Sandra Tayler

Waiting

By / June 12, 2013

My flight was delayed, and delayed again, and thrice delayed. The first two delays came before I left for the airport, so I waited an extra two hours at home. It was a strange mental space that waiting. I’d already settled the kids for my absence. It would have made sense to use the time for extra work, but I had packed away all of my work thoughts. They were folded neatly to wait until I returned from my trip. I did not want to open them up. It would have made sense to begin unfolding my writer thoughts, to start musing on story elements and what I would write during the retreat. Yet somehow my brain would not do that either. It was as if that cupboard had a time release lock which would not open until after I had boarded the plane. Besides, my laptop was packed already. So I waited, opening myself to the sensation of waiting, pondering those Dr. Seuss verses about The Waiting Place, and swinging in a hammock, because hammocks invite one to be present in now rather than rushing toward something else. Eventually I opened the book which was supposed to be my in-flight reading. I read while I waited.

Life frequently offers us pauses, places of waiting because we can’t move forward in the ways that we want or expect. I do not like them, they feel like time wasted. I get grouchy when I have to wait for my computer to restart, or the light to change, or someone to respond to a query, let alone an additional three hour wait to board a plane. These imposed waits feel like time stolen from me. I had to wait hours until the airline was prepared to take me to my destination. Even boarding the plane was the end of one wait only to begin another one. I thought about waiting as I drove to the airport, because I expected eight hours of traveling and during most of it my job was to wait patiently. I wished that I could skip the travels and just arrive. But then I remembered my last retreat and the way that the journey quieted my thoughts, slowed me down, and let me begin to shift my thinking into a different gear. Sometimes an imposed wait can be a gift, though often I don’t see that gift until later when I see the fruits of it. Waiting changes me, particularly when I accept and embrace it.

I could spend all my life rushing toward destinations and being frustrated by everything in between. Instead I need to remember the times spent swinging gently in a hammock swing, when waiting becomes its own reward.

The Trees I Planted

By / June 9, 2013 / 1 Comment


The best time to plant a tree is ten years ago. The next best time is today.

Fifteen years ago I dug a hole in the ground and planted that tree in the picture. It was a tiny little thing that I had to defend from the children and the potential ravages of weed whackers. There was one spring where aphids threatened to kill the entire tree, so we released legions of ladybugs on it. We planted many trees that first year in the house because we knew that someday we wanted to have shade. Life changed and shifted. We spent less energy landscaping and far more creating books. While we were not paying attention, the trees grew. They got big enough for Gleek to climb them. The shade spread to cover most of the lawn.

Yesterday I went in search of a hammock for Link. He’s wistfully asked for one more than once, and given his current doctor’s instructions to avoid sitting as much as possible, it seemed like a good time to add lounging space in the back garden. I’d seen the hammocks and stands at IKEA, they still had the hammocks, but not the stands. I brought the hammock home and strung it between a pair of trees. That tiny maple sapling now bears the weight of two kids without bending. The act of fifteen years ago blesses our lives today because I planted a tree in the right place.

Here at the Tayler house this summer represents a pause before things finish changing. All of our lives will look quite different ten years from now. I could drive myself crazy trying to figure out which things I should plant in our lives right now so that they’ll bless us later. I remember agonizing over where to plant the trees all those years ago. I pondered bush placement. I paced off expected shade radii. Some of the trees that we planted later died. Other trees I could wish in slightly different locations. It is hard to know what our lives will need ten years from now. Instead of trying to plan all of it, I just need to plant many things and see which ones flourish. Also I consult with the master gardener and listen to His instructions.

For now I’ll be out back in the hammock, breathing the scents of honeysuckle and mock orange, while swinging gently in the shade of my trees.

Not Really Missing that Data

By / June 8, 2013 / 1 Comment

A month ago my hard drive crashed. It kindly waited until the optimal moment, I’d just finished uploading a book to the printer, but had not yet begun work on another project. I’d backed up my files recently, so data loss was minimal. The only thing I lost which I have not been able to recover is my bookmarks. I had a huge list of them and now my list is tiny because I can’t remember what most of them were. I’m actually finding this liberating, as if I’d cast off a burden. I’m certain there are internet places that I use to frequent regularly where I’m no longer going, but now I realize that I was going some of those places out of habit rather than active enjoyment. So I’m being cautious about putting bookmarks back. Fewer distractions is a good thing right now.

Thoughts on a Friday Evening

By / June 8, 2013 / 1 Comment

I stepped outside my house and into the peace of my garden. Yes it has areas where the grass has grown waist high. No there are not nearly as many blooming plants as I would like, but it still breathes peace into me. This is my place and it has nothing to do with packages or emails.

Howard and I were short with each other yesterday. In hindsight I see that he was anxious about this trip. His last writer’s retreat was difficult for many reasons, one of which being that he was not prepared. It makes sense that his back brain would drive him toward extra preparedness. I, on the other hand, was still trying to finish up the last of the coin shipping and also trying to gather all the threads of things that need to be done before my departure next week. We frustrated each other without meaning to do so. Then at the end of the day we talked it through a little, carefully though. The trick is to let each other know the shape of the anger without creating more. Tonight none of it feels quite so urgent and I wonder why I got upset.

I scroll back through my blog entries and they are full of shipping updates for the past weeks. This is an accurate representation of how my life has been. I hope to be able to reclaim it, to have time for slow thoughts, to really see my kids. They’re around me all the time. I answer queries and help them solve problems. Yet when I get absorbed into weeks of work urgency I don’t really see them when I look at them. My brain is holding on to the work thoughts instead of focusing on the kids. Tomorrow is Saturday and I’ve closed down work for the week. I’ll pick it up again on Monday in a mad rush to complete things before I leave, but Saturday belongs to my kids and my house. Sunday I hope to rest. Resting would be lovely.

Of course I have to remember how to do it. I’ve been doing one thing after another for so long I hardly know how to stop. Perhaps I’ll figure it out this weekend.

Stories for Calcifer

By / June 6, 2013 / 2 Comments

I sit in my hammock swing basking in morning sunshine, while Calcifer waits for me to tell him stories. I know he’s not really waiting, he’s a laptop, but in the animated picture I put on as a desktop background he looks at me with big smiling eyes. I tell myself that he’s waiting for the stories I promised to write. He’s been waiting a lot lately as my life completely filled with coin shipping and end of school. Before that it filled with last minute school projects, school performances, and some heavy duty parenting. Before that…I don’t even remember, except that there was something before. It has been months since I’ve sat down regularly to write. Even today in my hammock swing when I want to unfurl writing thoughts, when I want to muse upon plot and character, another part of my brain is pounding out a list of things to get done today. They are important things, urgent things. If I fail to do them I will be letting people down. But soon, very soon, I will make the people wait so that I can tell stories to Calcifer.

At the Beginning of a Busy June

By / June 5, 2013

Yesterday I closed the door behind my last shipping helper and breathed a big sigh of relief. The shipping was done. 2400 packages, 20,000 coins, 270 work hours. We did it all in two work weeks. Before the shipping was complete, people began reporting the coins arrival. Over and again we hear that the coins are even better than expected. We feel the same way. I love them. This is good because I spent most of this morning working with Janci to rearrange my shipping room to make space for the coins. There are a lot of them still here. The mass shipping is done, but I’ll be shipping out Kickstarter coin orders for another few weeks. There are problems to resolve and addresses to chase down.

Because life is never simple, I have not been able to focus on just coins and shipping. Yesterday morning Howard’s aching tooth proved to need a root canal, so we took care of that. This afternoon Link had an appointment with a specialist for a minor issue and we’ve been referred to a follow-up specialist. That appointment is tomorrow. In theory this is the week when we’re starting to establish family patterns for the summer, but everything is going to get disrupted again because Howard flies out on Friday for the Writing Excuses retreat. There are lots of preparations involved. It has been awhile since Howard was gone for so extended a trip.

My family came into town for Kiki’s graduation and then departed again. They’ll be back for family reunions in another couple of weeks. I’ll likely wave to them as they pass through. I have so much clean up and organization to do after the past three months. I’m beginning to make progress, but I think it will be the end of June before I truly feel like I’ve got things managed.

Yet, I’m happy. I’m running from thing to thing. I’m often tired and losing track of what comes next, but I’m happy instead of scared. This is good.

Project: Jay Wake Book

By / September 16, 2013 / 7 Comments


UPDATE on 7/20/2013: We are now in phase two of the Jay Wake Book project. We will be collecting additional celebrations of Jay until approximately September 25, 2013. The final version of the project is expected to become publicly available sometime in October.

Introduction to the project:
Our friend Jay has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and is hosting his own wake, Jay Wake, which Howard and I are attending. We know that other friends of Jay would love to be able to come, but can’t for a multitude of reasons. The Jay Wake Book is a project to let everyone participate in the celebration of Jay. I’ll be collecting stories, art, and photos of Jay to compile into the book. The first iteration of this book will be presented to Jay at Jay Wake. The second iteration will include stories and photos collected at Jay Wake. It will be made generally available either in electronic or print version.

The call to action:
We need your stories and accompanying pictures of Jay. Did you witness Jay do something funny at a convention? Tell us about it. Did Jay be clever or raucous? Send us that story. We want to celebrate Jay and by doing so, celebrate this larger community to which Jay has added so much.

What to contribute: Anything that celebrates Jay, his contributions to your life or the fandom community. Thus far we’ve had promised submissions of fiction, personal stories, art, and tales of how Jay has improved the life of people he’s never met. If your idea speaks to you, it will probably speak to others as well. Please contact us to discuss it.

How to submit:
Email your story and pictures to jaylakememory@gmail.com. BUT first read the conditions below.

Terms and conditions:
1. Submitting your story and/or picture of Jay means it will be published in a publicly available form. You will be asked via email to agree to some terms of use for the story and picture. In return, the story and picture will only be used for the Jay Wake Book in print or electronic format. It will not be re-purposed without your permission. Further clarification can be obtained via email. Art celebrations of Jay are very welcome.

2. Please make sure that you read and copy edit carefully before submitting. We do not feel it is appropriate to edit someone else’s memories, so except in the case of simple spelling errors, typos, or punctuation, no changes will be made to the words or pictures that you submit.

3. If you submit your story, photo, or art before July 1st, 2013 it will be included in both phase one and phase two of the project. Stories submitted after July 1st will be included in phase two.
Phase one: A physical book to hand to Jay at the Jay Wake event.
Phase two: A revised and expanded book including photos taken during Jay Wake and additional memories collected after the close of phase one. Copies of this book will be given to Jay and those close to him. It may be made available to the public as well (details to be determined.)

Thanks in advance to everyone who participates.

Shipping Update Final Day Tuesday June 4

By / June 4, 2013

This was the last day of shipping. From here out it will all be odds and ends, people who didn’t finish sending us their address until late, incorrect addresses, missing items, etc. We had a great crew and the work wrapped up far more quickly than expected.

Work hours today: 37
Packages shipped: approx 500

Running totals
Work hours:270
Packages shipped: All of the packages for which we have addresses 2395.
We’re still waiting on 117 people to tell us where to ship their coins. (If this is you, please go to schlockcoins.afterthecrowd.com. We’d really like to send your coins to you.) Part of my work for the rest of the week is emailing all of these people to ask for their addresses.

All backer levels are in the mail

People have been asking when they will be able to buy additional coins. Quick answer: Late June or early July.
Longer answer: I need to handle all the follow up customer support for Kickstarter backers before I can feel comfortable shipping out more coins. I also need to do an inventory count, participate in the Writing Excuses retreat, and catch up on all my other work. Then I will be prepared to manage a flood of store orders in a timely fashion.

Many thanks to everyone who participated in this project by backing it and helping ship it. This has been amazing.

Progress

By / June 3, 2013

It is possible that I caught up on the laundry this weekend. My laundry closet looks astonishingly bare without it’s huge mounds of clothing, but the closets and drawers look kind of nice. I’m a little afraid to believe in this new state of affairs so I’m not looking too closely at the corners of my kids rooms lest I discover even more things to be washed. Of course those bedrooms are themselves a monument to disaster and a reminder that catching up in one small area of my life is not the same as being caught up with everything. But it is a start.

It is also possible that I’m up to date on all the customer support emails, though this is likely an illusion. I know I have emails in need of my attention, but there are fewer now than there were this morning, so that is progress too.

I’m also working my way through the accounting, which I usually do weekly, but haven’t touched in several weeks. Piece by piece I feel like I’m gathering in all the threads of normality. It helps that exactly zero of my brain is taken up by tracking homework deadlines and school events. I have time to breathe. One more day of shipping coins and that project will be complete. Or mostly complete. There are always odds and ends left over after a big project.

Bit by bit, progress is made. Hopefully by the end of the week I’ll have enough spare brain to prepare healthy meals again.

Shipping Update June 3

By / June 3, 2013

Janci printed postage for 3 hours. I did customer support emails, organization, and special handling for 3 hours.
Work hours today: 6
Packages shipped: 7

Running totals
Work hours:233
Packages shipped: Approx 1800

No change to backer levels in the mail.
The following backer levels are in the mail:
Low numbered (9-99) Tagon’s Toughs coins
Tagon’s Toughs challenge coin
Two Tagon’s Toughs Challenge coins
Officer’s Club
NCO Club
Enlisted Mess US

Enlisted Mess International is mostly done.
All orders containing more than 8 coins. (We’re done boxing. Yay!)

All the postage is printed. Tomorrow we will ship all the remaining orders.