Day: February 24, 2006

I like fairly steady streams of new input so that I have new things to think about, write about, and talk about. Because of this I read books, listen to talk radio, surf news, read blogs, and check forums all on a daily basis. I am much more likely to run out of things to process than I am to have too much. In fact I didn’t even really recognize what “too much input” felt like until I identified it last night.

I still haven’t processed all the things that happened at LTUE. There were business contacts made that I need to think through and communicate with. I’ve got assignments I need to do in order to make the production of the book a smoother process. I’ve got regular accounting and book keeping. I’m going to begin helping a friend with business accounting regularly starting tomorrow. On my kitchen counter are some stories written by a potential collaborative partner (collaborative with Howard, not me) that I need to read. I also have “research” reading to do for the story I’m working on, novels can be research right? I also had a breakthrough about where the story needs to go next and I want to write it. Yesterday books from Ryk Spoor arrrived in the mail. And my friend J brought over a parenting book that she thinks might give me some insights into concerns I’ve been having with Gleek. In fact, I have been feeling a need to refocus on my kids emotional needs more because several small behavioral issues have cropped up. And I have birthdays to plan for, since the celebration is only 3 days away. Oh and I need to eat and sleep.

I want to give each and every one of those things my full attention RIGHT NOW. They all interest me or at least facets of me. I’m excited for all of them. Last night all of this left me almost paralized and incapable of prioritizing. I didn’t want to pick what was most important, I wanted it all. I decided to take a hot bath and read in the tub. (Yup, I even multitask my relaxation.) But once I got into the tub I realized that the last thing I needed was more input. So I didn’t read, I just let my mind wander where it would and then I went to bed.

This morning I curtailed my usual input streams. I didn’t listen to talk radio in the car. I skipped surfing the news. I did read some comics because they’re unlikely to spark deep threads of thought. I didn’t read during breakfast. I don’t need to feed myself any more information until I’ve processed what is already floating around in there. After a day or so when my brain is quiet again I’ll give it new input.

My sister wrote a post thinking through the affects of her writing aspirations on her young family. Her conclusion was that while it was important to prioritize her family above her writing, it was also important that she maintain a creative outlet. I couldn’t help but chime in supporting her conclusions. Then I liked my response so much that I’m pasting it here for my own reference.

The worst thing you could possibly do is to give up who you are to devote yourself to your family. You will not be happy and in the long run it will not be good for them. Mommy with an identity crisis is not good for anyone.

Our mother ALWAYS had something creative when we were growing up. Remember those fabric paint parties, painting plaster figurings, painting rocks, crochet, belonging to craft boutiques, 12 days of christmas, rooms filled with newspaper and balloons just for fun, the list goes on. Lots of times it was a project we could participate in, but there was always something.

My advice also comes from recent personal experience. I’ve spent most of the last 10 years head down in mothering. Most of my creative energies were funnelled into parenting, child management, and actively encouraging developmental growth in the kids. After all those years I managed to lose myself. I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself when I wasn’t being a mommy or a wife. I felt that there probably should be something more, but I wasn’t sure where to find it.

About two years ago my personal rennaissance began. Some of it can be attributed to the lower levels of stress post-Novell. Some I attribute to my involvement in livejournal which cracked the floodgates behind which I’d hidden my inner storyteller. Some is simply because I no longer have a baby in the house and I have larger blocks of time. For whatever reason, over these past two years I’ve developed a strong personal identity. I know who I am. I know what I am good at. I know what I aspire to be in the future.

If you can shortcut the losing self/finding self process that so many mommies have to go through, you’ll be ahead of the game.