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Today is our recovery day. Howard and I are both in need of a day of rest. Howard needs it even more than I do because the book release party was half relaxation for me and Howard had to work hard through the whole thing. All the advance preparation and stress was worth it. Once we got our hands on the books everything went smoother than we had any right to hope.

I cannot say enough to express my appreciation for the people who showed up to help. In three days of working, not once were we short handed. We always had more people wanting to help than there was work to do. Not only did people show up to help, but they showed up with good cheer and made the whole experience a joyful one. Howard and I came away completely exhausted, but very very happy. I’m actually looking forward to mailing out the next book so we can do it all again. Only next time we’ll try to make sure we have books enough in advance so that Howard can spread out his work and spend more time relaxing and playing.

Today we rest. Tomorrow we finish the odds and ends of mailing. Then we start gearing up for Conduit next weekend. I’m looking forward to Conduit. The kids will all be at my brother’s house, so it will be just Howard and I for three days. Howard will still be working, and so will I, but we should be able to find a little bit of time for having fun as well.

Life is good.

My office smells like new books and it is the smell of success. 80% of the preordered books are in the mail. All that are left are the sketched editions and a few odds and ends that need special attention for various reasons.

Happy. Tired. Going to sleep now.

I have seen the books and they are beautiful! I have 36 boxes of them stacked in my basement. An additional 23 boxes have made the trek to Dragon’s Keep. Howard will be autographing until his hand falls off and tomorrow we’ll be stuffing books into mailers. The book mailing will continue on Saturday. Sunday will be a day of rest. Then Monday we’ll finish off any mailing there is left to do. There is nothing left for me to fear. All that is left is lots of hard work. I can handle that.

Howard and I spent all morning pretending that we weren’t watching out the front window for a truck full of books to arrive. About 2 pm we finally were able to contact the shipping company and we learned that the books would be arriving in Salt Lake City on Thursday. We won’t be able to get our hands on them until 8 am Friday morning. That was the point at which I had a break down. Howard switched into full problem solving mode and was spinning plans for making things work. It was all I could do not to scream with rage or dissolve into tears.

Sometimes when the winds of stress hit us, we need to be oaks. We need to stand strong so that we can do what needs to be done. The disadvantage is that when oaks snap, they are permanently broken. That is why it is important to sometimes respond to stress as a reed does to a strong wind. The reed bends flat to the ground, but then is able to stand up tall again when the wind stops. To survive the past week I’ve had to employ both strategies.

This afternoon I was flatened to the ground. I felt completely broken. I’ve been trying to hold strong for so long, to carry everything. I felt like a shattered oak. Turns out I was a reed. I was flattened an muddy, but here I am standing up again. Here I am with all the new plans in place. I’m optimistic again and I’m looking forward to tomorrow. We’ll be putting labels on mailers in preparation for books. Then on Friday I’ll spend a physically exhausting day moving books. The book moving will be followed by mailer stuffing. Then Saturday will be the Book Release Party. I’ve finally reached the part where I can be doing things. I hit bottom and I’m headed back up.

Up is good.

Yesterday I was beyond stressed. But at the end of the day it was all done. All the lists were printed. All the mailers were stamped. Menus were planned. Purchase lists were written. Until the books actually arrived there were no further business things I could do.

Today I put all of that out of my head. Today belonged to my children. When they needed something, I was there to provide it. I squished playdough. I took them to the library. I registered them for swim lessons. I pushed them on the swings. I can’t say I was always calm, but I tried. I tried not to spend time staring out the front window hoping for a delivery truck. My kids needed me today. I needed today. Because as soon as the books arrive I’ll be shuffling them off so I can work. At some un-noticed point in the past 6 months I changed from a stay-at-home mom to a work-from-home mom.

So much of my focus has been on making this book project work. When the books are mailed, the release party is over, and the convention is over I really need to reprioritize. Gleek and Patches are showing myriad small signs of insecurity. Gleek keeps asking for “mommy time” and she wants it right now. Unfortunately I can’t do that, I can’t promise it for another two weeks which is endless ages away for her. Both Gleek and Patches are having troubles settling down to sleep despite the fact that they spend every day cranky from exhaustion. Summertime is going to require an enforced naptime for them. Maybe in two weeks I’ll have the brainspace to pull that off.

I hope the books arrive first thing tomorrow. I want to get this all over with so life can be normal again.

Not doing so well with the “nice mommy” thing today. I hope we all survive the next 5 days.

Today is my day to print mailing lists. I cannot print addresses in blocks of more than 100. So I spend 10 minutes prepping a list to go and then 20 minutes of waiting while it processes and prints. As I’m prepping each list, checking addresses, and purchasing yet more postage, the back of my brain spouts a tension building litany of all the things that could go wrong. I can feel my tension level ratcheting up every moment I spend in front of the computer. Once a list is ready to go I walk away while it is printing. I walk away and try to be nice to the children who invariably need something during the prepping time where I have to concentrate. They get growled at and are sad. So I try to be nice to them and meet their needs. Then I go and hide in my book. I finished Komarr and have started on A Civil Campaign. The world of Miles Vorkosigan soothes my spirit. All the tension leaves as I completely absorb myself in this familiar story. But then the real world calls either in the form of a finished printer or a needy child and the tension begins to build again.

I really hope books arrive tomorrow or I’m going to be a wreck. I’ll probably be a wreck anyway, but at least I’ll be a wreck with something to do.

I now officially hate phone voice recognition systems. I was trying to call the US Postal Service central number to find the number for my local post office so that I could arrange for the pick up of 1500 packages. The phone call went like this:

USPS: Welcome to the US Postal Service help line. Por espanol numero uno. If you have a question about delivery say “delivery.” If you want to look up a zip code say

I sharpen my pencil, the noise of the pencil sharpener makes the phone voice go silent for a moment.

USPS: Okay. If you have a question about delivery say “delivery.” If you want to look up a zip code say “zip

Patches: Mommy! I want a drink

USPS: Okay. If you

Patches: Mom!
I attempt to shush Patches

USPS: Okay. Which zip code are you looking for?

Patches: random squealing noise

USPS: Which

Patches: Wah!
Me: Grr
USPS: A series of partially begun sentences each different than the next.

I quickly realized that the system was picking up all the ambient noise and had taken me down some unknown branch of its possibility tree. There was no way to salvage the phone call. I hung up.

I then tried to schedule pick up via the USPS website and was faced with a form which did not fit my needs at all. I finally resorted to calling the business mail regional center in Salt Lake where an actual person spoke with me. She nicely tried to tell me where I could find the phone number of my local post office on the phone number. I grumpily didn’t follow along and asked that she simply read the number off of her screen since she had it right there and once she gave it to me I would no longer need to use the USPS’s clunky website. (For curiosity’s sake after I got the phone number I tried her instructions and came up with a blank page.)

My local post office was wonderfully helpful. The pick up is scheduled exactly when I need it. I love my local postal service employees, they have repeatedly solved problems and made my life easier. One more thing I can cross off of my list of things to do.

Okay. Internet is back and my mailers just arrived. I’m breathing a little bit easier. I should be able to stay calm. At least until the next hitch shows up.