Day: July 28, 2011

Embracing the Drift

Long about 1pm I ground to a complete halt. Every attempt to continue getting things done resulted in me staring blankly at my list of things to do without actually reading it, or, alternately, me standing in the middle of a room knowing I’d entered it for a reason but not being able to remember what the reason was. I decided a nap was in order. Unfortunately while my brain was too fractured to work, it was also too revved up to sleep. I lay like a lump while my brain ran in circles through the forest of stress. Sometimes I would snap completely awake with a terrified thought about something I’d forgotten, only to remember that I’d not really forgotten it. I’d just forgotten that I already did it. Fun.

The nap was not working, so I decided it was time to break out my new swing chair and embrace getting nothing done for the rest of the day. Remember that day last week when I browsed through porch swings and arbors on the internet. I bought neither, but I did happen upon this cotton padded swing chair. My will to resist was defeated by the $15 price tag. I ordered one for me and one to reduce the number of times I’d have to fight to get to sit in my swing chair. The seller sent the chairs promptly, they arrived last Tuesday and had been sitting quietly in the middle of my office floor every since.

I detached the standard swings from our redwood swing set and hung up the chair swings. When I settled my weight into them, they sunk lower than I expected, but it was very like sitting in a hammock. I swung gently and drifted in thought. Gleek came out and claimed the second seat. At first she chattered at me, talking about how she was bored and wanted to have a mother daughter date so that we could go somewhere. Going had fallen out of my repertoire. I answered noncommittally and soon she too was sitting in silence and drifting. After awhile I retrieved a book and read. Sense and Sensibility is a lovely book to read while sitting under dappled sunlight in a hammock seat. The air was a perfect 80 degrees. When the sun peeking through the leaves felt a little too hot, I’d turn the seat so that it hit differently. Sitting. Swinging. Reading. Drifting.

I finally dragged myself out of the seat somewhere between one and two hours later. My arms and legs felt limp and heavy, relaxed. I went downstairs and discovered that one of our marvelous GenCon helpers had proactively solved half a dozen problems. I got reports of Schlock book orders which arrived in perfect condition to balance out the few mistake reports. Our Schlock Mercenary shopping bags arrived and are stashed away for WorldCon. The world felt better and I began to get a few things done again, but when my brain fuzzed out, I would read for awhile. Or just sit. I guess I was overdue for a drifting day.

A Little Bit Exhausted

Being a little bit exhausted is an oxymoron really. Exhaustion is all-encompassing. It takes over the whole body and demands that it be attended to before any more effort is expended. I can feel the exhaustion there. It threatens to break through and take me over, but I’m holding it back and getting things done. This probably means I’m actually nowhere near true exhaustion. But it feels like I am. I’ve been working during most of my waking hours since Monday. My list of to do items is not getting shorter. It keeps expanding in the middle because of last minute scramble-to-get-this-done-in-time-for-GenCon things. It also expands due to not-quite-so-last-minute-but-still-urgent WorldCon things and the must-plan-ahead-for-Dragon*Con things. Then there are the neglected household things and the ramping-up-to-a-new-school-year things. I’m pretty sure that most of the urgency will shake out of the list by the time Howard leaves for GenCon on Tuesday. It’s all a little overwhelming, so I try not to think about it en masse. Instead I focus on today’s list and hope that by the end of the day I have nothing that rolls over into tomorrow.