CONduit this weekend

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I’ll be attending CONduit this weekend and they’ve assigned me some programming.

On Friday at 2 pm I’m part of a panel called “If I Were a Space Pirate.” Unfortunately a last minute family conflict popped up and I may be late for it (or possibly absent.) If that happens I’ve arranged for Eric James Stone to take my place. Eric is a wonderful writer and a good panelist, well worth listening to.

Saturday at 2 pm I’m participating in “Raising Geek Kids.” It should be a fascinating discussion about the cross section between parenting and geekery.

Saturday at 3 pm I have a signing. I’ll bring copies of Hold on to Your Horses and Ages of Wonder for people to buy if they wish. Mostly I expect to have nice conversations with the folks waiting in line for James Dashner.

Saturday at 4:30 I have a thirty minute reading. I’m really looking forward to this. I enjoy reading aloud and it will be a fun chance for me to read a selection of essays and flash fiction. Hopefully I won’t be reading to an empty room. If you’re in the area, please stop by.

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RMS Pre-order day

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The nice thing about having a week packed with important things is that if I start fretting about one I can distract myself with another. Pre-order days always turn me into a scattered mess. The first few hours in particular are like the first few steps onto a stage. You’ve practiced your lines, the set pieces are there, the lights are filling your view, but until the audience laughs at the first joke, you just can’t be sure it is all going to work together or just be an expensive mess. Apparently pre-order days also inspire run-on sentences. So at 10 am Howard and I were both terrified. The orders were coming in, but all the pent up anxiety over the success of the book and our business, threatened to overwhelm us. So we stood in the kitchen and talked of anything but business.

I think Howard did a better job of keeping his day on track than I did. I frittered away the day on distracting activities. By afternoon the fear subsided and we were able to function almost normally. Tomorrow I have to get back to work. Too many things for me to do.

The pre-orders are going well. We’ve sold over a third of the sketched editions. This is excellent for the first 12 hours. I hope this trend continues.

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Some weeks are not normal

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This weekend is CONduit and Balticon. In a normal week having Howard and I attend two separate conventions at opposite ends of the country would absorb all our extra energy for the week. Planning and packing would be the focus for the week.

However this week is also the last week of school. This is a bigger thing than any convention. There are end-of-school things to be done and summer preparations to be made. Normally I would spend the entire last week of school attending year-end events and planning the summer schedule in detail.

But this week is also crunch time on Quest for the Tavern layout. I really should have had it done last week. So every spare minute should be spent in my office hammering away at that project.

Only tomorrow is the day we open pre-orders on Resident Mad Scientist. Since pre-order is our biggest sales day of the year, and the core of our financial stability, it trumps everything else. So instead of all that other stuff, I spent all of today entering new items into the store and tweaking other merchandise entries. We have new prints, new stickers, magnets reordered, and re-prints on t shirts. This is in addition to the miniatures, Writing Excuses CDs, pins, prints, and books that were already in the store. We’ve poked and prodded and stressed all day until things are as ready as they can be.

Tomorrow will be a day of nail biting. Pre-order days always are. Only I can’t bite my nails because I need them to look reasonably nice for CONduit this weekend.

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Appreciating what I have

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A week or so ago, my sister commented on a post I made about preparing for the Balticon Art Show. She thanked me for the peek into my life and expressed a little bit of envy for all the cool things I get to do. In particular she mentioned the conventions I get to attend, the podcast I got to participate in, the book layout I do, and organizing panels for an art show. It was a good reality check for me. I am so busy scrambling to get everything done, that I forget how fortunate I am. Howard and I are able to make a living doing work that we really enjoy. Of course, being an older sister, I had to point out to her that she lives in Europe where I would love to go, but never have. Also she has gone on writer’s retreats, which I envy.

Humans have an amazing capacity to find extraordinary experiences boring. If you have ever been bored on a plane or surfing the internet, then you have done it too. I remember seeing a video clip of an interview where the interviewee starts talking about how the world we live in is amazing and people get so impatient with it. I particularly remember the line where, talking about cell phone reception, he said “Give it a minute, the signal has to go to space!” Just because it is common, does not qualify as an excuse. I need to spend more time appreciating my life and less time tolerating it.

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Geek Girl Party

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My house is full of teenage girls. So far there has been a total lack of nail polish, gossip about boys, hair fixing, and telephone calls. Instead Kiki ran a water balloon toss, a massive battle with padded swords, a showing of Dr. Horrible, and a Super Smash Brothers tournament. Howard supplied double-decker dutch oven pizza. Everyone has been having a great time. I love that I don’t really have to run things. I just make sure there is food and supplies, then I get out of the way. The party runs for one more hour, after which there will be blessed quiet.

“Ten makes a celebration loud loud loud. And one is wonderful after a crowd.” –Sandra Boynton 1 2 3 Book.

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My Head is too full of things

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I have fragments of half a dozen blog entries pinging around inside my brain. They are the result of my life being pretty eventful right now. I would love to give each of them the space that they deserve, but mostly I just need to clear my head so that I can survive the next week. So I offer up fragmentary blog entries in no particular order.

There is a beautiful post in which I describe taking Gleek to the local temple grounds. We went with the activity days group a couple of days ago, but the experience was a frustrating one for Gleek. She wanted to sit by herself and absorb the spirit of the place. Instead she had to bend her wishes to the needs of the group. I promised to bring her back on a day when she could be alone. Today was not ideal, but she needed it and so we went. We sat quietly. Gleek made rings and crowns out of grass blades. Birds chirped and flew nearby. It was the essence of peacefulness. Gleek was calm and happy. We could both use more of that. We’ll go back again. And I want to make the words reflect the beauty of the experience, but it is all fragmentary in my head.

I am now the owner of a cash register, which was not something I expected to ever be. This is merely one in a long line of things that I never expected to be, but ended up doing while in pursuit of something else. I haven’t opened the box yet. I haven’t had time. This is a sad commentary on how busy I am that I have a cash register and I haven’t even played with it yet. Instead I’ve been looking at the box and remembering fondly the toy cash register of my youth. I wonder if this one rings a bell when the drawer opens. Probably not. Sigh.

One week left in the school year. I’m glad. I’m ready to be done with this year. I’m ready to ditch homework and getting up at 6:30 am. I’m not even dreading the lack of quiet space in the house. I’m also looking forward to knowing for sure about class placements for next year. Mostly I just want to be able to ignore all the school stuff for a few months. (This post is just a repeat of things I’ve already said, so it’s probably best that it doesn’t get to sprawl out by itself.)

I’ve begun working on layout for Quest for the Tavern, which is an adventure module in the XDM system. Once again the text is delightful. Remembering how to work with a text heavy book did not take me as long as I feared. It is coming along nicely, but there is lots of work left to do. I’m hoping to have the first pass on layout done by the end of the weekend. This will give us a page count so we can decide what to add and eliminate.

CONduit is next weekend. I’ve got two panels, a reading, and a signing. Most of it is scheduled for Saturday. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone. I’m particularly excited about my reading. I’ll mostly be reading essays, but I may do a short story as well. Hopefully I won’t be reading to an empty room. Howard will be on the other side of the country attending Balticon.

I’m really longing for unscheduled time. I have so many things to do that it all fills up. We have a vacation scheduled in Mid June and a another Mid July. Hopefully I can find some more calm in my daily life once we’ve finished out school and opened pre-orders.

Pre-orders open next Tuesday. That’s another thing I am simultaneously feeling unprepared for and anticipating.

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Important Conversations

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There are certain categories of conversation which jump to the top of the priority list. Sometimes it is a friend having a meltdown who needs to talk. Sometimes it is a marital disagreement that must be sorted out for hurt feelings to be resolved. Sometimes it is a child asking questions about life, death, religion, sex, friendships, relationships, or belief. These conversations arrive whether I am ready or not. Frequently I am not, but I must find the energy to give the other person the gift of my full attention. I never regret it. These conversations really matter despite the fatigue or distractions which threaten to derail them.

Sometimes adults are able to delay these conversations for a quieter, less tired time. Adults are able to wait. Kids don’t. I share information with my kids all the time. Much of it seems to bounce right off of them. But then comes a moment when the question is theirs. They are really wondering. I have the chance to drop my words into the very center of who they are. So I do. And I hope that my contribution helps give them a strong core around which they can build a belief structure and an identity. I have to take these moments when they come. Which is how I find myself discussing reproductive biology in the grocery store. Or I find myself discussing how we should respond to physically disabled people when one is in earshot. Or I sit upstairs talking to kids about relationships when my house is full of guests.

These conversations are important, but they are exhausting. By the time they wind to a close, I am ready to hide. Then I spend the next few days watching and observing to see if the conversation needs follow-up or if behavioral changes result. Important conversation count for yesterday: 3. Important conversation count for the past three days: 7. Considering this, it should not surprise me that today was less than effective for getting work done. I slept through a lot of it. Hopefully tomorrow I get back to work.

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Attempting to depart the land of fret and worry

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I have been fretting. Sometimes just for kicks I’ve been switching it up with worrying. The difference is in the size of the consequences associated with the thing in question. Looking at a chip in my windshield and trying to figure out if it will split into a crack is a fret. Trying to picture how I will run my life next Fall is a worry.

Today has been a worry day. My brain has been spinning upon many things, none of which I can resolve today. I have done everything I can, gathered all the information necessary, and decided upon plans of action. All that is left for me to do is wait for further information. I won’t know for sure that this pre-order (opening next Tuesday) will go well until I get there. I can’t know whether I have to fight over class placements until I know what the placement is. I can’t know if everything will work out or if it will all fall apart. I have to wait. And while I wait, I do the mental equivalent of biting my nails. It accomplishes nothing and makes a mess.

The worry was nearly incapacitating this morning. I’m not sure why it was so hard to shake it off. I suspect it was the natural biorythmic lull after the super effective day I had yesterday. Around noon I finally sat myself down and really looked at everything in my head. It was like a checklist
1. What specifically are you worried about. Think it through in detail.
2. What would be the worst possible outcome for this thing?
3.What is the most likely outcome for this thing?
4. Make a plan for the worst possible outcome.
5. Make a plan for the most likely outcome.
6. Can I implement any part of the plan today? Is it necessary today? If not today, put it on the schedule for when it is necessary.
7. Acknowledge the rest is out of my control and let it go.

Sometimes I visualize really letting it go. Other times I visualize putting it away. Both get the thing out of the middle of my brain.

It worked. I still have things that I am nervous about, but I am not actively worried in a way that interferes. I got some work done, which will save me some worry another day.

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Mixed feelings while nearing the end of a school year

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The fact that I have mixed feelings about the end of the school year is not news. My feelings on the matter are generally mixed. This year is more mixed than most. Kiki will be leaving junior high. Link will be leaving Elementary school and he’ll have to say goodbye to one of the best teachers he has ever had. Gleek really needs to be done with this year. She’s been a bundle of stresses as she valiantly tries to manage a social situation which does not play to her strengths. Patch will be sad to leave his first grade teacher. He’s had a really great year.

I’m worried for the summer. We have events scheduled almost every week, but keeping a daily schedule is going to be a challenge. I’m really looking forward to letting the kids stay up a little later and sleep a little later. That will be nice for awhile.

I’m worried for next fall. Both Kiki and Link will be settling in to new schools. The elementary school’s staff has had a major reshuffling and we’ve lost a lot of really good teachers. The good news is that I’ll have class placements on the last day of school which means I don’t have to spend the entire summer in suspense about what my two youngest have ahead of them.

The summer is busy, but the Fall is not. I am keeping it that way. I expect this Fall to fill up with parenting. Again.

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Lilac scented calm before a busy week

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The windows are open and the smell of lilac is being drawn in by a fan. The fragrance speaks happiness to the back of my brain. I want to stay right here. I want to hold on to Sunday evening. I want more time to just breathe the scent of lilac before I have another hundred things to do on a short deadline. I am so glad that I try not to work on Sundays. Sometimes it is hard, because I love my work. But I rarely realize how over tired I am until I have a chance to sit down. Then I don’t want to get up again. I want a quiet space to just drift for awhile.

Then I want to get back to my things. I really do like all of my things. I want to do all of the things that I have scheduled for next week. They’re all interesting. I just wish they were not all happening on top of each other. Instead of savoring, I am dispatching as quickly as I can.

Lined up for tomorrow:
Accounting
At least 10 important emails which require consideration
Researching and setting up for new merchandise in the store so that we can open pre-orders next week.
Reviewing edits on Quest for the Tavern
Preliminary layout on Quest for the Tavern
Link’s Science Fair Project on Magnets
Family Home Evening

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