An accumulation of thoughts
I find myself staring at this blank space on the computer screen and wondering what I should write today. I could tell a tale of woe about how difficult Gleek has been to put to bed lately with specific details highlighting last night’s antics. Or I could write a frustrating saga of sisterly conflict between my two daughters. Or I could tell how for no apparent reason Kiki left off fighting with her sister and began cleaning up the house. Perhaps it has something to do with the long conversation Kiki shared with my friend and I. It wasn’t an important conversation, we just talked about boyfriends past and present and potentially future. Or, if I look at it a different way, the conversation was vital, because I got to pass on to Kiki information about boys and dating that she will someday use. In return I recieved the comforting information that she doesn’t feel ready to even start worrying about it yet. She’s happy to just stay doing kid stuff for awhile longer. So that was one of those important moments that seem insignificant. And hey look, clean house!
I could also ponder longwindedly about friendship. It is really nice to have the kind of friend who understands that I sometimes have to say something out loud, before I can figure out whether I really believe it or not. I love having a friend who is interested enough to challenge me into finding what I’m really trying to say. I love being that kind of friend and I think I need to work on being that friend to more people. It is as simple as an inquiring look and the question “Why?”
I could vent about the frustration I’m experiencing over my computers failing cooling fan. I’m now afraid to walk away from the computer and leave it running. This is a serious problem because when the children scream I don’t want to have to take the time to save things and shut down, because I know that sometimes it takes me hours to get back. I don’t want the fan to fail and my computer to burn out during my absense. Also I’m starting to feel like the computer is a limited resource that I should save for important business things rather than rambling in my journal. Only, my journal and my writing is important too. I don’t want to have to choose. I’ve begun developing a wistful list of ideal computer characteristics for that far off day when I can buy the computer I want, rather than inheriting one that someone else no longer needs. I think it will be a laptop. It has to have internet connectivity. I’d prefer wireless, but only if the connection is stable rather than requiring regular tweaking by Howard. It also needs to be able to connect to a printer, preferrably wirelessly. And I want it to have a drive that can play DVDs. In the meantime I’ll just make do with a new cooling fan as soon as Howard has the cycles to install it for me. I don’t really NEED a new computer. I just need the one I’ve got to not die.
I suppose I could tell about our trip to the Living Planet Aquarium. It really isn’t an aquarium yet. It is a preview of what the financeers are trying to get enough funding to build. Eventually Salt Lake City will have a real aquarium. For now they have some cool fish tanks inside a refurbished grocery store. I kept wondering where the shopping carts were hiding. The effect was particularly strong next to the lobster tank because we regularly go to a grocery store that sells live lobsters for cooking. The kids had fun. I’m glad we went. They all got to pet a stingray except Patches who wasn’t willing to get wet to do it. I tried to get creative with my camera and take some cool pictures. Instead I got a very clear picture of the limitations of my camera. I’d love to take gorgeous pictures like those I see in photoblogs, but I’m just not willing to spend the time or money right now.
School starts in 20 days. In theory now is the time for me to be readjusting sleep schedules. I’m trying. I really am. But the kids are not helping me in this project. Neither is the sun. It doesn’t go down early enough to trigger bedtime thoughts on schedule. The impending beginning of school also has me checking my mailbox regularly. Sometime in the next week I’ll be recieving letters telling me about my kid’s classroom assignments. I need to know who their teachers will be and, in the case of Gleek, what kindergarten schedule she will be placed on. Until I have that information I can’t make further plans for the fall schedule. In particular I can’t sign the kids up for the gymnastics and karate lessons that they want. At least this year I feel like I have the money necessary to fund those lessons. We couldn’t afford lessons for them last year. I have a whole slew of hopes and worries relating to the school assignments, but fretting will do me no good. So I wait for the letters to arrive and try to pretend that I’m not fretting.
Patterns matter more than incidents. That was said in a conversation today and I want to remember it. I need to remember it most on the days where I have big splashy failures. Today wasn’t one of those days. Today I was in good parenting form. But I’m not always in good form, so I need to remember. Patterns matter more than incidents.
And now I’m done for awhile.