Author name: Sandra Tayler

When I dumped my four kids on relatives yesterday, I made a couple of miscalculations. I didn’t think about the fact that they only have two kids and that their oldest is the same age as Patches. My children were a significant invasion for which they were only partially prepared. They’ve watched all four of my kids before, but those times my kids must have been better behaved. This time my kids weren’t bad or disobedient, they were just oblivious. When my sister-in-law would say something to them, none of them would answer her or even respond. This drove her crazy. My kids do this to me all the time and it sometimes drives me crazy. I’ve developed handfuls of tactics to deal with the problem, but my sister-in-law doesn’t have those because her sweet four-year-old never behaves that way.

In the end everyone survived. The evening was not pleasant for my sister-in-law. It wasn’t pleasant for Kiki either. The other kids were oblivious to the fact that there was a problem. In fact they had a great time and are ready to go back again as soon as possible. As for me, I’m very sorry that it wasn’t nice for everyone involved, but I’m incredibly grateful that they were willing to do it. Now I need to spend the next week observing my children. I need to decide whether the not-answering-when-spoken-to is a symptom of ADD behaviors which I need to continue to work around or whether it is merely a bad habit which I need to correct. My suspicion is that it is a little of both. I’ve just been so accustomed to it that I hardly notice it anymore.

Yesterday they all sat at the kitchen table making things out of Crayola Model Magic clay. They were there together for over 90 minutes. Link started by making a Luigi cap. Then he made a Mario Cap, a Waluigi cap, a Wario cap, and a yoshi egg. Kiki had been happily making decorative wall hangings to send to her pen-pal, but the lure of Yoshi eggs was too strong. She happily crafted a set for herself. Gleek and Patches did not want to be left out. They too made Yoshi eggs. I’m going to be finding these things all over the house, but if they play as happily with the hardened eggs as they did while making them, I’m okay with that. Kiki even tolerated Gleek copying her designs which is something of a miracle.

Earlier Patches informed me that when he grows up he is going to build a house and decorate it. I asked him what he would use to decorate his house, he responded flowers and swords. Then he’ll take some of the swords down so he can practice. And he’ll need some wooden men. Then he can hit the wooden men. And hit and hit and hit. And pumpkins for heads on the wooden men. Then he can smash the pumpkins with the swords.

At Kiki’s 6th grade graduation I had to combat both Kiki and Patches. She was begging me to let him sit with her during her graduation ceremony. I could just picture him getting bored and jumping up and down for everyone to see, so I said no. But it was really hard with two sets of puppy dog eyes begging me to say yes. Then I had to physically detach Patches from Kiki’s leg because he hugged it tight in an effort to not let her leave. It really was best that Patches stayed with me. He got bored and had to be taken out for awhile. But I love that they didn’t want to be separated.

Gleek and Patches have been experimenting with humor. This usually takes the form of Knock Knock jokes exchanged on the drive to school. They frequently run like this:

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Pizza!
Pizza who?
Because it’s yummy!

Then they both laugh uncontrollably. They’ve also tried out crossing-the-road jokes.

Why did the skeleton cross the road?
Because he didn’t have a body!

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the slide!

Yeah. I didn’t get them either, but my kids did. They laughed and laughed.

I spent all of this morning at an awards/graduation ceremony at Kiki’s school. I applaud the principal and the teachers for wanting to recognize all of the children in the school for their achievements. However I do not believe that handing out certificates that say things like “most likely to win at jeopardy,” “friendliest,” or “sweetest” is the best way to celebrate the accomplishments of the kids. Particularly when each of these labels was repeated several times in different classes. It was painfully obvious to me that the teachers were given a list to choose from when they were filling out the certificates. The child has spent 6 hours per day, five days per week, 9 months of the year with a particular teacher and all the teacher can think of to say is “Sweetest.” These aren’t certificates of achievement. They are empty pieces of paper. Children want to be seen and understood. Instead they are handed a label from a list. There has to be a better way to celebrate the growing that the children have done during the year.

Kiki’s certificate mentions creativity. She seems satisfied with it because it matches her picture of herself. But she would have been much happier with a personal letter in which the teacher actually talks specifically about the things she has accomplished in the past year.

Along with the pointless certificates, there were some legitimate awards handed out. Presidential awards for scholarship and Hope of America awards. You could see the difference in the kids who earned these awards. They could tell they had something special something that not everyone got. And they got the awards because they’d done things that not everyone did. Kiki did not win any of these awards. I wonder how she felt about that. I hope that she realizes that she can have such awards if only she is willing to apply herself. I also hope that she finds reasons within herself to do well in school; reasons that are based in her goals rather than in hope of receiving an award. “Awards won” is not the best measure of a good person. I wonder if some of my over-achieving high school classmates ever figured that out.

Honestly I think that Kiki was far more interested in the graduation refreshments than in any of the awards or ceremonies. She was thrilled that there were chocolate fountains for dipping things into. As for me, I came home and slept for awhile.

I’m switching from the introvert theory to an I-am-sick theory to explain my mood today.

I used to be really good at taking pills. Two surgeries and radiation therapy on my neck changed that. Now I have difficulty taking even small pills. I can’t remember whether someone told me about this or if I made it up, but now I take my pills with applesauce instead of water. I just stick the pills into a spoonful of applesauce and swallow the whole thing down. I can take 4 pills simultaneously with this trick, if I use just water I choke on one.

This trick is even more useful for the kids. All of my kids can take pills, even Patches who is only 4. They actually like using the applesauce trick. Particularly since I always have them learn it by using M&Ms instead of pills. I love being able to feed my kids pills rather than chewables. No more complaints about nasty flavors. Not to mention that pills are much cheaper than chewables.

Yesterday a man was walking his daughter to kindergarten when they were both struck by a car and killed. I saw the local headline yesterday morning and skimmed over it. Yesterday evening I found out that this was someone that Howard had met before. I too have a Kindergarten daughter. I’ve hugged her lots today. I’ve hugged my other kids too. I spend a majority of my days doing things for my kids and requiring things of them. Sometimes I get to the end of the day without once really looking at them or enjoying who they are.

I believe that families are reunited after death. Not everyone does, but I do. This man and his daughter are not gone forever. But that does not prevent friends and family from mourning their absence. Sometimes I look at a particular child and ponder what life would be like if somehow that one were taken from me. It is always a tearful contemplation that ends with me having to go hug the child in question. I’m afraid of losing a child. I’m afraid of losing Howard. Not because they’ll be gone forever, but because I’ll miss them so terribly while we are separate.

I decided that this year I get to buy a new swimsuit. I looked at Walmart, Target, Shopko, and Kmart without finding anything that I liked in my size. I then looked at Mervyns and Macy’s where I nearly hyperventilated at the prices. I still didn’t find anything I liked. Apparently any person who is as small as I am, must want to show off all possible skin. All the one piece suits were in larger sizes. I turned to the internet. Land’s end has a beautiful swimdress that I’m confident I would love. But it is $86 dollars. Yipe. Also they seem to think that I’m smaller than a size 4 according to my measurements. That is just weird. I might have worn size 4 in high school, but not lately. Kmart online has a different swimdress for only $26. The Kmart dress isn’t as pretty, but it actually fits inside my budget. Both dresses are black and I was hoping to buy something with some color. I was also hoping not to have to spend this much time or money. I hate this kind of shopping. Where I know what I want and can’t find it anywhere within a reasonable price range.

My cousin is ill. She has been ill for a long time with a wide variety of not-exactly-crippling problems. The illnesses drain her of energy. The medicines she must take drain her family resources and cause her to put on weight. She is left with a cluttered house and four kids to take care of and only a very limited amount of energy or financial resources to manage them. This past week she was hospitalized. I’ve only just acquired this information because my mom spoke with her mom and passed the news along. I fell out of touch with this cousin somewhere during the last 10 years.

This is the cousin I always admired and looked up to. She was two years older than me, so I watched her date and graduate in anticipation of doing these things myself. She was always so pretty and talented. She always seemed to have piles of friends and potential boyfriends. The boyfriends were only potential because she decided not to be in a serious relationship in high school. I admired that and decided to follow the example. Many of the steps I took during my teen years were following in her footprints. She married and had kids which moved her into another realm until I did the same. Then we were peers again. We bought this house from her.

I haven’t spoken with her in a long time, but I know that the life she has now is not the one she dreamed of. The life she dreamed of is impossible because of things she did not choose. I am once again brought to a realization of how blessed I am in my own life. I have the health and energy to chase the life I want rather than nearly drowning just trying to stay afloat. I have been greatly blessed and so I have the obligation to use my blessings to help those who struggle. My cousin has no energy to spare for keeping in touch, so I must reach out to her. I must look around me to see where I can help. I must use some of my spare energy to bless the lives of others.