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I have too many things in my brain. I’m hoping that if I dump them all out, I’ll be better able to sort them.

I got a lot of responses to the gatherer/farmer post on writing. It interests me greatly that everyone who responded said “I’m totally a gatherer.” Supposedly the world is primarily filled with farmers, but I sure can’t tell by looking at the people I hang out with. Perhaps the hunters and gatherers accumulate in the eddies on the edges of a vast river of farmers. Or perhaps hunters and gatherers are about 50% of the population and it is just our society that is set up as a farmer’s world. I’m not sure which it is, but hopefully now that I’ve written it down my brain will be able to let it go so that I can concentrate on other things.

I watched a lot of movies while Howard was gone. The ones I’m gladdest about are Good Will Hunting, About A Boy, and Stranger Than Fiction. I really liked them. I highly recommend them all, but be aware that Good Will Hunting is heavy on language and crude jokes. They’re important characterwise, but be forewarned. About A Boy was marketed as a romantic comedy, but it isn’t. The movie focuses on relationships, but most of the relationships are not romantic. Even better, lying does not win the girl. Yay. Stranger Than Fiction I had seen before. I enjoyed it even more the second time through because I did not have to feel tense and I could see all the pieces that would come together in the end. This is not a typical Will Ferrell movie. He gets to do real acting instead of just acting stupid or silly. I never liked Will Ferrell before seeing this film. Elizabethtown was interesting, but it felt incomplete. There were many fascinating threads, but none of them arrived anywhere concrete. Real Women Have Curves had good potential, but the protagonist does not have a character arc. She drifts through the film without changing much. The cultural clashes were interesting though. Love’s Labour Lost is Shakespeare set in WWII and turned into a musical. It was deliberately cheesy. The cheesiness of it made me laugh with delight. And I loved the bright colors and the songs and dances. I need to watch some more musicals. I love them, but the problem is that I’ve already seen the best ones. That leaves me either re-watching over-familiar material or watching bad ones. Sigh. Bride and Prejudice and Bend It Like Beckham both offered a fascinating glimpse into the culture of India. I love the traditional clothing styles of India and their art fascinates me. Bride and Prejudice isn’t meant to be serious, just fun. Bend It Like Beckam was fascinating in trying to show the conflict between traditional cultures and the modern world. I wanted to react to each of these movies individually. I’ve got half-composed blog entries about them floating in my brain. I’m dumping these incomplete blogs. For now this will have to suffice. Perhaps later something else will come up that will connect back to one of these movies and I’ll write the blogs then. I can’t keep holding onto the half-composed stuff. I need the brainspace.

Through experimentation I have determined fairly certainly that Patches is lactose intolerant. I think Gleek is as well although I’m less certain about her. This complicates cooking because our family has always relied heavily on dairy. I love cheese. I have not yet wrapped my head around the ways that I need to change the family diet to accomodate for this. Instead I bought a big box of lactase pills to give to the kids to help them digest. Fortunately this is not life threatening or damaging in any way. If the kids get dairy while I’m not looking, they have gas, diarhea, and feel ill. They’re better after a few hours. I’m going to have to pack lunches for school instead of letting the kids buy lunch. Sigh. And I really need to get back into cooking healthy meals regularly. This requires preplanning and focus. Those things are easier to come by when our family has a regular schedule. Kiki has been sleeping at odd hours. Link was complaining that he always has to fix his own food. Gleek has been running hyper from friend to friend barely touching down at home in between. Patches is suffering from a lack of quiet time. They all need me to be more focused. They need me to provide a schedule for them because they aren’t good at providing schedules for themselves. Unfortunately neither am I. Daily schedule is a farmer thing. Anyway I need to take Gleek and Patches to the doctor to discuss lactose intolerance and to figure out if there is anything else I need to be doing to help them manage it. While I’m there I should probably mention that Link guzzles milk in the afternoons and evenings. He does this so consistently that I’m wondering if the medication he is on for ADD leaches calcium or some other nutrient out of his system. Perhaps I’ll even mention Kiki’s wonky sleep schedule to the doctor. She seems to be sleeping far more than she should be for her age. Maybe she is just growing. Maybe it just seems that way because she is sleeping and tired at odd hours.

School starts in three weeks. I’ve no clue who the kids will have for teachers. I know who I want for them, but if they don’t get the teachers I’m hoping for, I don’t know if I’ll kick up a fuss or not. I’m worried about Gleek transistioning into First Grade. So is she. It has featured in her bedtime prayers lately. The beginning of Kindergarten was so rough for her. Kiki will be starting Junior High. This isn’t just new for her, but for me as well. I’ve got a whole new set of administrators and systems to deal with. I don’t know how Junior High works, how to make sure she is properly registered, how the bussing works, how to pay fees, etc. I’m sure none of it is very complicated, but I haven’t figured it out yet and so it looms. Patches starts preschool too. I wonder how that will go. I haven’t done any school preparation and I don’t have time or energy for it until next week at the soonest.

It feels better to get all this stuff out where I can see it. I think I’m done now.

Change is in the air. Finally after nearly a month of uber-hot weather, we finally have clouds and occasional showers. This is the beginnings of Fall. There are other signs as well. I’ve started recieving correspondance from the schools. They’ve begun informing me exactly how many fees I’ll be required to pay so that my child can have a locker and books for her middle school experience. We are definitely on the last slippery slope of summer, sliding toward back-to-school night. In response, I’ve started getting out of bed before 8 am. That has been nigh impossible all summer. Why bother to rush out of bed if there is nowhere in particular to go? But now I do have places to go and things to do. It feels good.

However before I can get up a good head of steam on fretting over school, I have to pull off a family reunion. It is next weekend and I am in charge. It will all go just fine and the only one who will hold me responsible for difficulties will be me, but that doesn’t stop me from fretting a little. I’m good at fretting. If I get it all done ahead of time, then I can enjoy the actual event much more.

I got up this morning and could tell that it was going to be a really good day. Thus far the prediction has been accurate.

I made breakfast for myself and the kids. Breakfast included bacon. Yum.

I started loads of dishes and of laundry.

Then I sat down with the telephone and called customer support for the Point of Sale software. I spilled the whole story to the nice tech guy on the other end. He couldn’t help me with the laptop hardware problem. Unfortunately neither could the USB/ethernet adapter I tried last night. He confirmed that the Point of Sale software will not work on Windows 98. If I want to use that machine, I’ll have to upgrade it. However he assured me that once I got the laptops sorted out, setting up software would be easy. Instead we set up the software on my desktop so that I could complete the credit card transactions. This was the critical task and it is now DONE. Whew. I can now take my time to sort out the issues with the laptops or strong arm tech friends to sort it out for me.

I then made lunch and switched laundry loads.

Now I am preparing for another long stint at my computer while I do the routine weekly accounting. This is a chore, but it shouldn’t have any nasty surprises in store.

Yesterday I invited some friends over for dinner. I figured I needed some company with Howard gone for one more night. Much to my surprise, Howard walked in the door before we were even done eating. He left San Diego on Sunday instead of on Monday. I talked to him several times and he misled me about where on the road he was. I was, and am, very glad to have him here. I rushed to him and hugged him. I’m pleased to say that I focused on his face first before my eyes were drawn inevitably to The Boots. He got new boots in Vegas. Every time he walks into the room with them, my eyes are drawn to them. They are so wonderfully incongruous with the rest of his attire. (Pictures here)

Despite my earlier grumpy whining, I am really happy today. Howard is at home. Every time he walks into the room I am glad he is here. I’ve found myself sitting in his office, not because I had anything to say, but because I wanted to be near him.

A portion of our pre-con stress was trying to make sure that the booth was set up with Point of Sale credit card processing. Purchases were made, configurations were done, but the person who did all the set up work was not at the convention to run it. None of it got used because the people on-site were unable to figure out how to make it all work. Howard hauled it all home. Now my assignment is to make it all work and train Howard on it so that we don’t have this problem again.

I booted up the laptop and plugged in all the gear includine a barcode reader and a credite card reader. It all worked beautifully. I couldn’t understand why they couldn’t make it work at the convention. The next step was to connect the machine to the internet so I can do live processing. I made a trip to a store to buy the necessary ethernet cable. Then I came home and plugged the machine in. No can do. The computer will not recognize the existence of a network connection.

Okay.

So I decided that we’d pull out the laptop that Howard has laying around. We could use that instead. A mere 20 minutes of tinkering got that one connected to the internet. Now I just had to move the software over. Except that Howard’s machine is running windows 98. It doesn’t have drivers to run the USB stick that I tried to use. It doesn’t even know what to do with a downloaded file with the extension .zip. So I have a machine that runs all the software beautifully, but which can’t connect to the internet. I have a second machine which connects just fine, but I’m unable to get software onto.

At this point some of you tech folk are probably brimming with options and suggestions. Many of them would be useful and help me sort out this problem. But the key here is: I don’t want to deal with this problem. Troubleshooting hardware and software is not something I enjoy. It is not something I am good at. I’ve spent ALL DAY and I haven’t even begun the critical task which is processing credit card transactions that took place two days ago. Give me an accounting problem please, not this mess of old hardware and software. I can figure out hardware and software, but I believe that those things should just work without me having to think about them. Yet another reason that I’ll be buying a Mac if I ever have enough money to buy myself a laptop.

I have no clue how to fix the computer which claims the network cable is unplugged when the cable is clearly attached. But I think that I can solve the issues with the other machine by upgrading it to windows xp. Unfortunately I have get a copy which will either cost time or money. Then I have to install it. Then I have to install the point of sale programs. And then finally I will be able to actually do what needs to be done. Maybe. If it all works right.

Until I can get it done it looms. Looming things are stress provoking.

Today I had to haul Gleek out of a church meeting. She was working herself into a tantrum because she’d forgotten her colored pencils at home. It was one of many irritations that took place in the morning. I took Gleek and shut both of us in an empty classroom where we both cried a little until we felt better. Then we went back for the rest of the meeting. I helped my kids give talks in their primary meeting. Then I sat through the adult lessons.

After church was still feeling grumpy and sad and stressed. I followed Patches home which is never a quick process because he has to walk carefully on all the curbs and climb this one special rock and jump off of it. These things can not be skipped nor hurried. If they are not done right, they must be done again.

Our home teacher stopped by for his monthly visit about an hour after church. I was not thrilled when he made the appointment. I much prefer having home teachers over when Howard is here because Howard can talk to anybody. I don’t like awkward silences with people I don’t know well. I think I’ve gotten better at building conversations because the home teacher was here for 40 minutes and there wasn’t a single awkward silence. And it wasn’t because I babbled. Instead I asked good questions that led him to tell me about the surveyor work that he does. It was really interesting and he volunteered to show some of it to my Webelos den sometime. I felt much better after he left.

I spent some time watching About A boy. I really enjoyed the movie. It is not what I expected and I came away feeling happier.

Later this evening was the church potluck dinner. The people who usually host it were gone, so our cul de sac was in charge instead. Our yards are not nearly as beautiful, but I think the potluck went well anyway. I know it was exactly what I needed. I needed a chance to talk to other people and feel like I’m not alone in the challenges I face. It was wonderful to talk and laugh with grown ups.

All of this ties together with the theme from About A Boy: no man is an island. We find the solutions to our problems by helping solve the problems of others. It is our connectedness that heals us and gives us strength to go on. This morning I was miserable because Howard is gone and I felt alone. This evening Howard is still gone, but I feel much happier because I spent time connecting with other good people who face the same sorts of challenges that I face. I was able to suggest things that might help them. They made suggestions that might help me. I’m so happy to have a web of connections in this neighborhood.

I still miss Howard though.

Howard has been gone for nearly a week now. As I expected, I read a lot and watched far more movies than usual. They are all ways to pass the time, to fill the empty spaces that are usually spent interacting with Howard. But I can only read so much and watch so many films before my brain says “enough.” Then I want people to talk to. I hit that wall around noon today. I thought about calling people just to talk. I have many people who would happily chat and keep me company for awhile. But the person I really want to talk to is too busy. He’s working all day every day in a crowded convention center. When he does call the conversations are frustratingly short. He has so many more stories than he’s had time to tell me. I have dozens of small things to tell him. If we could spend hours on the phone we might say it all, but he needs to sleep or he won’t survive the weekend.

I miss him. Our anniversary is next week. 14 years married and I still love it when he calls to talk. We still stay up late because there are too many things to say. Not often, but sometimes. You’d think we’d run out of stories to tell, but we just keep making new ones or finding previously unshared pockets of memory. He’ll be home on Monday. I can hardly wait.

Last night I went to bed vowing that I would get things done on the morrow. Amazingly I remembered the vow this morning and still felt compelled to complete it. So I informed all of the kids that the TV would stay off until the family room was cleaned and vacuumed. Then I went out and mowed the jungle that was my lawn. 2 hours later I came in hot and tired to discover that while my kids did obey my instructions, they did it by playing quietly sans video games rather than by cleaning up the family room. I expected that. Eventually some one would care enough about playing a game that they’d actually clean.

Kiki folded first. She has been playing Ocarina of Time and wanted to continue her game. However there was a small problem. She isn’t the one that makes a mess in the family room. I tried to convince her that we all have to contribute to the cleanliness of the house that we share, but she could not bring herself to clean up a mess that she did not help make. She and I spent a good 20 minutes negotiating. I explained that holding the TV hostage was the only way I had to make sure that the work actually got done. I did that because I was not excited about cleaning up someone else’s mess either. I was in fact trying to accomplish the same thing that she was. I was trying to make the people who created the mess participate in cleaning up the mess. Kiki was ready to have me haul all the other kids in and make them clean right away. I knew how that would turn out. I would haul them protesting away from their games and friends. They would then lay on the floor whining while Kiki and I cleaned up the room. There would be yelling and frustration. In the end the people who cared about the mess (Kiki and I) would be the ones who did most of the work. I tried to convince her that it would be better if we just did it without the accompaniment of whining children. She conceeded that this was how this kind of event usually went, but persisted in feeling that she shouldn’t be the only one to help clean up the mess when she didn’t make any of it.

She sugguested bribing the kids with treats which led to a discussion about how I can’t leave the house to go get treats because we have friends over. She then suggested making cookies. I pointed out that before we could make cookies we would have to clean up the kitchen. Her next suggestion was that we invite my friend Janci over. Her thought was that Janci could clean my kitchen while she and I work on the family room. Then we could make cookies. Even as she said it I could see her realize that this was not an appropriate way to treat a friend. However the discussion of kitchen things did lead us to the final solution.

Kiki agreed to empty and reload the dishwasher. When she finished, she is allowed to turn on the TV to play her game. However none of the other kids are allowed to watch the game until the family room is cleaned up. If the other kids try to watch the game, Kiki will pause while they clean up the room or until they leave the room to do something else. Kiki is not allowed to get angry or upset if one of the other kids forces her to pause the game. I have to make sure that the other kids either work fast to clean or leave the room quickly, thus minimizing the necessary pause. Since the kids all enjoy watching Kiki play, this still gives me a motivator for getting the family room clean. And I got a clean kitchen out of the deal too. Everybody wins.

But I think the biggest win for me was talking with Kiki during the negotiations. I was able to help her see some of the reasons why I handle the younger kids the way that I do. This is good, because lately Kiki has been acting as a policeman over the behaviors of some of the other kids. This is occasionally frustrating for me because she’ll be insisting that I enforce something when I can clearly see that enforcement will cause more problems than it will solve. I get frustrated because I don’t want to cause more problems and because I can see that she is right and rules should either be rules all the time or not rules at all.

Anyway. My lawn is mowed. My kitchen is clean. And my family room will likely get cleaned before the day is over. I’m thinking that I’ve fulfilled my vow. Now if I could just get rid of this headache.