Alright I confess that I’ve been staying up too late. Then I sleep in until one of the kids wakes me up with demands. It isn’t the best way to run a household. Ideally I’d be awake before the kids and have breakfast mostly ready by the time they wake up. Instead I roll out of bed to meet the imediate demand. That demand is followed by another and another as more kids wake up and need stuff. This morning I chased demands for almost an hour trying to get everybody settled so that I could make breakfast. I hate having to ignore a screaming child while I scramble eggs. But the root of the demands was that everyone was cranky from hunger. As usual I realized that I could not get everyone happy before I fed them, which meant that inevitably someone would feel their needs were being ignored while I made breakfast.
Breakfast was made. Then breakfast was complained about. Then I threw a mini tantrum complaining that no matter what I cook someone always complains. And everyone expects me to jump to answer their whims. Four wide-eyed children finished thier eggs without further commentary.
Not such a good morning. I’m hoping to make the rest of the day better, which is why I’m venting in here. Maybe that will allow me to be nicer to my kids. After all I’m supposed to be the grown up here not another tantrum throwing, complaining child.
Ahh yes… The look of “Ok, mom’s snapped… Re-define ‘The Line’, and adjust behavior…”
You’re human being, boss… You are, in fact, allowed to get mad, and even throw a tantrum or two. This is what, the first I’ve heard about this YEAR… You aren’t less of a person for it. In fact, your very rare tantrums are probably one of the most effective “burst damage” weapons in your parenting arsenal, since your kids don’t see them often at all. It’s the rare yellings that instuct.
My dad’s yellings and cursing go in one ear and out the other, they were so frequent. My mom’s, however, get my attention…
Then again, YOURS would probably get my attention too, and i’m 28 now…
Though I suppose most of that would be from “What the heck is Mrs. Taylor doing at my house?”
Ahh yes… The look of “Ok, mom’s snapped… Re-define ‘The Line’, and adjust behavior…”
You’re human being, boss… You are, in fact, allowed to get mad, and even throw a tantrum or two. This is what, the first I’ve heard about this YEAR… You aren’t less of a person for it. In fact, your very rare tantrums are probably one of the most effective “burst damage” weapons in your parenting arsenal, since your kids don’t see them often at all. It’s the rare yellings that instuct.
My dad’s yellings and cursing go in one ear and out the other, they were so frequent. My mom’s, however, get my attention…
Then again, YOURS would probably get my attention too, and i’m 28 now…
Though I suppose most of that would be from “What the heck is Mrs. Taylor doing at my house?”
You gave your kids exactly what they need: boundaries and what happens when they break those boundaries. Children need to have those boundaries, it lets them expand within those boundaries and then grow past them.
If more parents cared to give their children boundaries my agency would have a lot less work.
You gave your kids exactly what they need: boundaries and what happens when they break those boundaries. Children need to have those boundaries, it lets them expand within those boundaries and then grow past them.
If more parents cared to give their children boundaries my agency would have a lot less work.
You’re operating under the possibly false premise that the only tantrums I have are the ones I write about.
Am I allowed to have tantrums? yes. Is it the best possible response? No.
You’re operating under the possibly false premise that the only tantrums I have are the ones I write about.
Am I allowed to have tantrums? yes. Is it the best possible response? No.
Yes boundaries are critical. But boundaries work best when they are applied calmly and consistently rather than in fits of temper.
Yes boundaries are critical. But boundaries work best when they are applied calmly and consistently rather than in fits of temper.
You have, I suppose, a valid point…
But if they are useful in educating the young ones as to your feelings about breakfast nitpicking, there are worse things you could do…
Like I said… the less frequent, the more useful parent tanrums are… While I am sure you have had more than this one, I doubt they are a regular occurance…
You have, I suppose, a valid point…
But if they are useful in educating the young ones as to your feelings about breakfast nitpicking, there are worse things you could do…
Like I said… the less frequent, the more useful parent tanrums are… While I am sure you have had more than this one, I doubt they are a regular occurance…
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Yes, you are correct and controlling your emotions is best….but it’s normal to react when you are pushed too far. YOU were probably hungry, too! 🙂 Just being aware of your so-called inapropriate reactions will help you control them better the next time. Chin up!
Don’t be so hard on yourself. Yes, you are correct and controlling your emotions is best….but it’s normal to react when you are pushed too far. YOU were probably hungry, too! 🙂 Just being aware of your so-called inapropriate reactions will help you control them better the next time. Chin up!
Don’t underestimate fits of temper. Those also set boundaries, they are the extreme boundaries that all parents have and they let the child know when they have gone to far in a way that the child can understand. Most people make the mistake of thinking that children are only mini-adults and that the same logic you would use with a adult will always work with a child.
I sure that 95% of the time the boundaries are applied calmly, consistently and rationale. Missing it 5% or less of the time is still an A and proves that you are a balanced, human adult.
I wish more parents were like you and Howard. The world would be a nicer place.
Don’t underestimate fits of temper. Those also set boundaries, they are the extreme boundaries that all parents have and they let the child know when they have gone to far in a way that the child can understand. Most people make the mistake of thinking that children are only mini-adults and that the same logic you would use with a adult will always work with a child.
I sure that 95% of the time the boundaries are applied calmly, consistently and rationale. Missing it 5% or less of the time is still an A and proves that you are a balanced, human adult.
I wish more parents were like you and Howard. The world would be a nicer place.
I’ve done the mini tantrum myself about what I’ve cooked for dinner. I got the whining from people who were old enough to “know better”. I had the leeway to threaten if you don’t like it you can figure out what to feed all of us. And on a rare occasion somebody else did.
I know it’s not the best response, but none of us can be at our best all of the time. A rare show of frustration on your part won’t hurt your children and shows them you don’t want to be taken for granted. You do a great job with your kids and they are showing it. I hope your venting here helped.
I’ve done the mini tantrum myself about what I’ve cooked for dinner. I got the whining from people who were old enough to “know better”. I had the leeway to threaten if you don’t like it you can figure out what to feed all of us. And on a rare occasion somebody else did.
I know it’s not the best response, but none of us can be at our best all of the time. A rare show of frustration on your part won’t hurt your children and shows them you don’t want to be taken for granted. You do a great job with your kids and they are showing it. I hope your venting here helped.
I remember at least one instance from my own childhood where my mom had had enough! of our griping about what she made for dinner or breakfast. Her solution, when we were too young to cook, was to give us our least favorite for a week for every complaint. A week or more of plain toast or oatmeal would have us shushing each other quite well, thank you. Once we got older, each complaint meant that the complainer had to prepare the meals for the family – and clean up – for the next day.
It’s perfectly okay to reach your fill. The occasional tantrum can show your kids just exactly when they’ve gone too far in a way that no calm, rational argument can. Is it preferable? Not on a daily basis, but man, when it happens on those rare occasions, it’s powerful stuff.
Sometimes, we’re so busy trying to be the “grown-ups” that we forget we’re human, too. The important thing is how we recover from our little slipups; modeling that can be important for your kids, too.
I remember at least one instance from my own childhood where my mom had had enough! of our griping about what she made for dinner or breakfast. Her solution, when we were too young to cook, was to give us our least favorite for a week for every complaint. A week or more of plain toast or oatmeal would have us shushing each other quite well, thank you. Once we got older, each complaint meant that the complainer had to prepare the meals for the family – and clean up – for the next day.
It’s perfectly okay to reach your fill. The occasional tantrum can show your kids just exactly when they’ve gone too far in a way that no calm, rational argument can. Is it preferable? Not on a daily basis, but man, when it happens on those rare occasions, it’s powerful stuff.
Sometimes, we’re so busy trying to be the “grown-ups” that we forget we’re human, too. The important thing is how we recover from our little slipups; modeling that can be important for your kids, too.
I’m really tired about my kids complaining about what I cook too.
AND every once in a while, I get SO tired about them complaining that I have an outburst too.
Well, usually it’s my daughter, and she’s like Mikey really… she doesn’t like anything, even the things she SAYS she likes…
Recently I asked her what her favorite foods are and she said, Ham, Broccoli, and potatoes. So, we had baked potatoes with ham and broccoli! that night. Ta Da! Nice Mommy, right?
But then she took one look and said, “Yuck! I not eat THIS! I not like ham! I not like potatoes!”
So, I just said, Look. I made this food especially for you because YOU said you liked these foods. So if you don’t like it, don’t eat it and be hungry!
Yoooooooou’re Noooooooooot Alooonnne…. 🙂
Like everyone said… at least it’s not a daily blow up. 🙂
Good Mommy! Good Job!
I’m really tired about my kids complaining about what I cook too.
AND every once in a while, I get SO tired about them complaining that I have an outburst too.
Well, usually it’s my daughter, and she’s like Mikey really… she doesn’t like anything, even the things she SAYS she likes…
Recently I asked her what her favorite foods are and she said, Ham, Broccoli, and potatoes. So, we had baked potatoes with ham and broccoli! that night. Ta Da! Nice Mommy, right?
But then she took one look and said, “Yuck! I not eat THIS! I not like ham! I not like potatoes!”
So, I just said, Look. I made this food especially for you because YOU said you liked these foods. So if you don’t like it, don’t eat it and be hungry!
Yoooooooou’re Noooooooooot Alooonnne…. 🙂
Like everyone said… at least it’s not a daily blow up. 🙂
Good Mommy! Good Job!
I hate to say it, but be glad that throwing a mini-tantrum has the desired effect. Even when my wife looses it (which is not often) the kids are frequently only cowed until the wind from the tempest (yell, whatever) has passed them, and then they continue, sometimes with almost no modification.
I don’t understand it. When I was a kid and Mom was on the brink, you did your best to become invisible, the quiet rage of Mom was something to be avoided at all costs. Not my kids. I’m not sure if it is a fundamental lack or what, but it is doubly frustrating when you loose it and you still have the problems.
I hate to say it, but be glad that throwing a mini-tantrum has the desired effect. Even when my wife looses it (which is not often) the kids are frequently only cowed until the wind from the tempest (yell, whatever) has passed them, and then they continue, sometimes with almost no modification.
I don’t understand it. When I was a kid and Mom was on the brink, you did your best to become invisible, the quiet rage of Mom was something to be avoided at all costs. Not my kids. I’m not sure if it is a fundamental lack or what, but it is doubly frustrating when you loose it and you still have the problems.
Yeah. I’ve had that happen too. I’m screaming mad and the kids don’t even notice. On those occasions the only way to make them notice is to cross lines that I’m not willing to cross.
Yeah. I’ve had that happen too. I’m screaming mad and the kids don’t even notice. On those occasions the only way to make them notice is to cross lines that I’m not willing to cross.
Temper tantrums
I have to admit to having a few temper tantrums along the way. But I found (to my surprise) that I could tell my youngest son, “I’m getting so mad about this that I feel like throwing a temper tantrum!” That usually got his attention. Of course, this senario was dependent on me recognizing that I was reaching the boiling point and being able to verbalize my feelings calmly.
Actually I remember there were a few times that I deliberately threw a tantrum in order to get kid’s attention. It is like the story of the man who sold a donkey and told its new owner that all he had to do was whisper in the donkey’s ear and tell him what he wanted the donkey to do. The next week the new owner was back complaining that whispering wouldn’t work. The previous owner picked up a board and whacked the donkey on the head and whispered in his ear. The donkey followed directions.
“But,” sputtered the new owner, “I thought you said all you needed to do was whisper in his ear.”
“Yes,” said the original owner. “But first you have to get his attention.”
Tantrums do get attention–particularly if you don’t usualy resort to them.
Temper tantrums
I have to admit to having a few temper tantrums along the way. But I found (to my surprise) that I could tell my youngest son, “I’m getting so mad about this that I feel like throwing a temper tantrum!” That usually got his attention. Of course, this senario was dependent on me recognizing that I was reaching the boiling point and being able to verbalize my feelings calmly.
Actually I remember there were a few times that I deliberately threw a tantrum in order to get kid’s attention. It is like the story of the man who sold a donkey and told its new owner that all he had to do was whisper in the donkey’s ear and tell him what he wanted the donkey to do. The next week the new owner was back complaining that whispering wouldn’t work. The previous owner picked up a board and whacked the donkey on the head and whispered in his ear. The donkey followed directions.
“But,” sputtered the new owner, “I thought you said all you needed to do was whisper in his ear.”
“Yes,” said the original owner. “But first you have to get his attention.”
Tantrums do get attention–particularly if you don’t usualy resort to them.