to hand-deliver the gifts they are giving helps us all focus on the act of giving rather than on getting. It also encourages mental/emotional connections between the receiver, giver, and gift. The process does not always work perfectly, but the structure encourages good habits in us all.
Christmas Dinner: We all sit down at the table together for a delicious meal. This usually happens around 2 pm. Between breakfast and dinner, people snack.
Why: It is another point of family connection. We like an excuse to eat yummy food. Also having a solid meal helps prevent sugar crashes and crankiness.
Christmas Day Movie: We always make sure that one of the Christmas gifts is a movie that we can sit down and watch together as a family.
Why: This way when the mid-afternoon crankies/boredoms hit we have something new and soothing to do as a family.
German Candle tree reprise: We light the candles again and turn out the lights. On this night we read something like How the Grinch Stole Christmas rather than Luke 2.
Why:It brings a spirit of calmness to the end of our Christmas day and reconnects us with the spiritual heart of the holiday.
Other traditions which we used to have, or which I like the idea of, but which are extremely hit and miss for our family:
Caroling
Sending out Christmas cards
Giving treats to neighbors
Giving gifts to teachers
Driving around to look at Christmas lights
Outdoor Christmas lights on our house