Some days I really focus my full attention on the children. This is when I remember what fretting really feels like. With the kids in my full gaze, I suddenly see hundreds of things that I could be doing to help nurture them. I could be limiting video game/TV time more. I could be looking up cool science projects and doing them. I could be teaching the kids to cook. I could be requiring chores regularly. I could be taking them on more outings. I could be leading them in exercise so that their musculature develops before they’re done growing. And then there are all the things I could be doing for each individual child. My brain compiles these lists and I start looking at my calendar to see how I can fit it all in. The answer is that I can’t. Not only that, but also that I shouldn’t. One of the things my children need is the space to grow and develop into individuals. That would be impossible for them to accomplish if I am hovering over every developmental step to make sure it is done right.
Today’s hyper focus on the development of the children was precipitated by observing Link’s tumbling class. Link is not as physically advanced as his peers. He does not have the muscle strength or balance that most boys his age do. I drove home with my head full of plans to require him to practice physical skills and maybe look into occupational therapy.
Today’s reality check was precipitated by old family videos. Kiki needs to use the camera for a school project and I discovered an old tape inside it. The tape was five years old and brought back a flood of memories. I remembered what life was like back then. I remembered all the things I fretted about in the development of the children. Then I realized that not one of my five-years-ago fears has actually developed. All those things I fretted about and hovered over back then, are completely irrelevant today. Some of that is because I did some necessary assisting, but most of it is just that the kids grew up and grew out of whatever was concerning me.
Link is not as physically agile as his peers, but he is continuing to develop at a steady pace. He’s going to catch up, just as he did with speech. Meanwhile he’s far ahead of his peers in math capabilities, and in the ability to craft a complex game out of almost nothing. I do need to pay attention, but I don’t need to fret. Instead I need to trust in my son, for he is capable of amazing things.
This is such a good lesson! It makes me think of what my grandmother always told me: by the time he/she is twenty-one, he/she will be tying shoes, going to the bathroom, dressing self, and otherwise balanced out. I’m not sure if that’s true in every case, but it certainly seems to be a lot of the time!
The tricky part is figuring out which things are pointless to fret over and which things need to be addressed because they’ll cause problems later. Fortunately as you said, most things fall into the first category.