In My Absense

The fear is that when I step out of my regular life, stop doing all the things I do daily, that everything will fall apart. Sometimes it does happen that way. I go out for an evening and get endless calls on my cell phone to mediate conflicts between siblings. After the fourth call I begin to wonder why I bothered to leave. Lately this has not happened. Lately, I go out for an evening and no one calls me. I’m not sure if this is because the kids are getting older or if the careful shifts I’ve made in the last year have helped the kids learn self sufficiency. All I know is that I’ve been gone for two days and my family back home is drawing together instead of falling apart.

Howard helped Kiki draft a bill for her Gov and Cit class. Link hauled out his Pokemon cards and has been teaching Gleek and Patch how to play. Kiki got herself up at 6 am this morning, cleaned the kitchen, then drove herself over to the school to matte pictures with her art teacher. Howard finished all his work despite being time-restricted by carpool duties and space restricted because my computer is currently residing on his drawing table. They all have a plan for today which involves an outing together. All of them are learning and growing as the cooperate to fill the gap I left. All of us will be really glad to have me return again on Sunday

It shows me, once again, that sometimes the most important thing I can do for my kids is to get out of the way and let them overcome by themselves. I’m certain there have been conflicts and crankiness. I know that the longer I’m gone, the more chances there will be for everything to fall apart. Things fall apart often enough when I’m there. I’m glad that I get to hear the happy stories and that all the conflicts are already resolved. Being in California continues to be hard. Hospitals always are and I spent nine hours with Grandma yesterday. Coming home to my parents house is not the same as going home to mine. But after talking with Howard and the kids this morning I begin to see that spending time with Grandma is not the only good thing which will come from this trip.

2 thoughts on “In My Absense”

  1. kinda the same reason we’re on a mission. Another way of putting it is: we’re training our grown up kids to depend on each other more and on us less, in case we die or something before we turn 200.

  2. So glad your little family is doing well while you are somewhere you really need to be. It’s amazing how they grow and strengthen. I loved what you said about sometimes the most important thing is to get out of the way and let them overcome by themselves. I don’t do that enough, I think.

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