Day: August 28, 2006

Howard came home yesterday. That was the biggest happy thing.

Then he checked his email and we discovered not one, but two, convention invitations for him.

Then he checked the forums and learned that Schlock Mercenary: Under New Management was reviewed positively in the latest issue of Analog.

It all combined to make us feel giddy/happy for the remainder of the evening. It is such a nice change from the last couple of weeks where we were both so stressed we could hardly see straight. Convention vacations are a good thing. The only thing that would have made it better was if I could have gone with Howard to World Con.

So I’ve continued my reading of journals past. The experience has become less strange because around age 17 I actually started thinking and sounding like the self that I know. That was reassuring because prior to that I chased a new dream every month or two. In six months time I was going to be a debate champ, act in the school play, letter in cross country and track, sing and dance on stage, spend a year as an exchange student, publish a book, be a youth conference speaker, and write letters to every friend I ever made anywhere (I kid not, I had 5 shoe boxes full of letters from other people which I finally got rid of just before leaving for college, and I wrote far more letters than I ever received.) When I reached the journals for age 17 and older, I started being impressed with some of the writing and insights rather than embarrassed at the social gaffes and inexperience.

At one point during my senior year in high school I was given an assignment to create a pictorial representation of myself. It wasn’t meant to be a difficult assignment, but I agonized over it. I didn’t want to limit myself to any single image. Months after the assignment was past due I finally found an image that fit. One of those dandelion puffs with the seeds blowing off into the sky. I really liked what I wrote about why I selected it, so I’m posting it here:

I am like a dandelion blowing in the wind, flying in hundreds of directions, trying to see everything, wanting to travel the world over, but always missing home, flying high and far on ideas and concepts, but accomplishing little. Needing to be needed and wanting to be independent. I’m such a contradictory person, but I’m happy with me. I don’t want to change. I have infinite possibilities, I just hope other people won’t limit me to one thing in their thoughts.

It really fits who I was then. Now I’m a little more settled, but I still have dandelion days when I want to fly free and travel far. I’m going to get a dandelion day this week. On Wednesday my mom promises to manage the kids while I go off and do whatever I want. I intend to pack a bag and go tour Thanksgiving Point Gardens. I’ll sit and write and draw all without interruption. It will be good. I may also go see a movie. It won’t be a day for getting things done. It will be a day for just being me.