I looked at the number on the credit card bill and my stomach both clenched and dropped. It was a big number; the cost of shipping more than a thousand packages during the month of December. My heart rate picked up, feeding adrenaline and oxygen into my brain in nature’s own emergency response system. I began to run calculations in my head; checking account balance plus expected income minus bills. The numbers slipped around each other and I was not quite able to line them up. Through the mess of miscalculation, one clear thought surfaced.
We’re going to be fine.
Later in the day, when I sat down with my accounts, the numbers were all fixed into their proper places. I was able to see how I’m going to have to juggle things. I was also able to see what gaps we’re going to have to arrange to fill over the next few months. I don’t like juggling finances. I much prefer to have a large reservoir from which to draw. We’re getting there. I’m not going to have to juggle frantically (the way I did in 2009) just attentively. It still turns up the stress-o-meter a notch.
We’re going to be fine.
I’m very grateful for the calm clear voice in my head which tells me this. Because time after time the voice has been right. I just need to remember to stop and listen to it instead of to that automatic emergency system which wants me to run around flailing. The calm voice makes me calm. Then I can plan clearly my path through the months ahead.

1 thought on “Accounting”

  1. This has been my experience exactly over the last several months, despite low bank account numbers and impending medical bills and increasing expenditures due to increasing family size. Every month I don’t know how we’re going to do it, and then every month, we do fine. And all the while, there’s that voice. It’s going to be fine. And miraculously, it is.

    I’m really grateful for that voice.

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