Over there, Thats MY Castle
One of the highlights of attending Conduit was a reading that I attended. It was held in a small conference room with big cushy chairs around a table. In the room were Ken Rand, Julie Wright, James Dashner, and a woman whose name I didn’t catch, but who was another published novelist. Also in the room were Bob Defendi and Eric James Stone both of whom have written and published short stories as well as other projects. 4 novelists, 2 short fiction writers and me.
I probably should have been intimidated. I’ve never published anything. But I guess that somewhere along the line I decided that publication is not the sole measure of good writing. Perhaps I also recognized that this was a group of peers. They all had successes, but they also all had projects for which they were seeking publication. Selling one book does not guarantee the sale of the next book. There was a remarkable lack of ego in that room and they all welcomed me as if I belonged.
Perhaps the successful self publication of the first Schlock Mercenary book had something to do with their acceptance. I was part of a team who had measurably Done Something. Or perhaps that success just made me gutsy enough to walk in and act as if I had the right to be there. The fact is that I sat in a room conversing with 6 published authors handing out opinions on seeking publication, writing, and the publishing industry in general. Here is the amazing part. They Listened. More than that, my opinion was actually solicited on a couple of questions.
I listened too. I learned lots during that group conversation. Even better, I walked away feeling like I had the beginnings of friendships with these people. I loved sitting there in a room with people I respected who gave me respectful attention in return.
Since that day I’ve spent some spare moments pondering why I felt so comfortable in that situation. At some point I have become completely convinced of the quality of my writing. I feel like I’ve attained some mastery over words and therefore am qualified to discourse on the subject. Deep down I am sure that my unpublished fiction is only unpublished because I haven’t gone through the painful steps of submission and rejection to find the right market. It seems rather egotistical of me to be so certain that what I write is good when it has never really stood the test of public opinon. When did I get so egotistical? I sometimes wonder if I am one of those poor writers who is convinced they’re good. Yet I don’t think so. I’ve gotten enough positive feedback on this journal and on pieces of fiction, that this opinion feels based on a solid foundation. I believe in my ability to write. I am good enough to be published, but I really hate how the publishing industry currently works. Thousands of very good writers have their dreams squashed because they are lost in the masses, while many average writers publish book after book because they meet a publisher’s percieved market need. This highly competitve climate can become vicious. It can make enemies out of writers who should be allies, a phenomenon that writer Joshilyn Jacksoncalls “Slottiness“. Publishers and writers who play that game can win very big, but more often they lose. The best projects are the ones where a writer has a vision and is passionate about it. Many of these projects never see print because publishers don’t see them as marketable. But I firmly believe that people respond to this kind of passionate creation. People would read it if they could only get their hands on it.
I am determined to blaze a different path into publication. I want to step around all that submission and rejection. My work may not fit into a percieved market niche, but I believe in it. I love it. It means something to me. I know that it is not perfect. I know that if I keep writing I will look back on the early work and cringe. But that does not mean it isn’t worth doing now. The business plan for my writing mirrors the business plan that Howard and I had for Schlock Mercenary. I’ll start small with just the audience this livejournal has gained and a few thrown my way by Howard. I’m not sure yet whether I’ll self publish through Lulu.com or print my own books. It depends a lot on how much disposable income we have and how much space I have left in my basement. But if the work is worthy, if it is good, then the people who read it will tell their friends and my readership will grow. If the readership gets big enough, a publisher will come to me. I know this because in the past year, as Schlock Mercenary has begun to fly, we’ve begun to be approached by people who want to produce merchandise for us. Everyone wants to be part of something that is going somewhere.
Regardless of my determination to publish differently, my first step is still the same as any other writer. I need to write and finish my project. Until I have accomplished that task everything else is a castle in the sky. That castle right over there on that cloud. Thats MY castle. I can’t get to it yet, but I’ve got this brick and I’m starting a path. The next time I sit down at a table with published authors, I want to at least have a story in hand ready to share.