Last night I had a girls night out. Our church hosts one every month for the women in the congregation. It’s called enrichment night. There is on site child care, classes to attend, treats to eat, and friends to talk to. I really enjoy going to them.
One of the teachers last night spoke on “making friends”. I was interested in this topic because I’ve come to realize that most of my friendships aren’t typically feminine in nature. I have friends whom I really like, but it just never occurs to me to call them or organize a get-together. I can go months without having a social event with a friend other than Howard. If my friends need help I’m right there and vice versa, we can count on each other, but we don’t hang out as much as we could. This applies to long-time deep frienships as well as neighbors.
I watch other women who are always going out to lunch or going shopping or even just visiting. They usually aren’t having deep conversations, but they are having small amounts of human contact regularly. And on this foundation build lasting friendships. I watch that and wonder what I’m missing. What would it be like to have a girl buddy to hang out with regularly?
I know how to do deep conversations, I’m not as good at chatter. People frequently denigrate “small talk” and if it goes no further there isn’t much point to it. But chatter lays the foundation for deeper conversations. Chatter allows people to find comonalities and gradually grow frienships from acquaintences. I wish I were better at just picking up the phone to talk. I never make phone calls unless I have business to conduct. There is value in just calling because you wonder how someone is doing.
Part of the reason I’ve been content to let this whole frienship thing slide is because I have Howard. He is the best friend I could ask for. We share life, love, stress, pain, and laughter. Having Howard here sates the imediate need for someone to be with, and adult to talk to. And yet on those occasions when we do spend time with other friends Howard and I both feel refreshed and invigorated. I need to make space in my life to nurture friendships.
Yet another thing to make space for.
I could say the same. Except I don’t have an Enrichment Night to go to.
I’ve always had the same problem. A few similar geeky women and I have made a deliberate effort to hook together, and it’s been worthwhile.
We mostly do projects, like trying to find the best meal to eat out, or trying a new recipe together, or ransacking a bargain store for treasures. Used to be, one of our very social friends would just get us all together to talk, and when she moved, we wanted to keep seeing each other, so we started making plans.
My mom’s circle of 4 chicks turned out to be a small army, capable of amazing things, like painting a room, moving a friend, swapping all the clothes that didn’t fit their own children..
I started commenting but it was getting long so I’m going to write a post.
Organized social events are one of the real bonuses of our Church involvement. I hope you can find some friendships to nurture. Online friendships count.
Sounds like your mom had exactly the kind of thing that I’d like to have and I’m not sure how to build.
Wow. To read that is almost like talking to myself.
Except for the fact that I dont go to “moms day outs” and I have only spoken to my neighbor once since we moved here 2 years ago. I have a select few friends that I am close to. But they all live far away now. I really need to find good friends locally. I need the occasional babysitter too. A person to just go visit or shop with. The person I do this the most with lives 2 hours away. So we only get together every couple of months if possible. Your last paragraph rings very true for me as well. With such great hubbies, do we really need anyone else? For their sakes as well as ours, I think we do. hehehehe
Most of hers were people met in grad school, who were simply stubborn about meeting. Four of them had a monthly coffee thing that was almost sacred for years.
The ones with kids have stayed close. If nothing else, we all went to every birthday party, and we older kids started babysitting. During the summer, we’d go to the local “pick your own fruit farm” together at least once. (It’s the cheapest way ever to get strawberries and blueberries, we’d have frozen blueberries year round.)
Vacations can be easier in herds. Mom and sharon rented a 3 bedroom cabin on a little lake together a couple of times and it was great.
Every few hours, they’d round us up from what we were doing, and start doing something different, and that was all it took to keep us happy on our own momentum, so they got a vacation too.
I think it helps a bit if you’re all a little careful about money, you’re more likely to rustle up the girls to work on things together.