Author name: Sandra Tayler

Give a Girl a Shovel

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Last Friday I took Gleek with me to Home Depot where we discovered that she is attracted to all manner of tools. She particularly loved the gardening aisle and was of the opinion that we should buy half of the tools found there. Since I am also attracted to gardening tools, keeping things to a minimum was a battle. Gleek came home with a spade. It is a half-sized shovel perfect for a petite 10 year old to stick in the ground and stomp deeper. She demonstrated this capability in my lawn. Then I made up some brand new rules about what the spade is allowed to do and where. Gleek tried digging in the overgrown garden bed, but it was hard work because the ground was all dry. Then the fireworks began and the shovel languished.

Yesterday evening the weather was perfect. Howard meandered outside. Kiki and Gleek joined him. I declared outside time and chased a pair of boys away from their electronic devices. We all wandered and sat in the yard. Occasionally one of us would undertake a task such as re-hanging the swings so that they could be used. Gleek carried her spade, hopeful that something would need dug up. I pointed her at the weedy and pollen-covered sandbox. She carefully scraped all the pollen and grass off the top. Then she dug the inside edges so the sand was piled in the middle. When I pointed out that the grass was starting to grow over the wooden edges, she took her shovel and dug the grass all around the outside edges. Weeding in sand was satisfying because she could shake the plants and all the sand would fall out leaving a detailed root system to be examined. She did a great job. If she keeps this up, I’ll take her to Home Depot and buy her even more tools.

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Rescuing My Yard

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I don’t need a weed eater for my yard. I need a scythe. I don’t have a scythe, unfortunately, so I am making the best of the tools I have to rescue our yard from four years of neglect. One of the tools that I have this year is minions. Two Saturdays in a row I have rousted them out of bed in the cool of morning and made them do yard work. They were not pleased, but they did good work. I love that they are old enough to get the work done while they grumble about it. With five of us working the yard recovery progress is easily measurable. I enjoy walking out on to the back deck now. I’ve spent three years avoiding my deck because it was surrounded by things to do.

Usually when I get bitten by the gardening bug it is in spring. I get enthusiastic, do some weeding, plant some flowers, and then run out of steam by July. In July and August the grass and weeds take over. September finds me back out doors making a few feeble attempts to beat back the grass. October gets cold and everything goes dormant for the winter. This year feels different. I’m starting in July and I’m thinking long-term. My goal is to prepare the yard and the flower beds so that September can be full of planting. I’m turning some former gardening spaces back into lawn. I may even get the deck and playset stained. If I can accomplish all of that I will have proved to myself that I can maintain what we’ve got. Then maybe I can get a gazebo for my wisteria vines to climb on.

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Buying Rakes

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“Want to come shopping with me?” I asked.

Gleek scowled. “Where are you going?” She’d just been tangled in an argument with her brothers and was not feeling charitable with anyone. The argument had erupted just as I was gathering my wallet and keys to head out the door. Leaving three happily playing children is one thing, leaving three shouting children is completely different. I’d paused my departure to resolve the conflict first. The removal of Gleek seemed like the best solution to allow everyone to cool down. Also I’d been feeling that Gleek needed some one-on-one time.

“I’m going to go buy rakes.” I filled my voice with campy enthusiasm.

Gleek looked at me with a disbelieving deadpan face. “Rakes?”

“Yes, rakes.” I grinned even wider.

“Why are we buying rakes?” Her level stare slipped and showed a tinge of curiosity.

“We need to rake the grass clippings off the lawn. Also, rakes are cool.” I did my best Doctor Who impression as I mimed straightening a bow tie. “Rakes are cool, just like bow ties are cool.”

Gleek has watched quite a lot of Doctor Who. She did a marvelous eye roll which at once conveyed: I get it Mom, but its not funny. You are just weird in a mom way. Except that the corners of her mouth quirked up just a bit, altering the effect of the eye roll.

“That was an awesome eye roll.” I said to Gleek. Then I turned to Howard who happened to be standing nearby. “Where did she learn eye rolling like that?”

“It comes in the tween kit.” Howard answered.

“If I went shopping with you, could we buy cookies?” Gleek asked.

“I think that could be arranged.” I answered.

Thus Gleek and I embarked upon a rake and cookie buying adventure. We came home with two leaf rakes, a garden rake, a hummingbird feeder, a small spade, cookies, and gum. All the non-rake purchases were a direct result of Gleek’s excellent wheedling and rationalization skills. I didn’t mind though, because we also brought home two smiling faces.

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Busy has Arrived

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Last night I was unable to sleep until 3:30 am despite going to bed around midnight. My brain was spinning with things to do and anxieties related to them. This is in sharp contrast to last week which was all drifty and lazy.
The things my brain spun in circles trying to solve:

I was notified that a space had opened up in the gifted program for which Patch was an alternate. Howard and I looked at all the factors and decided to accept the placement. This decision makes next fall a harder adjustment for Patch. As a result, both Howard and I will have to spend more energy to be available to him and to Gleek who is also entering the same gifted program. We finally made the decision to go ahead when we realized the only thing holding us back was knowing how hard it is going to be. If I spend my life trying to avoid hard things I’d never get anywhere worth being.

Books arrive in one week. By this time next week our garage will be full of books and we’ll be busy schlepping them around so that Howard can sign them and then sketch them. I’ve also got invoices to sort, shipping boxes to order, supplies to gather, volunteers to organize, and bundles to assemble. All of this is familiar work, but I need to not lose track of any of it. Our book shipping day is July 25.

GenCon is in one month. This means that the minute the new books arrive, I need to turn around and ship a bunch of them to our support crew over there. It also means we have to hammer out designs and plans for the booth space so that everything can be set up intelligently. I will not be going this year, so I have to make sure that Howard and his crew have all the pieces that they need. Also I need to buy plane tickets for Howard.

WorldCon is in six weeks. I have an outline of a plan which gets me, Howard, four kids, two booth helpers, associated luggage, and all booth supplies to where they need to be. It is time to start fleshing out the outline and pinning down details. The details will show me the faults of my outline, this has already happened. We have to be in Reno a full day earlier than I thought we did. I have to extend the hotel stay, hopefully that will work.

School starts in seven weeks. I will have to cart all my kids home and then immediately turn around to start them off in school. My brain is still going to be post-convention unsettled and I won’t have time to settle it before I have to start working with schools and teachers.

Somehow in the midst of all of the above, Howard needs to not just maintain the buffer, but get ahead on all of it. I’m supposed to be writing. The kids are supposed to be doing chores. In theory Gleek and Patch are practicing times tables and reading books. Kiki is working her way through an online course which it now looks like she won’t be able to finish before the end of the summer. Kiki is supposed to be learning how to drive, but we haven’t yet felt brave enough to take her on the freeway. Laundry and dishes are omnipresent. Things keep growing in the yard and I have to suppress the unpleasant ones so the nice ones can flourish. Howard needs to brainstorm bonus stories and outline the things he wants to write in the retreat this fall. And my house is full of people all the time.

It is my intention that on July 4th I will re-capture the blissful denial of last week. On that day I will be excused from everything except hanging with my kids, having a chalk drawing festival, eating ice cream, lighting fireworks, and visiting with neighbors.

No wonder I couldn’t sleep.

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This Could Get Expensive

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I was out of sorts today. I’ve been more or less out of sorts for at least a week. I wasn’t able to figure out why since so many things about my life are going so well. Then today I accompanied Gleek to go care for a friend’s pet rats. Taking care of the rats meant playing with them for about 30 minutes so that the rats would not be lonely with their family gone. Gleek was a bit spooked by the thought of being in an empty house by herself, so I went with her. The neighbor’s house was gloriously empty and quiet. I sat down upstairs while Gleek tended rats downstairs, and I realized that I wanted to just stay and stay. I am an introvert and my summer has been very solitude deprived. I haven’t even been able to use errand time as alone time because Kiki is learning to drive and needs practice.

When Gleek was done with the rats, we came home. I didn’t stay long. I announced that I was going erranding all by myself. Two hours later I came home with a car load of groceries and a happy mood. Retail therapy can get expensive, but in this case my only impulse items were found in the produce section. We’re going to see if I can successfully cook spaghetti squash. Then we will see if my kids can be induced to eat the squash. I may also have bought an artisan bread which we didn’t technically need. But it will go great with the crock pot stew I’ve got planned for tomorrow. I’ve actually got a meal plan a day in advance; the first time that has happened all summer long.

I’m afraid Kiki’s driving practice may languish for awhile.

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Pre-Order Neurosis

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The first Pre-order day is always full of free-floating stress looking for things to barnacle. All those months of preparation and planning, all the financial calculations and predictions will be resolved within the next few days. This is when the customers show up to buy, or they don’t. If they do, then we get to proceed toward shiny future A, which includes paying our bills and shipping out a thousand books in less than 30 days. If they don’t, then we have to flee toward contingency plan B. Then there is the unlikely possibility that customer turn out will exceed expectations and we’ll get to trot briskly toward some castle in the sky. (Where we’ll discover that floating castles are a lot more work and expense than one would expect.)

Orders have been open for an hour, and we don’t know yet which financial future we’ll be implementing. Howard and I end up standing in the kitchen away from obsessively checking our computers. Except that we talk, and naturally the conversation turns toward big picture plans. We talk about what to do if this pre-order causes us to sell out of The Blackness Between, forcing an immediate reprint. We think ahead to the next book release. Would it be better to work on the next book in line, which needs recoloring, or should we jump ahead to Massively Parallel which is ready to go? We can’t answer any of these questions today. The right answers depend upon the results of pre-orders and it will be Wednesday or Thursday before we have an accurate prediction on those. So we should table all the questions and wait. We try, but if we’re separate we gravitate to our computers to check on sales. If we’re together our conversations drift toward future plans. Catch 22 and we’re stuck orbiting the question of pre-orders.

In theory the best idea would be for us to get away from the house and ignore the pre-order entirely. Unfortunately I represent the entire customer support department. This requires me to be on hand to help customers who are having trouble with the system or who just need a question answered. We will send Howard away as soon as Dragon’s Keep opens. He’ll go focus on drawing comics. I’ll be here, keeping tabs on things. Theoretically I can get some other things done, small things which don’t require extended focus. In practice that hasn’t happened yet. Instead I’m hovering, watching orders trickle in, and babbling on my blog.

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Return of the Business Sandra

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Late last night Howard and I found ourselves tangled in a conversation which lasted almost an hour. We were both tired, emotions were a bit raw. He was frustrated that I had been drifting. I was sad that my calm happiness had resulted in stress for others. Howard was actively worried about the upcoming pre-order. My brain kept circling in sadness and mucking around in emotions.

Then in the space of three sentences, I found myself shifting from analyzing emotional motivations to listing off merchandise things and why I thought that we would be fine despite the specific sources of Howard’s concerns. The business manager in my brain came out of whatever dark closet in which she’s been buried and she took control of the conversation. Within five minutes Howard was feeling calmer, I had a list of things to do today, and the world seemed upside right again.

I have to remember that while it is important for me to acknowledge and experience the touchy-feely parts of my psyche, there is something to be said for that strong part of me who just gets stuff done. I’m going to have a busy few days and I need my business brain to handle them. However in the quiet moments when the work is all done, I also need to figure out what impelled me to bury that part of myself for two weeks. Vacations are allowed and important, but this wasn’t a declared vacation, it was more an unannounced abdication.

My brain gets weirder the more I pay attention to the stuff it does.

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Wake Up Call

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This morning Howard broached the subject of the family schedule, pointing out that we’re all sleeping in until 9am. If I don’t get up in the morning, no one else does either. His point was that while this is lovely and relaxing, it is not a great way to be focused or get stuff done.

My initial reaction was along the lines of: The schedule is not broken. I’m getting stuff done. I’ve been happy and relaxed. You’re telling me that my relaxation breaks everything else and I am doomed to self-sacrificing misery forever.
Then I cried. It was very like a toddler crying because someone took away a toy.

Once I attained a less over-reactive mind state I realized that perhaps I might still have some issues regarding life balance and making space for the things I want. The last couple of weeks have been pretty much me doing stuff I want to do, all day long. It was lovely, but I am not an island. I am part of a household and as such my wants do not always get to come first. They can’t always come last, which is what I’ve done to myself for months on end and why my inner child had a tantrum this morning, but there needs to be a balance so that our family routines are working for everyone.

I am most productive creatively before noon. I’ve been sleeping away half of my productive morning hours. Everyone in the family depends upon me to get moving and set the tone for the day. That pattern may need to change so that I can sometimes sleep in without disrupting everyone, but we need to start from a working pattern in order to structure change. This means that I’m going to have to start fighting the flow and trying to redirect it instead of just floating along. Sigh. Drifting was so lovely.

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Summer Blogging

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Blogging in the summer is hard. I’m not sure why exactly. I used to think it was because I was always busy in the summer. But so far this summer I’ve not been run-around-in-a-panic, million-things-to-do busy. True, I’ve been editing-multiple-hours-per-day busy, but that is different. Somehow the more laid back, kids-at-home-all-day vibe of summer is just less conducive to the percolation of blog entries. Apparently it is very conducive of hyphenated sentences as nouns or adjectives. Yup. I’m making up rules as I write again. Whee.

I’m not feeling particularly stress about the fact that I’m likely to miss blogging some days over the next couple of months. That happens. Also I’m so very pleased with my writing productivity on other projects. When I switch to drafting fiction rather than editing non-fiction I’ll probably have more bloggish thoughts rattling around in the edges of my brain.

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