Talking to people
I read a blog today and had one of those “Oh yeah, I’ve been there” moments. Snippet from http://bigslice.clubmom.com/big_slice_of_life/2006/07/an_unwritten_la.html:
After the birth of my children, I felt like I had a shield around
me. There was this sense of invisibility. People looked at my
children, and smiled. They looked right through me.
For a while, this was a relief. I wasn’t feeling at my best – I had
gained 40 pounds with my first pregnancy, and wasn’t losing it
quickly. When I became pregnant with my second child, nine months
after the birth of my first, I was relieved. I could just let my body
do its thing. I drew my invisibility cloak around me and sighed. Now,
three and a half years after the birth of my youngest, I no longer have
a baby in a sling to draw the eye away from my figure. I rarely have a
stroller to hide behind. I notice that people are making eye contact
with me once again.
It feels like I’m on stage, and I haven’t learned all my lines
I remember disappearing into motherhood. I used it as a shield in social situations. I could count on my kids to interrupt all conversations allowing me to hide. Now my kids are older and I’m trying to learn how to have non-parenting conversations. I’m not trying to learn “small talk” which is meaningless, but “getting to know you” talk which is the beginning of friendships. I know a couple who does this really well. When they meet a new person they sit down and pin thier subject with an interested stare then ask all kinds of probing questions. Some of the questions are pushy, intrusive even, but they so honestly care about the answers that it is hard for the subject to get offended. They only pin a person that way once, but forever after they remember that conversation and they always have a start for a new conversation when encountering that person again. I’ve watched this couple in action and realize that while I don’t want to corner people and grill them about their lives, I do want to know how to start conversations with total strangers and maintain the conversation. I want to know how to get to know people. I want to step outside the mantle of parenthood and invite others to do the same. This world is full of interesting people with experiences I’ll never have. I’d like to talk to more of them.