Shipping day…somewhere in the middle

This week it is very hard for me to hold on to the day. The part of my brain which measures time by events is sure that we’ve had at least a week since Monday. Physiology agrees with that estimate, surely I can’t have hefted 4000 lbs of boxes in a smaller span of time. Schedule keeper knows full well that we have lots of week left because there are events planned for this week which have not yet occurred. The planner wants to estimate me backward in time because there are many tasks yet to get done before those scheduled events and with all these tasks, surely we have more days for them. Visual cues are confused as at least a couple of my children haven’t changed clothes in several days. Kids do that if I am sufficiently distracted. My computer thinks today is Wednesday. It is probably right, though I have to work hard to believe that it is not Tuesday or Thursday instead.

I am so very tired.
But happy.
Today I was flipping through invoices and noticing how many of the names I recognize. I see them year after year as we release books, names from all over the world. I’ve never been to Finland, Germany, Indonesia, Spain, France, India, or Portugal, but our books are going there. I see these names and remember the wonder of it all, that Howard and I, who feel very ordinary, can be part of something that travels so far and brings at least a small measure of happiness.

I’m also happy because the new “small batches every day” system has succeeded in lowering the intensity of my stress. I still get stressed. There isn’t any less work, but the work is getting done. Next time we need to leave Howard more lead time on the sketching, but he’s being amazing, as always. The first batch of sketched books will go out tomorrow. All of the unsketched books are sent.

The kids have been amazing troopers. They’ve fed themselves breakfasts, helped make dinners, and not complained when we have to kick them out of the family room to get work done.

Tomorrow begins early, all my days do this week. Tomorrow is…Thursday.
I’m pretty sure.
Whatever day it is, it’ll be a good one.

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Shipping day 1

Postage printing, invoice sorting, Howard signing the covers of books, then packaging the orders which contained no sketched SEOS books. Everything went smoothly, except that we ran out of boxes. I thought my box shipment would arrive this afternoon, I’ll be here tomorrow instead. So the second half of unsketched orders will go out Wednesday.

Tomorrow morning Travis and Howard sign the covers of books while three of us unbox, stack, stamp, and rebox the books. Then all will be ready for sketching to begin. Howard focused his day today on making a week’s worth of comics. Progress was good.

I’m feeling much better about how things are working. Seeing the process in action helps me a lot.

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My Life in Tweets

My brain and hours have been full. If I’m not actually doing a shipping preparation task, I’ve been planning or tracking some business related task. This next week is when It get to send out 1000 presents in the mail to all the nice Schlock fans who gave us money. It is important not to mess this up. It is also important to make sure that Howard doesn’t over tax himself and to make sure that the kids get some attention. There is no “done” this week. It is all in the middle. However there do come times when I stop. Then it is like that schwarma scene at the very end of the Avengers credits, the one that some people find mystifying. I get it though. I’ve been that tired. After high energy, fast-thinking, intense action, there comes a time where it is all you can do to sit and chew. The brain goes blank and minutes drift by without notice. When I am stopped, I have no energy for crafting words. This is why I’ve not blogged since the books arrived on Thursday. I may not blog again for a week. What I will attempt to do is post short updates, probably based on things I’ve said on Twitter. I can pause work long enough for tweet sized thoughts. This means that those of you who follow me on Twitter will be getting re-runs. Sorry about that. If I can muster the energy I’ll add commentary so it’ll be like DVD extras.

Thursday May 31:
Good morning Thursday. I hope you’re planning to bring me a large truck full of books. If not, then I’ll like Friday better.

Thursday, you are my favorite day this week. You brought me 5000 books.

“Better than pulling a dead mouse from behind the dishwasher” is my new measure for unpleasant jobs. In other news, guess what I did today. [Note: this mouse was the cause of the mystery smell I complained about earlier in the week]

Friday June 1:
The things on my to do list won’t stop arguing about what is most important. Sleep. Really. Sleep is most important at 1am.

Made my to do list yesterday, must now zombie walk my way through it because 4 hours is not enough sleep. Glad a smart person made my list.

I have written up The Plan for my next 14 days. It is a lovely plan, full of things. I expect the first plan revision to occur in 3…2…

This is a day for writing things down because my brain is made of forget.

Saturday June 2:
Next week I’ll be posting updates about shipping progress. Such as: “all Schlock sketched books in the mail” Follow @sandratayler now to play along.

Shipping update for Saturday: Sketch sheets printed. Invoices sorted. cover signing and shipping of unsketched books to commence on Monday.

Oh, that’s right. I need to assemble 4 panels for an art show so I can ship them to DeepSouthCon50 on Monday. How many hours left today?

Art show solved: put art into a box, sort it nicely on the other end, I’ll be there to hang it. No careful instructions needed. Yay.

End tweet list.

I should probably note that I am looking forward to this week. Shipping is the week when I can see that this crazy business model really works. It is the time when I work with my hands and we have money to pay the bills. It also presents fun organizational and logistical puzzles. My brain likes these sorts of puzzles. It is just kind of a lot all at once and I wind myself up with being afraid I’ll do it wrong. Even though I’ve done it all before. Even though I have amazing help lined up. There is still that voice in my head which reminds me that I am human and therefore likely to make mistakes. I think I’ll feel much more relaxed once I see the first pile of packages loaded into a mail truck.

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Sharp End of the Stick Arrives

It is nice that I am sufficiently familiar with the printing and book delivery process that I don’t panic anymore. I remember spending an entire week eagerly anticipating the arrival of a truck full of books and fretting that somehow all the books would be broken or wrong. It was terrifying to be holding pre-order money and not have the merchandise in hand to send. It is still tense. I always feel something unclench inside me when I crack open the first box on the first pallet of books to see that all is as expected. Each shipment has had its own little adventures. Our first book, Under New Management, arrived a week late so we’d arranged a shipping party and had nothing to ship. Howard ended up renting a truck and driving to Salt Lake to fetch the books. I think it was Tub of Happiness that was delivered in several feet of snow. Teraport Wars was the book where the lift gate on the truck threatened to tip the pallets over as it creakily lowered them to the ground. Emperor Pius Dei gave us a brief fright because all the boxes were stamped with Emperor Plus Dei and we were suddenly terrified that all the books had been misprinted, even though we’d already seen advance copies. These stabs of terror are not rational and reason has trouble banishing them.

Today’s adventure was receiving an email from our printing company to congratulate us on receiving our books yesterday, which we hadn’t. I did not panic, because it is very common for there to be confusion and miscommunication about book delivery. Shipping over seas on a freighter is inexact. The time spent clearing customs varies. So until the books arrive in Salt Lake City, no one is able to give us an exact delivery day. Reason told me that our books had arrived in Salt Lake yesterday and that was what the email meant. But I couldn’t sit still, because What If… I called our printer to tell them that we did not have our books yet. She said she would call the shipping company right away. Then I proceeded to pace while trying to pretend I was not pacing. What if the books had been accidentally delivered to someone else? What if there were no books?

Fortunately about fifteen minutes into my pacing I wandered past the front window and saw a truck in our cul de sac. He had four pallets of books for me.

It turns out that he’d attempted to deliver yesterday, but someone with a forklift had stacked the pallets on top of each other and they were too heavy to move that way. So he’d hauled the pallets back to Salt Lake to have them unstacked. An automatic system notified our printer of the first delivery and confusion was explained. This is our 13th time receiving shipments of books. There is always something unexpected.

Now I can begin to nail down the shipping schedule in earnest.

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Summer Strings

Sometimes sleep is not easy, something internal is too restless or misaligned and I lay awake in the darkness instead of resetting my mind and body for the next day. The day following an insomniac night is either fantastically productive as my mind snaps into a sort of overdrive, or the whole day is like jogging in water. I still get places, but it all seems to take a lot longer and be more work. On a jogging in water day, I spend a significant amount of energy figuring out how to realign whatever internal rhythms allow for falling asleep quickly. Generally it takes a few days for the sleeplessness to resolve.

I wanted to accomplish a hundred things today, but I was jogging through water. This was the last full day of school before our life shifts into a summer rhythm. I know what it will look like. I have plans for making it work, but I wanted more groundwork in place. I wanted the house cleaner, things more organized. I wanted more business tasks complete. The next few weeks are very tightly focused, like focusing my camera on the strings of my hammock.

Beyond those strings, these few weeks, there are large green spaces that I both long for and dread. They will offer more freedom to relax and will leave space for all my carefully planned life structures to shlump unto untidy heaps. I like sitting in my hammock, it is a small and cozy space, supportive and comforting. I like that I’m beginning this summer with the energizing focus of book shipping.

One of my children came home with a packet of summer homework. It isn’t much. I’ve shoved it in a place where we can think about it again in August. The onset of school next fall is out beyond the open green spaces. It is something else entirely and I’m not yet rested enough to contemplate it. For now I’ll sit in my hammock, wrap my fingers in the strings, and contemplate the green spaces.

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Tired day.

I am too tired to be reliably using the internet tonight, as evidenced by mis-sending an email and the number of typos I’m having to correct. It is probably also evident in the number of tweets I think of writing which are not actually all that clever, but which feel clever because I am tired. Also redundant, or repetitive, one of the two.

Why am I tired? My brain would not go to sleep last night. So at two a.m. I wandered to the kitchen where I discovered that there was a dead mouse smell emanating from my silverware drawer. Not the smell I want on my spoons. So I cleaned all the things, but did not find the source. Then I got up and traversed a day full of dance festival, invoice sorting, package processing, carpools, and retrieving Howard from the airport. It has been a good day, though the very tired part of my day is just waiting for me to let my guard down so it can flood me with discouragement. I’m too tired to keep my guard up much longer, time to sleep. Tomorrow I can get rid of the smell and do all my other things.

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Enabling Creative Dreams

When my fourteen year old son comes to me and tells me he has a plan to change the whole world for the better, I listen. When he clarifies that this plan is for him to video himself talking about his thoughts and life, I give him the video camera and get out of his way. His plan may completely lack in distribution planning, he doesn’t intend to edit anything. It may be uninteresting and unmarketable to the world at large, but even if the only thing in the world that is changed by this effort is my son, then the effort is worthy. Son, have a video camera. Take over my office for an hour at a time. Record away. Because I remember twelve years ago when your father, the full-time cartoonist, took up doodling as a hobby.

Dreams are worthwhile because they change the world, starting with the internal world of the dreamer.

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Testing the Summer Schedule

I declared today a test run on my planned summer schedule even though it is Memorial day and thus a holiday. I set my alarm to go off at 6:30 and dragged myself out of bed at 7 after only three snoozes. I have discovered that summer days are really long when I do not sleep through a third of them. I’ve made good progress on my to do list for the day.

The first item of business was to tackle the over-abundance of clothing. All of my kids have enough clothes to fill their laundry baskets and still have things slopping out of the dresser drawers. So I declared that every single item of clothing would be examined for size, whether the person likes it, and if it fits. I now have four dressers neatly full of clothes and four garbage bags full of things to give to a thrift store. Link’s dresser is the one exception. He assured me that everything in it fit just fine. I’m pretty certain that he just crammed everything in without folding, but since he does his own laundry and the drawers are neatly closed, I’m just going to take his word. Kiki did her own sorting too. Mostly I had to help the younger pair and then apply the same standards to myself. One of the most important things I can have in my house is extra space. The space lets me see what I need and how to arrange it.

Next I forced myself to sit down and make a meal plan for the week. I don’t like meal planning, having one is great, making one uses up creative energy that I would rather spend on other things. Meal planning is particularly hard on the change-over from spring to summer; Suddenly lots of my fall-back meal options become forbidden because using the oven mid-summer makes the house hot and drives up the bill for AC. I have to dredge my memories to remember what we used to make last summer. Somehow switching from summer to winter feels like it opens up cooking options even though it just changes them. Adding to the difficulty, I’m trying to change my default meals. Chips and chili is easy, but it is not particularly healthy nor cheap. Step one on our push toward frugality and healthy eating is to eliminate ready-made things like chicken nuggets and chimichangas. The meal plan is made. The shopping is done. Hopefully I can just follow the instructions for the rest of the week.

As part of my newly-remodeled office, I set up a desk space for Kiki. It is a little studio space for her to store her supplies and to work on projects. I spent some time helping her see how to use things we already had to make the space usable. It is still not finished, but no studio space is ever “finished.” At least now she can see her supplies and use them to inspire her to make art. Once the space was set up, Kiki trekked down to the local art store for some new brushes. She discovered that the store is closed on Mondays, but that they have a Help Wanted sign in their window. Now she has big plans to dash down there first thing tomorrow and apply for a job.

With all of that completed, I looked at the clock. It was only 2 pm. I wandered outdoors to pull some weeds, plant some flowers. When I came back in it was 3:30. In just a little while I’ll need to follow my dinner instructions. Then I have to get kids to bed on time, because it is not quite summer yet. We still have three days of school. They’re mostly goof off days, dance festivals, and field days, but the kids need to be there.

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Pre-Orders, Shipping, and Travel


Pre-orders for Sharp End of the Stick close in just five days. That is also when we’re expecting a truck to show up with four pallets of books. The arrival of those books will usher in the next stage of book shipping work. Howard and Travis will spend a day signing covers while the kids and I stamp the sketch editions. Howard will begin sketching and I will begin shipping. This time we’re changing our shipping process. Instead of having a single big shipping day, we’re going to have many smaller shipping days. It will spread out the work and thus lower the pressure, rather like spreading out weight over a larger surface prevents breakage. It is possible that we’ll hate this new shipping method, but we’re committed to trying it this time. I’ve got two teenagers to help me in addition to my regular shipping second in command. I think that the end result will be all the books shipped by June 12th. Which is pretty important because on June 14th Howard and I depart for DeepSouthCon in Huntsville Alabama. If you’re in that area, hope you stop by.

For this Memorial day weekend, I plan to catch up on sleep and watch entirely too much Sherlock.

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Monument Walk Washington D.C.

“Where are you headed next?” the docent asked as we walked back to the rotunda in the National Museum of Art.
“I wanted to walk down to the Lincoln Memorial.” I answered.
Her eyes grew wide. “That’s a long walk. I know it doesn’t look that far, because of all the open space, but it’s about two miles.”
I smiled at her. Two miles was not too far.


The docent was right about distances being deceiving on the Mall in Washington D.C. Much of this is because the architecture is so over sized. The first designers made everything huge and impressive, sized for the cultural giants they hoped that Americans would aspire to become. The buildings can be seen and admired from afar, then as one draws closer awe grows. They go up and up and up.

The walk was long, past museums and sculpture gardens. The sidewalks were full of tour groups and school groups, each rushing about to make sure they saw everything on their lists. For most Americans trips to D.C. are rare, every moment there is precious. I too came with a list of things I hoped to see, but more important to me was to be there, to experience the place. I decided from moment to moment whether to walk, sit, or photograph. It was a unique freedom not to have to consult the wishes of others about these things, my visit was my own.

I saw the World War II memorial long before I reached it. Like everything else, it is made large. So large that it is hard to fit into a single photograph.

I was impressed by the towers and fountains. I saw the from afar that each tower was labelled with the name of a state and that the matched structures on each end declared Atlantic and Pacific. The logic and planning was evident in the design. Then my feet stepped from sidewalk concrete and onto the flagstones.

Awe and reverence rolled over me in a wave, as if the stones themselves were steeped in them. My eyes began to water and I looked about with my mouth open. I was standing on sanctified ground. A hundred photos of the place will never capture that feeling, because the feeling does not exist in the shapes of the stones or the water. It does not even exist in the words etched into the walls at intervals.

Nor is it in the fountains as they shoot skyward.

All of these things contribute, are part of it, but there is something else there. I think that the builders gave it something and every one who visits adds their own piece. The collected awe and gratitude of a hundred thousand visitors are accumulated in that cirque and focused on the memory of those who sacrificed. One can not stand there without wanting to be a better person to live up to those sacrifices.

To be truthful, it was a bit over powering. I walked up the ramp to exit, curious to see if the feeling would leave as abruptly as it came. Stepping off the flagstones was rather like stepping through the down blast of air in an open-front grocery store. Despite the lack of barrier, the feel of things was different. I turned back for one more look, knowing I needed to come again someday.

The reflecting pools were all under construction, and had been for years according to a local. Someday they will reflect again, but years of wear needed to be fixed first. I followed a winding detour which led me to the Vietnam memorial. I was very curious to see if the Vietnam memorial would affect me as strongly as the World War II memorial. It was one I saw twenty years ago when I visited D.C. as a teenager. At that time it affected me profoundly, teaching me name by name the costs of war.

The Vietnam memorial is a quiet place and the feel of it was quiet. It invites reflection by showing us ourselves in the surface of the wall covered in the names of the dead. I ran my fingers along the names, feeling their roughness against the glass-smooth marble. The Vietnam memorial is a cautionary monument, telling me to be careful what battles I pick.

One thing saddened me. When I came as a teenager the most impressive moments were looking at the flowers and notes left for loved ones whose names were etched there.

This recent trip had an even more abundant litter of notes.

But none of the notes were personal. They were all from “The Students of Lincoln Middle School” or “Mrs. Jeffrey’s Fifth Grade.” That seemed sad to me. Our national memory is fading and the meaning of the monument is changing into something new. On the other hand, there is power in asking a child to pick a name on the wall, picture that name as a loved one, and then leave a note.

Once I knew I was coming to D.C. again, I was filled with a need to sit on the steps of the Lincoln memorial. It seemed powerful to my teenaged self, but she was distracted. By the time we reached Lincoln, I’d met a boy on the trip and things were edging into complicated territory. I wanted nothing more to sit there and absorb the feel of the place, but awareness of the boy was like pebbles thrown into a calm pond, changing the shapes of the reflections. Twenty years later, I wondered what my adult self would feel there.

You first spy Lincoln in his massive building as a lighter shadow in the darkness behind the pillars.

The steps are over-sized, forcing one to stretch to ascend to the heights where Lincoln sits enthroned. “Enthroned” is definitely the right word.

The creators of this monument wanted visitors to feel small and humble. This effect was somewhat mitigated by the crowds of visitors. It was hard to take a picture that didn’t have other people in it.

Yet I didn’t mind the other people. We stood together, pondering equality and freedom, all of us equal visitors no matter what our origins, skin color, or ethnicity. I don’t know what Lincoln the man would think of his giant statue and throng of visitors, but Lincoln stopped being a man long ago and is instead an icon. I think the icon would be pleased to see many who came to visit him.

After paying my respects to Mr. Lincoln I sat on the front steps with my back tucked into the curve of a pillar. Much of the walk had been hot, I was tired, but I closed my eyes in the cool breeze and felt peace. This was why I’d come two thousand miles on an airplane and two miles on foot. I came to feel peace, to tuck a small portion of it into my heart so that I could carry it home with me. I sat there for a long time at the end of my pilgrimage.

I watched the other visitors, including the child who managed to sneak a forbidden slide down the slanted marble next to the stairs. Mostly I thought of nothing in particular. Eventually I had to climb down and leave. I had a long walk back to the metro station. I passed the Korean War Memorial, but was too tired to enter. My path led right by the World War II Memorial. I went inside again to see if the feeling would roll over me again. Instead it sneaked in and filled me. I sat for a time near the Pacific fountain.

When I left to trek back to the metro station, I did so knowing that someday I would love to return. Washington D.C. is a place worth knowing.

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