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I started to write a post about my goals for the new year, but then I realized that the goals are really just my to do list and possibly boring. Also I realized that some of my goals make public some aspects of my life that I don’t usually share with the entire internet. Faced with creating a truncated list for public consumption I decided I’d just put the list in my paper planner rather than my online journal. It will probably be more useful there anyway.

Today I continued the purge of unused items. I gave our bedroom the same treatment as the rest of the house and cleared out a bunch of stuff. It feels good to have space instead of clutter. It felt even better to load all the stuff into the van and take it to the thrift store. I love looking at a bag of things and knowing that I’m never going to have to pick them up again. Now I just need to tackle my office.

The kids have been playing together really well during this holiday break. I’ve really enjoyed watching them spend hours just being together. By posting that, I have probably jinxed it and they will spend the remaining two days of holiday in one long squabble. I’m actually kind of expecting that. For some reason everyone gets on the nerves of everyone else the last day or two of a school break. I suspect it has to do with the imminent return of school. It would be nice to be proved wrong, but I expect Sunday to be cranky. Then Monday will come and the schedule will settle back over us and I’ll breathe a sigh of relief.

Kiki and Howard are off to a role playing game this evening. Kiki considers the invitation to play as the best Christmas present ever. I’m glad to see her so happy. I’m even more glad to have her so willing to help around the house cheerfully. She is at an age where she needs some focus for her days. We are just geeky enough as parents to believe that a regular roleplaying session is a good focus.

To all outward appearances bedtime has been quiet. There were stories and then the three younger kids all stayed in their beds. More or less. There were long spans of quiet interspersed only occasionally with whispers or quiet singing or the resounding thumps of a child trying to sneak out of bed. The scene appears quiet. This does not change the fact that 90 minutes after I tucked them into bed, knowing that they are all in dire need of sleep, they were still awake. Add to that the fact that Kiki and I can not watch Dr. Who until we’re sure it will not wake up a younger child or cause them to get out of bed and tantrum because they can’t watch too. Add to that the fact that I’m running on only five hours of sleep and I know I need to get up on time in the morning to begin reasserting the normal schedule, so I need to get to bed on time. This means time is running out for me to watch anything at all. All of this leads me to grouch at the kids and bark ridiculous orders like “Go to sleep!” as if the kids could choose to comply rather than having to lay still in the dark and wait for sleep to come to them. The fault is not theirs. Staying up until 1 am then sleeping until 9 has tweaked their biorhythms. I can’t expect to fix that in a single day.

It has been a good day. It really has. None of the tantrums and conflicts I expected showed up. I’m just tired and I can’t be off duty until they are sleeping.

Today is a day of recovery after a night of revelry. We had about 18 people in our house for more than five hours. Games were played. Food was eaten. Laughter was shared. The party broke up late because we were all having too much fun talking. We need to not wait until New Years to do this again. It was fun. One of the best things for me was how well behaved all of the kids were. I got to enjoy spending time with adults rather than feeling split because the kids upstairs needed me at the same time guests needed attention. I did have to run upstairs frequently, but it was never a problem. All the guests got along well and I think everyone had a great time. A big help in all of this is that the majority of the guests are already good friends with the same interests. We could all laugh at the same jokes.

Kiki joined the party right with the adults. Link sometimes did party stuff and sometimes went upstairs with the other kids. He particularly liked getting to play Rock Band with the grown ups. Gleek and Patch had a party of their own in Gleek’s room. I set up an inflatable mattress across from Gleek’s desk and they watched movies while eating treats. We made them all eat a good dinner before the guests arrived, so there was a complete lack of sugar crashes. Sometimes the kids came down to join the larger party, but mostly they were content upstairs. Just after midnight I came up to make them turn the movies off. They were all asleep within minutes, too tired to even argue about who had the most space on the mattress.

Today is for recovery. There really is not much party clean up. Most of the detritus was swept into the trash very quickly. And the house is still clean and organized. It feels really good to be starting the new year with a clean house. I let all the kids sleep in. They’re still short on sleep, so I’m monitoring closely. I’ve been feeding them at regular intervals and encouraging low-conflict activities like watching movies. It would be good to get them out and moving this afternoon. Mostly we’re just taking today slow and bedtime will be early. Tomorrow begins the process of reasserting a normal schedule so we’re ready for school to start on Monday.

I think that one of the best signs of a good party is that everyone leaves saying “We should do this again soon.” It is an especially good sign if the hosts agree. Howard and I want to throw parties like this one again. It was a fun time.

The true friend is one who’ll help you clean your bathroom and not think any less of you after it is done. I’m so glad to have such a friend. I get to start the new year with a clean house. This makes me very happy. I’ve also hauled out bags full of trash, rearranged some furniture, and accumulated a big pile to donate to a thrift store. It makes our home feel more spacious. I like it. Particularly since we’re entering the indoor months.

January starts tomorrow. I get a shiny new year. I should probably set some goals. I already have a mental outline for most of what I intend to accomplish, but it would be a good idea to write it down. The actual recording may not happen until after the kids head back to school though. Even with a clean house, I’m still short on pondering space.

The problem with cleaning my house is that when I get really close to one thing so I can wash it, I can see 10 more things that need washing. This is how I can spend 90 minutes working as hard as I can, cross half a dozen things off the list, and still end up with a list that is twice as long as it was when I started. The revised list includes such items as “repaint the whole house” and “buy new furniture.” Then I start fretting over the money I don’t have to spend on those projects. This is why I don’t clean as often as I should. Of course the not cleaning as often as I should is part of why I’m in this mess in the first place. Whee.

Today also brought the realization that I’m just not going to be able to get around to responding to comments made on my LJ for the last week or more. I’m also not going to get around to making comments to other people’s entries. Nor am I going to be an active forum participant on my writer’s forum. I believe this is the fault of having all the kids home all day long. It may also be due to the large events I’ve had to prepare for. Whatever the reason, I have decided not to feel bad about it. Things will settle down again next week.

I went to a wedding today. It was beautiful. I loved seeing the glow on the faces of the bride and the groom. They were so happy. The wedding also seemed remarkably stress free. …but I suspect that was merely from the comfortable vantage point of being a guest rather than an organizer. All we had to do was show up at the event and talk to our friends who were also there. It was a lovely break from my house and my stresses.

The other day Howard was talking to me and venting some frustration. I realized that I wasn’t sure what my role in the conversation needed to be. Sometimes the correct response is just to be a listening ear while the rant runs its course. Sometimes my job is to be actively engaged in helping calm or problem solve. Sometimes the needed response is for me to stand up and say something unpleasant but necessary. I’m better at figuring it out than I used to be, but I still get it wrong sometimes. The reverse is also true. I have varying needs for the roles that Howard plays and I frequently fail to communicate which role I need from him. Ah the joys of spousal cross communication. Fortunately Howard and I usually catch it and correct it quickly, so things don’t fester. Both of us have taken turns saying “This was the response I needed from you and didn’t get.”

Sometimes all I need in the world is to be snuggled on a couch surrounded by my kids while watching an entertaining movie. If that is followed by a huggle-snuggle gigglefest, so much the better.

And last but not least, a conversation with Patch.

Patch: We must be rich.
Me: What makes you say that?
Patch: Because we’ve got a suitcase full of money.
I suppose to a five year old my little cash box from which I pay out allowances and chore earnings does look like extreme wealth.

I am rich, not suitcases of money rich, but intangible invaluable rich. Life is good.

Over the last few days I’ve been taking my old paper scrap/photo books and scanning each page into the computer. The plan is that I’ll use InDesign to put these into a pdf file and then use Lulu.com to print it out in a book. Then the kids will have access to these family memories in a form that they are allowed to carry around and spill jam upon. The life-in-review has been interesting.

Among the realizations are the fact that I’m still wearing many of the same clothes that I wore 5-7 years ago, only they don’t look as good on me anymore. I’ve gained weight and the clothes have gotten older. Wardrobe replacement needs some attention over the next year. I was also surprised by how many of the kids’ clothing outfits I remembered fondly. I would look at the clothing in the photo and remember not just the event pictured, but a whole raft of associations. This is why photos and objects can be valuable. They help us remember things we didn’t know were significant until they were gone. Speaking of things gone, the biggest of these is the set of children I used to have. They’ve all shifted and changed so much. The things that were of central importance, no longer interest at all. And yet somehow they are still themselves. But it makes me a little sad to look at them now and know that all too soon these people will be gone too as we move forward to the next new thing.

Speaking of new things, starting next Sunday I’ll be teaching a primary class full of 4 year olds. It will be quite a shift from teaching 10 year olds. I’ll be doing far more crowd control and far less lesson presentation. But it pleases me that the children of several of my good friends will be in my class. I hope I can make church a happy place for those kids so that they are always glad to come. If I can just manage that, I’ll consider it a job well done.

One more week of kids at home all day. I love my kids, but I have a really hard time keeping anything resembling a regular schedule without school as an external structure. I’m trying to focus on making the holidays a good experience for everyone. I want the kids to remember it happily, but it will be a relief to return to a routine. Now if only the kids also respond positively to the return of routine when it arrives next week.

I found a noted quotation from Gleek in my planner. “I like being barefoot because it is more pranceling and barefootly.”

My lily is blooming. This makes me happy. I had to buy it from the store. All the lily bulbs I planted in pots have completely failed to sprout. One hyacinth has sprouted, but I don’t thing it will flower. I do have a couple of narcissus that will flower, but those were bulbs shipped and ready for planting. At least now I know not to waste effort trying to force my own bulbs. I’ll just have to depend on buying commercially prepared plants for my winter garden if I’m going to have blooms in January and February. The winter blues haven’t been as bad this year because I’m under less stress, but I still need my flower therapy as a preventative measure.

The next few days are going to be full of cleaning because we’re having company over on New Years’ Eve. I’ve made lists. The lists are long. I hope I can get it all done.

I had an interesting conversation with a friend today. He mentioned that as a kid he hated the question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” It seemed impossible to him that anyone could plan that far ahead. Even as an adult he says he has a hard time talking about plans farther out than a year or two. I’m a little different. I’ve always wanted to have a destination in mind even if I knew it would take a long time to get there.

I’ve long believed that the key to succeeding is to work with your natural inclinations rather than against them. So after the conversation was over I wondered how a short-term project person could work on a long term goal. I think the key is to zig zag. If you want to be a writer then make sure that the majority of your short term projects involve some form of writing. So you spend a couple of years keeping a blog. Then you work on a novel. Then you take a job writing technical manuals. Each short term project teaches you things about writing that can be taken to the next project. Even that job at a fast food place can teach things about human nature which could later be applied to writing. The zig zag path appears random and goal less. Sometimes even to the person who is traveling it. The zig zag person may take longer to arrive at a measurable success than the straight approach, but the zig zag can still arrive somewhere that they want to be.

I’m not a zig zag person. I tend to head straight for my goals, but I have many goals I’m pursuing simultaneously. I can only push one forward at a time, but I’ve gotten very deft at switching tracks very quickly. It still takes me longer to arrive where I want to be than it would be if I were more focused, but it is the method that feels natural to me.

Last week Kiki babysat the other three kids and it did not go well. A major reason it did not go well is because Kiki started romping with the kids. Then everyone was wound up and disinclined to be cooperative about going to bed. In the post sadness debriefing I talked to Kiki about why winding the kids up right before bed isn’t the best idea. I believe my exact words were “The problem with roughhousing is that it goes: Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun Fun SAD.”

A similar problem can be noted with holiday celebrations. The first three weeks of December are packed with endless places to go and things to do. Everyone rushes about and anticipation builds for the big event. But then very suddenly the big event is over. Often in the wake of the celebration there is a feeling of emptiness or depression. When the kids are roughhousing I’ve learned to tell when Fun is just about to turn to SAD. If I take quick action, I can prevent the sadness from occurring so that everyone walks away remembering only the fun. Similarly, I’ve learned some steps to take to prevent the post holiday sadness. It doesn’t always work completely. It particularly does not work if I forget to do the steps, but many of these ideas have helped me in the past.

Pace the pre-holiday festivities. The key to this one is to slow down in advance of the holiday so that you don’t arrive exhausted. It seems like every organization in existence needs to have its own holiday event. I skip many of them, only attending where I will truly enjoy the event or where my absence would hurt someone else. I also strive to keep the kids’ schedules as normal as possible. I don’t want them arriving at the holiday exhausted either because exhausted kids throw tantrums and tantrums cause stress for everyone.

Eat healthy. Treat food is everywhere, but our bodies and minds perform poorly without good nutrition. We are particularly careful about this on Christmas morning. We require the kids to all eat a breakfast that has protein in it. This year we failed to require a healthy lunch and as a result there was some afternoon crankiness. The healthy dinner went fairly untouched because the kids had eaten their weight in cereal, but at least it was there.

Savor the holiday. After the pre-holiday rush, it is tempting to rush through the holiday traditions as well. The kids certainly want to. They want to tear open all the packages as fast as possible. Howard and I consider it our duty to drag our feet as much as possible on Christmas morning. We make the kids wait until 7 am to wake us up. We require them to clean up, get dressed, and have breakfast between the Christmas morning surprises and the present opening. Then we require them to take turns so that everyone can see every present opened. Slowing things down allows us all to enjoy the day more. Once the last present is opened, the festivities are done. Howard knows a family that hides all the presents so that the kids spend all day finding their gifts. It is a fascinating idea for extending the holiday. We may try it some year.

Plan events for after the holiday. One of my favorite Christmases had several small gift exchange events on several different days after Christmas. I loved this because when the last present was opened on Christmas day there was still a small thing to look forward to. The big presents all came on Christmas, but the small exchanges later still felt wonderful. And by spreading the gifts out, each gift was appreciated more. Another simple post holiday thing I do is to buy myself a lily plant. It blooms into January and so I have something lovely to look forward to.

Don’t overload. The first bite of your favorite dessert is heavenly, but as you keep eating each bite is less and less special. Eventually you don’t even want dessert anymore. The time to stop eating is when you’re still enjoying the dessert. Figuring out what that point is for gifts can be tricky. It can be especially tricky when there are many loving adults who want to delight the children. But everyone will be happier with the holiday if the kids are not overloaded. Overload prevention can be accomplished simply by spacing out the gift giving onto different days.

Over the years many of these steps have become as instinctive to Howard and I as listening to the roughhousing and knowing when to step in. I’m sure there are many other things that can help. I’d love to hear suggestions.

Tis the day after Christmas and all through the house everyone’s happy. I suppose I could continue the rhyme, but that sounds like a lot of work. I’m disinclined to work today. So instead of rhyme, I’ll offer a few Christmas highlights.

This was the year of Nintendo shirts and Indiana Jones Lego sets. All four of my kids acquired multiple video game themed shirts from various different sources. This made all of them happy. They’ll continue to enjoy the clothes throughout the next year or more. The three younger kids all received Lego sets. It made for a very quiet Christmas afternoon since they each spent several hours assembling the sets. Hopefully they will continue to have fun playing with the sets over the next several days. Most importantly, Patch acquired the Motorcycle chase set he has coveted for months.

I loved watching the kids give gifts to each other. Each person has a pile of things that they are giving to others and there is much laughing and joking as the kids try to be the first to give everything away. This year it worked really well. The kids were excited to give because I’d involved them in the gift selection process. They worked to earn these gifts and were delighted to give them. Involving the kids more in gift selection was the right thing to do, even though it gave me less control over what things came into the house. In past years I’ve spent considerable energy to make sure that the holiday gift giving was optimized for the best use of financial resources. This year I let go. I left the choices of gifts up to the individual givers and somehow balance was achieved just as well.

Howard managed to surprise me with a new Dell mini laptop. I knew he was buying it, but he tricked me into thinking it would not arrive until after the holiday was over. I’m typing this entry from the new machine. It looks like it will be a very useful aid to writing. And it is small. About the size of a hardback book.

The perfect gift is the one you didn’t know existed, but once you open it, you realize you always wanted it. One of those gifts arrived for Howard today. It is amazing, but it is his story to tell. He blogged about it. With pictures.

It was a good holiday. We capped it off with Howard reading How The Grinch Stole Christmas by candlelight. It was a good ending to the day.