conventions

Notes from LTUE panel: The Writing Life

By / March 26, 2011 / 2 Comments

My final panel of today was The Writing Life. On the panel with me were Julie Wright, Berin Stevens, and Angie Lofthouse. It was one of those panels where I scribble down notes, not only to help me remember what I wanted to say, but also because other panelists said things I want to remember. It was also one of those panels where I say things which I then have to write down because somehow the act of talking about living a writing life reshaped my thoughts in new ways, then the new thoughts spilled out of my mouth.

I knew before the panel began that I wanted to mention the inevitable break down of systems. Creative people get very excited and enthusiastic about their goals and plans for achieving those goals. When the plans fall apart three days later, they get very discouraged and are inclined to give up. The thing is to pick up the pieces and make a new system based on what you learn from the old one. Through iterations of this process a writer can find what works for her. Then life changes and iterations begin again.

The other panelists made excellent points about finding your priorities, setting goals, and scheduling time. I particularly liked the statement that writers need to not wait around for writing to be convenient. Time is made, not found laying around. Several panelists discussed getting up early, writing on work breaks, or staying up late. There was also much discussion of sacrifice, specifically giving up things like television and video games in order to make time for writing. We also touched on the importance of community. I loved all these thoughts and nodded agreement while scribbling notes.

Then I found myself thinking of fractals. The defining attribute of a fractal is that the large pattern is repeated when you zoom close to any particular part of the fractal. As you get closer and closer you see the same pattern ever smaller. Our lives are fractal. We don’t have to make our whole lives meaningful, but if we make each day balanced and good then the larger pattern will reflect that. I seized a microphone to share this insight and ended up talking about the five things I am still trying to put into my life daily. Every person will have different things, but the point is to try to balance each day so that priority items are front and center.

Since this was a symposium at a religious university, the authors on the panel with me shared that they often begin their writing sessions with prayer. They talked about how this calmed them and that they felt it inspired their writing sessions. I think this is a marvelous idea and I intend to try it.

A question was asked about specific practicalities of making time for writing. The truth is that I don’t always make time for it. There is a level of guilt attached to writing because sometimes I have to sacrifice things which are more important than television or video games. Sometimes it is a choice between writing and doing the laundry. It seems like a no-brainer, who likes laundry. But I know that if the laundry does not get done, then the next morning’s school scramble will be awful which will lead to a cascading failure of day. There are times when laundry is more important than writing and I choose it. Or I choose some other thing in my life. Other times I choose writing. Each day has its own answer and the only way I can find the right answer for today is to be in touch with my own priorities and inspiration. This is where my five daily things are so critically important. They center me in the priorities of my life. Often I discover that, contrary to what guilt would have me believe, writing first makes the laundry easier.

The panel wrapped up on the thought that sometimes what we have to sacrifice for writing are our own neuroses. We have to relinquish control of some things. We have to be willing to let kids do jobs poorly or to let them struggle and fail. We have to be willing to emotionally untangle ourselves from dramas which we can’t really solve, but which sap our energy. We have to find ways to allow ourselves to not be perfect. This can be very hard.

It was a really good discussion and I am glad I got to participate.

Contemplating the next three days

By / February 16, 2011

Tomorrow morning I get to put on my professional clothes and go to LTUE. I’m excited to see friends and visit with other creative people. I’m looking forward to all of the panels in which I’ll get to participate. My brain is fairly bubbling with points I feel are important for the various panels. It is all good stuff that I am happy about.

However, there is also a voice in my brain which counts the cost. In order to go on Thursday, I had to arrange for one neighbor to pick up my kids from school and drop them at another neighbor’s house. My teenage daughter has been tasked with catching a ride home from a friend. I’ll need to plan an easy microwavable dinner for my teens to feed to my younger ones. I need to spend most of today on preparatory work both for the family needs and preparations for the sales table that Howard and I will run at the event.

On Friday I’m skipping LTUE because it is the day to discuss with my son’s counselor about scheduling his classes for next year. Except I may run down to LTUE just for lunch to visit, but I have to be back home in time to pick up kids from school. All day Friday I will have an awareness that people I love to be around are having fun while I’m not there.

Saturday I’ve arranged with a third neighbor to take my younger kids for most of the day. At dinner time they’ll come home and my teenagers will babysit for the rest of the evening. I expect to get at least two phone calls from kids which will interrupt conversations or dinner. Saturday night I will be happy and socially exhausted. I’ll want to be very introverted, but my kids will be ready to latch on to me and demand attention. The house will probably be messy. There will be crankiness. In the whole process I will have inconvenienced 8 people to cover things that I usually do.

For the next three days I will be split between family and business. I will swap between parent and professional. In some ways it is much easier when I hand off my kids and don’t see them at all for the duration of an event. Then I can pack away the home and family parts of myself. On the other hand it is really nice to have kids to hug each evening. They remind me that I have an importance and value which is completely separate from my professional successes and failures. I like coming home and having everything be normal.

Being split is getting easier. Each year the kids are older and thus less unsettled by me being absent. I can depend upon the older ones to help with the younger ones, who need much less helping than they used to. I know it is better, but it is still hard. For the next three days I will not be as good a parent as I could be because I’ll be conserving energy for LTUE. Since parenting is a primary focus most of the time, the lapse will not cause any long-term harm, but it definitely creates internal stress for me. Contemplating the stress, some small part of me whispers that it might be better to skip the symposium.

All I can do is evaluate events on a case-by-case basis. LTUE will be good. It always is.

Snippets

By / February 10, 2011 / 1 Comment

Last night our dinner table conversation was a discussion of exactly how Darth Vader eats. Howard was a proponent of the “food block inserted through chest plate” option while Gleek was a vehement supporter of the “opening face plate” party. The discussion broke down when Gleek declared that Darth Vader’s real name was bubbles and Howard said “Wait, did we just take a left turn into Gleekland?” No firm conclusions were reached except that the word “bubbles” is made out of giggles.

Kiki has been reading books about kidnapped and/or raped girls lately. She’s read Hidden in Plain Sight: The Story of Elizabeth Smart and The Lovely Bones. As I understand it, both of the books are ultimately optimistic and the really hard stuff in them is touched only very lightly. Now all she need to read is Not Without My Daughter in order to have a perfect trifecta of books that I am completely unable to read as a mother. They hit too close to my fears and would hurt too much.

Gleek has decided that combing the cat should be her daily household chore. Both the cat and I think this is a marvelous choice.

It turns out that 24 hours is a long time after the opening of the GenCon hotel block. I completely forgot to register on Tuesday at noon, and by late Wednesday Howard’s preferred hotel was full. We found another close by, but it still had me a bit panicked last night. I don’t know why GenCon is always surrounded with a cloud of terror for me, but I am perpetually afraid that I will make some mistake which irrevocably ruins the event for us.

Speaking of conventions, Howard’s April has changed from empty to full. He’ll be attending both Ad Astra in Toronto Canada and Penguicon in Michigan. Penguicon is especially notable because Howard will be there with Brandon, Dan, and Jordo of the Writing Excuses crew. They are going to have a great time.

XDM X-Treme Dungeon Mastery is now available in e-book versions via both Amazon and Barnes & Noble. That was last week’s project.

I meet with our tax accountant today. Hopefully he will not have very much homework for me.

Patch has been reading through our family photo books at bedtime because he “wants to look into his past.” Last night he reproached me for a pair of photos I took of him as a baby. In the photos he’d grabbed an open yogurt container and accidentally dumped yogurt on his feet. Instead of instantly helping him clean up, I took two pictures of yogurt covered baby. 7 year old Patch thought this was nigh villainous of me. I hugged him and assured him that I helped him clean up the moment I put down the camera.

Last night Kiki and I had a long and rambling talk about boys, relationships, life plans, and a host of other things. During the course of the conversation we determined that she is completely normal, which was something of a relief for her to learn. Apparently that “all teenagers think they are weird” thing is not a myth. Also the “teenagers never listen to their parents” thing is a myth, at least for Kiki. I hope that she and I continue to have many conversations about many things through the years.

After being sick over the weekend, Link is read to pick up his health and fitness schedule again. I’m pleased to see that the time off did not break his motivation.

LTUE begins one week from today. I need to clear away some space in my brain so that I can contemplate the topics of the four panels I will be on. Not much preparation is needed for most of them. I just need to dust off my thoughts so that they’re a ready resource. The one for which I do need to prepare is the session on financial management. I’m the moderator and I want to make that hour as packed with information as I possibly can.

I’m at about 50% on my project revision. I’d hoped to have it done by now, but since I am continuing to make progress instead of stalling completely, I plan to just keep going. Eventually I’ll work my way to the end.

And now it is time to head out on my errands for the day.

Life the Universe and Everything 2011

By / January 20, 2011 / 11 Comments

Once again BYU is hosting LTUE, a science fiction and fantasy symposium. It will be February 17-19 at the Harmon building on BYU Campus. This is a fantastic event for anyone who wants to work in a creative field even remotely related to science fiction or fantasy. The symposium has everything from technical discussions about art, to quick art lessons, to writer’s workshops, to discussions about creativity and mental health. You simply can not find a better informational value for $20. Tracy and Laura Hickman will be running a Killer Breakfast on Saturday morning which is worth the price of admission all by itself. If you’ve never been to one, it is two hours of RPG fun.

Howard will be there. He’s got panels on plotting, health issues for the creative person, why charisma should not be a dump stat in real life, and the Writing Excuses podcast

I will also be on panels. I’m particularly excited about the panel I’ll be moderating talking about basic budgeting and financial management for creative businesses. They packed that panel full of really good people who have lots of information about why numbers and dollar signs do not need to fill you with dread. In other panels I’ll be helping discuss self-publishing, setting goals, and how the internet is shaping our children.

I highly recommend it.

You can see the whole schedule here.

You can register here.

Thoughts on the staying home from a seminar

By / January 15, 2011

It is 9:30 in the morning and I am still in my pajamas. I feel a little bit of guilt over this. Howard, who is every bit as tired as I was this morning, got himself dressed and out the door over two hours ago. Since he left, I’ve mostly been dozing in bed with occasional excursions to rescue the cat from Gleek’s enthusiastic loving or to dispense food. On the other hand, I also feel wistful. Howard is going to spend the day learning valuable information and talking to fascinating people. I will spend it with kids, laundry, packages, email, and (hopefully) book revision.

My attendance at the Writing Superstars Conference for the past two days was a last minute decision. We’d long planned for Howard to go, but when we were over at Brandon’s house on New Year’s day, Brandon turned to me and said “You should come too.” So I did. It was worth every bit of the schedule shuffling and favor claiming that I had to do to clear space. Each conference, convention, and workshop has a distinctive feel to it. From the name and marketing on this one, I expect a more motivational-speaker, sales-pitchy event. Instead I found it extremely warm and down-to-earth. The information density in the presentations and panels was amazing. If you want to learn the business side of writing, this is the event for you. The thing I found personally heart warming was seeing, in gestures and comments from many people, that I’ve earned a respectable little corner in the local SciFi and Fantasy community.

My one regret associated with the seminar (other than not being there today) is that I did not meet more of the attendees. That room was full of writers in various stages of their dreams. This means that the room was full of fascinating people with stories to tell. I wish I had talked to more of them. On the other hand, I’m glad for every minute that I spent reconnecting with friends. This is happens at conventions too. I am meeting fewer strangers and finding more friends. I suppose it is not a bad problem to have.

My final moments at the symposium were providing taxi service from the hotel to the banquet restaurant. Howard and I did not attend the banquet ourselves, but I had my van and thus the capability to help shuttle people. I ended up driving David Farland, Rebecca Moesta, Brandon Sanderson, Eric Flint, Moses Siregar, and a woman whose name I never did catch. It was only after I’d dropped them all off that I thought about how envy-inducing that particular car ride might be to the fans of these authors’ books. I just felt like a I was giving a ride to a group of friends. This is not because I’m important or special, it is because these people are wonderful, friendly, and welcoming. Do not be afraid to approach them at public appearances. They’ll be very happy to talk to you.

Part of me is glad to be at home today. I love attending events, but they also exhaust my mental and emotional reserves. Today I can settle back in to my regular routine and help the kids do the same. Being shuffled off to neighbors and babysat is fun for them, but they need routine as much as I do. My wistful regrets are abated somewhat by knowing that I will get to see my non-local writer friends again at WorldCon Reno in August. In the meantime I will lounge in my pajamas and ponder whether to tackle laundry or email first. Email will probably win. Thanks to the joys of laptop ownership, I don’t have to get out of bed for it.

Convention wrap up

By / August 8, 2010

The convention is over. The boxes are packed and hauled away for shipping and storage. Nothing went wrong. There were no disasters. I can feel myself unwinding, relaxing. This whole event has been a very stressful one for me. It was filled with things I knew I could do, but had never actually done. Most of them were small things, like calling for a cab. But small things add up and filled the weekend with variables rather than certainties. I spent most of the event riding an emotional sine wave with oscillations between overwhelmed and okay. I tried to keep all of it suppressed so that my oscillations did not affect those around me, but they’re smart people and they could tell I was stressed.

More than anything else this event taught me that large events require a crew. We had an amazing booth crew. Problems were solved without me even knowing that they existed. They had things so well in hand that I was able to be away from the booth more than I was present at it. That capability was critical because I had to shepherd Kiki and Link through the show, keep track of them, and make sure that they were safe. This was made easier by the third cell phone we acquired several weeks ago. Kiki and Link are fairly self sufficient and were very good about following instructions. Even so, there were several times when I felt like I’d lost track of them or was not doing as much as I could to maximize their convention experiences. This was where my second crew came in, the one I hadn’t even considered as a crew, but who turned out to be invaluable in reducing my stress and helping me make sure the parenting portion of this event was a success.

Friends drove down from Michigan specifically to visit Howard and I. They hauled me out to lunch and listened to me ramble about my stresses. I mentioned how I wanted Link to have a chance to explore some games that were not electronic. They then introduced me to one of their friends who is here demoing board games. Together we collected Link and hauled him, despite his protests, to a board game room where he proceeded to have fun for hours. The whole process was one of those moments where I am filled with gratitude at not being alone in the tasks that are in front of me.

These same friends then continued to hang with Howard and I through dinner and late into the evening. It was so good to have familiar people near me. We wandered the convention looking at the spectacle and talking. We wandered by the place where giant structures were created out of cards then knocked down by a siege of small change. Then the change was collected to donate to charity. It is only one example of the activities at the convention. Everywhere we looked adults were expending energy and creativity on play activities. I love this about science fiction/fantasy/gaming conventions. Grown ups get to play. I’m very glad my kids got to witness it. At the end of an evening wandering with good friends I was calm and happy for the first time in the entire convention. I was sad to say goodbye, but they had to go home.

Going to church this morning completely changed my emotional landscape in regard to the convention. The kids and I walked into the church building and it was like we had taken a single step that transported us home. The feel of the place and the format of the meeting was completely familiar. My brain was too full for me to pay focused attention to the speakers, it was the place I needed. I finally had sufficient clarity of thought to see a disconnect in my own thinking which has been creating emotional dissonance.

When deciding what events and challenges fit into our lives, I evaluate them for business usefulness and family strain. These are important measures in decision making. I have been neglecting a critical third evaluation measure. After I do all my logical, logistical, and emotional evaluation, I need to step back from all that I’ve previously considered. I need to pray and try to feel whether the thing I am considering is right or wrong for our business and family. I did this today. I sat in church and prayed about our attendance at GenCon both this year and next. Both feel right. Having that confirmation separate from business considerations was amazing. All my conflicted feelings about the amount of effort and expense vanished. With them went my worries about the strains on our family and about working on Sunday. I felt peace and was thus able to be happy about the convention as a whole. After church I returned to the booth and it was fun. Having the quiet confirmation gives me a big stick with which I can beat back the voices of doubt. Because doubt always sneaks in the back door and tries to make me second-guess my stressful decisions.

This convention has been full of amazing things about which I’ll be telling stories for years to come. The stressful aspects will fade away. Next year will be easier because fewer things will be new. We won’t have as many set up costs. I can truly and honestly say that this has been a good show and I finish it feeling both happy and grateful to have been here.

A day at the GenCon Booth

By / August 6, 2010

I stood in the booth for most of the 8 hours that the booth was open. This means I was saying the same things over and over again as I was pitching products to people who stopped to look. At first I stumbled over making the pitches, but it quickly developed into a patter that I could run through almost without thinking. This is good because as the fatigue grows, my higher brain functions begin to shut down.

Sometimes as I told people about the things we are selling, they would laugh and engage in conversation. They fed energy back to me and I would close the conversation feeling better than when I began it. Sometimes this sort of conversation resulted in a sale and that is good, but even when it did not, I felt great about the whole exchange. Other times my pitch would get almost no reaction at all. Then the energy I expend into a pitch is just gone. I am left tireder than I began and wondering if maybe I gave the pitch wrong. I didn’t. It is impossible for our books to appeal to everyone.

As part of the convention we signed up for a promotion through CheeseWeasel. They create quest cards which send players to various booths in the dealer’s room. We have a puncher with which we puncture their cards and they can continue on the way, but first they have to listen to a quick pitch. The additional traffic is good and we’ve made sales we would certainly not have made otherwise. However it also means we’re spending a lot of energy pitching products to some people who really only want a hole punch so they can be on their way. Over all it has been more good than tiring, so we’ll probably do it again next year.

Around mid-day the kids retreated to the hotel room. They’d spent several hours in the video game area and Kiki had become annoyed by a kid who did not play well with others. It seemed a shame to have them spend time away from the convention, but I think that they needed the down time. Tomorrow will be more filled with events in which they can participate. That will be good.

At one point I was walking through the dealers room, taking a break from the booth. The crowds in the aisles are thick and getting through requires a weaving path. Often I fall in behind people who are weaving the same direction I am going and follow them for a bit. After I’d been following a petite red haired woman for awhile she turned her head and I caught a glance at her profile. She was Felicia Day of Doctor Horrible and many other geekish shows. As soon as I realized who she was, my first thought was to notice how small she is, no taller than I am. I always expect everyone to be larger than me. I did not try to stop her or talk with her. I would love to have a conversation with her some time, but stopping her and saying “Wow, You’re Felicia Day!” did not feel like a good way to build a real conversation. So I went on my way and she never knew that I’d been pleased to see her in person.

One of the times I stepped out of the booth, I went browsing through the dealer’s room. It was the first time that I’d fully divested myself of convention responsibilities and wandered. I had no child to shepherd and no particular agenda. It was an application of retail therapy to help me unwind from stress earlier in the day. This booth has required new partnerships, a new payment system, new booth methodologies, and convention strategies which allow space for parenting as well. There has not been a single real problem, but several times I was afraid that there was one, and got wound-up over it. So I looked at things which interested me, admired beautiful dresses, pondered Christmas gifts, and witnessed artistry. The amount of creative energy on display at this show is truly wondrous. There are so many people here trying to make their dreams pay the bills. We fit right in.

The day wound up when some dear friends arrived to visit with us. They drove down from Michigan. We had a truly amazing dinner at a very nice restaurant. Each of us ordered something different and we passed the plates around so that everyone got to taste everything. Later in the evening we walked through the scenic downtown area with little shops and restaurants. It was a lovely warm evening and the company was excellent.

Taken as a whole it was a very good day.

Opening Day of GenCon

By / August 5, 2010

My job at this event is to be a facilitator. I run for packages, fetch food, shepherd kids, assure communication, and monitor the emotional states of those under my care. The kids weathered the first day really well. Link divided his time between the Lego giant inflatable pyramid and the electronic gaming room. Kiki was more eclectic and made friends with an artist who is exhibiting there. They each had a couple of tired spots, but for the most part they did not become over stimulated or stressed. I expect them to burn out some time before the convention is over. We’ll get through it.

Conventions always have lots of emotional highs and lows with accompanying anxieties. Yesterday I was worried that we had not brought enough merchandise. Tomorrow I expect to worry that I brought too much. Today featured many moments of tiredness where I could hardly find the energy to interact with people. But often a few minutes later I found myself on my feet cheerfully talking to strangers about our wares. Howard has similar highs and lows. We try to bolster each other through the lows and it seems to work mostly. It helps a lot that we now have enough experience to recognize that the lows are temporary and not an accurate assessment of how the convention is going.

The convention experience washes over me. There is so much to process that I can not possibly retain it all. But bits and pieces stick, sometimes without particular reason. Like the beautiful petite Asian woman I saw walking through the dealer’s room. She looked straight out of a fantasy painting with her beautiful features and long black hair. I also remember bits and pieces of the stories people tell me as we stand chatting at the booth. I realize once again that every life is full of stories to tell. Then I finally met in person the guy with whom I’ve corresponded multiple times because the postal service in his town seems nigh incapable of delivering a package without losing it.

By dinner we were all a bit frazzled and ready to collapse. Instead we found an odd little Italian place which made us wind our way through the kitchen and a maze of twisty white-tiled passages in order to get to the dining area. The restaurant had an earthy aesthetic about the black and white photographs adorning the walls. They were the visual equivalent of fart jokes. But the food was good, so we concentrated on that instead.

The kids and I are spending the evening in our room. It is nice and quiet here. Howard ventured out to find a game to play.

Disconnectivity

By / August 4, 2010

The Wifi network in my hotel is exceedingly annoying. It is almost ask-for-a-refund annoying. I am able to log in after a mere 5 to 20 minutes. Then it will work, randomly disconnect me, or connect only in random fits and starts. Fortunately my iPhone’s 3G network is fully functional. This means I can still depend upon email for critical communications during the course of the convention. It was less annoying to thumb type this blog entry on my phone than it was to deal with the Wifi.

Addendum: The Wifi appears to work better in the public areas of the second floor. Not the lobby with comfortable chairs, there is little-to-no coverage there. So I must evaluate whether sitting on the floor in a hallway is a worthwhile price for internet. I should also evaluate how strangely dependent I am upon this internet thing. I can unplug. I did it for family trips this summer. But I was expecting to stay connected during this trip.

Okay I’m done whining about the fact that I can’t send electronic signals around the world without having to put my shoes on and walk a few feet.

GenCon Setup

By / August 4, 2010

The exhibit hall is huge, but the space is far from empty. Crews were already working to set up multi-story displays, racks of shelves, and bigger-than-live statues. It is a sort of organized chaos made of boxes, cool gaming stuff, and large pallets of gear weaving through obstructed aisles via dollies and forklifts. The hall was also roastingly hot. We would have been sweating even without the physical exertion of shifting boxes of merchandise. Link was ready to melt. But we all kept hydrated and toughed out the heat. The air conditioners finally had lowered the temperatures in the hall about three hours after we began work.

This booth at GenCon is only possible because of Tracy Hickman’s crew of Kokomo Irregulars. They’ve been helping Tracy with GenCon events for years. This year they received multiple shipments of freight, hauled all the stuff from storage to the convention, schlepped it all in, and then helped us organize the booth. In addition, I was in regular email contact with them which was invaluable in helping me think through how the booth would be run. Our debt of gratitude runs deep and looks to get deeper before the event is over.

When we arrived at the convention center this morning, it was mostly empty. By 3 pm crowds were beginning to congregate around the registration booths. A group in pirate garb sang Acapella tunes. Everywhere I looked I saw people who obviously belonged to the geek tribe. It felt home-like. The show is coming together and it is going to be a sight to behold.