Link’s Thoughts
I was sitting at my computer reading the news. Mostly I was just passing time until I could put Kiki to bed. Then I’d have all my kids in bed and could watch a movie. I was alerted to the presence of a child by shuffling steps on the stairs to my office. Link was out of bed. Irritated, I turned to look at him. His face radiated concern and he said
“Mom, I have something bugging me in my mind.” Something about his statement, or his expression, alerted me to the fact that I needed to give him my full attention. My face must have showed this realization, because Link stopped hovering doubtfully on the stairs and climbed into my lap. He cuddled into my lap as well as he could. He’s eight now and those arms & legs don’t cuddle as conveniently as they used to. I pondered that as I held him. As I listened I rubbed my face against his buzz-cut hair. It is pleasantly fuzzy and smells of my Link. The dirty version of Link rather than the clean one, but still mine. His hands are so much bigger than they used to be, but they were still much smaller than mine as he played with my fingers while talking. Someday not so far in the future I expect his hands will dwarf mine, but not yet. Today they are still soft child’s hands.
Link was worried about his movie that he plans to make. See he has this plan where he makes a movie and shows it to his whole school. This is the third or fourth time I’ve heard this plan in as many weeks. When I first heard the plan I wondered where on earth it came from and assumed that it would evaporate as so many childhood plans do. My adult judgement tells me that Link’s plan is unlikely, but I don’t like to squelch a dream. Tonight I’ve determined that this dream of Link’s really matters to him and I need to do more than just be passively encouraging. I don’t know that we’ll get his movie shown to his whole school, but I can certainly introduce him to the joys of stop-motion animation. So tomorrow afternoon I need to haul out our old video camera.
Link was also worried about death and life afterward. He does not want to grow up because he doesn’t want anyone to die. I held him close and looked into his big, worried, blue eyes and tried to convey the lesson that we need not fear the future. I believe that life continues after death and I shared that belief with him. We talked about deceased grandparents and how nice it will be to see them someday. Mostly we just talked and I could see Link’s forehead unwrinkle as he was able to unload the thoughts that had been gathering in his head. My answers helped, but mostly he needed to be heard.
Our topic of conversation moved from death into video games back to his movie and then into silence. We moved from my office chair to his bed where I asked if his mind felt calmer now. He answered that there was still one more thing. He was worried for his blankets. He didn’t want them to get ripped up. He told me how he’d prayed to Jesus that his blankets would always be safe and that Jesus had answered that they would be. He prays when I’m not looking and gets the answers he needs. When did my little boy get so big and so smart and so strong? He holds worlds of thoughts in his head and I never know about it until a night like this when his head gets so full it has to spill over. How grateful I am that I did not scowl and order him back to bed as I first planned.
After an animated description of videogames past and future, Link informed me that he still had two more thoughts in his head, but they could wait until tomorrow. I looked once more at his bright face. All the concern was banished now. He grinned at me displaying his mouthfull of missing teeth and adult teeth partially grown in. Those big teeth change the shape of his face. I think his voice has gotten a little deeper as well. His eyes are still bright blue though. He gave me a really big hug. Then as I got up to go he said “Just one more hug mom.” I know that supposedly boys stop wanting to hug their mothers as they grow. This joyful little person who snuggles right up to me may someday be embarassed by me. I’ll be wistful about that. For tonight I’m going to sneak in Link’s room tonight after he’s asleep and give him and extra hug and kiss just because I still can.