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December 2019
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Seeing and Naming the Difficulty

Tonight I miss my hammock swings and warm afternoons. Some of this is just regular mid-winter blues. Most of it is the fact that I’ve been nursing sick kids, sick me, sick husband for more than three weeks now. Logically I can see that we’re wending our way toward being well. That has been true […]

At the End of a Very Long Week

I’ve been thinking about cutting my hair. Especially in the last few days thoughts of cutting my hair have been increasingly common. This is not because I want short hair, or any particular haircut at all. I just want something to be different. That “want something to be different” is being projected onto my hair […]

Quarantined Sunday

The sun was out and bright today. The sky was a brilliant blue. It was the kind of day that is always a blessing in mid-winter when so much of the weather is gray. I viewed the day through fogged up windows because we’re boiling water constantly to humidify the air in our house. It […]

In Which the Taylers are Disease Vectors

The Tayler house is officially a quarantine zone. The urgent care physician agrees with my diagnosis of Whooping Cough (pertussis). We are awaiting lab confirmation, but we have classic symptoms including the whooping sound with coughing. We are all fully immunized, we have it anyway.

If you have been in contact with any of my […]

Noise and Motion

I don’t pause enough. The minute I finish a task, I check in to social media sites, I read blogs. These things represent a break in my day and taking breaks is a good thing. Except I rarely eat without also reading. Somehow there is a piece of me that is convinced that we need […]

Musing Upon How I am Doing

“How’s your day going?” The question seems so simple and it ought to merit a simple answer. The same is true of “How are you?” Which calls for a simple “fine” or “awful.” These questions are hard for me because whatever I am in the middle of, I have to pause and figure out which […]

At the Beginning of a Busy June

Yesterday I closed the door behind my last shipping helper and breathed a big sigh of relief. The shipping was done. 2400 packages, 20,000 coins, 270 work hours. We did it all in two work weeks. Before the shipping was complete, people began reporting the coins arrival. Over and again we hear that the coins […]

Hard Things, Anxiety, Schools, and Hope

Sometimes, in the middle of a hard thing, all I can do is remember that I once believed it was possible and keep going.

I tweeted those words yesterday, because yesterday and Monday I could not feel hope. I could logically think through the steps we’re going to take in the next few weeks; the […]

Things I need to tell myself while facing diagnosis for a child

First: Realize that you have a battle to fight with denial. You really want to be imagining things. Any time things are normal for a while, you will doubt the diagnosis, doubt the need to seek treatment, decide to just let it all slide for a bit.

Second: You will grieve when you finally […]

Finding Levers to Remove Anxiety and Depression

When I had my first panic attack it was an extraordinary event. I choose that word carefully, because anxiety manifesting as body panic was an event outside my usual experience, thus: extra ordinary. Unfortunately it was an experience that lacked any of the positive traits that the word extraordinary usually implies. There was nothing fun […]