Feeling Weary

I am not working fast enough. This is what my brain tells me. It is hard to argue with the statement when I can look around and see so much more to be done. Everything interferes with everything else. Time spent helping Link emotionally process is time not spent doing business administration. Time spent on business administration means time not spent on design work. Time spent on design work means time not spent making Patch do school work. Everywhere I look there is evidence of how I could have done things better.

I have a doctor appointment on Thursday. It is time for my annual blood test and thyroid check. While I’m there I’ll discuss the status of my anxiety/depression. I’ll describe what is going on in my body and in my head. Perhaps all of this will lead to additional blood tests, perhaps to adjusted prescriptions. If nothing else it will set my mind at ease a bit. Because anxiety can take any symptom and imagine it into dire illness. The result I would like from the appointment is to discover why I’m functioning at a reduced capacity. I have been for a while. There was a brief return to self for a week or two in October, but it vanished again.

I feel worn out and burdened more often than I feel joyful and energetic. I’m going to see what I can do to change that.

2 thoughts on “Feeling Weary”

  1. I’m sad that you’re not doing well; I’m glad that you are self-aware enough to recognize it; I hope that you feel better.

    I myself had to take today off– as well as yesterday! Of all the unfairness!– but I am slowly, slowly learning that running myself into the ground is not an efficient way to get the stuff done that I want and need to. I hope that you get whatever will bring you most comfort. (For me that would be a hug and an english muffin, but I may make do with home-made bread.)

  2. Sympathy. =( Especially as those all sound like activities that you can’t say no to. Nor easily delectable out. Sometimes with me I never quite figure out why I loose my ability to get up and do. I just have to lighten the load and wait for it to come back. =(

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