Author name: Sandra Tayler

Blogging

/ / 2 Comments

Some days I stare at the blank “journal entry” box and feel like I have nothing to say. I want to write something brilliant, or witty, or thought provoking; something that will inspire people to comment and drag their friends here to read my words. I want that, and some days I feel close, but other days I stare at the blank white box and feel that my life and my every thought is just… boring, uninspired. So I hammer out an entry about the thoughts in my brain and it all feels prosaic. Every writer I’ve ever talked to has times when they feel like what they’ve written is worthless. Blogging does not get a pass on this. The bloggers I’ve talked to all have moments of wondering why on earth they do it. I no longer wonder why I blog. It has reached the point where blogging has become part of my emotional process. Even things that are too personal for the internet get processed in writing. Not blogging would take a serious readjustment of my psyche. So I don’t wonder why I blog anymore, but sometimes I wonder why other people show up to read it. Some days I can see value in what I write, other days I can’t. That is just how it is.

Talking about my feelings about blogging always feels awkward. It feels like begging for compliments. It feels like the classic public-speaking mistake of getting up in front of the crowd and expressing why I feel like I’m not qualified to give the speech, thus undermining everything that comes afterward. Is blogging about blogging meta-blogging? I’m not sure. But the experience of blogging and of reading blogs has a major impact on my life and so not talking about it feels like ignoring the elephant in the room.

At Ad Astra I was a panelist for an hour long discussion on “The Experience of Blogging.” At that panel there was a moment when time seemed to slow down and my words felt heavy with truth. It was my moment to give last words, and I said that the reason I blog is because there is a possibility that my words will be exactly what someone else needs today; the possibility that my thoughts will make someone else’s life better. The truth that I did not say, is that sometimes that “someone” who needs my words is my future self. Sometimes the words she needs are not the brilliant ones, but the “boring” words that will echo through the years wafting with memories of a time gone by. Sometimes I find in someone else’s blog a thought or idea that is completely new to me. Sometimes the thought is so profound that it sets my head spinning. Often that profound thought comes from a blog entry that the writer probably considered boring.

Are some blog entries boring? Of course they are. I’m definitely a blog skimmer. I’ll skip entries that cover topics that don’t interest me. Many of my own entries are similarly boring. But “boring” is not the same thing as valueless. Often blogging is like building a sandcastle. The point is the process rather than the result. Also like sandcastles, blogs often change shape in the making. An entry that starts out as one thing may end up being a very different shape than intended. This entry for example. I meant to write about having nothing to say, but once I started digging, I found thoughts that had lain buried for a long time. There is another way that blog entries are like sandcastles. They never seem to be truly complete. There’s always something else that could be built up or smoothed down. But in the end there comes a time to call it done and walk away.

Sandcastles. It has been a long time since I’ve built a sandcastle. We have lovely new sand in our sandbox and tomorrow is Saturday. Perhaps it is time for me to remedy that.

Blogging Read More »

My marketing brain is tired

/

I spent several hours yesterday sending emails to book bloggers who I thought might be interested in reviewing Hold on to Your Horses. It took so long, not because of a gargantuan list, but because I agonized over the wording of the email. It is tricky to send out an advertisement/request without making it sound like spam. I seem to have done alright though because I’ve gotten positive responses from most of the bloggers that I emailed. Then this morning I spent several more hours responding to the responses and shipping out books. The positive responses were so encouraging that I spent another hour or more researching even more blogs that I’ll contact on another day. Oh, and I finally finished up that press release. All the packages are in the mail. Hopefully in weeks to come, I’ll be able to do a Link Salad to all the lovely reviews. Now it is time for me to shut down the marketing brain and go do something else. This is necessary because the thought of further marketing is currently exhausting. But turning off the marketing brainis proving difficult. I keep spinning further plans for both Hold Horses and for Schlock Mercenary. The thought of executing on these plans is completely unappealing right now, but my brain continues to provide the plans. Sometimes my brain won’t shut up.

My marketing brain is tired Read More »

Out From Under begins

/

The first layout pass on Out From Under is done. The book will be in the 80 page range. This is so much shorter than Teraport Wars. The layout went much more quickly and will continue to go quickly. As usual, the biggest tasks are Howard’s. He has some coloring to do, a bonus story, and a cover. But right now he’s working to replace the buffer that he lost because of Comic Con and Worldcon. It just feels good to get the project started. It feels even better to realize that I’m looking forward to seeing this book come together. It is going to be a fun book.

Out From Under begins Read More »

The third day

/ / 2 Comments

…and on the third day of the new schedule we’re starting to find the rough edges. Getting up for school is no longer shiny and new, it is now just early. Way early. Especially considering that the kid’s bio-clocks think they shouldn’t be going to sleep until after 9 pm. I’m trying to adjust the bedtimes earlier, but it is difficult when the sky is still light and some of their friends are running around our cul de sac right outside their bedroom windows.

So far there have been no Incidents at school. Everyone still likes their teachers. Mostly. Kiki wants to drop one class because it is annoying her greatly after only two days. Since it is an elective, I’m going to let her. That’s tomorrow’s task. Patch had his kindergarten assessment. He was very subdued and concerned about getting things right. He did a great job, but the change of context meant that he wasn’t able to provide sounds for all the letters he knows. This upset him a little because he knew he should know them. But his teacher worked with him perfectly and I assured him that “I don’t know” can be the right answer. In the end it was a positive experience.

Today had an extra layer of emotional difficulty because the backyard neighbor’s dog was put down yesterday evening. My kids were just as attached to the dog as her kids were, so there has been some emotional aftermath. Both Kiki and Gleek came home from school and burst into tears within minutes of entering the house. In both cases it was because they realized that the little dog who’d greeted them so happily after school would never do so again. The raw reality of dozens of “never agains” loomed large. For me too. I wrote a big long post and then realized that no one but me needed the litany of memories about my neighbor’s dog. I’ll save it for when the kids need to hear stories about the dog.

The third day Read More »

The various projects of Lawrence M. Schoen

/

Howard and I met Lawrence M. Schoen at Worldcon. I knew him a little bit from the Codex Writer’s forum to which Lawrence and I both belong, so when he snagged the empty chair near us at a party, I was able to introduce him to Howard. That was the beginning of two days of conversations and banter. Howard enjoyed Lawrence’s sense of humor so much, that he asked me to buy copies of the Amazing Conroy chapbooks that were available at a booth across from ours. So I wandered over and picked up Buffalogic Inc, Buffalogenesis, and Buffalogistics. I’m not sorry I did, they were delightful to read.

The Amazing Conroy stories are fun to read. They read much like Niven’s Gil Hamilton or Beowulf Schaeffer stories do, where the complexities of living with aliens are laid out, create a problem, and then the main character solves the problem by applying knowledge given earlier in the story. This kind of thing is very difficult to pull off without it seeming like Deus Ex Machina, but Schoen does it. I highly recommend the stories, although I do recommend that you read Buffalogenesis before reading the second story in Buffalogic Inc. “Telepathic Intent”, the second story in Buffalogic Inc seems to be chronologically last of the stories. You can either get them on paper via SRM Publisher or electronically via Fictionwise. Many other works by Schoen are available on Fictionwise. I may have to abandon my resistance to reading things electronically and check out some of his other fiction.

Lawrence Schoen is also one of the owners of Paper Golem, a new small publisher. I found Lawrence’s intentions for Paper Golem to be truly wonderful. He hopes to provide a publishing venue for Novellas and for single author anthologies, both of which are notoriously hard to sell. I was very impressed that he really wants to provide a service rather than seeking his own profit. Paper Golem has already released it’s first book, Prime Codex. Prime Codex is a collection of some of the best stories that the writers of the Codex Writer’s forum had to offer. I finally picked up a copy just before Worldcon and I’m wending my way through it now. These are all solid stories. I like some of them better than others, but that is merely personal preference because all of the stories are excellently written. I highly recommend picking up a copy either directly from Paper Golem or from Amazon.com.

So in short: Lawrence M. Schoen = nice guy, good writer, worthwhile publisher.

The various projects of Lawrence M. Schoen Read More »

The end of the stumble

/

You know how you’re walking along and then you trip over something, but you don’t fall on your face, you just continue to stumble and trip, almost falling down, but not quite, until you finally catch your balance again? Starting school today was like that. Not like the stumbling part, but like catching balance at the end of the stumbling. Suddenly, instead of every moment needing full attention and wild flailing, there is just a calm walking rhythm. I don’t think I fully realized how chaotic the summer was until I reached today. I had all the kids out the door by 8 am. I had the critical business tasks done by 11 and there were still several quiet hours left in the day. Now I’m in the afternoon when all the kids are around and I don’t spend any time in my office. This evening there will be dinner and homework and an early bedtime. This isn’t the first day of a new routine. This is having my old routine back where it belongs.

The end of the stumble Read More »

Fall resolutions

/

The past month has been expensive. We knew it was going to be. We talked and planned and calculated carefully. The two hotel bills will be covered by profits from the respective conventions. The down payment on the next book has been planned for. The repairs to the vehicles were not a surprise nor were the bills for eating out while traveling and the gas it took to get there and back. But it is one thing to carefully plan and calculate in advance. It is quite another to have all those bills come due nigh simultaneously. The tab was over five figures. I am suddenly inspired to re-institute many frugal habits which fell by the wayside while we were so stressed and busy.

The timing on the intention is good. The kids start school tomorrow and we’re going to be settling into a new life rhythm. I can build frugality right into the pattern. The first place to start is with meals. I need to be cooking from scratch rather than grabbing from the freezer. With life moving a little slower, I should have time to do the advance planning that cooking requires. Cooking gets difficult when Kids are already poinging around the kitchen complaining of starvation. I also need to clean. Howard’s office, my office, the pantries, the linen closet, the kids’ closets, all are in dire need of reorganization. I want to throw things out. Getting rid of stuff makes me feel in control of my life and it reduces the visual/emotional clutter. Lots has accumulated over the months of busy. It is time to clear out and to spend less.

Fall resolutions Read More »

A style of my own

/ / 11 Comments

Whenever I come home from a convention, my head is full of thoughts of wonderful clothing. At conventions I realize that the clothing styles I truly love are not exactly in style. So I then imagine myself creating a wardrobe full of things that I love to wear that don’t mark me as a weirdo, but do look different from the current “trendy.” Phil and Kaja Foglio did this admirably. Everything they wore fit in both the modern world, but also could have walked right into the world of Girl Genius and fit there as well. I loved the way that they matched each other. I’m not sure Howard and I will pull that off because we have different personal preferences for clothing. But whether or not we match each other, we both want to be wearing something more original than “nice professional,” Or “geek casual” (t-shirt & jeans.) Those looks are fine for at home, but at conventions it would be nice to be more distinctive. So my brain has been plotting. Howard brought home a lab coat from Linucon. A lab coat could be a good look, particularly if the coat is tailored to fit attractively. Whatever look he picks, needs to go well with his cool boots. As for me, I see long full skirts, and shirts with fitted waists, and embroidery.

Sigh. I do this every time. My brain fills with images of beautiful clothes. Then the reality of my daily schedule asserts itself. I don’t have time to spend hours sewing. Compared to the other uses of my time, clothing just is not important enough to make the list. But I can while away the occasional Sunday afternoon dreaming.

A style of my own Read More »

The clothing sort

/ / 2 Comments

Today I was seized by a need to sort through all the clothes in our house. My primary purpose was to get rid of many of them because after doing post-trip laundry for two conventions, one family vacation, and one camping trip, I’m of the opinion that we all have way too many clothes. Also I wanted to assess what clothes my kids have waiting for them when cold weather hits in October. I now have a big pile of things that are leaving my house and never coming back. I also have newly sorted boxes waiting for kids to grow a little bigger. I have identified the gaps that I’ll need to fill. (not many) And I’m still feeling like we have too many clothes. But at least I know where they all are and most of them are clean.

The clothing sort Read More »

Back-to-school night

/ / 1 Comment

The parking lot was nigh full, so I had to park by the playground. This meant that walking in to the school involved coaxing Gleek off of the playground equipment. “I’m not going to play.” She assured me. “I’m just going to climb over everything.” Never mind that this required Patch, who was jumping with impatience to meet his teacher, and Link to wait for her traverse to be complete. My cries of “No playground.” fell on deaf ears and I was left to decide whether to make an issue of the disobedience or to make allowances based on the excitement of back-to-school night. I let it slide. I probably let things like this slide too often. I need to work on that.

Patch’s teacher met us at the door with a scavenger hunt sheet and a box of crayons. Patch has spent the last five days telling everyone “I have a nice teacher.” This assurance was imparted by me when I told him about her. Now it is fact, just as his teacher’s name is fact. Patch carefully selected a blue crayon from the box extended to him. We then set about the serious business of finding the coat rack, the cubbies, the bathroom, and the parent sign-up sheets. At each stop, Patch would carefully fill in the box with his blue crayon. After we’d seen it all, Patch returned to his teacher to trade the crayon for a sucker, also blue. And we were done. Patch will get a more thorough orientation on the day he comes in for his kindergarten assessment. On that day, the teacher will have time to pay attention to just him. For now, I am just glad that he has the teacher who is organized and structured. Patch needs organization and structure.

Link’s class came next. Within moments of walking into the room, I knew that my decision to have Link switched to this teacher was the right one. The teacher’s face lit up when he saw Link. With a big smile and a firm handshake, the teacher said “Wow, you’ve gotten big! I remember you when you were in Kindergarten! I think I still have one of the pictures you drew.” This teacher was Link’s kindergarten class aide. Then he was the PE teacher for the whole school before he settled in as a fifth grade teacher. He fell in love with Link in kindergarten and still loves Link now. I can not do better than to put Link into a classroom where he is already loved. Not only that, but this teacher is a high energy, enthusiastic teacher as well. I think Link will have a great year. Fifth grade is US history, and who better to learn that from than a man who loves it so much that he participates in re-enactment groups.

We pulled Link away from his teacher because Gleek was ready to vibrate out of her shoes. Gleek has not one, but two teachers this year. The two teachers trade off teaching because one is a reading specialist. This is good because they’re going to need to team up to manage the class list they’ve got. Whenever I get together with other mothers who have kids Gleek’s age, we posit that there must have been something in the water that year. I’ve never met a group of kids that has such a large quotient of high-energy, determined, distractable, people. I know of at least four kids in Gleek’s class who have the potential to become behavioral issues if they’re not handled carefully. Gleek heads that list. Gleek dashed into the classroom, intent on finding her desk, but was instead lured to the reading platform with its beanbag chairs. She climbed railings and jumped off of the steps. She located her desk and made note of who else was in her class. She barely looked at her teacher and she did not stop moving. Hopefully she got it out of her system today and on Monday she’ll be ready to sit still. I greeted the teacher. Link had her years ago, so she recognized me. I did not try to give her a briefing on Gleek. There was no point this evening. The teacher was overwhelmed with too many kids and parents today. I’ll talk to her in either a week or a month. It’ll be a week if there is an Incident during the first week of school. The lack of an Incident means that Gleek is in angel-child mode and is probably the best behaved child in the class. Then I’ll have to wait for when Gleek has worn out the angel-child and has settled in, otherwise I’ll only get strange looks when I try to explain why my angel might need special attention. I’m really hoping for the angel-child route because it means that the structure of the classroom is working well for Gleek. If it is not working well, we’ll all know in very short order.

The playground was traversed once again on the return trip to the car. Again I let it slide. Sigh.

Earlier today I went on a solo trip to Kiki’s school. She got accepted into the advanced English/History class that we wanted for her. This required a complete re-shuffling of her schedule. Fortunately all the electives she wanted still fit. She is having a very eclectic year. Eighth grade is a good time for her to experiment with new things before settling in to take the classes she’ll need for college admissions. I was very pleased with the staff at Kiki’s school. Everyone was wonderfully kind and accommodating. Kiki is also going to have a good year I think.

So now we’re all ready. The starting bell on the new school year rings Monday morning.

Back-to-school night Read More »