Shelving Project

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In theory I can plan a home improvement project, do the math, make a list, and take a single trip to the store for supplies. So far my two-day-old shelving project has required one trip for boards and brackets, a second trip for screws and sandpaper, then a third trip to return sandpaper and buy sandpaper sheets large enough to fit the hand sander. A fourth trip will be necessary for additional boards and brackets, but at least now I can start work. Well, I can when it cools down outside. I don’t really want to deal with wood dust inside the house. Thus my morning project turns into an all day project. I console myself with the thought that once I am done my books will no longer have to live in boxes.

The second day of the project fares better than the first. I get up early to sand the edges of the boards and apply the first layer of stain. I only do two boards. They are proof of concept before I begin sanding a dozen more boards. They look nice sitting out on my deck rail drying. Hopefully they will continue to look nice when transported to my office. I’m really glad to finally have something visible for all the running around I did yesterday. Some days all my work vanishes so that I end the day wondering where the time went. Most of my summer work falls into this category. “Creating structure and schedule” is a crucial task around here, but success is invisible while failure is obvious. At least with the shelves there is something tangible.

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Summer Lilac

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This is a Summer Lilac. It is also known as Buddleia Davidii or Butterfly Bush, but I like the name Summer Lilac. It lets me imagine that I can hold on to spring time so long as the bush is in bloom, and this bush blooms all summer. We had one long ago, but it got torn out as part of our massive landscaping project back in 1999. I bought this one last Wednesday when I ventured into a garden center. I was there for basil plants, because Gleek had brought home a tiny basil sprout from a neighbor and lovingly planted it in our weed-filled garden bed. I knew the traumatized little sprout would not survive, so I went in quest of a larger basil plant for Gleek to tend. I came home with six plants and a wish list of a hundred or more. I need more time, more money, and more garden space. This summer lilac was one of the plants. It sits in a bucket on my back deck because I’ve not had a cool evening hour in which to plant yet. Tomorrow I’ll get it into the ground. It is a promise to myself that I’ll do more in my garden than just tame weeds. I want to be nurturing loveliness as well. The summer lilac will help me, because it will bring butterflies into my garden.

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Summer Chaos and Brave

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I’m the first one awake most mornings. I’m the last one to bed at night. Since it is summer, those bedtimes are later than usual. I rarely get my younger two off to sleep before 10 pm. Later if it happens to be one of the nights when our cul de sac fills up with kids playing night games, which happens every other night. Some days I get a nap in the afternoon. Most days I don’t. Usually the days have long stretches of time when I can focus on work or projects. Yet randomly a quarrel will break out, and I am the one who has to drop everything I’m doing to go create peace again. None of this is so exhausting as it used to be. As they mature, my kids are more able to help themselves and solve their own problems. It is just that everyone is here all the time and we all depend upon me to create the structure of our lives. I do it because it is important, because I crave the order as much as anyone else. This balance we’ve arrived at does seem to be the best solution currently available given the constraints of summer schedule and business requirements.

All of the above is what I took with me when I went to see the movie Brave. I wanted to love the movie, instead I only liked it because it prodded me right in my emotional baggage. You see, I want to be Merida, wild and free. I want to jump on the back of my horse and gallop through the forest shooting arrows and climbing waterfalls. I even want that glorious, untameable red hair. Instead I am Eleanor, the mother, the one who quells the fun and imposes order. I was very frustrated that Eleanor kept imposing princess behavior on Merida which seemed completely unvalued by anyone else in the society. It is one thing for a mother to insist her child learn something because it will definitely benefit the child later. This just seemed pointless. The movie was telling me that it is the job of adult women to impose civilization. “You must be Eleanor.” The movie seemed to say to me. “Be the embodiment of constraint.”

In after thought, I remember that there were portions of the movie where Eleanor also seemed trapped by her own expectations. At the end of the film Eleanor also gets to ride a horse. Lessons are learned all around, I suppose.

Each day I see all the things that are necessary. I see why they are necessary. I see how things must be done in order to achieve long term growth and goals. But the practical application of all of that leaves me being the one to impose order and structure on chaos and requiring others to help me. Part of me loves doing these things. I like order and calmness. I like my hair smooth while I create something of beauty with a needle and thread. Yet I also want to run through the woods with leaves caught in my wild hair. I think I need to see Brave again and view it while considering Merida and Eleanor as two possible aspects rather than feeling I must be one or the other.

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Anthropomorphizing my laptop may have been a good business decision

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I’ve always liked the idea of personifying places and things. I think it is cool when people have names for their cars and their houses. For the most part my things acquire fairly dull names like “the van” because I don’t take time to make a cool name stick first. But this time I had it in my head that I’d like to have a Calcifer in my life. Calcifer is the flame creature which powers and runs Howl’s Moving Castle. I wanted something like that in my life, a source of magic and energy, a familiar. So the name Calcifer was already in my head when I realized that the need for a new laptop was dire. My old laptop computer (called “my laptop” even thought I’d attempted to label it Scribit at one point) had reached unusable levels of battery life and memory. Calcifer seemed a perfect name for a portable computer, so I wandered the store looking for which of the computers met my needs and seemed the most like a Calcifer. I settled on a Toshiba brand with a pleasant wood grain look to the casing.

Calcifer came home, and here is where giving him a name makes a difference. If I left him sitting untouched for too long, I started to feel guilty. It was not the guilt of “I spent money I should use this thing” it was the niggling feeling that my friend Calcifer was lonely, that he was waiting for me to use him to write stories, or blog entries, or something. In the month that I’ve had Calcifer I’ve spent a lot more time dwelling in a writer mind space. Today I drafted fiction for the first time in I don’t know how long. It is a weird little psychological feedback loop. The existence of Calcifer in my life encourages me to write. Then I like Calcifer better because he nudges me to do writing. The more I like Calcifer the more motivated I am to make sure he isn’t lonely. I’m quite aware that this laptop I’ve named Calcifer is in fact inanimate. It doesn’t think or care, but names have power over me. I like the results of bestowing this one. Now I just need to get Calcifer a pretty sticker to cover up the Toshiba.

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Settling in for the Summer

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A good routine flows naturally. I currently have all the pieces of a good summer routine, but I’ve yet to actually apply it for more than a few days in a row. In theory today was the first in a long run of days which will be run by the summer routine. It went pretty well, but not perfectly. The kids were easily distracted from their summer chores. I was easily distracted by internet things. I also struggled a bit with prioritization. Many tasks were set aside during shipping and now I need to catch up on them all. I had to figure out which tasks had become urgent, which could stay on the back burner, which things were making life feel out of kilter, and which things were tasks I’d assigned to myself unnecessarily. So far so good.

I think that the next couple of days I’m going to run primarily by instinct rather than list. When things are crazy busy my lists save me. However there are also times when the lists become a narrow focus and prevent me from seeing what really matters. I’ll still be busy all day long. I’ll still get lots of things done, but it feels different in my head.

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And We’re All Safe at Home Now

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I walked into the house and the children flocked to me to give me hugs. Their faces were variously browned and sunburned. I could tell they’d been having lots of fun outdoors with their cousins. I could also see a slight inner tension unwind a little because I was there. The outward manifestation of that inner tension was that they all felt free to be more cranky. It was a high level psychological juggling act to get all four of them to pack up the car and be seated without a major battle erupting. We actually did have a “Don’t Make Me Stop This Car” level conflict about halfway home, during which I did pull off the highway long enough to resolve the issue that yes Gleek’s bag of stuffed animals did have to be moved so that Link could fully recline his seat. However that one flare up dispelled the cranky because the drive afterward was full of cheerful retellings of the trip where as the ride before was pent up quiet.

We all arrived home cheerful and my people have scattered to rediscover all the things they’ve been missing for a week. Life is good. Now I just need to relax for the rest of the evening so that I can put on my business hat again first thing tomorrow.

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My Deep South Con 50 Experiences

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The lobby chairs were pulled into an irregular circle and we slouched in them comfortably. It was Sunday night and all the events of DeepSouth Con were complete. Many of the guests and most of the attendees had already departed for home. Those of us who remained clustered together talking. In many ways it was like the closing scene of the pillow fighting episode of Community where two characters keep hitting each other with pillows for hours because they know the minute the pillow fight is over, then so is their friendship. We sat there and talked late into the night because once the talking stopped, DSC 50 would be done.

Conventions are hard to sum up in a single blog post, because a convention is not a single narrative, it is a multiplicity of interwoven stories. Many of them rely on in-the-moment humor which is hilarious, but can’t be retold because the context is no longer present. This convention’s running joke for Howard and I was Rosie’s Cantina, which was recommended as a restaurant choice on our first night. Our liaisons, Robert and Laura Nigg, attempted to find it, but multiple cell phones came up with multiple locations and driving directions, so we went somewhere else. However Rosie’s Cantina did not go away, We saw signs and advertisements just about every time we left the hotel. Huntsville was taunting us with the existence of this Mexican restaurant. Two different concierge’s recommended it, so on the third day we resumed the quest and succeeded.

In the end the food was solid Ameri-Mex fare, nothing particularly special, but we felt satisfaction in finding the place and eating there. Rosie’s Cantina was an oft referenced source of humor for us and the others who shared our quest. Conventions are made of stories like these, small experiences which become shared contextual humor between the people who experienced them. Since the convention-going population is fairly small, we’ll run across these same people again in a few years. Then we will regale others with The Quest for Rosie’s Cantina in such a way that reconnects us and brings others into the laughter. Many times over the weekend I played audience while others shared their mutual remembrances. This is how communities are made and reaffirmed.

One of my treasured parts of the convention was meeting Lois McMaster Bujold. I’ve read every book she’s written multiple times. Lois’ words and thoughts express some of my experiences so well that it is simpler for me to reference her words rather than finding my own. I very much wanted a chance to talk to the person who created those words. I was pleased that more than one opportunity arose.

Here is Lois talking with Dr. Demento while Toni Weiskopf of Baen stands and speaks to David Drake. Yes, that is a total name-dropping sentence. Yes I had the opportunity to converse with all of those people. This is part of the attraction of conventions, particularly smaller ones. Everyone there is in awe of someone else. These admirable people are all people who are quite happy to sit down and talk about writing, music, food, exercise, pets, and a host of other topics. While I was feeling honored and pleased to be included in conversations with Toni and Lois, they were both feeling fangirl squee about getting to speak with Dr. Demento. I found Lois to be a wonderfully pleasant person. Our conversations tended to be short, as there were many people around, but each time it felt as if I’d picked up a long-running conversation with a long-time friend. It almost certainly did not feel that way to her, which did lend an imbalance to the conversations. I did get to ask her about the narrative structure of the Sharing Knife series which is so very different than her other books. The structural differences threw me off during my first reading of them because I’d expected the familiar structures of her other books. I’m pleased to know that these differences were a conscious and deliberate exploration, rather than a result of being lost in the story. I was certain that had to be the case, but she confirmed it. I also noticed that Lois attended panels all the time. Many of the pros I know are busy at conventions and rarely attend a panel unless they are participating in it. I know that is the case for me. I have a hard time sitting in the audience listening when I feel like I could add to the discussion. I’m reconsidering that. If Lois, with all her experience in writing and fandom, finds things to learn in panels, perhaps I should try to be more teachable as well.

I did attend some panels at DSC. I even got to moderate for a panel where Howard was one of the panelists. It is always a little odd for me to moderate Howard, rather like long-time dance partners switching which partner leads. I felt the panel went well and several people corroborated that opinion.
Howard was, of course, on many panels. Conventions schedule their GoHs pretty thoroughly. One of his panels was about designing aliens, his co-panelists were Tedd Roberts, Travis Taylor, and Stephanie Osborn. I’m told that video of this panel will hit the internet after a quick editing pass. I’m also told that it was fantastic and that everyone will want to see it.

Howard and Travis Taylor of Rocket City Rednecks hit it off really well. After listening to Travis’ stories, we’re convinced that we need to get our hands on all the episodes because it is like Mythbusters with more materials science and physics. Plus, Travis made us laugh all weekend long. Some of that funny must end up in the show too.

Howard and John Ringo did a joint panel, which has also been recorded for future internet viewing, though I’m told that one will take longer to clean up and prep. They hauled almost the entire audience from that panel into the dealer’s room where The Missing Volume was selling both John and Howard’s books. This made Glennis quite happy, and us happy too. Howard and John even stole the autographing table from the hallway. No one minded because it was empty at the time and we un-stole it forty minutes later when John and Howard had to head off for a panel.

This convention was one of the few where Howard was able to announce a Watch Howard Draw event. Fans gathered around while Howard scribbled out comics. Howard was quite glad to get some work done (He always feels behind) and he loved having the relaxed environment to converse while doing it.

One fan even had a Schlock themed birthday party


Yes that is a cake. There was also a little sculpture for the birthday guy. Howard signed it.

I knew that DeepSouth Con had a hard science fiction, history of southern fandom, and funny music focus. These are not areas of expertise for me, so I expected to mostly drift through the weekend in observational mode. I did play observer quite a bit, and I paid more attention to photography, but then I was pulled in. I had several long and deep conversations which left me thinking new thoughts to think. There was a small group of attendees who gathered around me after a panel and we held our own mini panel/discussion about organizing life to support creativity. It was extremely gratifying to be sought out that way, and I’m very glad that some of the things I said seemed useful to them. There is nothing better than turning one of my experiences into something useful for someone else.

A particular shout out is owed to Gray Rhinehart here. I’d never met him before this event and knew him only slightly online. But we talked for hours. This is also one of the hidden treasures of conventions, when I meet someone new and their current concerns intersect with mine. Conventions give me friendships which last long after the convention is over. Conventions give me chances to renew friendships begun at a previous convention. I’m learning to be patient and play the long game in building a writing career. I don’t have to push to have the critical conversation with a particular agent / editor/ author, because there will be another chance. This chance is not the only one.

Huge thanks are due to Toni Weiskopf. This show was her baby. She pulled together a dream team of Southern convention runners. I think this may have been one of the smoothest-run convention I’ve ever experienced. I did not hear any of the usual politicking or kvetching which I’ve come to believe is inevitable when highly stressed people care very much about something but have different opinions about how it should be done. We are so glad that she included us. This was exactly the weekend we needed it to be.
To close out this very long convention post, I leave you with a photo of Dr. Demento dancing on stage with a pair of belly dancers.

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Convention arrival and Huntsvile Alabama

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I stood on the shore of the pond, watching the geese sail across.

The wind caught stray hairs on the back of my neck and also seemed to lift the damp blanket of Alabama air. It was not too hot or humid. In the shade the air felt lovely, in the sun I began to understand why I associate light colored, flowy clothing with southern fashion. At least I was wearing sandals. Standing on the shore of Big Spring Park in Huntsville Alabama was the first truly restful moment I’ve had in weeks. I wandered in a little patch of time that had no requirements attached. All the shipping was done on Monday. Tuesday was the day when my brain responded to the lack of shipping project by deciding that I really needed to re-arrange my shipping / storage room. Wednesday was made of sleeping off insomnia and driving kids to my brother’s house. Thursday was full of airplanes, airports, meeting new people, and eating out at a couple of restaurants with delicious food. Friday needed me to help set up Howard’s panels in the art show, but then there were a couple of hours before the convention really gets under way. So I walked to the park.

I sat for awhile on a bench, looking for cardinals. I didn’t see any, but I was greatly amused that the geese kept sidling closer to me and watching just in case I might pull a sandwich out of my bag and feed them some. They did not venture too close, but by the time I’d been sitting for ten minutes. I was surrounded by a ring of geese pretending to take naps.

They were quite polite about it, so I did not mind their company. Instead I breathed in the smell of pond, watched the koi who occasionally leaped out of the water, and tried to get a feel for the place that is Huntsville. It feels like a good place. I love seeing the evidence of rockets and space engineering. A store in the airport sells astronaut jumpsuits in sizes from toddler to adult. Huntsville is the home of space camp and rocket design. It is a science-y place while also being very southern. I’m picking up a bit of drawl just by being here. It comes to me naturally, my father’s parents both had southern accents. I grew up hearing them.

I’m not sure what else this convention weekend will bring to me. I’m quite happy with whatever comes, since I’ve already gotten to hang out with Howard. I was greeted warmly by Toni Weiskopf of Baen, who is responsible for us getting this invitation. Then last night as we departed for a late dinner, our group was joined by Lois Bujold. Both Howard and I managed to dial back the squee. Instead we got to just talk. More talking with Lois would be lovely, because she has a head full of amazing thoughts.

But for now, I’ve been pinged by Howard to deliver something. The convention begins

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DeepSouth Con 50

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Howard is a guest of honor at DeepSouth Con 50 and I get to go with him. I’m really excited about this trip. It gives me a chance to travel to the South near where many of my ancestors lived. I’ll also get to just be with Howard while the kids are elsewhere. It is icing on the cake that I’ve been invited to participate in programming.

On Saturday at 11 am in Madison, I get to moderate a panel about the Meeting of Art and Science Fiction: Incorporating Hard Science into Art. I’ll get to moderate for Howard, which is always interesting. He’s pretty easy to moderate, but in group conversations I tend to let him take the lead. For this event it will be my job to lead. The other panelists are Krista Wohlfeil, Dr. Demento, and John Picacio. I’m looking forward to it.

Sunday afternoon at 1 pm in Madison, I’ll be a panelist participating in the Podcasting vs. Print Fanzine Smackdown. I expect my print-based layout and design experience to come into play. Panelist for this event are: Guy H. Lillian III, Howard Tayler, Sandra Tayler, and Curt Phillips. Should be fun.

Not officially part of my schedule, but something I do not intend to miss is the Saturday 9 am walk around Big Spring Park with Toni Weisskopf and Lou Anders. I’ll bring my binoculars and keep my eyes peeled for cardinals or other eastern birds. Yes, I intend to let my inner birdwatching geek out to play. I also expect to commit photography.

If you’re anywhere near Huntsville AL, I hope you’ll stop by and say hello. We’ll have copies of all the Schlock books and Hold on to Your Horses for sale in the dealer’s room. Look for The Missing Volume table run by the lovely Glennis LeBlanc.

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Tweet Catch Up: Shipping Week Continues

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Wednesday June 6:

Awake. Time to ship more books. The remaining unsketched books are headed out today. Howard is drawing Armored Kevyn.

If you ordered an unsketched SEOS, your book is in the mail. Mailing of sketched books begins tomorrow with Elf and Armored Kevyn. #presents

Thursday June 7:

If you ordered Armored Kevyn or Elf as your SEOS sketch, then your package is in this pile.

Just realized that all of my twitter photos are pictures of packages. This must be fixed. Have a tree at sunset.

Friday June 8:

Artist Choice, Kevyn, Schlock, and Tagon are all packaged. The little white bag contains two donuts for our postman.

We have the best postman in the world. He’s actually happy to see our pile of packages, because he likes his job.

Saturday June 9:

First tweet reports of books received have reanimated my languishing motivation. Off to the storage unit for more shipping supplies.

No packages shipped today. Needed a rest and to allow sketching time. The remaining packages will all go out on Monday.

Non Tweet thoughts:

Yesterday was a day much full of sleep and watching screens. I did print out the last odds and ends of postage. Tomorrow morning we’ll package up everything and set it out for pick up. Then I can dial my shipping brain back down to maintenance mode.

This process reminds me once again that we have much to be grateful for. I never put out a call for volunteers. Usually I do, because we’re hosting a big book shipping event, and I know that there is an emotional reward in being part of a big event. Also I can promise pizza. Somehow the new method, shipping out of our house, felt different. Asking for volunteers felt more like “come do my work for me” and less like “come be part of our fun event.” So I didn’t breathe a word about needing volunteers, but half a dozen people emailed me asking if they could help. They didn’t mind when my answers were tentative. They scheduled time off work or babysitting in order to come. Several of them arrived with treats. Then they worked with energy and enthusiasm. The lift to my spirits was as important as putting books into boxes. This has been a very long week. My whole body is sore from hefting boxes. My fingers are raw from folding boxes and taping them. Howard’s hand, arm, and back are exhausted. But we do what we must because each sketch and each package represents a commitment to someone who supports us. We work fast because deadlines loom and we must clear our work spaces for the next big project. Having friends come to help, Janci every shipping day, volunteers for a day each, makes a huge difference. One more day. I can do one more day.

On Friday one of our volunteers asked if this new method of shipping is working better than the old one. On the whole, yes it is. New challenges are introduced, but the worst of them are a result of the shipping week being sandwiched between two convention trips. We’ll try not to do that again. Howard needs a full week of sketching time before I start scheduling shipping days. This time Howard was frantically trying to get things drawn on Wednesday and Thursday because I had shipping scheduled for Thursday and Friday. That was not ideal. He needs more flexibility. It would also be better if shipping week landed when the kids are in school. They’ve been great about finding other things to do, and even helping. During shipping hours there have been no problems. Sketching hours are a different story. Howard really needs quiet, un-interrupted space to get into the sketch zone. In the sketch zone he plows through boxes of sketches without pondering his aches. Any interruption, however small, is a chance for his brain to get distracted. In order to prevent distractions, I’m on duty to manage conflicts. So I’d switch from shipping work to household management work with very few breaks. Friday night and Saturday were the first real down time we’ve had all week. Those were the hardest bits, and they’re simple to do differently next time. Everything else worked better and the stress was less intense for being spread out over a week instead of focused on a single day.

Today is Sunday. Tomorrow we ship out the next books. Tuesday I clean up all the messes and make the house back into order. Howard gets back to writing and drawing comics both Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday the traveling begins. I suspect we’ll be tired enough to sleep on the plane.

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