Things That Were Nice Today

Realizing that the reason my spinning rainbow crystals were not spinning was because the tiny solar panel was dusty. Quick wipe and it was all fixed.

Seeing Link come home from school happy.

Realizing that when my teenager had four errands to run, I could just hand her the keys and stay home while she took care of the errands herself. Also, insuring a teenage girl, with good grades, onto an accident free policy, is not as expensive as I expected. Totally worth an extra $30 per month.

The sky is sunny and bright.

My meeting this morning proved once again that my co-teacher and I get along great. We hammered out an outline in less than an hour. Now we have assignments and sections to work on. One more meeting mid-April and we’ll be ready to teach.

Some of the cut flowers I bought two weeks ago are still pretty.

This was yesterday, but it was so nice I’m still going to list it today: Going out on a lunch date with Howard.

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Getting Through

I’ve been here before, holding my young son tight while he grieves for a friend moved away. I’ve done it for both of my sons. The parallels are hard to ignore. They each gained a friend as a toddler. Both friends were red-headed. Both friends lived only a house or two away from ours. Then around the time the boys turned 9 or 10, the friend moved away. If I had a third son, I might be inclined to be wary. The pattern is illusory, a coincidence. This week it is Patch’s turn to grieve. The grief is compounded because this close friend is the third of Patch’s friends to move away recently. All I can do is hold him and agree that this is hard. I’ll also make arrangements for the friend to come visit, but it is not the same as when he lived next door. Patch needs to grieve. I just have to hold on to him while he does.

We rearranged Link’s class schedule yesterday. He had reached the point of despair. He’d done fine in debate class while the focus was on public speaking practice, but the class was poised to squash him with practiced orations, impromptu speeches, and competitive debates. The first section was good for him, but it was time to get him out. Fortunately we have a good advocate at the school who made this process simple for us. Link feels tons lighter and is ready to pull up all his grades which had been slipping due to stress. I have my own sorting to do. I was the one who put him into the debate class. It really felt like the right decision at the time. I told Link that I think putting him in was right and that now taking him out is right. But there is a quiet voice in my head which wonders if I’m telling this story because it casts my decisions in a good light. It is possible that I was just wrong. I’m afraid of that possibility because so many of the parenting decisions I make are based on informed instinct. I guess I just have to get it wrong and move on.

The book isn’t done yet. I intended for it to be done by now. My mind can trace back to decisions a week ago, two weeks ago, when I did not work as hard as I could have. I was not pushing then. Then all sorts of urgencies converged into the same two weeks: the last mad scramble to prepare everything for LunaCon, Howard’s birthday sale and accompanying shipping days, the final stages of book editing, the final stages of art for the Schlock board game, two family birthdays, and three out of four kids having valid emotional issues which needed immediate attention in order to avoid crisis. Events descended on me in a pack. I still haven’t sorted it all out and most of it is in various stages of incompleteness. Then threaded through it all is the feeling that there are other things which I was supposed to be starting right now. There are creative tasks which I should have already begun in order to have them done before the time runs out.

I’m doing what I can. I haven’t actually failed at any of it yet. But it feels like I have and that is murking up my thinking spaces. The way out is through, so I’m focusing on the things right in front of me. I do quick checks to make sure that I don’t get ambushed by deadlines, but mostly I just do the work at hand. If I keep doing that, then sometime next week I’ll discover that I’ve emerged into my life with more quiet spaces in it.

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Split

What I want and need to do this week is ignore everything but the work I have to do on book layout. I want to dive in, hyper focus, and only come up for air when the project is done. That is not going to happen. Instead I have an endless stream of small but important interruptions. There are social appointments which must be kept, laundry I must do, dinners to make, etc. My time is more consolidated now than when the kids were little, but still interrupted. If Howard’s schedule were free, he would step in to do all these things, but he’s scrambling as hard to meet his deadlines as I am to meet mine. But I’d hoped to clear away everything but the bare minimum of obligations. I’d hoped that most everything could coast along on routine and I could pick up the pieces next week. Instead I’m headed over to my son’s school this afternoon to talk with a teacher about something she said to him. Her words, combined with some missed assignments, plunged him into feeling like a complete failure. I can’t let a child in crisis coast for a week while I work. This has to be sorted now. I need to help him pull the right lesson out of the emotional mess and learn how to work his way through. He will, because he is far more amazing than he realizes. The crisis is going to teach him good lessons and he will grow. I just wish we could help him grow next week instead of this one.

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The Steps to Setting Up a Howard Tayler Convention Appearance

It begins with an invitation. This usually arrives via email to the Schlock box. I’ll look over the invite to make sure it is legitimate and issued by someone who has authority. I’m likely to google the event in question to determine what sort of an event it is likely to be. Then I’ll check our calendar to see if there is a conflict. If the invitation is less than 9 months before the event, then it is very likely that a conflict will exist. If all checks out, I pass along the invite and my gathered information to Howard.

The decision meeting comes next. This is not an elaborate process. It usually occurs as five minutes in the middle of a wandering conversation. “So you saw that invite from ShinyNewCon?” “Yes. Looks good. Put it on the calendar.” And then we go back to talking about who’ll go to the grocery store.

I email to accept the invitation. In my email I make sure to clarify any of the appearance parameters, because being clear early is very important. We must know that Howard’s travel and hotel will be paid for. This is the point where I begin to adore competent guest liaisons. A good one will give me email and phone contact information along with a list of deadlines for program / badge / tshirt art. Then everything is quiet for a long time.

About two months before the show things pick up. I get in touch with the liaison to make sure everything is in good order. I find out if there are an un-met art requirements. I try to get contact info for the art show if we’re being given panels. I also want contact info for someone in the dealer’s room who is willing to sell Howard’s books on commission. When Howard is being a guest of honor, we don’t want him trapped running a table in the dealer’s room. He should be out and mingling with attendees. I also ask about air travel reservations. All of these questions are useful because Science Fiction conventions are run by volunteers who also have day jobs. They have a million things to keep track of and not much time. My emails serve as good checkpoints for everyone to avoid last minute expense and stress.

Three weeks before the event I begin mailing things. I lay out the art into panels and create detailed instructions. I try to make everything as clear as possible because I know that the volunteers working in the art show are overworked and exhausted. Anything I can do to make the work easier, I try to do. Assembling the panels requires me to dig through piles of art, matte pictures, write up bid sheets and control sheets, etc. I box all the art and instructions then ship them to the Art show address. If I’ve got a dealer’s address and a three week lead time, I’ll send all the books for sale via media mail. It is worlds cheaper.

Two weeks out and one week out, I’ll mail merchandise or art by faster, more expensive, means if this is when I get the addresses. We also make sure that Howard blogs the event. Hopefully we have a panel schedule so that Howard can talk about the details of the event. This is also the period of time when Howard begins to be stressed about the work he wants to get done before leaving. There is always buffer to build or book art to ship.

Two days out, I help Howard pack. Sometimes this happens the day before, but knowing that the packing is done helps with the stress.

Then I put him on a plane and hope that the guest liaison will take good care of him. They usually do. Also he’s gotten much better at judging his own limitations and taking breaks when necessary.

When Howard returns, he has stories to tell. There are always business contacts and possibilities to follow up. The suitcases must be unpacked. And I have to liaise with the art show, the dealer, and the convention to make sure that anything remaining is shipped back to us. There is always post-show accounting. Usually this stage occurs across the top of the preparations for the next convention.

From now until November there is always a next convention.

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Our House Overfloweth With Packages and Pizza

“I like shipping day!” Patch announced as he carried packages from my shipping table to the front room. Kiki was manning the table in the family room packing simple orders. Link was keeping her stocked with supplies. Gleek and Patch ferried complete packages. I handled the complex orders from the shipping table in my basement office. Our house bustled with activity. I’m glad the kids like these shipping days. I think they like the shared-project energy. They also like getting paid for work. By 1 pm most of the work was done. I had several hours of odds and ends to handle, but the kids went off to play. I ordered pizza for lunch. My work-tired brain simply replicated the last time that I ordered pizza. Of course the last time I bought pizza was when I was feeding five nieces and nephews in addition to my own four. We’re going to be eating pizza for days. On Monday I’ll haul all these packages to the post office, perhaps the pizza will be gone by then too.

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Tired.

I’m on schedule. Every thing I listed as critical to do today is done. I made 100 shrink wrapped bundles, sorted the invoices, and printed the postage. The trouble is that tomorrow is filled with package preparation. Monday I’ll drop the packages at the post office. Monday will also have accounting which includes quarterly reports. Monday should also include shipping merchandise to Lunacon and shipping art to auction winners. I have copy edits for Sharp End of the Stick to enter as soon as I can. I need to start putting together the cover for SEOS. I haven’t begun the footnote boxes yet. There are still white spaces in the book. I have loose art to put in them, but it isn’t done yet. All of it needs to be done before the end of the week. We need to have SEOS delivered to us by the first week of June so that we can have the shipping event done before we head to Deep South Con. Then there are the things which need to begin this week, like work on the cover design class I’m helping to teach and assembling my sampler book in time to get it copy edited. Convention season has begun for Howard. The next two months are going to be a scramble just to keep up with the buffer. We hope he can also work on the bonus story for the next book too.

And then there is the family stuff.

On energetic days I look at all that and I’m ready to dive in to get it done. Today is a tired day. Today I need to stop looking at the big picture and just focus on what is right in front of me. Up next, rest so that tomorrow I can work.

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Quick Thoughts Because I Have No Time For Long Ones

We ran a sale yesterday in celebration of Howard’s birthday. It was very well received. I now have almost 100 book bundles to make and 183 packages to mail. I expect this to absorb most of my energy for the next two days. Every hour I spend on this I will also spend feeling grateful because I now have enough money to pay all the bills between now and our next book shipping. Prior to the sale I’d been planning to pull from reserve funds to cover those months.

Voting is up over at Mormon Lit Blitz. There are some fine stories, poems, and essays available over there. If you want to read works written by Mormons to a Mormon audience, I highly recommend them. Then please vote for your favorites.

I bought Howard a floating shark for his birthday. We pulled it out and assembled it, but unfortunately we’re at 4500 feet and the helium was not strong enough to make the shark fly.

Sadness.
But then I got a bright idea. All the shark needed was a bit more lift. So we gave him some birthday balloons of his very own.

So we had this ominous shark swimming through our house sporting a pair of cheerful orange balloons. Yes he swims. There is a remote control to make his tail swish. We all took turns. This morning the shark is grounded again because the orange balloons deflated. This is okay. Howard has plans to take him to conventions that are closer to sea level.

And off to work I go.

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Remnant Population, Hearths, Transformation, and Travel

Last week I re-read Remnant Population by Elizabeth Moon. It is a book I’ve loved for years. This was the first book that taught me being old could be interesting and wonderful in some ways. The book examines the ways that the elderly are de-valued and why they should not be. It also has fascinating things to say about the responsibility to nurture regardless of race, creed, or species. Nurturing is what I do. I spend three quarters of my energy on tasks which are for the benefit of those residing inside my home. I work at house cleaning, earning money, managing homework, being a chauffeur, and dozens of other things, all in an effort to create a space in which growth is maximized. In the parlance of Remnant Population, I do my best to be a Nest Guardian for my family and friends. The role of Nest Guardian is separate from the role of Mother. The Mother feeds and tends the bodies. The Nest Guardian is post-mother, a grandmother or aunt whose responsibility is to feed and tend the minds. Children have one Mother, but many Nest Guardians. I first read this book when I was in the midst of the diaper and toddler stage of parenting. I think it seeped into my consciousness and helped me to see that feeding one end and cleaning up the other was not the point.

This week brought me an article in our church magazine which spoke of being Guardians of the Hearth. The phrase immediately brought Remnant Population to mind, particularly since I’d just finished my re-read. I like the idea of a hearth as a central gathering place of heat and light. People gather round the hearth and a closeness is created out of the shared experience of gathering. My home is a hearth. I try to make it a place where people can be safe, laugh, eat, and learn. Howard shares the hearth keeping responsibilities with me. Now that the kids are older they are also participating in tending the hearth. Thus our home becomes a mutual creation.

When I was a senior in high school I went on a week-long trip to Washington D.C. It was very different from my home in California. I tromped with a group of peers through the capitol building, saw the Vietnam Memorial, looked up into the giant stone face of Lincoln, spoke with demonstrators outside the white house, participated in debates, and wandered through the Museum of Art. The week was transformative for me. I came home with my horizons broadened and everything was new. I promised myself I would go back one day. I went to college, got married, and had kids. I wanted to take my kids to Washington D.C. I wanted to show them all the things I had seen, tell them what I had learned.

When the possibility was raised that I might go to the Nebula Weekend with my sister, one of the deciding factors was that it takes place in Arlington, Virginia right outside Washington D.C. In fact the Nebula programming includes options to tour the Museum of Art and the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum. I’m going back to Washington D.C. Not for as long, nor as thoroughly, but still I am going. Without my kids. I had to think about that. I’d always meant to take them. But the truth is that they will have their own transformative experiences. I can’t give them mine. Even if I hauled them to every location where I went as a teen, I can’t guarantee they’ll gain what I gained. Part of my transformation was being nearly-adult, out on my own, away from my parents. I pondered this and realized that my intention to take my kids to Washington D.C. was a smoke screen. The core truth is that I want to go back. I want to see those things again, to see what else those places have to teach me. The only way I could justify it in my mind was to make the trip be for the education of the children.

A hearth exists not just for the children. Adults are not beyond the need for nurturing. We are all of us growing and becoming. Or we should be. If I want to be a good Nest Guardian, a good Guardian of the Hearth, I have to nurture my own growth as well as the growth of those around me. Taking a trip so that I can learn and grow is just as valid as taking a trip for the purpose of teaching the children. Fascinating that I did not see it before. I have my tickets and I’ll fly in May.

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Three Quick Updates

On Wednesday we’ll be running a sale in our store to celebrate Howard’s birthday. We’ll be discounting deeper than usual and featuring the numbers 11 (the number of birthday’s Howard has had), 29 9the date on which he was born), and 44 (how many years he’s been around.) This means that today and tomorrow will include preparatory work for the sale.

The lovely essay I wrote yesterday is still true, but less exhausted conversation with Kiki clarified that her dance experience was more complex than the essay implied. This will not surprise anyone who has experienced adolescent relationships. The dance was a very good experience. I can tell because of all the new thoughts she is thinking. This is one of the purposes for adolescence, to begin to figure out what you want in relationships both friendships and closer ones. I’m glad that Kiki is willing to sit with Howard and I to talk through all of her thoughts.

Last week I booked plane tickets which will take me to the Nebula Awards weekend in May. This will be a solo trip where I leave Howard and the kids to take care of each other. The thought of this trip makes me happy because I don’t think my sister Nancy and I have ever had three days in a row to hang out together without our kids. I don’t think we even had this sort of focused time when we were teenagers. We were too absorbed in our regular lives. I’m also excited that I’ll get to go back to Washington DC and do a couple of tours. I haven’t been there since I was a senior in high school. So nostalgia and photography are incoming the third weekend in May.

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